Finally Decided

[TiaMaria]

Hi Everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, but a bunch of things have been happening and I felt like sharing a little.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was in a weird headspace. I had suicide on my mind all the time. It had gotten to a point where I had bought rope to hang myself and had the plan of driving into oncoming traffic, which TBH I think is just because I was sleep deprived. Anyway, I told my therapist about my new thoughts, and she had to call protective services to have me taken to the hospital. It was an intense experience, to say the least. It was the first time I had been handcuffed, and the first time sitting in a police car. So they took me to the hospital, and placed me in this tiny room with like an operating table for a bed. They didn’t keep me long, just a few hours. I was really surprised they decided to let me go so quickly, but I was still ok with leaving.

The point of the story is that, while I was in there, I had a bunch of time to think about stuff. I realized that I can’t lie to myself or deny myself anymore. If I do, I will end up right back in the hospital or end up in the ground. So I’ve decided to start transitioning… at least a little bit. I plan to bank and start electrolysis for a little bit before actually starting HRT. I want this transition to be really gradual, since I don’t want to completely overwhelm myself.  I also recently started antidepressants hoping they would help with any dysphoria or depression/anxiety issues, but so far I haven’t really felt anything. Yesterday was actually the first day I switched to 20 mg of Lexapro.

Anyways that’s what I plan to do. So I wanted to ask if anyone could recommend any good places for electrolysis in the Maryland area? Also, any advice on how to deal with the dysphoria of feeling too broad to transition? I am just less than 6 feet and am around 230 pounds, so I’m always feeling like a giant. Any advice would totally help.

Thank You!! J

[Susan]

i think you are the right track. you should see your therapist everytime you start to feel like you did. i have had depression and anxiety before but i have learned how to control it. anyways i hope i have help just a little. Susan 

[Jani]

Therapists are bound to report these types of conversations for your safety and that of the public.  Its a good thing. 

 

4 hours ago, TiaMaria said:

I had a bunch of time to think about stuff. I realized that I can’t lie to myself or deny myself anymore. If I do, I will end up right back in the hospital or end up in the ground.

This is wise of you.  Being honest with yourself is the first step to moving forward in life and (hopefully) being happy.  There may be some bumps along the way but they will smooth out if you persevere.  

 

Transition is best done slowly.  It's a lot of change to absorb and it can be expensive too.   As to electrolysis, I would try googling "electrolysis near me"  or "your town" to get the best responses.  I will flat out say you are not too broad to transition.  Look around, people come in all sizes and shapes!  There are beautiful people in every size!  You will be one of them.  If you think you need to lose weight, make a plan for that too.  Start eating better and exercise, even if its just walking.  That will work.  Banish the thoughts you are a giant.   You're not even 6 foot tall.  I know a woman who is 6' 7" and she is beautiful!  She doesn't let size hold her back.  I'm 6' and I don't ever think about my height being odd.  Its me and I rock it!  You can too.  

 

You sound like you have a plan TiaMaria!  Congratulations, that's great.  Remember there will be up days and down days so don't get discouraged.  We're always here to speak with. 

 

Cheers, Jani 

[Cheyenne skye]

I've had a few sessions with Carol at Central Electrolysis in Lutherville. She was pretty good. I had to stop going due to finances.