Any advice for a fellow trans boy.

[Alex Skelton]

Hey guys! Im Alex and I just recently came out to my parents. My parents are kind of supporting but you know how parents are. They dont understand what im going through. Anyway, they dont believe me when i say that im trans.They feel like im doing this for attention. I dont really understand why someone would do such a  thing. Why would someone transition to get hate from religions and other homophobic and/or  transphobic people? I literally dont get it. They believe this because i apparently didnt show any "signs" as a child. Which is total -holy buckets-. I have always worn mens clothing as a child. I played with "boy" toys. I had barbies but they were all Ken dolls. The only time i had been even remotely girly is when my parents used to dress me when i was like 3. Im just having a really tough time. I cry every night in my bed because i cant control what i do. They wont let me bind, I have major dysphoria with my chest. I am a 42 DD. I just dont know how to convince them that this is actually me. Im going to therapy which is very great because she is also a gender therapist. She says to me that i may be genderfluid but I tell her millions of times that I dont feel even a little bit like a girl. I just want people to believe me. And its really funny because you would think that a woman that is married to another woman would be supportive of her son but i guess not. Any advice?

 

[Cass Kasinski]

First off: Holy sh¡t!! That's an awful lot in your mind right now!! And I totally get the whole "We think that you are only doing this for attention because you have never showed signs of being trans" Bullcrap from my parents, too, and I know what it feels like. What the hell is up with parents? Adults these days are weird ().

That sucks and it's truly PAINFUL- I feel horrible for you. Unluckily I can't give you much advice because... I have similar problemsXD. But know that you are not alone in your problems,tons of people go through that too- which obviously does not make your problems invalid!

As for binding... have you tried wearing more than one sports bra? I find it really effective!! However, I'm not sure it'll work if you are a 42 DD.

You should INSIST- keep telling your parents how you feel, and if they don't accept it, then it's their problem! It sucks that people don't accept your gender identity- but having to deal with that and other people's problems is worse. They are your parents and they LOVE you, so they will accept it.

Plus, try and book a shared session with your therapist, your parents and you, maybe she can explain some things better than you can- but make sure you tell her what you want her to say!! I wish I could do that if I had a gender therapist.

I hope this helps... stay safe!

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Alex.  Cass is right - you do have some stuff on your plate.  I think your parents are probably in a state of denial right now, which is what led them to doubt what you say.  They are still hoping that it will all go away if they pretend its not true, or that you are "mixed up."  I think gentle persistence is the way to go with them.  No drama, no in-your-face confrontations.  Just keep at it, and hopefully, over time, they will come to see you for who you are, and not who they want you to be.  There is also some good stuff you can download specifically for parents that will educate them, if they are willing to read it.

 

I look forward to hearing more from you, and I know some of our other trans men will be along to say hello very soon.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Alex Skelton]

Thank you both for the replies. I really appreciate your advice.

[jae bear]

I wish I had some good advice for you Alex, but the previous responses were all good ones... As to your lack of control I totally get it, hopefully your voice will be heard in the near future, keep thinking positive thoughts until then.

Hugs,

Jackie

 

PS   Wouldn't it be great if a MtF and a FtM could just trade?! Someone needs to invent some future tech transporter technology that could do that!

[Alex Skelton]

@jae bear i know right?! lol thank you for the reply

[Jani]

On 6/18/2018 at 8:50 PM, Alex Skelton said:

And its really funny because you would think that a woman that is married to another woman would be supportive of her son but i guess not.

 

Well yes, but...  I can imagine your mother thinking how hard life could be and not wanting that for you.  I'm sure she has gone through a lot to find the acceptance she has.  Carolyn Marie's advice is good.  Be persistent but not aggressively so. 

 

Jani

[Alex Skelton]

@Jani thanks for the advice!

 

[Regn]

Hey Alex, 

 

I don't have any advice that's better than what's above but wanted to say g'day and welcome. Your situation sounds tough. I'm finding there's a whole lot of waiting in transitioning - waiting for people you care about to accept it, waiting for medical appointments, waiting for insurance to kick in, waiting for more appointments, waiting until you've saved funds, etc. etc. etc. 

 

It should actually be called 'waiting'. 'Transitioning' makes it sound like it's all about change. It's really all about waiting for change

 

Welcome here. 

[MarcieMarie12]

Transitioning is like watching grass grow. It takes a long time for it to happen.....but slowly you get there.

[Charlize]

I really like that analogy Marcie.  

You are doing wonderfully Alex.  Just understanding yourself to the extent you have described is a great step forward.  it took me much(!) longer to manage that.  Try to breath deep and relax into a lifetime of journey.  As you noted this is not an easy path.  It has been better for me simply by accepting that time helps the change.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize