Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

great to be alive


NIKY60435

Recommended Posts

finally started transitioning in beginning of year

only taking herbal products and skin cream for breast enlargements

my wife doesn't know anything yet don't know how to come out

always wanted to do this still afraid of rejection

someday I hope to be in full bloom!!!!

cheers!!!<_<

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello NIKY60435,

 

Welcome to TransPulse. :)  I wish you well on your transgender journey.  However I would caution you to be careful with the herbal hormones. You would have to take such vast amounts to see any breast enlargement that it would be toxic to your system. It would be far better to go the prescribed route and get your hormones from a doctor. I'm sure you wouldn't want to permanently injure yourself before you had a chance to be in full bloom.

 

MaryEllen

Link to comment

just cant do prescription via my wife doesn't know anything yet, to afraid of the rejection that might follow. thanks for the comment definitely want to get to the final blossoming stage with out any problems.

Link to comment

Welcome NIKY60435! Just my thoughts. This is a marathon not a Sprint. The effects of herbals really don't do much for the long term and can be dangerous. Your money may be better spent elsewhere like saving for a gender therapist or investing in wardrobe. We've all been in the position where we want things to happen right now but waiting and seeking out a professional will yield safer and better results. It will also be a whole lot easier to explain to your spouse how you feel than it will be to apologise when she gets suspicious and finds your pills. More times than not our spouses and significant others have more of a clue than we think they do. Please don't be afraid to ask us anything!

 

Hugs!

Jenny

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

 Welcome Niky.  Please do be careful using any non prescription substances.  They are dangerous, generally ineffective and if they did work your wife would find out anyway.  

Glad you are here.

 Many of us here have opened up to our wives.  Spend some time reading and perhaps it's time to consider seeing a gender therapist.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

I applaud your decision to go through with this. It is a difficult thing to go through. But I think telling your wife is a necessity. Firstly because it will allow you to be monitored by doctors. And not hurt yourself. And secondly because lying to people close to us causes issues all their own. As I said this is a very difficult road. And if you are serious about it,  the secret will be out before you know it. And at that point the lies may outweigh everything else. You may find you’ll loose more than you would’ve had to if you were just honest. We all have had to share this with someone. Sometimes it ends badly. Sometimes it doesn’t though. But lies always end badly. 

I wish you the best in your journey wherever it leads you. But I hope that you’ll be honest with yourself and those close to you. 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Niky,

 Please do be careful with those herbals, they are not used for transitioning and are not effective at all... I was very scared to come out to my wife, but I managed to do it with the encouragement of the wonderful folks here on the forum. I encourage you to reach deep and be honest with yourself, I very much understand your fear, but your wife has always loved you and if you can be honest with her and not hide things from her it will be best for you both. I damaged my wife's trust by hiding everything from her for a year, but as changes started to become too noticeable I had to tell her, and it was very hard, but also the best thing I have done during my transition. We are all here to help and listen to you, you will find great strength and loving souls here. If you really wish to start transition you must tell your wife and then tell your doctor so you can begin the process the right way as well as the most effective way...

Hugs,

Jae

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Niky and welcome.  My friends have all mentioned herbals so I won't say anything more.  You may want to seek counseling if for nothing else than to put your mind at ease.  Finally coming to understanding yourself and trying to decide how to integrate the news into your family life is stressful.  I will chime in that coming clean with your spouse is critically important, for reasons of trust and so you can be a little more open.  Telling our loved ones is hard but we've all done it.  It is survivable.  Please join in the conversation.

 

Cheers, 

Jani

Link to comment

Welcome Niky. I agree with everyone here. My wife was not supportive and keeping my secret from her caused me to feel guilty and even ashamed of my self. Honesty is the best policy and your wife deserves and needs to know. Like everyone has already said, we've all been there and lived through it. 

3 hours ago, Jennylynn said:

This is a marathon not a Sprint.

Jenny is right, just take it one step at a time. Each step gets easier.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Oh my gosh yes! how did I miss the therapy issue? I love my therapist and my appointment is tomorrow... this is just a treat to yourself girl, go get yourself a therapist, and a good one at that, you will enjoy every moment of it!

Hugs,

Jae

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Niky.  As you've seen, we care deeply about our members.  The journey to womanhood can be amazing and life-fulfilling.  I hope your journey is a great experience and brings you the happiness you seek.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Niky,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you came in!

 

The information I've heard on herbal hormones is that the biggest affect they usually have if any is to cause an unhealthy increase in body fat, and are harmful. It's always best to work with doctors with anything that's going to change our bodies. I know you want to change. There's not a person here who doesn't underatand and care.

 

I was taught early on to slow down and take my time to know myself. A lot of mistakes can be avoided or reduced along the way when we don't rush into things. In the long run we're better off. It also gives us time to deal with our fear in ways that we can handle. This is something that I've absolutely learned from experience; given time, we will be able to do things we never thought we'd have the courage to with help from our supporting friends here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

 

Link to comment

I'm sure you know your spouse well and your gut instinct IS very reliable ...but you might be pleasantly surprised @NIKY60435.  I've seen statistics that say about 50% of marriages survive the transition.  Those that don't often say there were underlying issues and transition was just the last straw.  So if your marriage is otherwise good, it may turn out better than you're expecting.  I suggest you read Jennifer Finney Boylan's book, She's Not There.  It was the first marriage that I knew of that survived transition but since then, I have personally met several whose marriages have survived and there are many on this forum who have also weathered the storm.  When I told MY spouse I am transgender, I thought for sure she would leave me (we were evangelical, fundamental, conservative christians).  Today, five years post transition, we are stronger than we EVER were.  It can be done even when you think it can't.  Best wishes.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
Guest Ade6589
On 4/3/2018 at 4:24 PM, NIKY60435 said:

just cant do prescription via my wife doesn't know anything yet, to afraid of the rejection that might follow. thanks for the comment definitely want to get to the final blossoming stage with out any problems.

Hi their Nikki I’m Ade I’m currently married to a woman and inside I know I’m gay and that our marriage is not going to work for much longer

all though I’m one month in on hormones and my wife and kids don’t have a clue 

my gp is very supportive of my decision to hide this and has no reason to not keep me subscribed to hrt

my boobs are growing quickly and my hair is definitely getting thinner on my body I’ve gained a little weight on my hips and my legs are looking slender .

so my advice is to do what you feel and I guess if your like me u will become a fully fledged woman one day regardless when my marriage breaks down 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
On 4/4/2018 at 4:47 PM, DenimAndLace said:

I'm sure you know your spouse well and your gut instinct IS very reliable ...but you might be pleasantly surprised @NIKY60435.  I've seen statistics that say about 50% of marriages survive the transition.  Those that don't often say there were underlying issues and transition was just the last straw.  So if your marriage is otherwise good, it may turn out better than you're expecting.  I suggest you read Jennifer Finney Boylan's book, She's Not There.  It was the first marriage that I knew of that survived transition but since then, I have personally met several whose marriages have survived and there are many on this forum who have also weathered the storm.  When I told MY spouse I am transgender, I thought for sure she would leave me (we were evangelical, fundamental, conservative christians).  Today, five years post transition, we are stronger than we EVER were.  It can be done even when you think it can't.  Best wishes.

 

The wisdom contained in that book by Jennifer Boylan is wonderful, so insightful, gave me all kinds of inspiration to deal with my own personal situation. I met and thanked her, and have bought other books by her, a very smart and entertaining lady. I will 2nd Demin above and say through some grace and honesty did our marriage survive today. I told my wife before we were married about myself, best I knew then (35 years ago) and that was one a best things I could have ever done in life, it was so hard, I knew long ago, that something about myself was different, I told her, and it's been "part of me" all through our relationship now. Today I look at transition as a form of human evolution, and as a couple we've evolved. Without that initial honesty, who knows now ?

 

Take care with your loved one(s), they deserve the very best.

 

Hugs

 

C -

 

Link to comment

I agree that to hide it from your wife is a bad idea. Not only will it cause you great anxiety, guilt, and sometimes depression, but it will ultimately hurt her when she does find out. especially if it's by accident. Take it from one who " has been there, done that". My marriage survived for forty-six years in spite of the hurt, but the loss of trust really added to the guilt and shame I felt. btw she did not divorce me, she passed away in 2016. Please be honest with you wife, it will be better if she hears it from you rather than finding out on her own. My wife thought I was having an affair after finding one of my bras. I really don't wish that scenario on you.

Good luck on your journey, it will be full of ups and downs; just fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride!

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

Link to comment

hun my marriage broke down due to wanting to change my wasnt atall supportive  so i have to folow it through on my own its a path ive decided to take maybe its sefish maybe its not but ive put it off too long and have to change x

Link to comment

I do agree with CyndiRae and BrandiBri that withholding this transition from your spouse now will only lead to more problems down the road. Your wife is going to find out eventually. It is going to happen. She live with you.If you are not upfront with her from the beginning it is only going to make the situation way more awkward to handle when she finds outs on her own.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 119 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MaybeRob
    • violet r
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,025
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • violet r
      I firmly believe I drank entirely to much for about 25 years. Got drunk every day. This was my coping mechanism to keep hiding deep inside that I was a woman. I miss a lot of signs over the years. Now I drink mabye 1 or 2 beers a day don't even get a buzz anymore. totally accept myself and on regret is that I hide that part of my self which  truly makes me happy being violet 💜. I wasted a lot of time before  being self destructive and had no clue I was just hiding th real me
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Service manager at goes through that here.One was a belt change in a 2019 Kenworth.It was written on the work order including a service done and I seen it.Customer was a complete a-hole.I did it and said he did not want that done.Shown him the original work order and finally said the service manager was right.My boss had to get rid of two customers,always complained about their bill being a little high.Price of parts went up due to inflation and had to explain this to them
    • Tiffany 838
      Well it not morning and I haven’t been on her for a while but it’s nice to be back.  Did some catching up on everyone.  I do have a question, how is Toronto Canada for a get away? Is it a safe and friendly area for us to go.  The wife and I are looking for some where to go to allow me to be my true self.     thanks in advance
    • KymmieL
      Hey, everyone. my life is going down the tubes. at least I think. So, today. A customer called about his car, I told him that the oil change was done. The parts to fix the check engine light are ordered. He can come and get it. For the weekend if he wants. Customer says I didn't want an oil change. it was check the engine light and check for an oil leak. Checking the work order says oil change. The boss wrote the vehicle up. checking with the customer on services wanted.   Being that I wrote down the appointment in the book. and clearly states oil leak. She is complaining because she can't read my small ish writing. It seems she read oil and assumed it as an oil change. It seems like she is blaming me.  She wound up going home because she was too upset. She is stressing about an eye problem she has, she has to get eye surgery it seems she has a tear in her eye.    I feel that I am short for this job. because of the BS they are blaming me on. Plus I am still upset about the trust issue. If either one of the bosses start their Shite tomorrow. I am walking out.    
    • Davie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I love you so much,"  Lois said.  They met in the driveway. "I could not live without you." "Neither could I." "What are we going to do?" "Find another counselor?" "No. I think we need to solve this ourselves." "Do you think we can?" "I don't know.  But what I know is that I don't want to go through that again.  I think we have to hope we can find a solution." "Otherwise, despair." "Yeah.   Truce?" "Okay,  truce." And they hugged.   "When we know what we want we can figure out how to get there."   That began six years of angry battles, with Odie insisted he could dress as he pleased and Lois insisting it did not please her at all.  He told her she was not going to control him and she replied that she still had rights as a wife to a husband. Neither was willing to give in, neither was willing to quit, and their heated arguments ended in hugs and more.   They went to a Crossdressers' Club, where they hoped to meet other couples with the same problems, the same conflicts, and the same answers, if anyone had any.  It took them four tries before they settled on a group that they were both willing to participate in.  This was four couples their own age, each with a cross dressing husband and a wife who was dealing with it.  They met monthly.  It was led by a 'mediator' who wanted people to express how they felt about the situation.  Odie and Lois, as newcomers, got the floor, and the meeting was finally dismissed at 1:30 in the morning - it was supposed to be over at 10 - and everyone knew how they felt about the situation.   There was silence in the car on the way home.   "We aren't the only ones dealing with this." Odie finally said.   "Who would have thought that?  You are right."   "Somebody out there has a solution." "I hope you are right."   "I hope in hope, not in despair."   "That's my Odie."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The counseling session was heated, if you could call it a counseling session.  Sometimes Lois felt he was on Odie's side, and sometimes on hers.  When he was on her side, Odie got defensive. She found herself being defensive when it seemed they were ganging up on each other.   "This is not working," Lois said angrily, and walked out.  "Never again. I want my husband back. Dr. Smith you are complicit in this."   "What?" said Odie.   The counselor looked at him.  "You will have to learn some listening skills."   "That is it? Listening skills?  You just destroyed my marriage, and you told me I need to learn listening skills?"   Dr. Smith said calmly,"I think you both need to cool off."   Odie looked at him and walked out, saying "And you call yourself a counselor."   "Wait a minute."   "No."
    • Ashley0616
      Just a comfortable gray sweater dress and some sneakers. Nothing special today. 
    • VickySGV
      I do still carry a Swiss Army knife along with my car keys.  
    • Timi
      Jeans and a white sweater. And cute white sneakers. Delivering balloons to a bunch of restaurants supporting our LGBT Community Center fundraiser today!
    • April Marie
      Congratulations to you!!!This is so wonderful!!
    • missyjo
      I've no desire to present androgynous..nothing wrong with it but I am a girl n wish to present as a girl. shrugs, if androgynous works fir others good. always happy someone finds a solution or happiness    today black jeans  black wedges..purple camisole under white n black polka dot blouse half open   soft smile to all 
    • MaeBe
      I have read some of it, mostly in areas specifically targeted at the LGBTQ+ peoples.   You also have to take into account what and who is behind the words, not just the words themselves. Together that creates context, right? Let's take some examples, under the Department of Health & Human Services section:   "Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike."   or   "Families comprised of a married mother, father, and their children are the foundation of a well-ordered nation and healthy society. Unfortunately, family policies and programs under President Biden’s HHS are fraught with agenda items focusing on “LGBTQ+ equity,” subsidizing single-motherhood, disincentivizing work, and penalizing marriage. These policies should be repealed and replaced by policies that support the formation of stable, married, nuclear families."   From a wording perspective, who doesn't want to protect the health and well-being of Americans or think that families aren't good for America? But let's take a look at the author, Roger Severino. He's well-quoted to be against LGBTQ+ anything, has standard christian nationalist views, supports conversion therapy, etc.   So when he uses words like "threatens the health and well-being of children and adults alike" it's not about actual health, it's about enforcing cis-gendered ideology because he (and the rest of the Heritage Foundation) believe LGBTQ+ people and communities are harmful. Or when he invokes the family through the lens of, let's just say dog whistles including the "penalization of marriage" (how and where?!), he idealizes families involving marriage of a "biological male to a biological female" and associates LGBTQ+ family equity as something unhealthy.   Who are the radical actors? Who is telling people to be trans, gay, or queer in general? No one. The idea that there can be any sort of equity between LGBTQ+ people and "normal" cis people is abhorrent to the author, so the loaded language of radical/destructive/guise/threaten are used. Families that he believes are "good" are stable/well-ordered/healthy, specifically married/nuclear ones.   Start looking into intersectionality of oppression of non-privileged groups and how that affects the concept of the family and you will understand that these platitudes are thinly veiled wrappers for christian nationalist ideology.   What's wrong with equity for queer families, to allow them full rights as parents, who are bringing up smart and able children? Or single mothers who are working three jobs to get food on plates?
    • Ashley0616
      Well yesterday didn't work like I wanted to. I met a guy and started talking and he was wanting to be in a relationship. I asked my kids on how they thought of me dating a man and they said gross and said no. I guess it's time to look for women. I think that is going to be harder. Oh well I guess.  
    • Ashley0616
      I don't have anything in my dress pocket
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...