Honestly, therapists are really easy to talk to. Part of the job and all. You'll be amazed how much better you feel talking to someone.
SO jealous about the Medical University thing. I imagine that makes things ever so much easier. Most of what you need is just right there. Awesome news!
Hrm. I tried three.
Kathe S. Perez from 30-Day Crash Course
Melanie Ann Phillips How to Develop a Female Voice
and Nina who has a last name, but I'm completely not remembering it Female Voice Club
First off, they all had good points and slightly different approaches. Cost wise How to Develop a Female Voice is the least expensive and provides about an hour of material. I personally didn't find her methods that useful, but she comes from an acting background and teaches like she would to other actors. If I was a more experienced actress, I might have gotten more out of it.
30-Day Crash Course had some advice that I'm still using. It's the next most expensive. Like I said, advice that I'm still using, but the instruction style didn't get me as far as I'd like. If I had a decent voice coach easily available I think it would have made great supplemental material.
Female Voice Club made the most difference for me. Nina works on just one element at a time and goes in depth about what she's doing and why. You can also send her short voice clips for her to critique and she'll give you advice on what you should be working on. Unfortunately, it's the most expensive (and longest), but she's got options for a subscription to spread things out. You can, however, do the warm-up exercises in the car and she's got things you can do when you're alone at work at your desk.
I practice for about an hour a day and I'll work in extra tuning sessions when I'm in the car or doing something mindless.
I hope some of that helps!
Per the wise advice I have received here I have reached out to my company mental health benefits department I work for a Medical University, UVM. They are very pro transgender and serious about all sorts of tolerance. They just forwarded me a couple numbers for counseling with a gender specialist. I’m hoping from there I can be referred to a psychologist or equivalent. Maybe even get past all this fear.
im just hoping my insurance covers this.
This is a major step for me. Kinda scary admitting “things” to someone face to face.
I suppose you have to start somewhere.
I have always been a car vocalist. From way back singing in the family car with my brothers and sister. I even can hit the high notes. But it has to be loud. I tend to blend my voice to mimic the artist but find it difficult to do so at lower music levels. I don’t have a very low voice and, to me, listening to myself on tape it’s a little on the nasally side. With the right pitch I think it might be cute.
I look forward to practicing but I need to find the right program to use while driving. I am looking into the suggestions here.
Tragically no, but my therapist is working on it. That means she's experienced and active in the LGBT+ community, but none of her three degrees are specifically for gender therapy. I'm not actually sure where the distinction is. Both Deena (my regular therapist) and my gender therapist, Sara are LMSWs. That's Licensed Master Social Workers.
For gender therapists I had to go outside BetterHelp.com to the UofM Health System. I love Sara but I wasn't up to driving that far every week to talk to her (I love my car, but she's an old girl. I try not to stress her too much.) Also, she's always super put together and it's a little intimidating. Deena and I have had (online) sessions where we were both in sweatpants.
So yeah, I went with Deena and BetterHelp for my regular therapy needs and went... well, go... to Sara at UofM for things that need that specific gender therapist seal of approval. She was the Letter of Recommendation I needed to get started on hormone therapy. For WPATH standards of care (If you're going for GRS anyway), you need two gender therapists from different programs, so I also saw... I'm blanking on her name now, but she's local to me so it doesn't matter at all for you. At least I don't THINK you want to come to Michigan for a therapist. Anyway, she was a full psychologist and wicked expensive. I liked talking to her and am forever grateful for her Letter of Recommendation but I'd go broke seeing her.
I just read your post and can relate to some of it. I too wish I could see the girl inside but that would take much more time and steps in the right direction to get there. The porn thing I totally get too, and after doing a lot of reading and people's kind words on here it's really not as uncommon as I thought it would be. The reasons behind all of it though can vary which is why seeing a licensed therapist is so important and will likely be my next step as well. Maybe start there?
Jackie, does better help have licensed gender therapists? It was my understanding that they had licensed counseling and some have experience with gender issues but they are not specifically a gender therapist?
Hi, hello and welcome ☺️
I have missed the start on this but you have good experiences given above. I have a link here which gives an overview: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/guidelines/
plus there are support groups (probably variable / not regulated): https://www.transunite.co.uk/
In general, the NHS information seems to be good, although I have no real first hand experience. Waiting lists are long, as may be expected. Access via your Gp is the usual route but, if that is a problem, just push elsewhere. As mentioned, self referral may well be accepted.
Don't hesitate to ask further here as there is much experience and guidance to options.
What Jani said. Unfortunately there's no magic wand. I so wish, but wishing doesn't work either. Herbal products are a bad idea for a variety of reasons from, "It doesn't work and cost a mint," to "It doesn't work and gave me an exciting new health problem." The same goes for vacuum pumps. You do not want to throw a clot.
Honestly all these products are looking to make a buck off of someone else's moment of desperation. Where you'll try ANYTHING to get just a little closer to your goal. The people who peddle such problems should be pecked by perturbed penguins until they repent.
Breast massage along with hormone therapy (under the supervision of an endocrinologist) helps a little. Your mileage may vary. It's pain free though.
I can't comment on hair removal though. I was "gifted" with alopecia universallis for my 39th birthday. I'm going to look on the bright side and say, "At least I don't have to shave anything." I have found that most SRS surgeons in the states won't touch you unless you've had electrolysis in the "target area" for at least a year though. Made scheduling my surgery a challenge.
Putting my fingers over an ear never occurred to me. I usually practice in front of the computer and use audio playback along with a pitch register. I speak on a G sharp now and it sounds pretty good. My wife's natural voice is now a little darker than mine.
It took a lot of practice to get here though.
What Jani and Vicky said. It sounds like you really need to talk to a therapist. I've been where you are. It was a dark, unpleasant, no-good place. You don't have to be there. The first step is finding help. Your medical insurance might even cover it. Find a therapist and talk. They're paid to listen and help. It's very refreshing. I went with BetterHelp.com because they're cheap and I don't have to leave the house. I know that as a guy of a certain age you were trained with "guys don't need help" and the stigma of finding help for mental issues. Those are terrible, terrible lies. Find someone. It can get better.
I started in the home and moved to a gym later. My first exercises were a cardio-dance routine for women* that I alternated with an hour on the treadmill. I lost eighty pounds doing that before I sought out a personal trainer once a week at the gym.
Part of that is because the treadmill broke...
Hugs and best of luck!
*That was fun. I still can't dance to save my life, but it was fun.
You are describing some serious depression in your post there. My recommendation is that you immediately if not sooner find a licensed therapist in your state who deals with Gender Dysphoria, or at least one who can help you really discover source of the depression first, actually though, Gender Therapists have all started out as the garden variety therapist who learned to treat depression.
On a darker note, yes, there are people who become addicted to pornography as well, but the therapist I recommended above can also help people get that addiction onto the road to recovery. Attraction to porn does not exclude the possibility that you are Trans also. It will take a while in therapy to work all of that out, but in my experience you have a good chance of getting your life under control, even if it requires going in to full Gender Transition.