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Guest HeatherAnne

All this static...

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For my adult life so far and much of my teenage years, I've had a head full of static and trouble concentrating.

As part of the coping mechanisms I've been trying lately (I'm MtF that is trying to just dabble so as to save my marraige) I started just envisioning myself as female whenever I felt strong dysphoria, this usually seems to help so long as my parts aren't reminding me otherwise. A side effect I've noticed of this visualization is that the static goes away. I can think clearly.

I did a bit of soul searching and I think my static is just my brain grumbling about my gender dysphoria. I remember thinking a lot about my GD when I was younger, but because it is just such a constant distress it has become just background noise.

Anyone else have a similar experience? Especially those who have transitioned? More and more I am worrying that compromise is not going to do it for me -and and it has only been a few weeks!

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HeatherAnne,

Static?

Yeah, I know it WELL, lol..

GD is a terrible aid to concentration, no? lol...

I can say this, though, the static in my head ENDED after starting HRT, the static with my SPOUSE began AFTER starting HRT...

Something has to 'give' in order to ease the GD, but just what, and how much, well, those are questions you will have to find answers for WITH your wife, somehow, some way...

Are you seeing a therapist yet? An experienced gender therapist can help both you and your wife move forward together, and besides you'll need a recommendation letter from a gender therapist before anybody will prescribe hormones, if HRT is what you need...

But, YMMV, as they say...

I'm not a doctor or a therapist, just another MTF on my own trek towards peace, so take my input with a grain of salt..

Love, Svenna

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I am very familiar with the "Static" and the lack of concentration.

It has mostly gone away since starting HRT. I can remember names and things now with much greater east that I couldn't before. Sometimes I still have those days where my transition and going full time are all I can think about and on those days the static returns, but it was similar to that pre-hrt too. The "grumbling" began to occupy more and more of my thoughts until it was completely unbearable. I wish I could tell you of another way to help ease it or rid yourself of it but I never did find one until I started HRT.

I agree with Svenna that this is something you need to talk with a therapist about and consider talking with your wife about. Not all marriages or relationships end because of transition. With GID I think things need to get worse before they can get better. Or at least that's how it seems to go (this is my second and last attempt at transition).

Speaking from experience, I don't think it's worth it allowing someone else to hold you back, whether you love them or not you're talking about your mental and emotional stability and happiness here. How is it fair they get to be the only happy and fulfilled one in the relationship? Wouldn't you make a better, more attentive partner if you were happier and had some internal peace for once? What if you regret losing yourself more than you regret losing your partner?

Again, these are all things to consider with a therapist so if you're not seeing one I recommend finding one. You can always see a regular, Marriage and Family Therapist or non-gender specialist first and see if they can help you sort the beginning steps and emotions out. That way you can tell your spouse it's because of depression or something. Although I would say a gender specialist may be able to help give you some coping mechanisms and help you figure out if transition is what you really need for your happiness, and how to get started with the steps so if it's possible to see a GT then I highly recommend it.

Good luck keeping the static at bay. It'd be nice if it were as simple as some anti static spray or to touch something, get shocked and be done. I hope you are able to find the answers you need soon and wish you all the best. I know how difficult this place can be.

*Hugs*

~Jade.

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Completely.

Im not sure which came first, the stress or the dysphoria. But I tend to believe it's the dysphoria because it's still quite and sometimes more heavily there when stress is removed.

The lack of concentration has sort of screwed me in some academic areas (but thankfully this is improving drastically), and just every day life.

Did anyone here officially starting transition feel a somewhat relief just knowing they were going to start?

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For me, not static but a roar, My concentration is getting worse all the time but I deal with it the best I can. Coming here is a big help but (And trust me, I do try...) I can't stay on the computer all day. As Kelly mentioned, day to day life. I'll forget I ate or what I had to eat. Little things. I often second guess my reason for being here and if I belong and the roar just gets louder. Let me know if you have any suggestions. I can listen as well as ramble.

SL

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