Should we have such a "need" to pass?

[Charlize]

I found this to be an interesting article as it reiterates the thoughts that we are equal in this struggle caused by being other than cis gendered. Please read the short aside at the beginning. Passing is important for many of us. I know it was and still is for me. I certainly prefer being seen as the gender i am even though i'll never be a cis female.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/04/gnc-dont-want-pass-for-cis/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+EverydayFeminism+%28Everyday+Feminism%29&mc_cid=bc038bbadd&mc_eid=af835f2e0b

Hugs,

Charlize

[Rylie M]

I'm the same way I want to pass but I do have some expectations that I wont at least to any degree of scrutiny being one step away from homeless means no ffs no voice coach really nothing but what a few friends/family can help teach me and what I can do on my own altho my state will pay for hrt, top/bottom surgeries. I hope someday in the future we can reach a point when no one has to worry about passing.

[Guest Deanna]

Passing for me is for safety and to keep the mean people from bothering my family as much. I wish it wasn't necessary, but right now in the south it really is an issue. Passing also makes me feel better about myself. Do I do it good? No but enough for first glance.

[tracy_j]

Experiences

Mine today was the counter assistant in the supermarket who managed to get sir into the same sentence twice

He's a joke. Didn't make my day but he won't change the world (especially mine) either.

I don't think I can change now so will just have to sort the bullies.

Luckily most people are good!

I am me so really passing is very confusing - passing as what?

Tracy

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Well aside from the fact that this person comes across as just another social justice warrior..

I don't feel guilty for passing or having wanted to pass. I have a life to live and I'm not going to martyr my self in the name of the community or gender non-conforming individuals who feel that everyone should structure their lives to foster a society that better fits for them. Frankly the idea that by passing we aren't being our self is completely asinine, I really don't see where someone who hasn't lived the reality of desperately feeling completely displaced from their actual gender gets off telling transsexual men and women how they should live their lives.

This article is a fantastic example of why I have continually said that making the "trans" umbrella fit anyone who has any gender fluidity what-so-ever is a bad idea. This person is under the delusion that since we are all "trans" we are all the same and as a result we should all conform to non-gender conformity. This article completely misses the fact that just because people use "Trans*" as a catch all does not actually mean we all have the exact same needs. I pass, I live stealth, and the idea that by doing so I am not being my self is pretty short sighted. Being able to be my self was the entire point of transitioning, and the fact that my self and other transwomen have found peace in living a normal female existence is nothing to feel ashamed of.

I am all for people doing what is right for them and doing their own thing.. But when those people suggest that others need to move away from their own needs in order to foster a better society for themselves that's when I say enough. This person doesn't need to pass, but as transwomen we don't need to not pass just because that's the "socially just" thing to do.

[Guest cerise]

Hi ,

The terms pass or passing is something I think about less and less. The Genderlife folks don't even like using the term for reasons of a Report Card list of requirements.

I get the idea totally and it would be nice to be safe and able to move freely.

For those reasons I try not to use the term anymore for myself or others.

Today I dumbed down my appearance as I will be with old friends in the earring dept only as I have another problem that I've had for a longer time which is passing as male, my birth assigned sex.

[Guest Raya]

Should we need to pass? Of course not, we should all be freer. But, that is not current reality.

I'd like to pass like Sarah said, and feel free to just be female. But, I'm not there yet, or maybe ever.

In the interim, I am in a gender queer place, because it takes a lot of work for me to pass, and I seem safe enough in the in between space- I seem to be read as a femme guy.

So my personal questions are how bad do I want/need to pass? And, how limited am I by not passing?

I don't know. I honestly feel I've pushed the limit of my comfort zone already. I don't want to reinforce the rigid gender stereotype we all suffer under, but I need/want more slack in my life. I'm trying to figure this out AS I transition, because the one place I won't be is pushed into the old box.

[TrueSelf]

I see the first one i want and need to pass for every morning - in the mirror. Would I care to be seen as a "man in thights"? Not at home. Would I dare to go out looking the same way? Definitely no. Why would I like to make my life more complicated if not unbearable running the gauntlet being being the talk of the neighborhood and the laughingstock of the town?

There is lots of cic women though who have a more male appearance than I have dressing in a way that could best be described as asexual but certainly not as female. Now, if I wanted to look like them why should I want "change"? I personally don´t see it as a change anyway but a development, adjusting the outside to the inside.

[MarcieMarie12]

I think that is just it. A lot of us want to pass because it tempers our dysphoria when we are treated as the gender we identify with, as well as making ourselves comfortable with the bodies we have.

[Guest noeleena]

Hi,

I dont comform to any ones idear of how i should or not look both in dress and my facial features why simple I don't look feminine enough to look like a female my body does like any normal female size shape and all ,

For myself this goes back to age 10 and how I total disliked how I looked and would hide when I could away from large groups of people , yet today and from 20 years ago and more so the last 4 years I'm on stage and do concerts with our Brass Bands and Orchestra and seen by 1000,s of people , and sitting right next to them while playing , so they watch my playing and note my detail.

very different from 58 years ago I can tell you .

so I don't pass or blend in yet I'm accepted very well so that being the case is my acceptance based on I pass blend in look the part = meaning do I Iook like a normal looking female I,ll say no. so that should be the end of that ,

its not ,

I'm accepted based on who I am as a person and a female just not your feminine looking one ,

so if my acceptance was based on I have to look right look feminine and sexy looking then I would never have been accepted ,and that is the end of that ......

As far as I'm concerned theres more in my makeup of who I am than in my facial features and that is whats more importaint with any person regardless of who they are or how they look ,

Looks fade by time then what , superficial , The inner beauty will last and that's what people will see .

,,,noeleena...

[Guest Raya]

Noelleena, thanks for this

I'm accepted based on who I am as a person and a female just not your feminine looking one

This may well be my reality, and it seems ok