Scott

[Scott]

Hi,

 

I was born male and ever since I was a child I can remember something wasn't quite right with me never fitted in at school or college always got bullied for no reason. I always look at females and I was jealous of them but never thought why and didn't think to much into it. Now the years have passed and I'm nearly in my 40's and it's really getting to me now every day passes by and the feeling gets stronger and stronger I love looking at women's clothes online and I wear them when my wife is not around. I don't think I can continue in the male body any more and I am thinking of coming clean to my wife which I do love very dearly but this will destroy her and I'm not sure if I can do it or how to tell her that I want to be a woman. I had a break down 10 years ago and tried to take my own life. I'm scared of rejection from my wife family and friends and I don't know what to do. 

[Jani]

Hello Scott and welcome.  I believe coming out to your wife will change your life and hers.  You need to determine if she might be understanding.  Being afraid of rejection is a common fear.  As we do with most people that are coming to a point of understanding themselves, I wholeheartedly recommend seeking the counsel of a gender therapist.  You can contact your local GIC.  Until you decide the direction to take you can explain it as needing to talk to someone about anxiety, which is certainly true.  

 

Lastly, we are here.  Please ask any questions you may have.

 

Jani  

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Scott. I agree with Jani that you should seek out a gender therapist. Coming out to family is scary and hard, but you need to come out to her at some time. I would imagine that a therapist would be willing to offer suggestions on telling her. It is very important to be open and honest with her when you do and give her time to work through her own feelings. After all, this will be a shock to her.

You mentioned that you wear women's clothes when she's not around, are they hers or your own? If they are hers, she may have her own suspicions, as we can't seem to put things back just the way they were.

 

Wishing you the best,

 

Brandi

[MarcieMarie12]

For myself, I eventually realized I had to come out to my ex. It was a painful process, but after the divorce, life still went on. I found a lot of new friends and my old friends were very accepting. Family was hard, it it took them a long time to come around--but it is not the same. The tipping point for me was that I could no longer continue to live as "him", and my suicidal thoughts became a constant. I had to do something. I found a therapist that helped me through, and I would suggest finding a gender therapist too. It has been over two years now since I started transitioning, I am much happier than I ever was. Even losing my job did not depress me too much, just the loss of the work relationships.

[Charlize]

Welcome Scott.  I moved your post to the introduction forum so more folks could get to know you.  

I certainly understand your difficulty in coming out to those close to you.  As mentioned above it is a good idea to get the help and advise of a therapist who has understanding of trans issues.  I know that helped me as did time here reading of others and posting about my journey.

You are not alone.  I know i faced the same issues and the same fears.  How it turns out for you is your journey.  Try to relax and enjoy it as you can.  We are here to help.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Scott,

When I first accepted that I am supposed to be a woman because I am one inside, it was terrifying. I was so afraid I would lose my family and my friends. You and I are not the only ones to have felt this fear. Everyone here has felt this fear. You have lots and lots of company here! Many here were married when they came to their relizations of who they truely are. You will find a lot of experience and caring support and understanding here. You will find friends to share your triumphs with, and shoulders to cry on when needed. 

 

Now that you've found us, you are no longer alone. You are part of our comunity now! I am so glad you're here! Welcome to TransPulse.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Scott.  Thank you for opening up to us.  Just doing that can be difficult and stressful, but it does open up a whole new world to you.

 

Your fears are well founded, but sometimes we find that we have to get past those fears to become the person we always knew we were inside.  I hid my true nature from everyone, including my wife and son, for 20 years.  I thought that falling in love with a woman and marrying would cure me of the desire to be a woman.  It worked for a long time,but eventually I decided I didn't want to live a lie any more, and was prepared to pay the price.

 

As some of my friends have suggested to you, I saw a gender therapist, secretly, for a couple of months, and when I was sure of the path I wanted to take, I came out to my wife.  It was very difficult, and those first few months were awkward and painful and stressful.  But eventually she decided she loved the person I was, and stayed.  My son was also supportive.  We are still a family and going strong 8 years later.

 

My point in telling you this is to let you know that, while nothing is certain, you can live your dream, become who you really are, and keep all that you have, and be happy.  It is hard, it is not guaranteed, but it is possible.

 

A journey begins with that first step.  Coming here is that step for you.  Where that journey takes you from here is up to you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Scott]

Hi, 

 

First of all thanks for all the messages. Well today has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me my feeling are getting stronger I feel physically sick on what to do so I came out to my best friend who I have know for 26 years at first I thought he might go mad and my friendship will end but that being said he couldn’t of been more understanding and he said he is always there for me no matter what regardless of what gender I am on the inside or outside and he will help me every step of the way so I feel a little bit more positive now.

 

scott

[Jani]

That's good that you were able to reach out to a friend that is open minded and supportive.  I understand getting ill because of all the noise in your head and trying to decide what to do.  The next person you tell will certainly be a little easier.  Trust me on that.  You find the world does not stop turning and you are still standing.  Take a deep breath!  It's the first of many steps, in what ever direction you choose.

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

3 hours ago, Jani said:

 The next person you tell will certainly be a little easier.

I totally agree with Jani, each time you tell someone it does get easier. Each step you take will get easier as you work toward your goal.

 

Brandi