Suzanne becoming Full of Stars

[Guest Suzannefullofstars]

After two years only reading here it`s time to try bring some back.

I start with a copy of my introduction that tells my story in short.

Still discovering experiences and trauma`s from the past I am slowly becoming a happy woman surrounded with beautyfull people and leaving behind the bad ones.

Here`s my introduction post from last week, I have to cry when I read it back.

It brings so much pain and happiness it`s unbelevable that that`s me and my life.

I`m Suzanne, Dutch, Married to my lovely partner Nancy, two great kids 10/15, working in entertainment and business events as stage/video technician, we own our little beauty center/spa, and since I started transitioning our lives have becoming full of stars.

(Taken that coming from pure hell @ begin of 2012 and years and years before i still can`t believe how lucky one can get)

I`m legal now, all paperwork is done, full time since march, therapy ended also in march. (Two psych`s for two years, 1 regular, 1 TG, 2 groups with sisters, and lots of therapy together with my love)

I was ready to start hrt in march so that`s now almost six months and besides a huge energy drain that now is fading away all is going as I hoped and planned.

For the first time in my 49 years i am becoming me, and nothing can`t stop me anymore.....ever!

As I said, we went thru pure hell and back to end up as happy as we are, Nancy was the strong one pulling me through those dark times and willing as me to risk it all for a better life.

I have read laura`s for 2 years, learned from it, soaking up all nice and bad experiences, but never asked for help because i wanted to find my own way trough this difficult transitioning and become the pure me that is still growing every day. And ....oh my.....it`s becoming beautyfull and full of stars.

We had our losses, my family could not cope with this and I had to shut them out of our lives.

But i think most of you know how it goes, especially when god comes in the way.

Why register now here?

Well now i am mostly done with the intense "selfish" part of my transition there is room, time, and energy to try and hopefully give a little something back to my sisters in sometimes heartbreaking situations.

I have been there, deep in the dark, staring death in the eyes, calling for it......

I was lucky with my guardian i am married with who took over those times, and i realise not everyone has this backup.

I surely don`t think i know it all, every morning i am getting ready for a long possible difficult day, my mind is sometimes overflowing with fears, sometimes low on energy from the start, wanting to be a normal female, I don`t really pass yet, working on my voice, my ugly man-face, laser, doc`s, name it.

It`s still a very long way, but i know the way now and nobody or nothing is keeping me from following it.

It`s my last and only way to true hapiness.

........

Thats it for now, i am now having a not so good day but tomorrow will be better, if not i will make it better and if i can make only one of you happy with this thread than that will be my goal.

Cheers! Suzanne

[gennee]

Hi Suzanne and welcome to Laura's. I'm happy that you are moving forward in your transition. Being able to be your true self is something we all desire. Having support from others is a plus also. Thank you for your wonderful introduction.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Suzanne,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna

[Guest honeynocturnal]

How wonderful for you Suzanne! You are a shining star!

What an amazing time of transition the last 2 years have been. The Year of the Snake truly lived up to its name and the changes have been nonstop since.

"I have been there, deep in the dark, staring death in the eyes, calling for it......" That gave me chills as I was just thinking about that time of my life tonight. There was a time when my female self gave up and there was nothing left of me but gears and wires. It was my faith that was my salvation, and my Goddess the guardian...

But that's my story, not yours. Hope you are still doing well!