Kairete!

[Declan]

Greetings everyone! I'm Declan. I'm 27 and live in the States just some hours from the Canadian border. I've identified as non-binary to myself for maybe a year now (I have no idea) and the more I look into my identity the more confused I get. That's how I ended up here.

 

Right now I identify primarily as non-binary (agender-neutrois) and aroflux. I feel too detached from the ace community, to consider myself having a sexuality. The discomfort I have with my body and legal name (not Declan) are major features in my life. I think I want top surgery one day because it's so difficult being misgendered all the time. I also have major depression and avoidant personality disorder (pretty much just anxieties to an extreme). All of this is a lot of the cocktail that makes up who I am.

 

I'm really excited to be here! I'm super shy and have trouble joining conversations, but I really want to get to know all of you. Building connections and friendships while also learning about myself and others is my goal here.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Declan,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm happy to meet you!

 

Feel free to look around, ask questions and post. If you haven't already, you may want to consider a gender therapist. It could help with the confusion.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Declan, I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[tracy_j]

Hi Declan,

 

Welcome

 

Tracy

 

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Declan, welcome to Transpulse. We are happy to answer any questions you might have. When I transitioned, there was definitely some confusion, along with suppression of my true gender identity. I could not place it on any one person saying no don't do that. More like society expecting me that I was supposed to be a certain way and not the woman that I am today. It took me a while to figure it out..

 

Hugs,

Marcie

[Charlize]

Welcome Declan.  Please don't get too hung up on labels.  All of us here have some issues with gender and while there may be a name for our feelings acceptance,  honesty and learning how to live with those issues was the most important thing for me.

Glad you've joined us on your journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Declan. Thanks for sharing a little about yourself.  I learned some new terminology from you already, and I look forward to learning more.  Please have a look around, and post any questions or comments that you like to.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Jani]

Hello Declan.  Charlize is correct to not be concerned with labels.  They only serve to put us into boxes and that can be the source of even more confusion.  Non-binary is just fine.  Just focus on being who you are and leave the labels for others.  The journey is about you and whatever you want to make it be.  Think a lot of us are shy by nature of having to hide behind our secret.  There's no worry about that here.  Please join in the talk.  Maybe we can help you break out of the shell.  If you are not seeing a GT, you might consider it.  I was terrified to make the call but it was the best thing I could do for myself and my life.  I'm a better person now. 

 

Jani

 

 

[Declan]

Hello everyone and thank you so much for your warm welcomes and kind words!!

 

I have a regular therapist that I've been working with for several years. I talked with her about this stuff more purposefully today and she volunteered to do reading and learn more about how she can be supportive as a therapist while I deal with it. I know it's not the same as having a gender specialty, but I really like my therapist and we work well together so I'm hoping this will work out. If anyone still reads this, would you mind sharing your thoughts on using this as a process instead of switching to someone with gender as their focus/specialty in therapy?

 

I actually talked with her about labels today and we addressed why I am focused on labels. For me it's more that I don't really know who I am overall in the first place. It's not just gender and sexual/romantic orientations that I go back and forth with. I just don't have much of an idea of who I am or what that means for me. I feel kind of empty in that regard and I see labels as a way to find definitions that I interpret to fit my experience better than what other labels may have to offer. They help me figure out who I am. That said, non-binary is definitely all I plan on saying to most people if it comes up somehow. I don't want to get into the details with people I'm not super close to (outside of safe places, like here).

 

I really appreciate everything you all have said and shared with me so far. Thank you!

[MarcieMarie12]

For myself, I figured out that I needed to just be myself first and not worry about the label. In trying hte other way, I quckly realized I was trying to be the label and not myself. If that makes any sense.

 

 

[BrandiBri]

Declan, I think you are on the right path. As was said in another post (I apologize for not remembering the person that said it) a gender therapist more than likely became one because of having a transgender patient and having to research on the subject. She may become a gender therapist because you initiated a study of trans* issues. As long as you are comfortable with her I would not change.

Best wishes as you continue to find your true self.

Brandi

[Declan]

@MarcieMarie12   That does make sense. Thank you for sharing that with me!!

 

@BrandiBri   Wow, okay. I can see how that makes sense. Thank you for the education about gender therapists! I really do feel comfortable with her, so I look forward to being able to talk with her more about my gender identity and the related difficulties. Thank you for your well wishes!!