How did you start cross dressing

[Guest CLAIRE100]

My earliest memories are from about 5 or 6 years of age and it just right to the point that it became a normal way to feel comfortable.As my teen years progressed I came to believe it was an indication of something else, that I was a transexual but in those days back in 60s there was very little access to information.When I was caught dressed at the age of 12 by my aunt I was severly punished aand when I said I should have been born a girl Iwas teased by adults, and siblings to no end, so that taught me to be very cautious for years to come.I eventually married a wonderful woman, and we had a good life but I continually crossdressed through 36 years of marriage until her death 3 years ago. I have been in therapy with a gender counsilor for 9 months, and am about to see an endocronologist about hrt. We will see where this will leed but I now wear some form of womens clothing daily, and it just makes me feel comfortable on an ongoing basis,I get a much better nights sleep in a cotton nightgown and panties, than sleeping in the nude or in mens underware,so do I still crossdress ? i guess so but it is part of who I am and always will be.

[Guest MrMxyzptlk]

Hello all, I guess I'm coming out on this forum.

First off, the name. It's just the identity I use online. I find that everywhere I go Mr Mxyzptlk isn't taken so I don't have to deal with a half hour of frustration "no I dont want to be Rochelle23874 computer, what other options do I have..."

Second, to the topic of the thread.

I was probalby 8 when I first found attraction to the Sears and JC Penny cataloges, I'd lay around looking at the women models and thinking they looked so pretty in the clothes and lingere they wore. That turned to playing in my mothers closet and drawers when I was 12 and she would leave me home alone when I was "sick". I was really healthy as a horse, I just wanted privacy and her underwear drawer.

On and off for the last 30 years I have played dress up, ususaly with clotes from girlfrends wardrobes when they were out, my grandmothers stuff when I lived with them on and off and lately my wifes clothing. But every time I'd feel so guilty over it I'd fight the urge for months at a time, sometimes even years. The problem is fighting the urge seemed to get in the way of being intimate with my wife. I was making myself sexless and I lost intrest in my wife. At first we thought it was something to do with my medical conditions, I have several and I wont go into them here. But that wasn't it. Finaly I did some soul searching and decided that cross dressing has been with me since I was young and maybe that was the problem.

So about two months ago I gave in and played dress up in some of my wifes clothes. It felt amazing. Afterward I decided to get some of my own stuff as hers is too big for me really. I'm a 1X at most, she weight over 300 lbs. Most of that is my fault for ignoring her sexualy for so long. The less I wanted to be with her the more she ate her feelings away. Since then I've gotten a dress, a skirt and shirt, a red skirt suit I am dying to try on and several bits of lingere. At lunch I go home and instead of eat I dress for a half hour or so.

How has this affected our sex life?

Instead of being peed at me for not touching her she tells me to get off her and let her sleep sometimes now. I am hoping that the new frequency of intimacy will improve her self esteem and get her to lose the weight. Not just so I can wear her stuff!

Rochelle/Scott

[Guest miss_led]

My earliest memory was in the mid 60's. I started by wearing my moms heels. I tried wearing her stockings once, but my toenail caused them to run as I was pulling them on so I stayed away from them from then on, but I did start trying to watch as mom put them on so I could see how she did it without causing them to run. I also used to fold the laundry, so I asked her how she knew which side was the front if the label was on the side. I also came in one day while she was putting on her bra (her back was to me) so I learned how to put those on as well.

I didn't have any sisters and about the time I started trying to wear moms dresses, I outgrew them and her shoes. So my dressing was put on hold until I was about 17. I worked at a Ben Franklin and found that they threw out of date/discontinued items in the dumpster. So many early mornings found me going through the dumpster looking for the items I carefully wrapped in outer bags to protect them. It was also a great source of books and other items.

In 74, I joined the Air Force and my dressing was hit and miss for 20 years. After I retired, it was about 3 years before I fully opened up to my wife and began wearing panties full time. She tried to understand, but after her heart attack in 2005, she finally asked me to move out. It had been coming for some time, so it wasn't a shock. We're still married and still friendly, but there's no physical relationship.

Now days, I just dress casually when I get off work. I've come out to my daughter recently and she said that she still loved me, but didn't want to ever see me dressed. She's also stopped coming by. The few times we have been together, she's kept her distance, so cherish the relationship you have with your wife, she's one in a million.

dk

That kinda makes me not want to say what I believe she suspects allready, must think of a way to seguay that into a conversation soon,,,because my lingerie collection is starting to grow

[Guest Scarlett London]

My wife is the same size as me (score), so whenever she would go out of town I would try on her dresses and wear them around our place. I'd wear her heels, which I was naturally good at walking in but would still practice a little so I was more confident. Then I pushed it a little more and tried make up. Once I came out to her about a year and a half later I was able to buy my own things and she actually showed me how to do make up.

[Guest trendiebrenda]

My mother dressed me as a "cowgirl" for halloween when I was 4 or 5. I think she did it to get at my father who spent a lot more time a the local tavern than home. That summer it was really hot so she had me wear my sisters dress to "cool off". I still remember that pink party dress with sequins on the hem in the shape of a music score. Dad never was around much, so I just started dressing on my own.

[Guest Guest_]

Ok are you ready for this one! Before I was Born. It seems that my mother was hopping for a girl, and I popped out. Well I guess from day 1 I was dressed in all kinds of little girls clothes. Frilly dresses, White tights, and shiney black shoes. My hair was also grown down to the middle of my back. There are many pictures of me up to the age of three that shows me dressed this way. It was about this time my father stepped in and said enough. The next memory I have is when I was 5, I tried on a pair of my grandmothers panties, but they were much to big. I can remember watching my girl cousins who were all older than I was put on their makeup. I would stand there wihing they would put it on me. They would always ask me if they could put makeup and lipstick on me, but I would always run off knowing myself I wished they would chase me until they caught me and make me up. I will go into more details as there are alot more, but I want that in my Biography.

Love, Amber L

[Guest Adrianaszy321]

Ladies, as I said in my introduction I started dreaming that I was a girl when I was still sleeping in my parents' bedroom at age 6 or 7. I didn't try to think about such things. The dreams "just came". Like a good many others I started sneaking my mother's underwear at puberty - about 11 in my case. Of course there was sexual arousal, but that's not the whole story. (I can just imagine our detractors contemptuously hissing the word "fetish"

on hearing this.)As I 've got older I can see that I am motivated by a desire to be female, if only on a part-time basis. Unfortunately my dressing has always been in secret. Recently this has begun to trouble me. Sometimes I am fed up with having to go to lengths which the erstwhile KGB would have envied in order to maintain this secrecy. Other times I say to my self "Why can't I just be what I am? Is it so very bad?" My other problem is that I am engaged to a woman I've known for a number of years. I just don't know how I can tell her about this aspect of my personality. I'm afraid of losing her. I was brought up to be honest( something which I appreciate), and I feel guilty because I can't tell her.She's unlikely to freak out and call me a filthy pervert. Her argument will be along the lines of "But I wanted to marry a man!". She may think I'm gay(it's amazing how even otherwise intelligent people are ignorant of transgender matters). Now I don't think that there's anything wrong with being gay but I'm attracted to women. If I must choose a label, I'm a " Lesbian in a man's body". I've probably exceeded my brief for this topic, but I just had to say these things. You see I have no family and no close friends other than my fiancee. I've got nobody else to talk to. Thanks for listening.

Hugs,

Adriana

[Guest Penelope]

Hi Adriana

There's no guarantee that it will go well, but I think you owe it to her and yourself to be honest about this, before you commit yourself to a long term relationship. The desire to dress does not go away and may indeed grow into something more substantial as you get older. Sooner or later she will find out. In my case, my partner was more upset about a deception of around 26 years than about the thing being concealed.

All the best,

Penny

[Guest Adrianaszy321]

Penny,

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply.

Fortunately I've got time to think about this.I don't have to make up my mind tomorrow. But of course the day will come.

Thinking logically I have to say that you're right. I know that the urge to dress won't go away. In the past I've conducted 'purges'. All of these were unsuccessful. The other thing is that, as I've got older the urge has become stronger. It may be something to do with accepting that this is part of who I am. In general, I pride myself on being honest in my dealings with people and I feel that this is how I ought to be in this case.

Unfortunately there is a voice in my head which says "Now hang on a minute! You could lose everything here!" I suppose the habit of secrecy, entrenched for many years, will be difficult to break. Any advice would be welcome. I suppose also that a fairly traditional upbringing has had its effect. Although I accept what I am(after all I can't help being what I am) there is probably still a small part of me that thinks it morally wrong. Finally there is the attitude of society in general. We're viewed either with amused tolerance, contempt or bitter hatred. Well that's the impression you get from the media anyway.

Another problem is that , for a variety of reasons, I suffer from seriously low self-esteem and the resultant lack of confidence, I'm afraid of this being made worse.

May I say, though, that although I've had some knocks, I don't think that life is all bad. There are still some wonderful things in this world, and some wonderfully kind and loving people.

I should also like to express my admiration for all of the girls on these pages who have had the courage to come out. That's courage indeed.

Thanks once again. As I've said,any advice that you, or anyone else, might care to offer will be welcome.

Kindest regards,

Adriana

[Guest KatyDesire]

Perhaps start with addressing her concerns even before she has a chance - I'm not gay, I'm not going to become a woman, etc. Then give her as much good literature as you can - "My Husband Betty" is a good example. Don't let her see you in any female dress for some time - that way it remains a bit unreal, while she has time to get her head round it.

I think your approach that you want to be honest and not have any secrets from her is a good one - she will, at very least, appreciate the honesty.

She may need to see a gender therapist with you at some stage.

And if she rejects you now, just think how devastating it would be if this had to be faced 15 years from now.

Good luck!

Hugs.

Katy

[Charlize]

Adriana, I certainly know how you feel about 'coming out'. I hid, purged, drank and then finally gave up. I had spent a life trying to deny my desires. I had brought it up. I was mildly rebuked and hid for 40 years as well as i could. In the long run i couldn't hold it. It wasn't bravery on my part i just gave up trying to control what i couldn't. I gave it up to a power greater than myself and became free. There were tears and some pain certainly, but thanks to honesty and openness i'm happier now than i have ever been. Sure there are still down times but it is so much better not lying and sneaking through my life!

You might want to read some of the posts in the coming out forums. Also please know that a relationship with a Gender Therapist GT can help. They are there, as we are, for people on all kinds of different paths. I does help to learn more about ourselves. You are all ready embarked on that path as you post and read here. Best of luck and please kep us posted. we care.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Penelope]

Although I accept what I am(after all I can't help being what I am) there is probably still a small part of me that thinks it morally wrong. Finally there is the attitude of society in general. We're viewed either with amused tolerance, contempt or bitter hatred. Well that's the impression you get from the media anyway.

Hi, again, Adriana,

I'm gratified that my previous comments made sense to you.

In response to your remarks above, I can only quote part of what the gender specialist I consulted recently told me.

'At present, it is impossible for me to predict the course of xx's future gender feelings. I did reinforce that there is nothing inherently shameful or wrong about his cross-dressing and indeed it is a valuable and important pressure valve for him to dissipate stress.'

I don't know how easy it is to consult someone in your part of the country but, if you can, I think you would find it reassuring and help you to clarify your feelings.

Best wishes,

Penny

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Adriana

I have been married 30 years and when I kind of crashed into cross-dressing at the age of 53 (please do glance at my older posts to see my weird history!) I faced the decision: do I come out to my wife? I did. And I have no regrets over my action, even though it was tough and it may not have gone as I had hoped. I do feel it is by far best to own up to it, because I suspect cross-dressing is impossible to keep secret to a loved one. And you may be surprised at her reaction. My wife is very 'old fashioned' but she took it with good humour. She does not want to see me dressed at any time, but she tolerates the 'weirdness' as she calls it so long as it stays out of her life. And her tolerance allows us to have a laugh over it, share preferences on clothes and fashions, and lets me have my wardrobe(s) of ladies clothes without fear, embarrassment or secrecy.

It was a BIG change in our lives but now I cross dress in confidence knowing she knows, have a laugh over my CD life with her, yet know that I must honour her limits and preferences. It works for us. And I'd far rather be like this than trying to keep it a secret.

One fatal flaw about trying to keep cross-dressing secret is the ridiculous urge to buy new clothes so frequently. My big problem is boots. Even I am beginning to realise a girl can have only so many boots before the boxes take over. I joke I am the Imelda Marcos of the CD world. I have read CDs require a lot of wardrobe space, and I can vouch for that.

I hope it goes well for you, and don't forget you have loads of friends here. I found everyone here a tremendous help during my unexpected arrival in the CD world. The girls here are wonderful.

Hugs,

Eve

[Guest savannacd]

Hello all!! I started when I was around 12. I was starting to get erections and pleasing myself. I got into my sisters things and started to wear her panties. The feeling was amazing and I did feel like a girl. I continued to put on different things including hose and slips. I go into my moms things also and so enjoyed wearing and feeling girly. I tried to stop at different times but always went back. I know now that those feelings are deep inside me and I try to express them whenever I can.

[Guest Laura Beth]

My first memories are of me when I was about three and putting on my mom's kitchen apron. From there it just grew to wearing tights that were given to us by a neighbor. To wearing ladies figure skates to go skating on the small skating surface were cleared. When I got older I started buying female clothing and then purging. I have come to the point that after sixteen years of being married I finally came out to my wife about my cross dressing. She has bought me a few things like jewelry and such. I have also been dressing more full female since I told her. I only time I don't is when our son is around or if we have to go out and socialize with others.

[Guest litzy]

well it all started at elementary school for me, i took part of this christmas play where i played an elf or something like that, they made us wear a leotard and tights (red by the way) it fell so good to wear that i felt like a little girl, after that i always looked for them tights and leotard to use them at my house when i was alone.

i still remember, i was like 6 or 7 years old.

[Guest Lori Brady]

I was ohhh around 6 or 7 maybe.....and I discovered the incredible world of my Sister's bedroom,,,she was in High School,,,,,,never looked back since.......what a ride it's been!

[mara13]

For me, it all started with a $50 bet. I was 16 at the time and my sister and I were talking with one of her friends, the topic got around to the Halloween party coming up and what we would be going as. I said that I had no idea, I just wanted to go as someone or something that no one would recognize me as, and her friend bet me that I couldn't go as a girl and actually pass it off. In the end, I was $50 richer and found that I love dressing as a woman. I actually had guy hit on me not knowing who I was. Although I would never have won I my sister and mom didn't help. The only reason I never confided in them about the secondary result of the bet was it was supposed to be a one time thing for Halloween and I'm not sure how they would react.

[Guest Jamie_cd]

I started around sophomore year of high school. There was a store in the local mall that was easy to steal from so I used to get clothes there and dress when no one was home. Stealing wasn't something I was proud of but I didn't have money and had to hide all my stuff. high school wasn't the greatest for me since I didn't have many friends so I got into art then graffiti pretty hard as an outlet. So I kind of had two very opposite sides, one really male and one female. After high school I purged all my stuff and went to college, kept up in art and put dressing behind me until recently. My wife knows my story, in more depth, and has been very great about everything

[Guest Wendy F]

Well, I started cross-dressing as soon as I was born, and I stopped about a year ago.

[Guest CD Laura Savatore34]

Hi Ladies,

I'm less than 24 hrs. New to playground, and sounds exactly what I've been looking for.

It's about a month now, the New Year, that I feel mentally assured myself this is who I am. And I'm going foreword to pursue what my heart tells me.

I started cross dressing in my early in my youth. In my mothers basement was a large bag of bras and panties, New still with tags, that some lady had given her. Well, make a long story short, I loved wearing every single item in there. I felt so free, so happy and so sexy. I spent all lot of time alone sometimes and I would play it off that I was playing with my match boxes.

Recently, that same freedom, that same comfort, came back to me, when I realized that my wife's almost my size. Except her breast are large, don't fit the cup but the straps are perfect. Her panties too fit great.

In teens and early twenties, I hid my desires and so silly convinced myself I might be just Bi, and it's a desire Bi people feel.

But no, I love my wife, I love my kids; I just enjoy feeling and acting so feminine. So I can proudly say for the first time, I'm a crossdresser, and my heart fills with joy and peace.

[Carolyn Marie]

That's wonderful, Laura. I'm glad you've embraced that side of yourself, and are proud of it, as you should be. I encourage you to post a thread in the Introductions Forum, too. I look forward to hearing more from you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest CD Laura Savatore34]

Carolyn,

Where can I go to do that? Sorry to post question here but can't find link to introduction forum, only transgender?

[Guest]

Welcome to LP CD Laura Savatore34,

The link below should take you directly to the Introductions Forum.

http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showforum=6

Huggs,

Joann

Welcome to LP CD Laura Savatore34,

The link below should take you directly to the Introductions Forum.

http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showforum=6

Huggs,

Joann

[Carolyn Marie]

Carolyn,

Where can I go to do that? Sorry to post question here but can't find link to introduction forum, only transgender?

The Intro Forum is listed under the General Forums grouping. I've moved your thread for you.

Carolyn Marie