Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Abi]

Hi @SaraAW,

    I know it can't be easy for you right now. I had no support from my ex the entire time we were together. I knew I would never get that support and still tried that whole benefit of the doubt thing for fourteen years. I regret ever giving her that much of my energy. I got divorced and my entire life has been changing for the better ever since. I think realizing my ex was holding me back on purpose and feeling abandoned was one of the toughest things I've ever had to come to terms with. It also gave me the strength to start accepting who I am and seeking my own happiness. It isn't fair to be held back from the things that make us happy. It is up to her how she moves forward but, you can't let this go on forever. If you do, you will end up bitter or resenting her for not letting you be happy. I'm not sure what another year of letting her adjust is really going to do for you except cause you a lot of personal grief. 

    I have had some similar issues with deciding which friends or even family I should come out to. I absolutely refuse to post it on facebook. I hope you BFF is supportive of you. Maybe they are just trying to figure out a considerate way to respond. 

[Heather Shay]

@Kylie @Emily michellerecognition of a problem is first step to sdolving it. I'm glad you are taking it seriously. Anxiety is a very potent enemy of well-being. I take low dose Setraline (zoloft) and that helps reduce anger and frustration but the HRT has made a world of difference in regard to my anxiety. Different solution for different body chemistries - working it out with health care specialists and monitoring results and adjusting as needed I believe is the best path forward to each individual.

 

 

[JoniSteph]

Best news I have received in the past year came via the Mail person this morning. An invitation to an appointment to see an Endocrinologist the 3rd week of January 2021.

Does the happy Dance.

???‍♀️??

 

Big Canadian HUGS All

JoniSteph

[Julie J]

That's wonderful news!

[Julie J]

Good morning friends. I'm enjoying my coffee while I updated my profile photo. I'm now nearly 30 months HRT, and on October 10th, 2020 I will have been living 24/7 as my authentic self! I had all my legal documentation in May, 2019 updated to reflect my name (Julie Michelle) and my gender marker - F - (Female). I've never been happier. Enjoy the journey!

[Heather Shay]

@Julie J you look wonderful and I can see the peace and contentment in your face.

Shay

[Mmindy]

On 10/1/2020 at 12:45 PM, Jandi said:

Hey… I'm a girl with a history!

I got the leg done after I came out, and I really like it.  

Got my Holly Hobbie skirt on today.

Cover Tats can work for some locations, but I like the Girl with a History.  Laura Jane Grace went with an all black cover. I signaled my transition with my first tattoo. I have 42 years in the fire service and will never forget my academy mate John Wysong who died in the line of duty. He is the lone heart on the Maltese Cross in the background with Morning Glories surrounding it. I have more Morning Glories planned for the future.

[Ivy]

That's a nice one.    I've always loved Morning Glories.  One of my grandmothers used to have them growing along her back porch.

[Ivy]

Got out this morning and picked up some firewood.   It's getting to be that time of year.

Of course it's still on the trailer.  Gotta be kind to the old back.

[Lee H]

Hi Jacqui and Elizabeth

These quotes illustrate my point:

7 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

Transitioning did come up a lot at my sessions but was not the main focus. I don't feel it's entirely right that anyone can just walk-in, get meds, and walk out (honestly, I was shocked at how easy it was) nor do I feel gate-keeping is right either. I do think you should have some level of self understanding before you start. At least a couple of sessions but still not require any kind of diagnosis to proceed.

and,

14 hours ago, Jacqui said:

and the experience described by @ElizabethStar confirms that, in some localities, HRT without any kind of dysphoria diagnosis is a fact.

plus,

 

14 hours ago, Jacqui said:

This is exactly why informed consent requires that the patient sign a lengthy and very detailed document certifying their understanding of the effects and side-effects of HRT, and their acceptance of full responsibility for the impact of HRT on them personally.

If a physician were to prescribe HRT based solely on an informed consent form, the only answer that physician could give if asked, "Why did you prescribe HRT," would be, "Because my patient asked me to, and gave me a form saying they understood its effects." Would that imply an oxy. addict could get a script just by saying they wanted it because it makes them "feel good?" [Or write their own scripts, as someone close to me was doing -- but I digress.]

 

My HRT will be coming from the VA, starting as soon as the Trumpized mail can get here. In Reno, they have a "LGBTQ" department, apparently including a "gender transition" team. I've been professionally contacted by a psychiatrist [who said he's "experienced" with gender therapy, but not a specialist], a counselor who conducts pre-serious-surgery [and I guess pre HRT] interviews, and a OB/GYN who is the prescribing MD. I'm changing primary care doc to a woman's doc here in Fallon, the small town about 60 mi east of Reno where I live. They've all confirmed that my consent is "informed." However, I haven't been contacted by a gender therapist psychologist. I am going to try to get that service if it's available. They've all inquired as to "why?", but none has conducted a grilling or demanded that I "prove" gender dysphoria. I don't suffer from that problem nearly as much as most of girls who talk about it on this forum. My story is lifelong occasional crossdressing, moving to more frequent for about 5 years and now full time since Corona lockdown. The erotic aspects have pretty much been replaced by feeling "normal." Mainly I have a strong desire to experience the emotional changes with HRT [and the physical, too, of course.]  I explain that after being on finasteride for many years for prostrate, I didn't feel like I had any T left, and that felt good. [Actually the lab says "low normal range," which surprised me. My doc will be consulting with my endocrinologist about adding a T blocker to the HRT she's already Rx'd.]

 

So... I dunno. The VA is a world of its own, but my impression is they've carefully "charted my psychosocial assessment" of "persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria," albeit, mild in intensity[?]

 

 

[Jacqui]

Thanks for the additional info, @Lee H!

 

At this point, I think I am a bit 'out of my depth' in that I can't really speak from experience, so I will exercise "the better part of valor" and, like the Proud Boys, stand down and stand by.

 

Hugs,

Jacqui

[Lee H]

Me too, Jacqui.

This conversation has made me wonder how exactly the docs actually do get from "Gimme some E" to "Here's the script." Any qualifying precondition would in practice operate as a "gate" to "keep," but you are absolutely right about "informed consent" being the absence of "gatekeepers."

If I get a chance, I'll ask one of my apparently many VA professionals what they do in practice, post it up to you. It'll be awhile, though, because my OB/GYN [??? wow!] is on a month's leave for surgery.

Enjoyed the rap. Thanks.

~~Big hug here, from Lee~~

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Lee H said:

Me too, Jacqui.

This conversation has made me wonder how exactly the docs actually do get from "Gimme some E" to "Here's the script." Any qualifying precondition would in practice operate as a "gate" to "keep," but you are absolutely right about "informed consent" being the absence of "gatekeepers."

If I get a chance, I'll ask one of my apparently many VA professionals what they do in practice, post it up to you. It'll be awhile, though, because my OB/GYN [??? wow!] is on a month's leave for surgery.

Enjoyed the rap. Thanks.

~~Big hug here, from Lee~~

 

Well, in my case the progression went like this:

 

Me --> Therapist: "I would like to go on HRT."

 

Therapist refers me to a Gender Therapist

 

Me --> Gender Therapist: "I would like to go on HRT."

 

Then the Gender Therapist booked me for a session, we talked at the end she said she'd write me a recommendation and referred me to an endocrinologist.

 

 The endocrinologist took blood and evaluated my condition. Basically, "Are you healthy enough for HRT and what sort of regimen can your body handle?" Weighed against, "How detrimental to this person's health is it going to be if they DON'T get HRT?" My therapist went to bat for me again at this point.

 

If potential rewards > potential risks then HRT approved.

 

After that it's been monitoring to be sure my body and my girl drugs don't get into some kind of street brawl.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

My "therapy" was a happy medium between gatekeeping and informed consent.

 

Me: "I want a hormone readiness letter."

Therapist: "Why do you think you're trans?"

Me: [Gives various reasons.  Some discussion follows.]

Therapist: "Yep, you're trans all right.  You'll get your letter.  Come back next week and we'll talk about the informed consent portion of the process."

 

(later)

Me: "Hi, Doc.  Here's my letter.  I want some E."

Doc: "No problem.  Let's talk about side-effects."

 

I did have to convince someone with training that I really was trans. but it wasn't a big deal.  One appointment, and then it was all paperwork.

[KymmieL]

Well, It seems like I or should I say we lost a friend today. No not that anything happened to her. She is living as a woman in the PNW. Being seen as a woman. I will post the email I received from her.

 

"Ok first off I don't hate anyone.  I don't have the capacity to do so.  You need to just relax and stop all this.  Seriously Kimmie.

We are friend on a transgender forum, that frankly, I feel I have moved on from.  That's it.  We are not long lost military buddy's or old long lost high school friends.  I am not that important to anyone online I am sure. We have a few things in common but so do I and half of trans pulse.  

I needed that place and everyone in it at the time.  I made "friends" but not those that are anything more then internet acquaintances sharing a hard thing online.  

I don't want to seem insensitive or mean but that's all it ever was or will be for me.

 

I have so much going on in my real life and its all falling apart but most things are falling into place as well.  I have no time to deal with TP and all the pain that exists there so yes I have stopped going. I'm trying to take responsibility for my own issues and my own life. 

I left Trans pulse because of folks who would not leave me alone. I was hounded by so many doing this very thing. I wanted to help them or heal them or whatever, but dang it I'm going threw it all too, and have worked hard to get myself threw it.

With some advice from others both off and online I am doing things for myself for a change and I plan to continue until I am in a safe and happy place. I am now loving my life as being only******.  I left my male self behind in VT and went out into the world to go it on my own as only ******.  No one knows or cares about ***** here.  Everyone treats me as a women not a trans girl. As only *******.   Its bliss.

 

I suggest you do the same if you ever want to break the shackles that you continue to endure with your wife and son.

 

As for me being on TP.  I might go back every once in a while.  I dunno.  

Please just stop stressing over it or me.  I'm ok.  You will be too.

 

 

Best Wishes,"

I think that what she posted in the letter, some of us, know who she is. The name was with held per her wishes.

 

So for those of us who thought that you were friends with her. it seems like she used us and now we have been discarded. Well that is what I feels like to me.

 

Kymmie

[Jackie C.]

Hey @KymmieL, I think we all... well, maybe not some of the newer members... OK, *I* know who you're talking about. I'm sorry to hear that she's left us, but if that's what she needs I'm happy for her. Transpulse is a place to heal and share advice. If she feels she's grown to the point she doesn't need us anymore, well, good for her. Members come and go. That's the nature of healing. Sometimes we get better. Different people heal at different speeds.

 

At the same time, different people have different needs. Some of us will move on. Others will stay behind to offer what help they can for as long as they can. My therapist taught me a lesson she learned during deep meditation. She saw a goddess... Hindu-Style... with a gem in her forehead. She would remove the gem and give it to another. The gem would instantly regrow and she'd hand that jewel to the next supplicant. The lesson was, "Don't give away all your jewels." We, as humans, only have so much we can give before it's time for us to go recharge our batteries for a while. There's only so much we can do to help.

 

I would have liked a goodbye, but your friend and her... other... friend (doing this without names is hard) sound like they're doing well and building their life together. I wish them nothing but happiness and I'm glad she cared enough to give you some closure. Friends move on. That's part of life. Not a fun part, but still a part.

 

I know it's hard, but we're still here and full of love.

 

Hugs!

[Berni]

Good morning from Sydney. Its Tuesday which means its Electrolysis day! Man that came around fast. Where do the weeks go?

 

Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

[KendraML]

Found out good things are happening with my ex wife,she has started to accept Allison in.Thought it over and realized she needed to live a better life.Both came up to her school and did have a talk with the principal,It is looking great for Allison going to school dressed as female.Did agree to everything,she can begin going to school as a girl next week and can use the girl's restroom.Allison's friends are excited to see her as female at school next week

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, KendraML said:

Found out good things are happening with my ex wife,she has started to accept Allison in.Thought it over and realized she needed to live a better life.Both came up to her school and did have a talk with the principal,It is looking great for Allison going to school dressed as female.Did agree to everything,she can begin going to school as a girl next week and can use the girl's restroom.Allison's friends are excited to see her as female at school next week

 

That's just fantastic! I'm glad she gets this opportunity to be herself. I'm really happy for her! ❤️

 

Hugs!

[AmberM]

@KendraML That is great news on both fronts. I am sure she will be much happier living her true self and express who she really is.

[KendraML]

I have met her friends,good friends in her life.Her teachers,know already to call her Allison next week.Did find out one of her teachers has a support group for the LGBT students and is welcomed to join.She is going to be much happier as bigender living and dressing as a girl.

[Lee H]

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

So for those of us who thought that you were friends with her. it seems like she used us and now we have been discarded. Well that is what I feels like to me.

 

To me it sounds like she's saying, "Don't you know who I think I am?"

[Ivy]

8 hours ago, Lee H said:

My HRT will be coming from the VA, starting as soon as the Trumpized mail can get here. In Reno, they have a "LGBTQ" department, apparently including a "gender transition" team.

My experience with the VA has been good.  There is even a trans support group that meets via zoom since the covid has messed up our lives.

[Willow]

Wow, that was some letter you copied for us to read.  Like you and Jackie, I feel happy she has landed on her feet and is able to do what she wants.  and yes I know who that is too.  Well I know who she was here anyway.  Whether that will work for any of the rest of us I suppose is up to our willingness to cut all ties and start completely over.  While I have my Trans needs, I also have my family and for me family is most important.  But then my family hasn't totally rejected me like hers did and like it sounds like most of yours is doing to you.  So @KymmieL I do agree with one thing she said and I am using my own words here, you probably need to stop allowing your wife to play you like a string puppet.  She either needs to stop stringing you along (sorry about that but it was intentional) or you need to decide to make it on your own.  I know that is tough and I am unwilling to do that but I'm not the one that has the manipulating wife tugging my strings.  Neither was our friend, she and her wife had already cut those strings.

 

If you talk to her again, tell her good luck and God bless for me.  Certainly no hard feelings, she did what she had to do.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

 

 

[HollyElizabeth]

@Jackie C.For me, when it came to HRT, I went to a gender therapist for 4 sessions before I brought up HRT. I wanted to make sure that HRT was right for me. It was only after I asked my therapist what she thought about if in her opinion I was really trans did I ask for a letter for my endocrinologist to start HRT. I even talked to my GP and got his thoughts, I wanted to make sure because doing HRT should be attempted only if you really understand where that road will lead you. In my case, I fully understood the risks and the outcome. After I was sure and after the 4th session, I went and talked to my endocrinologist about starting HRT. Before he would start hormones we had that really long talk about what to expect from HRT and the things I thought would happen that in reality wont happen. We talked for about 30 minutes before he sent me to get my base line labs done. And on the 16th I go back for the blockers. Yeah he wants to make sure that nothing bad will happen by moving ahead in stages. I kinda like that but also hate it because I want the HRT like yesterday.. lol.