Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Lauryn Michelle

Apparatus & Fences

Recommended Posts

Lauryn Michelle

The term "trans" is nowhere in the poem, but believe me, this is a trans poem. Yhis came from.the ground of the unconcious.

 

 

"Apparatus & Fences"

 

The world attacked, 

I sprung up defenses,
Put up fences.

The world didn't seem to stop, 
So i kept up,
putting up fences,
putting up fences.

Obscure and mostly unseen, 
No looking-glass could determine me.
No reference for self I built upon what i had seen before i began building.
An apparatus was i, cold moving parts of machinery in the dark.
I pick up the old programs of other machine-dreams, download them, live them out "incomplete".
A nagging, a curse burns me, out of necessity I start to explore, because now there is some kind of noticable organic fire at my core.

My fences are burning, 
My fences are burning

The apparatus melts and protects me no more,
With a new heart i go into the world that attacked me before. Laugh at the insults, embrace its wildness with wonder and kindness.

I looked like a little boy and was loved, but i was also given nails and wood. Fear didnt let me know that i could grow, so,

I sprung up defenses
I put up fences.

My heart filled with grief at the time that had passed, but i then rejoiced knowing that freedom was in my grasp.
I could forgive myself, "i could only do what i knew", I'm still scared, but the world has referenced, I go forward within view.
Brave life begins

No more fences
No more fences

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

Very nice,  I like the phrasing you use. 

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
Lauryn Michelle

Thank you Jani😊

It was very therapuetic, definitely a tool in the toolbox for me.

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

love the machine and programming references! I'm lost in Gcode half the day and under machines the rest, your words really spoke to me!

Hugs,

Jae

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 133 Guests (See full list)

    • RunValRun
    • Mmindy
    • ShawnaLeigh
    • RachelQ
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      70,925
    • Total Posts
      643,744
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      6,882
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JackieNNJ
    Newest Member
    JackieNNJ
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. RamesesRadio
      RamesesRadio
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      🇺🇸 Good morning Coffee is on. The Sun is rising, birds are chirping, worms, vampires & zombies are afraid.🇺🇸 🌤
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Up early.  230am and just couldn’t get back to sleep as my Mind is still buzzing from yesterday’s events. I posted about it in another thread as to not junk up this one with my drivel.    Just now getting my first mug of coffee in me then a quick shower.  Gotta keep the wound clean.  More planning, calling, and receiving of guests who hopefully will be buying more of Shawns hobby toys.   I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Well GF when I get there we all will have to hit some stores. I do like shopping and I can literally abuse a clearance rack section in minutes.  I show up to a dressing room with a look on my face like “ Yeah right!  5 items only my arse!”  And then proceed to cram my card in there with me.  Lol Id love to go a shop with you! I can speak for Patti and say she is a bit of a shop-acholic too and she is tall as well.  Perhaps she can point you to some places out there.  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      So this Monday was an amazing day.  As some may be aware I have plans to move across country to be with @Patti Anne and start a new life as Shawna.  Leaving VT and Shawns life closed and in my past.  Our plans were coming together but we really had not set any real dates but we finally planned a week long trip for me to go visit, see the house and area and just meet Patti face to face finally.  This was set for June 20th.  An obvious condition to moving is finding a job.  So during my Orchi recovery time off I decided one task was to start job hunting.  So I polished up my resume and changed it to read “Shawna Leigh Lxxxxxxxxx” and I uploaded it on Indeed last Thursday evening. Friday morning a job pops up for a Biomedical Equipments Technician in the VA hospital 15 minutes from Patti’s house and I naturally apply as this is what my current job is.  Less then 30 minutes later I get an answer and request for a phone interview Monday morning which I accept.  Patti and I are just beside ourselves with this lucky opportunity but we contained it since nothing was set or done.  It’s just an interview.   Monday morning they call.  Long story short they want to hire me.  Pay me $15k more per year then I’m making now and a $1500 moving bonus.  Ummmmm.  Ok I can do that! The catch.  They need me like yesterday.  “When can you be out there?” They ask.  I had told them originally in my cover letter I planned to move to Oregon in late July/early August but give me an hour and let me make some arrangements. So I naturally call Patti and the “fun” begins!  My Ex now roommate gets involved and we all try to figure out the quickest reasonable exit plan for me to be out there.   So I call back and tell them. “Give me an offer letter by this Thursday and I will put in my two weeks notice. I will need 5 days to travel and I can be there on site Monday the 29th.”  Deal! Done and my offer letter was emailed within minutes.  Holy cow everything was a whirlwind after that.   So I spend the rest of the day making arrangements to move, sell my crap, make plans. Etc.  Then later yesterday evening out of the blue an old HS acquaintance contacts me saying she wants to send me a ton of clothing purses and lots of other things. All I need to do is pay the shipping. We Chatted for a while and  it was unbelievable what she plans to just give me.  Sent all sorts of pictures of her “horde” and believe me. It’s All high end things. Purses jewelry clothing coats jackets dresses. Etc.  Apparently she is in therapy for a very bad and negative shopping compulsion and part of that is purging her collection and “I’m helping her by taking it.” She said.  Well I love to help people do what’s a girl to do? I barely knew her in HS but we are friends on Facebook.  She has been following my transition there and decided to message me with the request and offer.   So now I have hundreds of items costing thousands of dollars being shipped to my new home for the price of “just shipping”.  Yes Mondays are not so bad a day for me anymore wouldn’t you agree?  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Dang it. Now I’m going to have to find one thst suits me.  
    • Katharina
      Wow, that is not an acceptable behavior at all! Besides these bad words, your boss can't dictate your hair style and use that as a criterion for work safety. You need to cut your hair but your boss is ok with you wearing a hat while not having a hair cut? Great logic. Case closed, ignored. I feel very sorry you have to deal with such crap Emily 😢. Unbelievable.
    • VickySGV
      The spudettes are about the same legal intelligence as a 100 lbs of their notable produce.  
    • Gaylord
      I love how powerful and intentional the words you used are in the second to last verse. Maybe if the addiction verse was in couplets then it would build up even more tension for that awesome verse where the woman inside takes hold. I see ur point about having written it a certain way the first time, but I also love the unpredictable effect we got in verse 2 from the abab cdcd rhyme scheme you use. It's uplifting to see all the darkness of the eviction verse get reversed through this image of an actualized assertive lady. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.boisestatepublicradio.org/post/judge-idaho-still-cannot-automatically-bar-transgender-people-changing-birth-certificates#stream/0   Those Idahoans just don't seem to get it.  The law is the law.  Perhaps a nice "contempt of court" ruling will help clear things up for those state reps.   Carolyn Marie
    • Tori M
      Thanks, girls!  I had not thought of Old Navy and I didn't know they have a tall section.  I like their styles.  I'm just a simple country gal... fashion and fancy is not my thing.  I need clothes to work around the house and yard and just a couple of going out on the town outfits (which I don't do very often).  I like casual, comfortable clothes but I'm very picky about certain things.  Hiking in the hills and birding requires pockets.  I have some cargo pants but don't want to wear them all the time.  I know everyone is wearing leggings and skinny jeans but I don't like clingy pants.  I like straight leg or boyfriend cuts.  You know, I just realized I haven't shopped in 10 years!  😲  I am so out of touch, lol.   Keep the suggestions coming.
    • Susan R
      Congrats ShawnaLeigh. It has been an amazing day for you.😄
    • Susan R
      I can’t believe I missed this too. It’s very good. With a few word changes it would describe much of my feeling with my journey thus far. Great work!👍   Susan R🌷
    • MetaLicious
      Thanks, you two!  I thought my efforts hsd gone unnoticed, then out of the blue I get comments!   I agree that the flow of the story suffered a little in the second version, probably because I wrote the first, well, first.  That's the "native environment" the story was born in, and in moving to couplets, some of the flow was broken.   I appreciate your replies, it's so nice to be noticed, but more importantly, I feel like I have shared something.
    • Susan R
      Wow, you look incredible as a blonde. I knew that touch of makeup would make all the difference.   Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      I had no idea. You obviously chose a very good style that works for you. I was sure that was your natural hair. I’m surprised that your boss is making a big deal over hair at that shorter length though. He seems a bit ‘nit picky’. I might see that length being noticeable if you were in an industry that short hair for men is more of a standard (e.g. Finance, Real Estate, etc...). Even then, I think times have changed a bit.   Susan R🌷
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...