I'm Back! And I need advice, please.

[Guest raynedrops224]

Okay, so you might not have noticed I was gone, which I mean, it's okay if you didn't. I wasn't the most active member on Laura's. Maybe the occasional comment here, or a single topic started there, but you know, not superbly active. So I wouldn't be hurt if you told me you didn't notice I was gone Anyways, as some of you may have been aware, I was struggling with some "issues" from my past regarding certain personal issues and I made a post about it, so if you're curious what I'm talking about I'm sure you can find it somewhere on this site. But when I tried taking on this issue from my past, I sort of became overwhelmed by my whole situation and I kind of decided I refused to go any further with my transition, because it was too difficult and I convinced myself that I could learn to be happy as a boy. <-----doesn't work. -.- The sad thing about this was that I was making a lot of progress: I had bought clothes, make up, and jewelry, I was on my way to getting testosterone blockers, and I had a supportive therapist and two parents working on accepting me. But when I got overwhelmed and gave up, I stopped going to the therapist, stopped the endocrinologist visits, and swept everything under the rug and lied to my parents and said I changed my mind, I also threw out all the cute clothes I bought. R.I.P cute blouse, sexy jeans, and glamorous cardigan. Now I've decided to stop running from who I am and decided to restart my transition. But this restart thing isn't all so bad, because I learned that last time I was trying to go too fast and that was a mistake cause I wasn't going at a level I was comfortable with. But now, I can go at my own pace that I can handle and things will hopefully go a lot better. Unfortunately now I'm going to get to the part I'm really upset about and need advice on. In the time span of me cancelling my transition to this very moment, I kind of rekindled my flame for God. I was introduced to a church by my best friend that has a philosophy of no judgment. They believe that all sin is equal in the eyes of the lord and that you have to repent to Him and accept Jesus Christ into your heart and be saved to get into heaven. I really like this ideology because I have some self-loathing issues (go figure, lol) so to hear that God can see me in my worst times and at my worst state and still love me, is kind of an amazing feeling. But this is also an old fashioned church that believes homosexuality and transgender is a sin. But don't get them wrong, if you came into their church and said "I'm gay" they would not chastise you and they would ask if you would like to hear the gospel. they are accepting and kind and amazing people and I really love all of them, but the problem is that even though they are accepting and nonjudgmental of trans and homosexual people, they already know me as a boy. to them I am a boy and they have no idea I'm trans, because they met me at a time when I tried lying to myself. So, what I need advice on, is: I love these people and want to keep going to church there and keep them in my life, because I think they are good for me, but I just don't know if I can get past how awkward, anxious, and embarrassing (being trans isn't something to be ashamed of I know, but I do kinda feel that way) that I would feel from coming out to this group of people. Like, they would still accept and love me, but I can't help, but feel like I would make them all feel really awkward and it'd be weird. I dunno, I just really don't like making other people uncomfortable and I don't wanna put them in that sort of situation. BUt, I want to keep them in my life. Maybe I sound ridiculous and the answer is right in front of me and I'm just being stupid, but I could really use some help with this.

Well thank you in advance to everyone who responds,

<3 Nicole

[Guest Angel Heart]

Just like my signature says - "the love that you lost wasn't worth what it cost, and in time you'll be glad it's gone".

If you lose their love, then you never had it. I know this is harsh, but it is the truth.

I know that it is very difficult to come out about such a thing to these people; I don't mean to undermine that. It's just, I don't have advice on that part..

um

but ya. sorry.

[Guest raynedrops224]

Thanks Accalia, I appreciate your blunt honesty.<---I don't mean for that to sound passive aggressive, I truly do prefer straight-forwardness and honesty over people dancing around their words trying to walk on egg shells thanks for the input!

[VickySGV]

Nicole -- I moved this over here to Christianity, since it is a safe haven for Christians, and I know darn well that you could be opening up for some less than helpful opinions of a bunch of our folks that have had serious problems with the church in a broad sense.

My suggestion and only real answer for you is to go to the pastor of the church and confidentially let him know what you intend to do, and seek the pastor's guidance. The Pastor is bound by a confidentiality not to discuss it with anyone else in the church unless you let them know yourself.

I am concerned a bit about the fact that homosexuality and transsexuality are wholesale considered "sins" because that does put a level of stress on things that do not have to be. Even if they are accepting, the idea you are constantly sinning puts a strain on what people will think over time. As an illustration, a phrase from my denominaton's older prayer book says "ye who do truly and earnestly repent you of your sins and are intent on leading a new life..." sums up an expectation that you will be required in the minds of some of the congregation to change from your Gender Dysphoric ways. IE, in time become non-dysphoric. We know that will not happen. Since this is evidently a doctrinal issue of the church, best to be prepared and cautious.

You do not say what specific denomination you are involved in, but if it is a local "congregational" type of church, there may be a possibility that the doctrrine and church canon's could be changed, and the church could become a truly welcoming one for GLBT people beyond yourself. If this is a national or international denomination, the broader canons would be harder to change but not impossible.

I was lucky in that my overall church considers my transsexuality to be a normal issue of being human, and specifically included that in their canon law last summer. No one is waiting for me to "repent" of a sin and thus change my life to non-Trans*"

[Guest raynedrops224]

Vicky- Thank you for moving my post, you are probably right about it being more helpful here in the Christianity section, and it fits better here anyways Also, thank you for the advice, you are definitely right, in that there could be a problem with how people would see me over time, as it is a doctrinal issue. But I value my friendships that I've formed with the members of the church enough that I want to give it a shot in talking to the pastor and seeking guidance from him. Thank you for your advice. It was very helpful and I appreciate it greatly!

[VickySGV]

Just realized I should have also said to include a little bit of prayer for peace and guidance in the decisions you know need to be made.

[Guest LizMarie]

Nicole, let me make some observations, ok?

1. Homosexuality is mentioned 6 times in the Bible. Heterosexual sins are mentioned several hundred times.

2. Many of the so-called "clobber" passages in the Bible do not even say what modern believers think they say. For example, Lev. 18:22 does not say "a man shall not lie with a man". What it actually says is an ish (man - generic) shall not lie with a zhakhar. What is zhakhar? It's not ish. Zhakhar is a very precise and rarely used term in the Old Testament. What it means is any male thing dedicated to the temple of the Lord. That would include a bull (for sacrifice), a ram (for sacrifice), or a Levite priest (a man dedicated to the temple). This is just one example. The truth is that the Church didn't even start to attack homosexuality until the 9th century A.D. That's almost a thousand years after Christ came.

3. The Bible says nothing about transgenders. Not one word. And it's not like they didn't know. Every major middle eastern society of that era knew about trangenders. The Code of Hammurabi even has a section devoted to the legal rights of "male daughters" as they were called.

So, I would respectfully say that the interpretation that this one particular church is placing on the Bible can seriously be questioned. One of the things I would urge you to do is check other churches in your area. Some may be far more welcoming of a transgender person than others. Vicky nails it pretty well - we shouldn't be expected to repent of something that simply is and is biological in origin. Any religion should be there to help each of us become better human beings and in doing so, try to make the world a better place for everyone.

[Guest raynedrops224]

LizMarie- thanks for the insights I totally agree that neither homosexuality nor transgender is a sin, purely due to the fact that sin (in my opinion) is the choice to go against God's will. And since we don't choose to be the way we are, how can it e a sin? But, I'm still new to theology so I could be wrong, but it sounds like you are very well versed in the bible so ,again, I thank you for the insights

<3 Nicole

[Guest Jaques]

The bible was written by men, translated, adapted, many times to suit this or that, some people need to take it word for word for various reasons which i wont go into - sometimes, though im not Christian, I look at the example and words said to have come from jesus and think that they are far removed from the interpretations and subsequent rules and regulations made by the modern day churches (and that goes for all religions) - so far as I can gather jesus said love one another and if we only do that one thing, all the ills and prejudice in the world would disappear. I used to "fret" over the bible and its teachings, trying to make sense or find excuses or get out clauses for various situations i found myself in when I was young till it nearly drove me mad, then I realised i was the cause of all my struggle - so i realised i just needed to live with what i know to be right in my heart - if one believes in a God, and i don't ever deny there is one or more than one, no one can really know that for sure, i guess its a matter of faith, - then that God in the bible was said to have given man free will - we know instinctively whats right or wrong.

That made things much clearer to me, its easy to understand - just look inside and theres the answer to all the questions in the world - though there are things we cant know in our present, human state - then the hard bit starts when we want to do what we know to be wrong - that's the conscience kicking in - its not about who or what we are, so far as i can see, its about how we live our lives and care for others.............and for those people or organisations that would condemn their fellow human beings for being "what ever" - then that's their problem and they will have to face their own karma for any pain physical or emotional they cause to others............as i see it, better not to be around those whos hearts are hard and whos minds are closed because their influence prevents you moving forward with your life and finding happiness, which we all deserve.

[Guest Thegirlwithhope]

Hi-

I know this might have been posted a while ago but I was in a similar situation and just thought I'd share my story! I used to go to an evangelical church, and they were very open about how they felt negatively towards homosexuals/transgendered persons and as much as I enjoyed the people, I was too brought down by their words to where I had to leave, but I kept in contact with some of them after I left. Does your best friend know you're trans? If so maybe they could help you talk to them especially if she has a passed relationship with them! You should talk to them (assuming they know) about how you feel and maybe they can help you! Don't forget to rely on friends Rayne, they are one of the greatest things God could give us!