Confusing

[Arianna96]

Ever since I figured out dressing as woman made me happy, I’ve become even more confused. Everyday is always different. For awhile, I’ll feel like dressing as a woman is my calling. Everything about being a woman makes me happy and content with life. Though there are days I’m fine with being a man and life is good. My head spins all the time not knowing who I am. Some days I’m a straight male who wants to pick up woman but most other days I feel that at the very least I’m bisexual because I really wish I was female. Dressing up as a female gives me a euphoria that is indescribable. Idk how to exactly explain it but I just feel at peace with my soul. This fight between both my ways of thinking is the absolute worst!! I honestly can’t take it anymore. I just wanna cry. I really wish I could be a woman. I struggle so much everyday that it becomes such a heavy burden. Can anyone help me. I’m about to turn 24 and honestly my emotions are out of control. Does anyone understand this? All the time I wish I could be someone different and it sucks. I’ve been eating better to lose weight and become healthier which is great. The body dysphoria though never goes away. I’m very thankful to find this site, just need a friend for support. Life is so hard and I’m tired of not knowing who I am. I’m willing to help anyone else on this site. Idk if I would be here alive without others who are going through the same as me. 

[Jani]

I certainly understand your emotions.  It is hard.   Being happy when you dress is a wonderful feeling.  This is why so many of us have turned to gender therapists to talk things over and help us figure out what we really want.  Sometimes another person without a vested interest in our life is the best arbiter.   Remember that your sexuality need not change and it may not change when your gender presentation is altered.  This is OK.   As to whether anyone here understands the feelings you have, certainly we do but then as you have probably read, we are all on our own personal journeys.  Everyone here has differing life background, experiences, and desires looking forward.  The best we can hope for is to learn from others and to make the best choices for our own situation.   Keep the lines of communication open.  

 

Jani 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Ariannna,

It is very confusing. Jani's right, gender therapists can help us work through our confusion to find our answers. She's also right about sexual preference. Gender identity and sexual preference are different things. I'm M2F and I'm attracted to women. Others find they're attracted to men. And it's all ok.

 

As far as having caring and understanding friends here, we will always be here for you!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[VickySGV]

What is the most confusing to us really is not how we feel, but rather how we have been taught to respond to how we feel.  Other people have expected us to behave in a way that we do not have as a personal inner path way, and it is why THEY expect us to do it their way that really confuses us when we know that way is not right for us.  We want them to like us and love us, but we just are not built the way the want to see us.  Even our sexuality does not jibe with what they demand that we have and that is a good thing for us and a confusing thing for them.  I agree with the benefits of a good therapist, they can help us see where confusion really lies and to feel that our ways of behavior are definitely FOR US but are not for others. 

[Charlize]

There is a wonderful expression in a group i belong to:  "To thine own self be true".  Finding that self has been a long and sometimes confusing journey for me.  Oddly i've found it has continued after transition, HRT and all the surgery my health allows.  I'm finding that i have to accept this path as a journey and not a destination.  The wonderful thing is that it is my journey.  Others advise me either to hold the status quo or to change even more but the path is ultimately mine.  Therapy helped.....Simply looking at the past and remembering steps i've taken helps me to see the journey more clearly.

I'm glad your here and sharing.  We help each other.  Society certainly its demands and expectations but this journey belongs to us alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize