Single female Christmas

[jae bear]

Well, here we are again, single  and by myself for Christmas. This one’s a little different though, I’ve never had a female  Christmas, and my family always invited me before, so this time my friends are filling in the gap‘s. There is no lack of invitations but I love spending time with my best friends family, and they have graciously invited me so I am super pleased to spend time with them.

  Life has been just an absolute chaotic mess lately but sometimes creativity  requires a mess. My life definitely borders more on art than science these days, crafting a new person with broad brush strokes and plenty of fine detail, and it does not happen overnight. This time I get to choose the Colors I like, and the brush strokes that please me, leaving out the colors I don’t like or find distasteful and picking a palette that shows the best light on the parts of me I’m proud of.  I miss components of my old life so much thinking of them brings tears, but I remind myself that things are going to be OK, and time travels faster than you think it does, even though it feels like it barely moves at times. I’m still trying to settle into the small loft I now live in, some of the construction is finally complete, I have a bathroom with a shower, a small sink and a working toilet, it’s so crazy how you take all of this for granted every single day until you don’t have it.  However, it would be great if the hot water would start working, walking down a flight of stairs outside in 40° weather, tromping across the wet muddy ground to my friends front door to use their bathroom downstairs is never as fun as it sounds, oh wait, it doesn’t even sound fun. ?

 I miss my youngest daughter the most, she is still a bit surly from the whole break up, kids are funny that way and I understand the disappointment that one feels this time of year when things are just not the way that you would prefer, but hopefully as we talk things will smooth out and we will find a new normal as well as new ways to make each other happy and find joy with a different family dynamic.

I miss my little dog, always underfoot, circling your ankles in the kitchen hoping for something to hit the floor, I find myself  looking down from time to time to avoid stepping on his little tail, but he hasn’t been there for months, and being that he’s almost 19 years old if I don’t find a way to see him soon I may never see him again. I used to really love watching him tear his little present open,  finding a new fleece blanket to drag around the house with him, he always enjoyed that so much he knew it was just for him, and you could see how much he loved receiving a gift, such a smart little dog...

I miss sitting on the couch late at night, something hot in my mug to sip while I stare at the Christmas tree lights allowing my gaze to fall out of focus, I don’t have that this year, but I do have the memory from previous Christmases and I enjoy remembering them all. Maybe I will have a new memory sitting on my friends couch listening to their noisy family having fun. Maybe  my little loft will have hot water by Monday, or not, it’s hard to tell  these days as the contractor and the workers take time off for their holiday as well. I look forward to picking out the cabinets for the kitchenette and finally putting my toaster on the counter and making a couple eggs for breakfast next year, clearly that won’t be happening in 2018, but I will be so grateful when we get to that point where I can wash a dish, make a cup of coffee, and enjoy my little breakfast in the morning. 

Being single has freedom in the title, but also a sense of loss, however I am finding good friends can fill in all of the gaps and phone calls to loved ones reminds me that things will work out can take you a far distance into a connection that you’re missing but I’m still gonna let my eyes come out of focus when I stare at the next Christmas tree I see, no matter who’s house it happens to be in ...

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

[Michelle F]

Where are you?

[jae bear]

Hey Michelle,

I’m in Northern California these days, I gave up my little studio apartment in town And now I live on a friends property in a loft studio above their three car garage...  it was a bit of an unfinished space but they were kind enough to start working on it while I specked out all the details and did the architectural drawings. Living in the foothills is a bit like the way I grew up, I actually lived not less than 50 miles from here in the same foothills, so it feels like home .

Hugs and merry Christmas,

Jackie

[Jani]

Jackie,

Thank you for sharing this.  You are correct that sometimes life needs to be messy, like the old adage about breaking a few eggs in order to bake a cake.  I too at times miss parts of my prior life, but for two reasons (that I can think of), that I've transitioned and that I'm getting older.  Now neither of these should be an excuse for stopping any activity but our mental state, physicality, and social constructs do enter into the equation (for good or bad).  Each time I think like this I say I have a limited time and I want to experience it all.  And I've had a pretty interesting life up to now.  I know you have as well.  I suppose if I was in my 20's or 30's I would have a different outlook, and I know I wouldn't have the catalogue of memories.  So I say to you, move on (as you always have!) and experience it all.  Been there, done that, what's new?

 

Your new smaller living space will also open up opportunities for you. You will be less inclined to "collecting stuff" and more attuned to "living experiences".   Your new friends will help you get there.  

 

I understand that you miss your daughter and I wish it would have been a kinder separation.  But kids grow and move away so you were going to miss her sooner or later.  Be the best person you can be and she will see this.  

 

As to the other items you speak of, file them away and build new memories.  Collect as many as you can.  They are there for the taking.  You have shared much of yourself here and I trust the people you surround yourself with see the real person that you are.  That's why they are your friends.  

 

Me too, Jani

 

PS: Love your nails! 

[Leo]

Jackie, the first Christmas alone is usually the toughest.  It's ok to feel it all... the memories, the joys, the sorrows, the what ifs, the what now?  It's tough and frightening for the kids as well.  Showing the kids that you will be ok will really help them. 

 

I've been divorced and living single (with kids) for nearly 30 years.  Yes, it would be nice to have a cuddle buddy, or another type of buddy ?, however, the freedom to be the person you want to be is so powerful and intoxicating.  It is like removing all of the stop signs from your life. When you are ready, celebrate and go for it.  

[Kirsten]

What an exciting time for you! Learning who you are, finding new holiday traditions, seeing just how much your friends care about you! You are truly blessed. Try to keep these thoughts close to you this holiday season rather than the memories of the past ones. Not everyone gets these joys afterall. 

I really love your colorful expression of transition too. The details can be so difficult can’t they?! There’s such a big difference between showing the world that you are Jackie, and showing the world who Jackie is. 

I hope you can allow yourself the freedom to enjoy your Christmas. You do deserve to. Make your memories and make them wonderful! 

Merry Christmas Jackie! 

 

Ill be hoping for a beautiful kitchenette for ya! 

Kirsten

[KymmieL]

Jackie, I wish you and all the others here the best this holiday season.

 

I went through basic during the holiday season in 83. I spent thanksgiving, Christmas, and New years there. with 50 others yet alone. It was 0 degrees in San Antonio, TX on Xmas day. Now, 35 years later. Even with my great family here and a trip to visit my oldest family and my mom. I still feel alone. Do know why. 

 

I don't really know why but the holidays are just another day to me. Christmas, new years, T-day even my birthday are just another day. The fall holidays are nothing special to me anymore. Turkey day is the day not to give thanks, but to warm up your CC. Christmas should be called greed day anymore. and new years eve is almost an official get drunk and act like an arse day.

 

Sorry to vent like I did. However it is how I feel.

 

Holiday Hugs to all,

 

Kymmie

[Michelle F]

21 hours ago, jae bear said:

Hey Michelle,

I’m in Northern California these days...

 

Hugs and merry Christmas,

Jackie

 Love your loft. Looks like a tiny house on the roof.

 

I used to live in NorCal. Trinidad, on the coast in Humboldt County. I moved to Palm Springs in SoCal the Summer of 2017. After my hip replacement I continued losing weight and got cold. I became homeless and moved to PS to be warm. 

 

I am now off the streets and living in a Studio apt with my new partner, Shawn. We have a great relationship. We are moving to a larger studio with a kitchenette in January. There's a pool. OMG! I've never had a pool where I live. 

 

My point is with a bit of faith and some perseverance things will improve. 

 

Good luck. Feel free to messege me if you want to talk privately

 

Huggers!

Love, Michelle

[jae bear]

I guess my place is like a tiny house above the garage, however it’s pretty good space wise inside, I think it’s 450 ft.² or something like that... I’m confident that I can make a nice little space out of all of that, my studio apartment was about the same size so everything should fit nicely, as soon as the walls are painted and the last of the hardwood floor is laid... then  I’ll be able to clean the dust off of everything and arrange the space, and as soon as I do of course I’ll be back here  with some pictures. 

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

[Jani]

That's the spirit!  Cant wait to see them.

 

Jani

 

[jae bear]

I can’t believe I forgot to update this one thing, I have had hot water   since Friday! My friend and I couldn’t quite figure out why the on-demand electric water heater wasn’t turning on, everything looked right and the the settings were exactly the way the instructions said they should be, but my friend decided to curse at it loudly and threaten it once he ran out of ideas...  and low and behold it immediately started creating hot water, I think he scared it, it was the funniest thing you would ever see, and it has been as reliable as iron ever since ! ?

[Willow]

sometimes you just have to let things know who's boss.  

 

Willow

[jae bear]

It’s a tiny little bathroom, only 4 feet wide and 7 feet long, but it works quite nicely. I need to go get some vertical blinds for those windows though, I feel like I’m on display in here!  The rolling shower door is what makes it work, you don’t have to worry about a swinging door smacking the wall or getting in the way. And since it curves away from the front of the toilet you actually have somewhere to sit without feeling like your nose is pressed up against the glass. I just need to get a two door cabinet to go over the toilet and a small rectangular medicine cabinet above the sink and I’m all set!

[Jani]

Very nice and efficient! 

[Susan R]

Very nice Jackie,  great layout too.  The cabinets will finish your bathroom perfectly. Are you looking at a mirrored medicine cabinet?  I installed a 3-door mirrored med cabinet in our bathroom but, after the fact, I really would have preferred a single larger mirror on the cabinet.

 

TC,

Susan?

[jae bear]

 I’m planning on getting a fairly plain medicine cabinet, I need somewhere to put my toothbrush and such, you know, tweezers, nail files, pink razor, toothpaste,  Night time face cream, under eye serum, lipstick,  revlon quick fix foundation stick, Tylenol, little box of estrogen patches, Spiralactone, Q-tips, nail polish, deodorant, Mascara, eyeliner pencils, eyeshadow, Cherry blossom body lotion, hand cream, and so on and so on, you get the idea. Basically I’m worried I’m gonna run out of room !?

 Over the toilet I’m just gonna do a double door cabinet with a little shelf below it for a few things and hand towels with a little hand towel rack below it, I still need a toilet paper roll holder and towel bar but I’m getting really close to the little details that finish everything off. Then I will turn my attention to the kitchenette, I’m really gonna have some fun with that though, I’ve got some really cute ideas for the little tiny kitchen ...

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

[DeeDee]

On 12/18/2018 at 6:20 PM, jae bear said:

It’s a tiny little bathroom, only 4 feet wide and 7 feet long

One of the many culture differences I love finding out about. Over here that is a good average sized bathroom, anything over 9ft would be considered luxurious!  Glad it's all coming together for you.

[RithiaAllen]

Just now, SeekingSadie said:

One of the many culture differences I love finding out about. Over here that is a good average sized bathroom, anything over 9ft would be considered luxurious!  Glad it's all coming together for you.

The master bathroom in my parents last two houses have basically been the size of a living room. I never measured but you could fit a king size bed in there no problem and still move around.

 

In Georgia in 97 they got the first place for ~$230K. Sold it and used the down payment to buy the new place which I think was ~$350K. When we had a German exchange student over she exclaimed, "you live in a mansion". Par for the course in suburbia.

[DeeDee]

The land mass just makes such a difference! 

Just now, RithiaAllen said:

"you live in a mansion".

 

[RithiaAllen]

Just now, SeekingSadie said:

The land mass just makes such a difference! 

 

It would make even more of a difference but the builders pack us in. That said their current house has a good size yard. My house in Winchester is way more modest with one bathroom about the size of their smallest and it's 1200 sq-ft or ~115.2 meters squared. I purchased it for $155,000 and owe $130,000 at the moment. I have to sell it though and once it's cleaned up it looks like I should be able to sell it for $198,000. Not a bad profit.

[DeeDee]

Absolutely, that is a pretty good profit! - It is not so much the size but the character that makes a place. Some places just have that "home" feel!

[RithiaAllen]

Just now, SeekingSadie said:

Absolutely, that is a pretty good profit! - It is not so much the size but the character that makes a place. Some places just have that "home" feel!

 

It’s very basic. It’s the price because it’s location in the area.

 

The incredibly awesome thing is I can take the money from the sale and buy something much nicer for the same amount of money and probably afford a 15 year loan instead of a 30 shaving off nine years of payments. ?

[Briana]

13 hours ago, RithiaAllen said:

The incredibly awesome thing is I can take the money from the sale and buy something much nicer for the same amount of money and probably afford a 15 year loan instead of a 30 shaving off nine years of payments.

 

Not bad Rithia.  You should get about  $56K out of it after realtor's commission etc. i would think.  Unfortunately, interest rates on home loans will be bouncing up after the fed raised the interest rate again.  But still, you're doin good.  ?

 

Jackie,  looks like your studio is coming along.  I love construction and home renovation/home projects.  And I'm not even remotely close to that professionally in my occupation.  LOL  I think of apartments like yours as a house with the garage below.  I've seen many homes built into hillsides where the garage is tucked into the hillside and the house portion above...or the reverse.

[jae bear]

 Hey Briana,

I’m really having some fun with this little space, even if I’m really quite impatient about it. I got sick of the hand mirror hanging from the screw over my sink so I went to the hardware store and picked up a $34 inexpensive white medicine cabinet and screwed it to the wall at 1 AM once I got home this evening. When I came home I saw a light on in my place and I know I turned them all off, So I figured they must have done some work today. As I made my way up the steps I could see that my  welcome mat have been moved and there was a new broom sitting in the corner of the railing, I was nearly positive at this point that work had progressed.  I opened the door and set my bag down, looked around not seeing anything initially, then I noticed the small section of floor that had been bare was now complete, and the baseboards and window edges had all been trimmed for painting signifying a final completion and paint coming extremely soon.

Hallelujah!

As soon as they finish painting I can start unpacking and cleaning the dust off of everything, I can once again sit on my couch and eat at my table! I’m looking forward to completing the kitchenette next, picking out the base cabinets and countertops will be the first order of business, followed by cooktop’s and a little 15 inch bar sink!