Seeing a therapist this Friday!

[SandraG]

I finally got the courage up to reach out to a therapist! She's an hour and a half away, but there weren't any that I could get a response from that were closer. Hopefully the drive to and from will help me get in the right mindset, and cool down, rather than getting me freaked out. I've been going to a therapist for more than half my life for various issues, so going to see a pshrink isn't what's got me excited and nervous... it's more that this is the second big step.

 

One question that my wife and I have had is couple's therapy. Someone with GD training would probably be ideal, but from what I've seen so far this woman is the only one that's taking patients right now, and I'm not sure if having her as both my GD therapist and a marriage counselor is a good idea. What're your thoughts on this?

 

I'll post again after, hopefully it goes well!

[Jani]

Sandra congratulations on making the appointment.  I can't offer any advice on couple therapy with the same one you're seeing individually.  You should ask the therapist for their opinion.  

 

I'm sure it will go well! 

Jani

[SandraG]

So, the first meeting went really well. My therapist is obviously knowledgeable about transgender issues, and is very supportive of my identity. There are a lot of things that I absolutely forgot to ask, but a lot of that is that I felt so comfortable talking to her about things that I didn't even think to do so. 

 

One thing that she observed is that I'm a lot more worried about supporting my wife right now with the difficulties she's facing (which started well before my epiphany about my identity), rather than my transition. To be honest, though, that's a large part of why I want to be seeing a therapist right now... I feel really overwhelmed by the struggles that she's facing, and my transition is just another stressor that she doesn't need right now. On the other hand, I feel far less overwhelmed now than I did before I realized what was going on with myself, and I feel like I'm continuing to make strides in my transition that are productive, at a healthy pace, so a large part of me thinks that being able to help her better is the most important thing for me to get help with. Being on the autistic spectrum (probably mild Asberger's, but a formal diagnosis isn't something that I have ever been able to afford), I have had problems my entire life with social interactions, and the closer to someone I am the more problems I tend to have. This has improved since I started my transition, but it's far from acceptable still.

I have another appointment next Tuesday. She wanted to do one this week, but it's an hour and a half each way, which is a bit much for me on a weekly basis. I plan on asking about videoconferencing meetings in our next visit, as well as trying to get more guidance as far as what I should be looking at for next steps and priorities compared to what I think these things should be (yes, everyone's transition is different, and this is something that she emphasized strongly in our meeting, but... I am the type that likes to have some external feedback as a balance to the crazy things that happen in my head a lot of the time). 

It feels good to be going to a therapist again... it's been far too long, whether transitioning or not. Mental health co-morbidity seems to be something that gets overlooked in the trans* community a lot, from what I've seen, or it seems like a lot of people in transition try to blame all of their mental health issues on the transition. While I absolutely agree that my transition is the most pressing mental health issue overall in my life, both my difficulties assisting my wife right now with her issues without being overwhelmed and the issues that I face as someone on the spectrum are issues that are also greatly pressing, and are things that, TBH, have more of an impact on me on a day-to-day basis. She was surprised at my comfort level presenting as non-binary (jeggings and a t-shirt, with a courdoroy sport coat, and a women's felt outback hat) in rural PA, and how little internal conflict was immediately apparent about my transition on pretty much every aspect but when I figured out what was going on. 

I still feel weird overlooking this/not allowing myself to see this (more the second than the first, but I can be pretty f*cking oblivious, even with myself) until my mid-30's. The "I knew since I was a small child" narrative still really throws me for a loop, even though I know that there are plenty of trans women that discover at every stage in life. I hate that I didn't discover this sooner, but... if I had, I probably wouldn't be married to the woman of my dreams! I'm also having trouble with feeling like gender roles are complete fabricated BS, but still know that this transition is necessary, even if all of the obvious things that I can point to as clues are things that men can enjoy, do, etc. as well as women, so my proclivities and joys aren't an indicator of my gender identity. GAH!

 

Can't wait for my next visit! I also can't wait until we can dig more into the nuts and bolts of my psyche, and figure out a few of the conflicts that I internally have. I also look forward to learning more about how I can help my wife right now... since the transition, this has become an even more major priority for me, even as my transition makes it harder.

[Jani]

I'm glad your first appointment went well.  I think its good that you are comfortable with your presentation and see that your wife's situation is important enough to be concerned about.  

 

Don't beat yourself up because you didn't see your identity as an issue to address until lately.  Many of us figure it out much later than you have.   You're right that gender roles are BS.  Really?  Why are there lines separating us?  Society has some funny rules.  

 

I'm happy you're looking forward to your next appointment.  I know you'll do fine and everything will work out.

 

Jani