I'm new to this Forum. Supportive Mom to a trans teen; I have questions.

[Spyke01]

Hi.  This is my first day here.  I have a 15 (almost 16) year old teenager, he was born a female and now is trans to boy. This was only brought to our attention 2 years ago.  My teen (we will call him David) had alway been very feminine acting, loved wearing dresses and playing with dolls.  Around the latter part of middle school it started to change.  He cut his hair short in 8th grade, then the summer before 9th grade, he told us he's like to become a boy.  We are very open minded and accepting parents.  So we were ok with it, and supportive.  Told him we'd always love him no matter what.  He seems to still like boys.  But my major question in my mind - this week - is when should we allow him to start on T hormones, and let him do his top surgery.  He wants to do top surgery right away.  We told him he needs to wait until senior year.  My "other" son, who is a year and a half older than him supports him 100%, and started a Fundme campaign for him to get top surgery.  He challenges me all the time on why we are making him wait.  I told him, insurance won't cover any of it until he's 18 (I think).  But the other reason is that I really want to make sure he is 100% SURE before he does anything. Just looking for discussion.  Thanks!

[MaryEllen]

Hello Spyke,

Welcome to TransPulse.   Having top surgery at age 15 would not be a good idea. He's very young and could come to regret such a decision in later years. Counseling with a gender therapist is a must before any bodily alterations are done. I doubt any surgeon would perform top surgery on someone so young without a recommendation from a licensed gender therapist.  Your older son means well but he is not helping by encouraging David. This is a decision that David alone must make and any decision he might make should only be made after extensive therapy with a gender therapist.

 

MaryEllen

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Spyke01,

Welcome to TransPulse. 

 

With the situation as you've described it, a gender therapist would be critically important. I most strongly recomend finding one. Their help will be invaluable.

 

I am very happy to hear that you are supportive parents. That is emencely important for David's emotional well being. 

 

Wishing all the best to your whole family!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[DenimAndLace]

You might want to read the WPATH standards of care for transgender persons.  Each medical provider will vary a little in their administration of those standards but GENERALLY, your son will need to be diagnosed as having gender dysphoria.  It may be unquestionable in YOUR minds but it takes time for that diagnosis (by design) to carefully parse out those who would benefit from treatment and those who might be harmed.  Once there is a diagnosis, you'll probably need to get letters of recommendation for surgery from his mental health providers followed by the actual surgery.  It's not uncommon for that process to take several month to a year.  Hormones (testosterone or puberty blocking) might happen a little faster.  Bottom line, you need to get an appointment with a qualified and preferably experienced, gender therapist.  There's a provider locator on this website and Google are both good resources to locate someone.

[Dev]

Hi Spyke and welcome!

 

As has been said, it's unlikely that any surgeon would agree to perform top surgery on a minor, regardless of recommendations from mental health professionals.  My experience with FtM top surgery has been that surgeons generally prefer to wait for removal of breast tissue until it's entirely done growing.  While that could be sped along by testosterone, your son's age will likely put them off.  I know a number of trans men who've had to wait until they turned 18 before doctors would agree to perform the surgery.

 

That being said, hormone therapy will likely go a long way toward alleviating your son's gender dysphoria.  A qualified gender therapist can write a letter of recommendation for an endocrinologist to begin hormone treatment.  TransPulse maintains a database of professionals who work with the trans community - this database includes both therapists and endocrinologists.  You can enter your ZIP code and then filter by the type of professional you're looking for.

 

Until such time as your son is able to get top surgery, you may want to look into getting him a binder.  Companies like Underworks and GC2B are well-known as reputable sellers and they have a variety of styles to choose from.  While a few of their offerings are specifically labeled as binders for trans men, you might also find something suitable listed as a compression tank or compression top.  In the absence of a binder, your son may be tempted to bind his breasts with an alternative material such as bandaging - please warn him against doing this, as it can cause serious, long-term harm to the breast tissue and make top surgery more difficult in the future.

 

Regardless of your son's age, he will most likely need a recommendation letter from a therapist for any stage of the medical transition process, whether it's hormone therapy or surgery.  The practice of offering treatment on an informed consent basis, where patients simply sign something saying they acknowledge the risk, is becoming more widespread, but most practitioners still follow the WPATH Standards of Care, which call for evaluation by and a recommendation from a qualified therapist before treatment can begin.  This is doubly true for minors.

 

I'd also like to let you know that TransPulse welcomes members in both our forums and our chat rooms as long as they're over the age of 13, so if you think your son will benefit from having a social connection to the trans community, please invite him to join us.  Our chat rooms in particular have quite a few FtM members he'd likely get on well with, and we have a number of strict rules in place to protect the minors who join us here.  In case your son is ever in need, most of the staff in our chat room are also trained and experienced crisis counselors who have for years worked with people in suicidal crisis.

 

Regardless of whether your son joins, please don't hesitate to ask any transition-specific or other questions that come up for you here.  We have FtM folks on staff here in the forums who can provide fantastic information and insight, and failing that I can always ask the gentlemen in chat to share their experiences for your son's benefit.

 

Again, welcome.  I'm glad you found us, and I'm very glad you're supporting your son during what would be a very difficult time for him.

[Jani]

Hello Spyke and welcome to TransPulse.  I'm encouraged that you are so supporting towards your son.  There is lots of good advise here from my friends.  At his age, from my understanding puberty blockers are about as far as an endocrinologist would go.  This would delay the effects of female puberty, holding the body in suspension so to say.  If after some time on blockers they decided this was not the right decision, coming off them would restart puberty.  If they decide to proceed, at an appropriate age they could start testosterone.  

 

I understand they want to race forward.  At that age we all thought we needed to quickly get on with life so it didn't pass us by.  As you know, it doesn't.  Time makes us wiser and allows for well thought out decisions.  Unlike years passed, there are many medical resources available that are safe and some extent, reversible.  Resources definitely include therapists and counselors that are well versed in transgender care.  

 

All my best to you and your family,

Jani