Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Things not going as good as I hoped..


Guest BeccaC

Recommended Posts

Guest BeccaC

Just wanted to let you all know that once things have sunk in for my wife that it's not going as good as good is it started. She believes that the more time I spend on here the more it affects me, not to her liking.. I haven't gotten her to say it directly but I feel she would rather me just bottle everything back up.. She is not a mean person, but this has been extremely hard for her to grasp.. Not sure if I'll be back, but I'm going to honor her wishes and try to stay away for a while.. I'm not sure what wil be best, but I know this for a fact.. Without my family my life would me meaningless, worse than bottling this up.

I sinserely wish everyone the best and with all my love I want to say bye for now.

Becca

Link to comment
  • Admin

We'll be here when you can get back. The light will be on.

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Do what you must. I will await your return. Perhaps your wife can join Laura's too as an SO. Hopefully she will understand that we are really all about support, not persuasion. She is as welcome here as you are.

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

.

Becca....

Honey, we have to understand that It's hard on those around us ...but, it's hard on us, too...

Huggs...

Dee Jay

Link to comment
  • Admin

Becca, I know the pressures you're experiencing, and saying its difficult is a huge understatement. Suffice it to say, I understand.

Do what you need to do, and know that you are always welcome, whatever happens.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest angels wings

Becca i actually said the same thing to my partner at one stage . It was like the more she got on the quicker i was loosing my husband .'give her time she will go through sooooooo many emotions sooooo many ?????????? Please encourage her to come on line herself and see what this group is all about. And also for her to see she is not alone with all these feelings us partners are travelling the same journey a very scarey one the more support she has the better . And same goes for you both parties need it. Not only will she get support but shem will learn so much not that it takes away the pain we feel but it does help in understanding our partners,. All the best from my heart for you and your wife remember we will still be here waiting for you both with open arms . Big hugs for you both ((((hugs)))

Link to comment
Guest Shari

Becca,

Others have said that our spouses transition with us. I have a few regrets that I didn't take things a little slower and be more open with my spouse. Anyway, you both appear to be special people and I wish the best for you.

We are here when you need us, so do not worry about that. Take care of yourself and your family.

Hugs,

Shari

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Becca =Emotional rebound is as natural as breathing and a part of what we all go through I think. When things have been so much better than we feared ad we have been up we kind of seesaw down.

That old roller coaster ride. But hang on and I suspect you'll find you and your wife make it through this - probably stronger and closer than ever. The signs I have seen from your posts have been all very, very good.

As the others said, those who love us have to transition with us and sometimes the more they love us they harder that can be at times for them. In a very real sense they are losing a lot where we are shedding burdens instead. In time in the best case they come to treasure what they have gained and the happiness we can then bring into the relationship more than what they have lost. But it tales time to accept and adjust and even mourn. All we can do is accept what they are feeling and support them as we want them to accept and support us

Hugs

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest ZoeG360

Becca:

Be careful about bottling it all up, find another avenue to express what is going on in your mind and heart if its not here. The reality is that being here does not change the way people feel, it gives them perspectives they may not otherwise have.

I spent many a decade bottling it all up for the sake of my family and in retrospect, it was probably a good choice for them. Now the kids are grown and gone it has freed me now to open the bottle (figuratively speaking) again.

Timing is everything but don't ignore your needs to the point where it makes it impossible to be who you are, Your family needs you but you can't take care of them unless you can take care of yourself.

We'll be here when you need us.

Zoe

Link to comment
Guest MiraJ

Becca

You know its very important to have support. Locking it back up makes it harder and it might burst out later even more.

Well you got my number call em if you need someone to talk to. Best of luck to you.

Love

Mira

Link to comment
Guest Mia J

Dearest Becca,

Only you know what you really need to do. Taking some time off may help your wife to see that it is not Laura's that is changing you but your own need to be who you really are.

Take some time off and come back when you can. Like others have said maybe you could get your wife to read some of the site at some point.

Mia

Link to comment
Guest BeccaC

Well I'm still here, and I think she has seen my emotional roller coaster is not due to Laura's but that it's all just me right now. Hopefully her account will be useable by the time we get supper picked up and back to the boat..

I have had a bad couple of days, but still hanging in there.. Of course that's the best any of us can do on any given day.. While now its kind of sad, but almost funny how bad I still am fighting this.. Upon seeing the hurt and confusion I have been causing her I had an EXTREMLY bad night a few days ago.. And I went from almost being able to put my hair in a masculineish ponytail( thanks T for the male pattern baldness....) to a skint head.. In my act of defiance I shaved my head ( used to shave it all the time so I wouldn't have to see the baldness progressing).. After two days of the stress making me violently sick, things are looking up once again.. Still suffering my unwanted weight loss but it's starting to slow down at least..

I want to thank you all, and to say I love y'all for being there..

On a side note the shaved head makes the wig fit better lol

Love

Becca

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

...

I want to thank you all, and to say I love y'all for being there..

...

Becca my dear friend . . . it is ok . . . we ALL have our rough spots and bumps in the road (I have had PLENTY!). But somehow, with the help of each other, we manage to survive and move on. I have very much enjoyed your wonderful experiences you have shared with us so far. Please remember those, they really did happen, and those smiles were real in the pictures you shared.

Trust in the fact that I am sure everyone here at Laura's who has been sharing in your joys as well as your trials . . . we are not going anywhere and will be here for you no matter what happens out there. In a way, this is your virtual home . . . really all of ours in one way or another, which makes us all family. :)

6.gif

Link to comment
Guest Gregg Jameson

Hi Becca,

Sorry life is a bit stressful. Totally understand your desire to preserve your family life!

I hope your wife will join us here and see what goes on. I think she will find this site uplifting, supportive, healthy.

My very best to you and to your family!

Hopeful for healing for all.

Brad

Link to comment
Guest Becca'sWife

Hello everyone. I am Becca's better half. LoL. I have been following some of the post. Becca finally got me squared away so I can sign in now. As you know we have 3 daughters. One that has just come into puberty and 2 that will be following soon. I have never gone thru the emotions Becca's going thru now. And yes it hurts to see Becca go thru this. All I can do is cry, laugh, hold and let Becca know I am here. I may not have words of wisdom but I can listen. Yes there are some issues I am having to deal with too. Hopefully it will all work out. I just wanted you all to know I was not being stubborn on getting on here, I just don't know how to work things as well as Becca. :)

Link to comment
Guest Mia J

Welcome to Laura's Beccas wife and thank you for coming here. I hope you can find some understanding and support here. Please be sure to check out the Significant Other forum to see how other SOs are dealing with this. I also want to thank you for trying to understand what is going on with Becca and offering support as you can.

This can be something very hard to go through but it can be done. My spouse and I are still together and still very much in love. It takes work and it takes change but it can be done.

Mia

Link to comment
Guest Mia J

Becca,

Thank you for hanging in there and getting through this last bout. It happens to all of us and all we can do is hang in there and try to work out how we can make it better. We all go through this roller coaster and I am glad you are here.

Mia

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

...

All I can do is cry, laugh, hold and let Becca know I am here. I may not have words of wisdom but I can listen. Yes there are some issues I am having to deal with too. Hopefully it will all work out.

...

It is so nice to get to meet you, Becca's Wife. :) I said it in another post of your partner's, and I will repeat it here: "...and please pass along to your partner that she is a fantastic woman and definitely a keeper!" As for having the right words to say? As you said in the part I quoted, sometimes the best support we can show is to just listen. Knowing someone is listening to us can help so much. You are a remarkable woman and I truly wish you both the best as you traverse this roller coaster journey!

So please make yourself at home and enjoy your stay. You are amongst family and friends now. :)

Link to comment
Guest ZoeG360

Becca:

I too have struggled with how much I have hurt my wife with this and I am glad to say she is coming around. My GT told me just yesterday that it may seem like I hurt her, but its not like I asked for this, not like I decided to have an affair or something. I was born with this and have lived a lie trying to fight it all my life.

While my wife's reaction is perfectly understandable, now, knowing what I know, continuing to live the lie will hurt her worse. We ask an awful lot from our spouses because not only were they not born with this affliction, they have never had to even consider it while we can't stop thinking about it (OK, count the negatives in that sentence! :>))

I think its amazing that your wife has come here to learn and listen, that is a great expression of support in a tough situation. Not knowing what to do is a very genuine response and making mistakes is part of it for everyone.

Good luck to both of you, be strong, be kind and go slow.

Zoe

Link to comment
Guest rita63

Becca, I don't know if you saw Krisina's poem "Pause for a Moment" in the poetry section. It is about the changes we go through and the care we owe to the others in our life. I found some comfort and understanding in it, I hope you will too.

hugs rita

Link to comment
Guest Becca'sWife

Thank you Bette. There are times I have no idea what to say or do. As you know, Becca shaved his/her head. Becca asked me to do it and I had refused and told him/her to wait a day and see what the feelings were then. I came out of the boat to a weed wacked head. I had to shave it then because there was nothing else i could do. I just wanted to cry but it will grow back. At least the wig fits better now. LOL

Link to comment

Hi Becca's Wife. Perhaps we will meet at the May support group which includes Loved Ones. I hope so. Tis is indeed a strange twist to life's expectations, isn't it? Hopefully my wife will be in attendance also. I wish both of you all the happiness and acceptance you can find in your journey. Patience and staying in the Present will help in the beginning, IMHO.

Best wishes

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Becca'sWife

If I was told correctly it is May 5th. If that is the case I will probably not be able to make it. I will be back in Mississippi till end of school year. Although I would love to attend, I have to take care of the kids and money is tight.

Link to comment
Guest Janice Lynn

Beccas's Wife,

I am here because of my wife. After several "false starts" over too many years to

count, I reached the end of my rope and literally fell apart. My wife held my hand

and, while I wasn't aware, discovered LP and suggested that I come here to find

others like myself ... those miscast by their physical gender. She had come to realize

that I truly was transgendered and that we needed to alter the course of our

marriage ... a long one at more than 40 years ... or the consequences would be

tragic for us both because we were and are and will always be deeply in love with

one another.

I can tell you that I played the role of husband and father well. I have always been

a good provider, always faithful, and by anyone's standards a good father. All this

being said, something was always somewhat off kilter, not quite right. I knew what it

was but could never call it out for what it was. What it was was that I was simply a

woman at the very core, really very much like my wife herself.

I didn't ask for this. All I can tell you is that I have always known something was

terribly, terribly wrong. I tried, God knows I tried, for literally decades, to pass every

test. I was a wizard at "True/False" tests, multiple choice tests, and even essay

tests.

On the surface it all looked great. No one knew, not even my wife ... the most

important person in my life ... that the more I succeeded as a male; husband,

father, teammate or whatever .... the more I was driven to distraction by the fact

that in my heart I had been and was at the core posing and posturing. I was no

more male than you are.

My wife and I have come a long, long way since then, but that is not the point.

The point is that, having followed Becca's posts, you have been no less remarkable

than my wife in making a courageous effort to understand and accept the truth

about your situation. I know you never bargained for this, but here it is. And your

effort to absorb everything has been extraordinary and your love for Becca is

obvious to us all. My wife and I never bargained for this. Neither have you and

Becca. All that we can do now is find ways to make it work and try to overcome what

are now enormous obstacles. We all know this will not be easy.

My wife is an incredible human being, full of patience and compassion. She has

done all those things you have done and I know "all of those things" pushed her to

places she never thought she would be. It has been hard for her. She didn't

bargain for this. And though I pray to God that she will always be there for me, I

cannot ask that she make such a promise. I can only ask that she understand that

Janice Lynn is even more than the guy she married, but someone infinitely more

ready and capable of loving her because she is now free to be herself. She has

seen this and embraced me in more ways than I can describe here. I hope and pray

this will be enough.

I dare to say we are both better, happier, and more alive than we have ever been.

So are you two.

I can offer no advice other than that you never let one rough day, one incomprehensible

display of emotion, one seemingly nonsensical moment, or anything else be the

proverbial straw that break's the marriage's back. Becca is just like me ... trying at

a rather awkward age to figure out who she is and how she will truly find her place in

life, hoping like crazy that she can carry with her the people and things she loves.

You and your children are people she desperately longs to bring with her into the

future.

I'm prone to rambling on, Becca's Wife. Forgive me. I am simply trying to let you

know that you are not at all alone and that those of us who are like Becca hold

wives and lovers like you in awe. You never bargained for this, but here you are

trying so hard to hold on to the person you have loved for a long while even though

Someone or Something has taken the game board, shaken it and knocked over

the pieces.

My wife and I believe the Real Game is to put the pieces back on the board. I

truly believe that, from everything I have read ... especially about you ... that you

can do this incredible thing.

My love and all to you both,

Janice Lynn

Link to comment
Guest MiraJ

OMG Becca i just read through the posts and i started to cry happy tears to see things on the upward trend for you. Just take each day for itself. :)

Beccas Wife, im very proud of you that you are willing to deal with becca and supporting her like you do. You know that means everything to her.

Sooooo happy for the both of you.

Huggs

Mira

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 153 Guests (See full list)

    • Karen Carey
    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,026
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good Morning    well it’s Friday for most, pay day for some.  For me it’s pay day but not Friday.  I work the same opening shift tomorrow.  I typically have Friday on Saturday and Monday on Tuesday.     @KymmieL it does sound like your shop has an issue and you are smack in the thick of it.  The new gal or guy often is.  We have an issue with new people not getting fully trained before being turned loose on customers.  Some struggle through it and some quit because of it.  I try to get them working with customers as quickly as I can but I stay right with them observing, helping, even jumping in when things are getting backed up to keep the stress down.  Not everything comes up during training so when things do, even later after trying is done, I try to help and explain.  Our ASM feels that once she has you scanning barcodes and taking money she is done training.  Generally, refuses to train me on things that she does, and questions why I’m doing something that she normally handles when I’ve been told to do it as part of my advancement training.     She and the cashier involved both keep trying to toss the manager under the bus over a hours of work issue and shifts.  I tell her I realize her issues and I’ll work what ever she needs.  Because of that I tend to get a better more consistent schedule.   Well, time to say Happy Trails to you, until we meet again.   Hi ho Silver, away   Willow
    • Maddee
    • Birdie
      That does get you the 'starting point' for cup size, but manufacturers, style, breast shape, etc... will effect the results.    Step one is of course finding the proper band fit, then figuring out the approximate cup size with the calculations. Of course you need to try on a few styles after that in different cup sizes close to your measured result until you get the perfect fit.    I have bras in a DD that fit just like my bras in DDD both from Torrid but different styles.    I have some DDD's that fit awesome and some that are a bit loose, but I measure a 46G. It's not wonder that 80% of women are wearing them wrong bra. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/man-arrested-accused-of-beating-to-death-transgender-woman-outside-miami-city-ballet/3293404/     May Andrea rest in peace.  If the person in custody is found guilty, hopefully he'll get the punishment he deserves.   Carolyn Marie
    • violet r
      I firmly believe I drank entirely to much for about 25 years. Got drunk every day. This was my coping mechanism to keep hiding deep inside that I was a woman. I miss a lot of signs over the years. Now I drink mabye 1 or 2 beers a day don't even get a buzz anymore. totally accept myself and on regret is that I hide that part of my self which  truly makes me happy being violet 💜. I wasted a lot of time before  being self destructive and had no clue I was just hiding th real me
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Service manager at goes through that here.One was a belt change in a 2019 Kenworth.It was written on the work order including a service done and I seen it.Customer was a complete a-hole.I did it and said he did not want that done.Shown him the original work order and finally said the service manager was right.My boss had to get rid of two customers,always complained about their bill being a little high.Price of parts went up due to inflation and had to explain this to them
    • Tiffany 838
      Well it not morning and I haven’t been on her for a while but it’s nice to be back.  Did some catching up on everyone.  I do have a question, how is Toronto Canada for a get away? Is it a safe and friendly area for us to go.  The wife and I are looking for some where to go to allow me to be my true self.     thanks in advance
    • KymmieL
      Hey, everyone. my life is going down the tubes. at least I think. So, today. A customer called about his car, I told him that the oil change was done. The parts to fix the check engine light are ordered. He can come and get it. For the weekend if he wants. Customer says I didn't want an oil change. it was check the engine light and check for an oil leak. Checking the work order says oil change. The boss wrote the vehicle up. checking with the customer on services wanted.   Being that I wrote down the appointment in the book. and clearly states oil leak. She is complaining because she can't read my small ish writing. It seems she read oil and assumed it as an oil change. It seems like she is blaming me.  She wound up going home because she was too upset. She is stressing about an eye problem she has, she has to get eye surgery it seems she has a tear in her eye.    I feel that I am short for this job. because of the BS they are blaming me on. Plus I am still upset about the trust issue. If either one of the bosses start their Shite tomorrow. I am walking out.    
    • Davie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I love you so much,"  Lois said.  They met in the driveway. "I could not live without you." "Neither could I." "What are we going to do?" "Find another counselor?" "No. I think we need to solve this ourselves." "Do you think we can?" "I don't know.  But what I know is that I don't want to go through that again.  I think we have to hope we can find a solution." "Otherwise, despair." "Yeah.   Truce?" "Okay,  truce." And they hugged.   "When we know what we want we can figure out how to get there."   That began six years of angry battles, with Odie insisted he could dress as he pleased and Lois insisting it did not please her at all.  He told her she was not going to control him and she replied that she still had rights as a wife to a husband. Neither was willing to give in, neither was willing to quit, and their heated arguments ended in hugs and more.   They went to a Crossdressers' Club, where they hoped to meet other couples with the same problems, the same conflicts, and the same answers, if anyone had any.  It took them four tries before they settled on a group that they were both willing to participate in.  This was four couples their own age, each with a cross dressing husband and a wife who was dealing with it.  They met monthly.  It was led by a 'mediator' who wanted people to express how they felt about the situation.  Odie and Lois, as newcomers, got the floor, and the meeting was finally dismissed at 1:30 in the morning - it was supposed to be over at 10 - and everyone knew how they felt about the situation.   There was silence in the car on the way home.   "We aren't the only ones dealing with this." Odie finally said.   "Who would have thought that?  You are right."   "Somebody out there has a solution." "I hope you are right."   "I hope in hope, not in despair."   "That's my Odie."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The counseling session was heated, if you could call it a counseling session.  Sometimes Lois felt he was on Odie's side, and sometimes on hers.  When he was on her side, Odie got defensive. She found herself being defensive when it seemed they were ganging up on each other.   "This is not working," Lois said angrily, and walked out.  "Never again. I want my husband back. Dr. Smith you are complicit in this."   "What?" said Odie.   The counselor looked at him.  "You will have to learn some listening skills."   "That is it? Listening skills?  You just destroyed my marriage, and you told me I need to learn listening skills?"   Dr. Smith said calmly,"I think you both need to cool off."   Odie looked at him and walked out, saying "And you call yourself a counselor."   "Wait a minute."   "No."
    • Ashley0616
      Just a comfortable gray sweater dress and some sneakers. Nothing special today. 
    • VickySGV
      I do still carry a Swiss Army knife along with my car keys.  
    • Timi
      Jeans and a white sweater. And cute white sneakers. Delivering balloons to a bunch of restaurants supporting our LGBT Community Center fundraiser today!
    • April Marie
      Congratulations to you!!!This is so wonderful!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...