Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
TessaOKC

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads !

Recommended Posts

TessaOKC

OMG, the thought of finding another therapist makes me want to stay in bed all day!!! As someone who suffers from major depression I have been through a ton. I am an empath, otherwise know as a highly sensitive person, and can always see through the BS. "OH my, you have very good insurance, I just can't believe how good your insurance is" was the opening remark  by one of them. Another kept pushing for any and all sexual experiences I've had and yet another felt it necessary to read me the riot act for over 20 minutes on what will happen if I miss any sessions. The kicker was when I found myself in an argument with a therapist on what is required in order to receive an HRT letter. This therapist said I needed to have a real life experience and live 24/7 as a woman before I would be allowed to take hormones. What???!!! My next question was, "And where did you earn your degree M'am ? "   She was young, mid twenties, and her first name was Charity. The following session  I came in with the entire WPATH manual and proceeded to take the therapist to school. I was horrified to think  of any other poor Trans person who might fall prey to her ignorance. I made her promise me she understood and after receiving an HRT letter a short time later, I closed the chapter on my young therapist. 

 

Cutting through the BS of the above mentioned therapists -  one was clearly aroused by sexual stories, one was intoxicated merely dreaming of the above average insurance payments she will earn, the other was a control freak and the last didn't know what in the hell  she was talking about ! What could be more frustrating than going to see a therapist for help only to realize their agenda or issues are insincere or counter productive to the client. I got sick and tired of spending countless hours only to be let down by their issues I already knew existed. Once I started listening to my inner feelings it became abundantly clear that I had kissed a lot of toads in my quest  to find the proper, caring and qualified therapist. 

 

Several months ago I reluctantly went  into therapy again and in the most unlikely place of all, a veterans hospital . Veterans hospital?? Really?? No way! Yep, it's true. This therapist is a female sporting a Doctorate degree in psychology. She is in her mid 30's, single mom of two children, divorced twice. She is in charge of all LGBT group sessions at the VA, two of which I attend on a weekly basis. She has a sense of humor and appears to have an above average amount of life experience. She is straight and has an incredible memory. I have never left one of her sessions without being armed with a pertinent self improvement lesson. She is overly qualified on transgender issues and  appears to really care about me . I hit the jackpot, finally!!!

 

Listen to your gut when assessing a new or existing therapist.Are they qualified? What is their background? What is  their maturity level? Do they appear to legitimately care or are they in it solely for the money or even darker reasons? What do they really know about transgender issues? There are a lot of toads with lipstick out there !!! We're going to kiss a few along the way but we need not be stuck with one.

 

I wish everyone the best of luck and just remember to assess them just as they assess you. We are worth the very best !!

 

Tess

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary

Yeah, I always say to transgender people I encounter in real life to seek the help of a therapist. I had 2 of them trough the years and I thought they were bad but good enough to have my letters. Later by talking to other trans* I got the picture of just how bad they were. They triggered depression and made some transgender woman in my city go trough hell. The fact is that in my city there's no good therapist that I know of and that I would recommend. I now say to people to seek a therapist in montreal and to have sessions via skype.

 

They often contradict each other and enforce totally ludicrous realities upon me. They are often really out of date scientifically. One tried to push upon me that my father gave me too much pression to be a man. This is very very far from the truth. I was not able to explain the reality to this therapist...

 

One say my father give me too much pression (he never gave me any)

Another that my mother was too close to me (she's an introverted and can be distant a lot of time)

 

They also tried to push on me the idea I was doing that because I have something against masculinity which is totally false.

 

So yeah... Finding a good therapist can be reaaaallllyyyy hard depending on where you live. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Jani423

Thanks for your sad story on finding a good therapist.  Just as in other life situations, there are a lot of idiots out there.  I fretted over this too and I was lucky I suppose.  I love my therapist. 

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

Great advice, Tessa.  I'm so glad you decided to share your experiences to help others along their paths. Never  assume anything about someones qualifications, and that applies equally to plumbers and therapists.

 

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 13 Guests (See full list)

    • jae bear
    • MaryEllen
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • jae bear
      Oh My Gosh!!!! I love Mayberry!  Although I gladly would have settled to live in Mount Pilot if it was too expensive to buy a house in Mayberry.  We all know how expensive housing prices have gotten lately! squishy hugs! Jae 
    • Timber Wolf
      There once was a deputy named Fife. He carried a gun and a knife. The gun was all dusty. And the knife was all rusty. Cause he never caught a crook in his life   That's for you fans of Andy!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾  
    • VeronicaStone
      I am less than keen of the idea of posting personal information on Discord, which makes money by selling data. Mattermost would be a better option.
    • tracy_j
      In my opinion you have not really separated your finances at all. It's just bits and pieces that have been hived off. It sounds like it's time to take her decision to seperate finances and form a plan between yourselves to do it. I am not familiar with your type of lifestyle. My partner and I have always had seperate finances except for the mortgage account , which was used just for buying the house, which I always handled, so I am not in the ideal position to advise you how to do things. Perhaps pay off the credit card with a fresh one opened by yourself then close the original one, saying you got a good deal to work it out.   There again, it seems like symptoms of deeper issues. Your wife may well not see things the way you do. I can only say that the way I did things in the end was to move ahead and trust that things would workout. That is not to say I was inconsiderate, but being confident in myself, rather than uncertain, trying placate someone who was probably very unsure herself too, has seemed to make all the difference.   Hope it helps!   Tracy
    • Cindy Truheart
      Okay.   Background and context first.   My wife of 13 years has been working on becoming my best friend and roommate. (Hella long story there, let's just move on.) So after she found out that she was going to get some money from an insurance policy (something like $10k), she suddenly decided that she wanted to separate our finances. At first, this crushed me because it meant that she felt she couldn't trust me. It hurt me on another level because despite my making more money than her the entire time we've been together and the 2 years of her not working and me paying the bills, she didn't want to put any of it toward my surgery. Then, I saw the advantages because rather than constantly having to try and get her to agree to a budget that put money in the bank for my surgery, I would be free to save as much as I wanted!   But the separating of the finances isn't going so well. I pay off a credit card, tell her it's paid and that we shouldn't use it. Then discover two months later that she's used it and that no payments have been made. Late fees abound, joy. The Amazon account that we shared was in my name, so of course we just left it alone, she pays me for anything she orders. But every time she orders something, she uses the points on the card to reduce her bill. I finally said something about it and she acted like I was being a penny pinching jerk, when I'm the one building up the points. We'll be out doing something and she'll offer to pay for whatever (dinner, coffee, drinks, etc), but she puts it on the joint account and when it comes time to settle up she's suddenly "forgotten" she offered to pay! And to top it all off, because she works for the leasing company that runs our apartment complex, she gets a discount for the rent. SHE gets a discount on the rent... $268 a month for an approximate bill of $1400. Oh, and she makes as much as I do now....   I'll be honest, I don't think she's being malicious, but I'm kinda getting $(*%&. I'm thinking about removing myself from the joint credit card and the joint account. I already have my direct deposits going into a new bank with my new checking account. I don't know whats going on with her, but I feel like I need to protect myself, my credit. I had thought she didn't trust me and it hurt. But her actions seem to be telling me to stop trusting her.   There are many other factors here, many other emotions and things going on. I don't want to make a wrong step and ruin what we have left. But lately I'm wondering, what the hell DO we have left? It's been very important to me to keep her in my life in whatever way possible. Unfortunately I've learned she doesn't see things the same way that I do and that love isn't always enough in this world....   So I'm wondering, is it time to finally make a hard break? This halfway, quasi-break up is beginning to get under my skin. I'm finally starting to understand myself and how to navigate this world as me (STARTING!) And between her depression and this passive-aggressive behavior, I'm kinda done with it all. I'm beginning to pull myself out of a pit of depression that I've lived in for my entire life. And it seems to me that every time I've managed to pull myself out of that swirling maelstrom of black madness, I'm getting pulled back in. If it isn't one thing, it's another. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I can't get a man and I can't have my best friend. I'm feeling like it's time to go solo again.... But I hate that lonely road too.... Advice is REALLY welcome here, and thank you.
    • Hey, it's Alex!
      Hey Jae Bear, Yeah, I can understand your poetry problems. I have the same issue a large majority of the time. I use both writing and drawing as an outlet, so a lot of my feeling goes into them. This can be both good and bad, but it can definitely help sometimes. As for my drawing, I do not plan on stopping anytime soon. I also doubt you're as bad as you're making yourself out to be. If you want to do a comic style, go for it! ~Alex
    • jae bear
      What do you call the new Disneyland ‘Alice in wonderland’ ride where they pass out estradot patches?     It’s an E ticket ride
    • jae bear
      Hi Bobbi Sue, Yes it has been a long time, 27 years goes by so much quicker than you could imagine. And yet I find myself so impatient with my HRT? I’m sorry about the tissue supply but it’s nice to know I’m not just a sentimental fool and cry for any reason, all of these words are very personal parts of myself I am so glad I have someone to share them and people like you to read them. squishy hug, Jae
    • jae bear
      Hi Alex, I love to draw to relax, I honestly wish I was good enough to do a comic style antro set of characters, I would style it after my poems. Those poems are rough, I didn’t think that I’d cry the whole way through or every time I read them, they’re terrible and the form is awful but the content came from a place I keep locked up... I think I want to do a lot more writing, the poems seem to come easily to my head, almost like listening to music but sometimes I can’t shut it off. I hear it when I go to bed and I hear it when I wake up now and it’s really a bit tough as I nearly cry every time and it makes me late for work. But I know that it’s good for me and it opens parts of me that would never be heard if I didn’t allow myself to listen. so I encourage you to do the same, if you’re a writer you should write everything that you can imagine and let others see it so we can all benefit from your gift. If you love to draw you should draw as often as you can even if you’re terrible like me, the good artists are the ones that never quit. big squishy hug, Jae
    • Jani423
      What's most disturbing is that it is espoused by the party that wants smaller government, i.e less intrusion in personal lives.  I guess only when it suits their agendas.    Jani
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,827
    • Total Posts
      586,887
  • TransPulse Partners

×