The best laid plans of mice and men...

[Jani]

So yesterday I finally sold my motorcycle.  I had been pondering it for some time.  I tried unsuccessfully to sell it last summer.  It’s been sitting there waiting for me but I hadn’t ridden it much since I broke my wrist a few years ago.  Something about recognizing my personal vulnerability as I’ve gotten older.  I trusted my ability but was concerned about those around me as I rode, and I suppose my capability to react quickly and correctly if needed.  Then of course I have changed and don’t get the same level of enjoyment any longer from certain things I loved.  Some of that is age and some is transition related.  Not that I can’t do or participate in activities of my past but there is only so much time and I’ve added new things to my repertoire.  But I loved that machine.  

 

I look at it as pragmatically as I can, saying it’s the circle of life.  Things start; things end.  We see this with relationships, friendships, employment and our career, and most definitely with the activities we choose.  I, like many, surrounded myself with things that seemed to define me.  A curated life; as it were!  What I’ve discovered as I have attained age and a new outward gender is that not all these things define me any longer.  I've learned that something else defines me.  As you may have read in other posts, I am retired from my work and career.  I no longer have to impress the folks with my supernatural ability to solve complex problems, or wow them with stories of my weekend activities.  Ha!

 

That I chose to transition at this time in my life presents a unique confluence of events for me than I might have otherwise not experienced all at once.  It can be a lot to process at one time.  I look at it as an opportunity to expand my horizons in a way my old self could or would not; due to time, desire, societal norms or outright fear.  It can be hard to change at this time of life, to take on a new self-image, especially when my old definition has been thrown out the window with retirement and transition.  What you learn is what defines you is actually inside you.  In more ways than one, this is the time of my life I have been waiting for, that I strived for.  Not to say it always went according to plan as “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”.  I didn't know the future would look like this!  (Is that good or bad, you're asking? You can decide.)  Life can be a struggle some days, but it makes the good days seem even better. 

 

So ask, what’s your point Jani?  There is now an empty space in my garage and a hole in my soul where my red two wheeled rocket ship was.  I could fill it with something else like it but I think instead I am going to fill it with something different.  The space in the garage is good.  I’m going to seek out new and possibly scary adventures to populate my soul.  I’m already thinking outside the box that I had placed myself in.

 

So no matter where you are in life's journey, how are you faring?  What defines you?  Are you embracing ALL the changes life brings? 

 

I truly hope you are doing well, that you love the person you are, and that you actively seek out ways to make your life and the lives around you better.

 

Cheers, Jani

[tracy_j]

Just after mentioning riding my motorcycle in another post I find this one. I still have my bike from way back. It is more an icon of the past than the present or future and I have not ridden it for several years now. Being something I have had from new, for the last forty years or so I am loth to part with it but  I know it maybe would be better gone. I know though that the space in the garage would soon fill so it is maybe not in the way.

 

What is my point? Maybe I like to look back on the good times of the past as well as living in a different future.

 

That's a lovely last paragraph Jani. It has left me speechless with love.

 

Tracy x

 

[Charlize]

I certainly can relate to so much in your beautiful post Jani.  My 1969 R-50 BMW sits in the barn.  I put it to the side over 11 years ago when my alcoholism made it impossible to stay on the road.  I've been trying to get new tires, battery and a once over professionally before taking her out again.  It may simply be one last farewell ride or perhaps i'll tour some of the country roads we are blessed to have here.  I'm older weaker and out of practice but before i put the old gal out to pasture i'd like to make a ride or two.  Truly there is also the appealing thought of rolling int the local roadside cafe where the old boys go on weekends to get a cup of coffee.  I've got some lovely leathers and getting that crowd to look twice sounds like fun.  Later i may sell her and put the money into seed and fencing around the new barn.  

I find a great deal of peace in my life on the farm and love this land where i've spent most of my life.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Briana]

Wow Jani!  Here I thought we were going to talk motorcycles and you got all deep and philosophical and stuff.  I sold my bike a few years ago too.  I had terrible seller's remorse afterward.  I had that bike since the late 70's and it had a lot of history.  But like many, while keeping many of my old interests - old hobbies, I've also discovered new ones.  And perhaps like you, I saw my personal vulnerability or mortality as some say.  And for sure my skills as a rider were not what they were when I was 18.  

 

I will say that whenever I see a lady zoom by me on a bike, I want to get a new one.  Actually, I'd love an old Norton, BSA, or Triumph.  I'd dress like Amelia Earhart, pull my goggles down, flip my scarf back, and ride off to my next roadside eatery with old school soda counters selling homemade pies.

[Briana]

Awww Charlize - that's another one I'd like.  I'd love to get a historical bike and put a sidecar on it.  Uh oooo perhaps a new (old??) hobby coming on.  LOL

[Jani]

Brianna, that was the real point I suppose.  Selling my motorcycle was the vehicle (no pun intended) that initiated my thought process about all the changes we go through. 

32 minutes ago, Briana said:

you got all deep and philosophical and stuff

 

I'm glad to hear others have experienced some of what I am going through, or maybe I'm sad to hear it.  I do get into these philosophical mindsets from time to time when things get to heavy to gloss over.  

 

Thank you Tracy.  This is certainly true for most.  We do tend to look back fondly.  

5 hours ago, tracy_j said:

What is my point? Maybe I like to look back on the good times of the past as well as living in a different future.

 

Its nice to hear others are living in the present while looking forward to the future.  Too many people seem to live in the past. 

 

Jani