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ResearchFairy

Frustrated, and looking for similar stories.

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ResearchFairy

Hi. I'm a person. I was born male. I've been raised in the church (don't care about denomination) since I was born. I'm now 20, and I've come to realize that I'm (probably) Trans.

And thusly gay.

I use "probably" because I haven't seen a therapist yet, so I'm withholding "lables". That's an aside.

 

I was standing in the shower about a week ago while everyone (everyone being my my sister and brother in-law, who I live with) was out of the house, and accepted that I was Trans. Cool!

Next problem! That means I'm a lesbian (of sorts).

Now. I believe in God (Jesus and such). And while there was a "There's clearly an order to things, but I can be at peace with changing my gender" sort of discussion I had with myself and God, I never had that for being gay (that reached a resolution), which is clearly stated against. I want to be good to people, to honor God, and to live justly. Cool. I also want to be a woman, and be intimate with other women. Conflict!

I believe I can be used (as it were) no matter where I'm at, but such a blatent...  Rejection. Of what was put in place seems too far. I believe Jesus is Lord. I confessed with my mouth, and believe in my heart that that is so. But if I go down the road I want to, how much of a disconnection is that?

Is it OK? How can I be sure? (You can't!). Nobody can ever be perfect (at least on this world), but that's not a justification.

Doing good acts isn't a justification.

I would be knowingly chosing it. And while ignorance isn't an excuse (I think), it feels so much worse to choose the one He didn't want me to.

Is He still wholly my Lord if I choose this road? What does that say about me? On one hand, my gender and orientation are separate to my personality and how I treat people; but on the other hand, it's a blatent disregard of the natural order He set up.

I might be going In circles with this post. And there's a lot I can't wholly express with words.

Please. If you're willing, share how you delt with this.

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VickySGV
Just now, ResearchFairy said:

I'm (probably) Trans. And thusly gay.

NOPE that is not the way it goes.  You can be Transgender and any sexuality or even asexual.  The point is that you do not feel comfortable in the gender The World has placed on you and it has become a terrible burden (Dysphoria) to live in that body. 

 

The Bible says nothing about LGBT people especially Trans people.  It was not until 1946 that the word "homosexual" was even in it as a poor translation of an even worse translation.  It came there because St. Paul used a Greek word in one of his letters that no one really can translate today and men have made some bad guesses.  The actions of Love between same sex people were not prohibited by Paul's letter.  Even the story of the Healing of the Centurion's servant is a positive story about a Gay relationship where Jesus saw the love of the two men.  {They did not tell it that way in my Sunday School 60 years ago, but we learn new things all the time and they are good for us.}  For now leave the issue of sexuality alone and work on your gender feelings without worry and shame.

 

At your age it will be hard to break away from what your family has been taught and has taught to you in turn.  In my own church I am a Elder and do lay ministry now daily.  God knows all your heart and wants it open to receive a special gift of honesty and self love that are the most important things. . 

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ResearchFairy
35 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

I'm still new to all these terminologies. I just meant that I'm attracted to women, and if I'm Trans (a woman), doesn't that leave me gay? Which is where the conflict comes in. In Leviticus it makes statements about homosexuality, and I thought the law was still valid (to an extent). Am I wrong?

I'm trying to understand and make sense of all this.

35 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

 

The Bible says nothing about LGBT people especially Trans people.  It was not until 1946 that the word "homosexual" was even in it as a poor translation of an even worse translation.  It came there because St. Paul used a Greek word in one of his letters that no one really can translate today and men have made some bad guesses.  The actions of Love between same sex people were not prohibited by Paul's letter.  Even the story of the Healing of the Centurion's servant is a positive story about a Gay relationship where Jesus saw the love of the two men.  {They did not tell it that way in my Sunday School 60 years ago, but we learn new things all the time and they are good for us.}  For now leave the issue of sexuality alone and work on your gender feelings without worry and shame.

 

At your age it will be hard to break away from what your family has been taught and has taught to you in turn.  In my own church I am a Elder and do lay ministry now daily.  God knows all your heart and wants it open to receive a special gift of honesty and self love that are the most important things. . 

 

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ResearchFairy

I also meant to Quote the first part of your post. I did it wrong.

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Willow

You ask about dealing with the supposed conflict between man and God for people who are LGBT.  First I want to say that I am not a biblical scholar.  But I am a member and a Deacon in an old conservative denomination.  My family would tell you that I am not an outwardly religious person.  Certainly I tend to keep to my self.  

 

Heres what I believe.  First, I do pray, and God talks to me!  This shocked my wife when I told her as he has never spoken to her.  But I came point to three specific things he actually spoke to me.  But more so I believe he most often expects to hear his message to us.  An example of that was a particular prayer of confession one Sunday talked to me to say that it would all work out and I was following His path for me.  

 

We we all have a purpose for life as part of His plan.  If he meant for strick adhearance to men and women having strict rolls, why would anyone be different?  Why would other of His creatures have varying physical genders!  No, we are not an abomination we are part of his plan.  If you are LBGT, then it must be okay.

 

Willow

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VickySGV
1 hour ago, ResearchFairy said:

In Leviticus it makes statements about homosexuality, and I thought the law was still valid (to an extent). Am I wrong?

 

First, Homosexuality has only been a word since the late 1870's which makes quite a while since Leviticus was written and the idea of two people of the same sex having a lasting and endearing relationship, while it was not unknown, was really no big deal.  The prohibited relations involved involuntary physical contact of a humiliating nature, and another one of them in the original had two distinct classes of Male, one involved a "sanctified male" (it is not known if that was human or animal, or a non Hebrew clergyman -- all are possible) and a human male.  The best way to really see that one is that a person not sleep with a sacrificial male animal for reasons unique to the Levites. The one passage that some people try to hang us with (Deuteronomy 22:5) about men and women wearing each others clothing is not men and women but about disabled males having to wear armor or able bodied men either draft dodging or sneaking into harems or homes of other married men.  Not withstanding all of that, men disguised as women went into Jericho to spy on it for Joshua.   Last issue about Leviticus is that it applied only to one Tribe of Israel who were the Priests of that day and they could not even have had sex with their wives the night before going to some big priestly duty.   The relations talked about back then were not caring and loving relations between two adults.  {Religious groups however let Boy Scouts sleep two to a tent, which on one occasion lead to my being molested, although the adults laughed it off which 60 years later still hurts to remember.}

 

Putting aside the Christian Formation role, once I accepted that I was indeed given Gender Dysphoria as a gift to show others many important things about Love of Self and service to all people, I found that things I had thought would be terrible were not.  In my church, I was allowed to change my original Baptismal Name to my discerned name and was re-affirmed as an Elder of the Church in my True Name.  Hearing myself referred to as a Daughter was a truly wonderful moment.  In that church, some of my best friends are Gay and Lesbian Clergy and while I am laity we serve together for Straight,. Cis and LGBTQ people all together.  

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ResearchFairy

That's interesting. It would appear that there is a lot to be learned with the proper study. I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I'm glad you've found acceptance. Thank you for taking the time to reply, and for sharing.

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