A Bad Day

[Hayden]

I guess this can double as my introductory post. Hi, I'm Hayden. I'm a FTM 19 year old college student majoring in Art. Today kind of sucks.

I haven't had a day like this in a while. Since coming out to my family a few months ago, its been a generally smooth ride transition-wise. I'm working on getting T and trying to move forward. But, for some reason, it's just one of those days. 

 

Shark week started today, my transphobic brother accused my mother of "enabling" my "bad decisions" because she's willing to support me financially in some areas of my transition, and Facebook provided me with some solid transphobia via posts from people in my community. I guess I'm just feeling generally -crappy- about being trans. It kind of feels like this -crappy- feeling has been building up for a while through a comment here, a wrong pronoun there, and dysphoria. Sometimes it just kind of hits you. 

 

Anyways, any pick-me-ups would be greatly appreciated. Im excited about being a part of this forum. I just joined today! 

[MaryEllen]

Hello Hayden,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.   I guess we all have bad days at one time or another. Just remember that even though this is a bad day, there will be brighter days ahead.  Hopefully, the good days will far outnumber the bad ones.  If you  have any questions you'd like to ask, feel free to do so.

 

MaryEllen

[Hayden]

3 minutes ago, MaryEllen said:

Hello Hayden,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.   I guess we all have bad days at one time or another. Just remember that even though this is a bad day, there will be brighter days ahead.  Hopefully, the good days will far outnumber the bad ones.  If you  have any questions you'd like to ask, feel free to do so.

 

MaryEllen

 

Thanks so much! 

[Jani]

Hello Hayden!  I hope your day ended better than it started.  

 

While you may not be able to put your brother out of your life you can let him know that you do not want to hear his rants to you or your mother.  It sounds like your mother really is trying to support you in a manner that is worthwhile to you.  Embrace that love!  

 

Several of my relatives use facebook and I do not.  I think it would be way too intrusive into my life.  Also I don't need to be exposed to negative types.  While you might not be able to stop using it you might look to changing your settings and carefully curate your friends list.  

 

Have a good day tomorrow!!

Jani

[Charlize]

Welcome Hayden.

I know i have bad days as well although as years have passed since i started living as myself it is more often caused by other things now.  It does get better.

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Brothers are weird!

My brother although he seems to be okay, its not a topic he ever engages in when I bring up something.

There are a few like that in my circle of friends or family but not many so transitioning has been mostly great!

With my brother I just don't bring things up regarding Trans stuff.

The sad part is that these people are just left out of my truth and our relationship is reduced to polite rhetoric.

He is not Phobic but he seems to have issues with gender being known to ones spirit  or more specifically , that spirit could have gender.

The phobics might argue this but if they believe that spirit has no gender why is God always referred to in the masculine?

Remember that you are cool!!!

 

 

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Hayden.

Brandi

 

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Hayden,

Bad days blow in like storms. They grow and build, move in and strike. Then they blow out and blue skies and sunshine returns!

 

I've found being a part of this community helps get me through the storms and bring the sunshine back again. You've got understanding friends here. I'm glad you came! Welcome!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[DenimAndLace]

Hi Hayden,

It's great to have you join the group.  I hope your day got better.  Perhaps it will be comforting to know that I'm having a similar kind of day although it has little to do with family.  However, once-upon-a-time, family caused MANY a bad day for me.  They are what they are and I am what I am.  They see the world through a certain lens and there's no changing it.  They wont take their glasses off for a second so, I have (sadly) removed them from my life and I'm grieving that loss still.  I wish it didn't have to be that way and I wish they wouldn't "team build" against me but they do.  I think you'll just have to come to terms with your family "as-is" and without warranty.  Trust your gut (you know who you are) and find the strength to assert your person. 

Regarding Facebook, one of the best things I did during my transition was to start over on Facebook.  I actually started a whole new profile to separate myself from my past however, simply deleting anyone who is not supportive of you will help you remain clear headed about yourself and YOUR decisions.  If you want advise, ask a trusted person but don't let people blindside you with their opinions.  There is only so much you can deal with at a time so "unexpected" bombs (jabs from unsupportive people) need to be controlled and dealt with when you're able.  For me, I went from 125 "friends" to 28 friends.  Assertively and deliberate management of FB has made it a useful element of my life.  Unfettered it does more damage than good.  One of my favorite "rules for friendship" is that we must dine together once per year if they are local and if not, they must be unconditionally supportive of my gender.  Anyone else is not welcome in my vulnerable personal space - and Facebook IS a vulnerable personal space.

[Guest]

There is a free download called "F. B. Purity" that enables Facebook users to eliminate everything they don't want to see.  If you're tired of"People You May Know" suggestions, news links, game information, ads, and all the many other nuisances that can make Facebook so invasive and irritating, it's worth looking into.

 

With that extension in place, plus being very selective regarding the "friends" I add and which ones of those I "follow", my Facebook page shows me only what I've selected and is far from being the time-waster it was before.