to tell or not to tell

[Rayne]

My first psychologist's appointment is tomorrow, which I'm really excited about. I've waited a long time for it. 

The thing I want to ask about though is whether I need or should tell him about my history of self harm. On the one hand, I do think it's always been related to gender and body issues, starting when I was a child, and at some points in the past it's been pretty serious (in a physical sense). But on the other hand, I haven't done anything for about a year now. I still think about it at certain times (e.g. monthly) but it's not generally a huge urgent issue for me now. I'm worried that if I tell him he'll jump to all kinds of wrong conclusions because people tend to see it as the major thing, when you tell them, even when it's not. 

Do you all think it's okay to just not say it... or to say no if he asks?

Thanks, Rayne

[VickySGV]

Be fully honest with your therapist.  Self harm, addiction, depression and other nasty stuff are part of being Trans* and it will not keep you from future needed medical help at all.  I was a less than one year recovering alcohol / pill abuser when I was given a referral to Hormone Replacement Therapy by my addiction medicine counselor who used me to get experience in Gender related therapy.  As you see from my signature, I am post GCS, so you can get a picture there.  Let the counselor know that you have been clean on the SH as long as you have and let them know what part your GD played in it, if you have an idea.  The counselor is NOT there to keep you from getting other gender help, but to see that WHEN YOU GET IT you will be in good mental health and not going to really screw you life up with it.  You may get HRT even before you have fully resolved some of the issues as well. 

[DrumbeatAlex]

I agree with Vicky, I'd say tell them the truth. If you say that you used to struggle with it but have it reasonably under-control now and want to focus more on..(whatever you want to get out of ur therapy) then they'll probably be happy with that. They may want to delve a bit deeper into the SH stuff but overall telling them will probably just help them get a better understanding of you, your life and the influence gender issues has had for you.  

Goodluck with your appointment!! Tell us how it goes.

-Alex  

[Guest cerise]

Metaphorically they can't fix what they can't see.

i agree with the honest approach. Vulnerability is important in these matters.

[Rayne]

well I told him. The way the conversation developed, I would have had to actually lie about a whole recent major life event in order to ignore it and I didn't feel like I should do that. 

I'm not sure if it went well. He's gay, which I like, and he was easy to talk to. We didn't talk about gender though. He said he wanted to get to know me first, which sounds reasonable but he made a big deal of my unexplained anxiety earlier this year (which has stopped now but was mentioned in the GP's referral) and also the seriousness of my SH, and my family, plus he noticed I was getting spacey... all of which are things I keep private. I just want a prescription, why is all of this necessary? 

I can't see him again for 5 weeks so blah... back to waiting for nothing. 

[VickySGV]

9 hours ago, Rayne said:

I can't see him again for 5 weeks so blah... back to waiting for nothing. 

I was 6 months into recovery from alcohol abuse at age 61 before my therapist and I got a good talk about my GD, but by then the other baloney was out of the way, and from there it was a matter of a week.  This was not "for nothing" it was a start on the right track they way you tell it, but we do not rush into gender transition or HRT.  I know those who did rush in and a number now have tombstones.

 

[Rayne]

OK maybe I should trust him a little. I do know he's very experienced... and I am willing to do pretty much anything. I guess I was just a bit rattled.

[VickySGV]

47 minutes ago, Rayne said:

I guess I was just a bit rattled.

So that is what I heard here in California!!  The rattling that is!!  Transition will be hard enough by itself, no sense dragging a lot of baggage as I have found out the hard way, 

[Imaginary Spiders]

I agree with the idea of being open about these kind of things. Also I don't think you need to tell them in the first session in less it's an issue you need help with. I think also if you told them they could perhaps provide you with ways of dealing with those feelings if they return.

[Rayne]

yep that was me Vicky, I almost literally laughed out loud to that, which is no mean feat since I'm staying at my parents' house this weekend. Thank you.

[MarcieMarie12]

On 4/11/2017 at 3:25 AM, Rayne said:

We didn't talk about gender though. He said he wanted to get to know me first, which sounds reasonable but he made a big deal of my unexplained anxiety earlier this year (which has stopped now but was mentioned in the GP's referral) and also the seriousness of my SH, and my family, plus he noticed I was getting spacey... all of which are things I keep private. I just want a prescription, why is all of this necessary? 

 

I think it is because he wants to help you with all your problems not just prescribe you HRT. To do that he needs to know all about you, and your past. With my intake session, there was a lot of going over my past and such. I also got some good advice and had goals for my therapy.

For me initially it was to come out to my (ex)wife and then to figure out my gender issues. I know I've had them since I was a kid but I thought since I was called "boy" all boys wanted to be girls. It was the "big secret" of all boys in my mind, but you never said a word about it because then you got beat up. Logic is sometimes leads to the wrong conclusion....

Yes some of this is stuff you probably have trained yourself to hide from others. It took a few sessions to open up and get used to my therapist. She later said I needed a gender therapist, and that went well since they were in the same office.

[Rayne]

That makes sense Marcie. 

One of the things that worries me is that I only have six (five more) subsidised sessions with this guy. After that I wont be afford to see him again until 2018 (when I get another six). If he wants to make my whole life healthier then good for him, but the most important thing for me is that he signs off on HRT. I'm worried that he'll get sidetracked because he was acting like things are serious issues that I don't consider to be serious at all. I guess I need to tell him this and tell him what I want from the remaining five sessions. I'm not very good at that though. 

[MarcieMarie12]

Rayne, that is the one thing you have to do though. One of the things I've learned (and since I work with a lot of people in medicine) is they want to hear what your concerns are. If they are not listening to you, they are not doing their jobs. If they focus on the SH, and other matters beyond your gender dysphoria, you just tell them that is not your most pressing issue at the moment (unless you gave indications otherwise elsewhere). 

[Tejana]

Hhmmm....I'm told that a psychotherapist can promise a client confidentiality, but that there are exceptions to that confidentiality which must be explained to every prospective client.  Even w/o a court-order there are some crimes which must be reported to the authorities, once disclosed.  Having said that....

Any omission of relevant history (or outright lying to a therapist's inquiries/questionaire) would suggest that such a client is not genuinely interested in therapeutic benefits of counseling.  Rather, I would suspect that said client is working their own agenda for personal gain (e.g., a referral to a hormone provider, a letter recommending grs/srs, etc.).

W/ re: to gd/gid, there a a number of conditions/disorders that resemble such.  It's my understanding that a truthful history is required for a psychotherapist to be able to make an accurate/proper diagnosis.  Assuming that one is interested in feeling better about himself/herself and functioning better in society....I would think honesty is the best policy inside the counseling chamber.

 

[Rayne]

8 hours ago, Tejana said:

Any omission of relevant history (or outright lying to a therapist's inquiries/questionaire) would suggest that such a client is not genuinely interested in therapeutic benefits of counseling.  Rather, I would suspect that said client is working their own agenda for personal gain (e.g., a referral to a hormone provider, a letter recommending grs/srs, etc.).

Tejana, I wouldn't be seeing a psychologist if I didn't want hormones so your description could fit me. I've had difficult times in my life but have always preferred to deal with them myself, and I still do. Anyway, I did end up telling him about my SH history because I didn't want to lie, having done enough of that for a lifetime.

 Marcie, yep, I'm hearing you  I need to man up (can I say that here?) and be more.. I don't know, whatever it is... more adult.

[Jani]

Many of us went, or go to therapists because we want hormones because we assume this will solve (some of) our issues.  But we must address the core concerns since HRT in and of itself doesn't fix everything.  That's where having an honest dialogue works to our benefit.  Like many in the community I am an intensely private person but I have found my therapist to be such a wonderful person who is genuinely interested in my wellbeing and that has allowed me to open up more than I ever have. 

Jani