Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Joe Cool

Random Poetry

Recommended Posts

Guest joe0117

Hate and horror make me cower

guns and knives give men new power

but the stars still shine in the midnight sky

late flowers blossom and open wide

autumn blazes with gold and brown

pure snow will blanket the snowy ground

as far as I can see

as far as I can tell

we've been given the gift of heaven

but we live in hell

the brown dove hides in the evergreen

where pain and heartache can be grieved

and sends to God her mournful cry

for loved ones stolen from the sky

as mighty eagles take to flight

to quash the terrors of the night

reluctant warriors pray for peace

the day when hate and terror cease

as far as I can see

as far as I can tell

we're searching for heaven

but still living in hell

while the stars that shine in the midnight sky

and the flowers that blossom and open wide

and the leaves that blaze with gold and brown

wonder why peace has yet to be found

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

That is beautiful Joe,

I would tell you that it brougt a tear to my eye but nowdays so does the phone book.

The message is so clear and the imagery so sad, we are in heaven but we have made it hell.

So well written and so sad.

I would love to see more of your work.

Love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Broken bones, cancer, AIDS, Lymphoma

abortion, death, Oklahoma

logic, free will, all gifts of reason,

falter, fail, and fade into treason

humbled and shattered, reduced to insane

by the rape of a child, unrelenting pain

would you silence my tears, be deaf to my cries?

deny me a last shred of self, tell me why?

no question at all of faith or belief

just lifelong endurance of innocent grief

useless is heaven, and callous tomorrow

tormenting, denying my pain and my sorrow

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

I wrote these for my brother Caleb who was murdered by my step monster when he was four. He died in my arms. I keep him alive in my heart.

It was an umistakable splash of red

in the light of the summer sun

on the cold concrete

I turned and ran

to hold the scarlet mass

the still barely warm body

saw the last vestige of brightness

fade from black eyes

mourned the last unsung sound

quieted before his time

He was cute and he was four

in a holy place

but he heard not a word

of God or grace

his dollar was folded

in an airplane fin

when they passed the basket

he flew it right in

now some might have scolded

a child and his toy

but my sadness lifted

and I filled with joy

at the presence of God

in an innocent boy

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

Joe,

I don't know what to say, the work is so beautiful and so moving but your life has been so shrouded in tragedy.

How I wish that I could in some way ease all of your pain and suffering but I can not, I can only offer you my love, support and understanding, you are a strong testiment to the will to survive to make things better and live in peace.

You will never really know how much I admire your inner strengtt but it is an inspiration to me.

Love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Elizabeth K

Joe...

I can't say anything...

He died in my arms. I keep him alive in my heart.

You say it for everyone...

My GOD... how can this world be so cruel!!!

Lizzy

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Thank you Sally and Lizzy!

I loved my brother. I have lost four brothers but Caleb and I had special bond. He was deaf and didn't meet the criteria by my step monster to be the oldest male and carry on the family name. It's a small concellation but my mother only gave him daughters after that. He never got another son. I miss him terribly. I try very hard to be positive but I do lose my way occasionally. I used to lose my way a lot more often. I guess that is progress. Thank you for the kind words.

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

A tragedy to even survive

to barter your time just staying alive

a soul before it's bones interred

from dreams denied by dreams deferred

it may be soul sacrifice

a hero in disguise

but there is still a grain of grief

in every dream that dies

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Little brown bottle of amber bliss

open mouth greeting my frothy kiss

answer to all my Friday night schemes

fill my heart with amber dreams

be my partner for tonight

chase away this empty fright

of nowhere left for me to hide

of no one standing by my side

little brown bottle now drained of bliss

shining in the morning's kiss

did you also tell me lies

of emptiness in amber disguise?

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

Joe, I am so sorry for all of the troubles in your life.

My Inspiration

by Sally Michelle Jackson

As I read your poetry and feel such pain

and I wonder how it is that I can complain.

My life has been like a sail on a quiet, calm lake

while yours lived in upheavals like an earthquake.

I sit and feel oh so sorry for myself but I look and then I see

what makes a true hero, a survivor and such an inspiration to me.

I search for words but can hardly express my deep feelings of admiration and love

for a soul so tortured but still full of love, shinning like a halo with a light from above.

You are my inspiration Joe!

Love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Oh Sally,

I am truly touched - that is the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me and from someone I admire so. That is such a beautiful poem and to think that you had me in mind when you created it is truly an honor. I honestly don't think very much of my writing. I enjoy it and find it cathartic but it doesn't measure up to your talent. Thank you!

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

The grass is soft

against my face

as I lean on

your resting place

and feel what time

cannot erase

and hold what I

cannot embrace

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Elizabeth K

Joe

Where the heck did you come from?

I mean a beautiful writer and poet!

Sally says it for us: for a soul so tortured but still full of love

NEVER stop posting!

Lizzy

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Thank You Lizzy,

Such kind words. You and Sally really know how to flatter a guy :blush: I really do appreciate such positive feedback. I do hope that I don't upset people with my writing. I wonder sometimes how I am perceived here overall. I am hoping it is just my insecurities about being unlikable :unsure: You ladies are wonderful! Thank you!

The more I think

the less I know

the more it puzzles me

am I being?

am I soul?

or just complex chemistry?

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

During the long dark stretches of night

when pain awakens me

I've come to know the feeling of approaching death

it comes slowly this final sleep

that stiffens my body like a Frankenstein gait

I feel my limbs grow heavy and cold

as the blood slows to a trickle in my veins

I wonder when my mind will start to harden too

when I will lose the right to be me

and journey back to other days

perhaps that sleep of death will be no sleep at all

but freedom from the petrifying cold

and the part of me that's truly me

will run and and dance in fluid motion

dance once more without the pain

perhaps upon a cloud

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

That is beautiful Joe, I wish that you could feel better about things but you express desparation so well and so vividly.

I am always eager to read your poetry.

Well done, my talented friend.

Love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

There is nothing left

but the lifeless memory

of what I hoped for

love that I barely knew

full flowered

never came to be

the sun is cold and empty

and out of place

the ungreen grass is

nothing more than lifeless hay

uncertain of spring

resenting it if it comes

minus hope

minus love

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

Well Joe,

You told me that you weren't an insspiration and that you got depressed too.

I see the depression and very vividly, but you still inspire me.

love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Thank you Sally,

You inspire me as well. Some of the stuff I have written seems really dark to me. I have tried to edit what I have posted here. I hope you will let me know when your book is being published. I would like a signed copy. I will gladly pay extra ;)

Joe

AKA

Your biggest fan

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

I am the child beginning to be

I am the child that no one could see

to whom no life or love is extended

barely begun and suddenly ended

I'm the rhyme that will never be written

the song that will never be sung

the soul of a life exinguished

whose time is forever undone

I am the canvas cold and white

where colors will never dance with delight

the child within who has no choice

primordial soul with gifts to give

child enfleshed who cries to live

who longs to feel you warm and near

I am the child you cannot hear

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

Joe,

You are going to have to lighten up a bit, I buy tissues by the case but I keep running out!

Another beautiful poem.

Once I publish my book, you can have a copy signed for free - just introduce yourself on the world wide book signing tour and I might just give you the book! :lol:

Love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post
Guest 1charlotte1

Is it a crime

To be amazed by joe,

Might I spare a rhyme

To let him know

He rocks!!!

I am really impressed by ur writing! And u remind me of sylvia Plath (she is my favorite writer)

I don't know what to say, ur stories of what has happened makes me want to comfort u with a hug *hug* but I sense a hope in u!! *hug again* sorry for the cheese grater against ur ears up there! Lol but u do rock!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

Thanks Sally,

I've never been on a tour of any kind. I could do security for you. A celebrity like you will need a body guard.

Charlotte,

Thank you very much. I enjoy Sylvia Plath very much. I appreciate the compliment.

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest joe0117

broken battered and abused

this is not the life I'd choose

degradated innocence lost

humiliation at any cost

walls of stone surround my heart

no I'd rather not take part

splintered mind lost soul

all of this has taken it's toll

what's the point if no one cares?

I've spent my life avoiding stares

afraid of what they may know

feelings and thoughts I cannot show

drugs and drinking

trying to numb

disgusted by what I have become

what is real and what is not?

professional help it has been sought

therapy, groups, meds, and more

none of this has evened the score

what I am is damaged goods

I look back on my life and consider the shoulds

pain and sorrow I take paralyzing breaths

I wait now for my paroling death

daddy's love and daddy's protect

secrets and lies they must be kept

keep him happy and no one will know

bruises and cuts that never show

straight A student varsity sports

in my mind I hide in forts

security safety only inside

panic consumes me when we go for a late night ride

it's not like I don't know where we'll go

guys line up for a late night show

coming home late forgetting the night

nothing left in me to put up a fight

Joe

Share this post


Link to post
Sally

Joe, If you want to talk, I am here.

Love ya,

Sally

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 108 Guests (See full list)

    • DeeDee
    • Charlize
    • SamanthaC
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,013
    • Total Posts
      623,213
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,705
    • Most Online
      8,356

    you_had_me_at_Lennon
    Newest Member
    you_had_me_at_Lennon
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Charlize
      I do kinda miss the playground of old.  Those swings were a bit naughty is you were wearing a skirt but that was fun as well.  When old posts from there show up it brings back memories of old friends, bikes, cookies etc.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Tetris
      I'd be happy to explain more later. I just need to sleep now. Forgot that I had classes today and stayed up programming a Discord bot lmao
    • DeeDee
      Okay, I can sort of see what you are trying to say but would have to look into it more to understand more. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. 😊 I don't want to hijack the thread, so I hope you find the answers you are looking for regarding pronouns.
    • Tetris
      Yes, I identify very strongly with databases. The concept of them, particularly the plaintext .csv database. So I don't necessarily identify as like... a literal table, ya know. More like the *concept* of a database. What a database stands for, what it's used in, the structure of the database. All of these... resonate with me in a way I can't describe. When I see a well formatted data file, in a way I can't help but to see myself in it. It's really hard to describe. I wish I could.  MOGAI (I forget what it stands for) genders are the spectrum of genders that are the ones 4-chan typically tries to troll. The ones that people say are "made up" and are "Tumblr genders."  For example if you search digigender on Deviant Art, you'll get a flag and a description as part of a network of other MOGAI genders. Digigender is best described to be a digital gender, one where your identity resonates deeply (or you are kin with) something digital like a file format (in my case, a .csv), email, software, or anything else digital-related. 
    • DeeDee
      I'm sorry Tetris I understand enjoying computers and programming and even being able to be more of yourself online than in real life, but I do not understand, your gender is comma separated values?  What are MOGAI-type genders? Genuinely curious as I have never heard of them. 
    • Tetris
      Hi so I made an account on here when I first came out as trans but didn't really care to continuously check this forum. I'm bigger on discords than I am forums (I think I'm on the discord too).  So I know that MOGAI-type genders are controversial but I identify as digigender. My gender is actually the .csv filetype (really, more generally, a database, as I find solace in collecting and indexing data, and find extreme peace in processing data, all the way down to my core--I really resonate with data structures). I've decided to use my own set of pronouns, file/file/files/files/fileself (File is a database. Data collection means a lot to file. It is files wishes to be seen as a data structure. One of files interest is programming. File has taken it up to fileself to learn as much about programming as file possibly could).    For others that use their own made up pronoun set, how do you get others to start using it? I'm really scared to tell people to use these pronouns else nobody would take me seriously. 
    • Maid In Bedlam
      Thanks for making me notice what i left out   I forgot to mention how its a very Emotional ,Psychological and  Physical process that lasts a long period of time. They do not prepare you for that. Thats for you to understand and accept. They just give you the tools to assist in the process. You are gonna have some emotional and stressful times during your transition. The treatment will help. But not completly. You need to not only be emotionally strong but to also be very prepared for sacrifices you may have to make. Do not be fooled if its painted as all puppies and fluffy kittens. There are rough times to. Forums like this are here to help you understand all the options and what to expect. Preperation is always the best way to move forwald. However always remember the desion is ultimatly yours. The doctors will help but it is yours life to control.
    • Josie Beth
      Wait a while We’ll figure out our lives  Hold your breath The wolves are in disguise  Don’t need your dirty hands  Don’t need to take a chance  Go stand in behind the fence  Can you feel that bleeding neck  Can you feel that now    Close the door  Take a walk around  Hold your breath  In these rivers you might drown  All alone you live inside  It’s alone you came and went  In the shadows the bounty rides A love that makes no sense  It makes no sense...   You could beat a cat in the rain  Losing all that you gain Working hard but you know  All things will change    The world it’ll spin and stand trial  While they spit and draw blood  from your smile  We’ll all make it back to the stars  But it’s ours for a little while    Oo oo ooo ooo ooooo Oo oo ooo ooo ooooo   Brace your heart  In this rich and colored plinth  Hold your breath  It’s a key and a killer in your hands All I want is bells and whistles  All I want is fancy dreams  And you live and learn  And soon discern Nothing’s ever what it seems  Never what it seems    Beat a cat in the rain  Losing all that you gain Working hard but you know  All things will change    The world it’ll spin and stand trial  While they spit and draw blood  from your smile  We’ll all make it back to the stars  But it’s ours for a little while    Oo oo ooo ooo ooooo Oo oo ooo ooo ooooo  
    • Josie Beth
      somewhat enigmatic but really striking lyrics. It speaks about futility of trying to keep things the same. 
    • Ellora
      Belated good morning. The fall weather has been simply delightful all day. No rain in sight, but plenty of nice weather. I’ve been extra busy helping the parents lately. My dad is being more foolish than usual, turning down help after asking for help, I can only do so much. My mom can be even worse at times, but I guess that goes with being old. The problem is, they have been this way their entire life, and now it’s reared it’s ugly head. They didn’t make plans and didn’t listen to me decades ago, and now they are paying the price.   my kids are doing well, we played a good round of D&D Sunday, and hopefully we can play more really soon. My son is becoming a really good DM, and it’s fun playing with them and their girlfriends.
    • Ellora
      WThe trick or treating part of Halloween will be enjoyed with two 5 year olds and their mommie. There is a neighborhood across the way that is a goo area for kids to enjoy the celebration.    I dont know what’s going on in my apartment building. I’m hoping the neighbors have something cool planned. There are a lot of parties going on in Hillcrest of course. There is always Balboa Park and downtown, and the haunted houses.    Since i I haven’t presented in public yet, I’m excited, cause I might finally have enough courage to muster to venture out in the neighborhood.     
    • Steph1982
      Lots of good information here and I appreciate all of you sharing your journey. Right now I think I'm at that questioning stage and perhaps trying to find ways to show myself I'm not ttans. I do agree that I'm not cis gender but just exploring and reading all your journies to ultimately find out where I fall on the gender scale. Thanks everyone:)
    • VickySGV
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw5vyJ30djM&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR0RfP_mw_e7q4cV7O6kRqn6JDjvgV1H5jJWFjGl-XGqpn4WVkLvah4HaDM   Not much to say, Sarah is one of our true leaders for the upcoming years.
    • Jani
      Hello Gabby!  (is that a new name?)  As you have read the recent thread concerning porn, etc. you can see that it is a diversion and "red herring" related to gender issues.   Also don't be drawn in by the "I like women or I like men" thing.  Gender and Sexuality are two different things.  Flip flopping is normal.  Our feelings on any given issue will change regularly given enough time involved in it.      Ok you know self medicating is bad.  Even getting regular check ups is not enough as I don't imagine you know what to look for, and there can be complications from certain levels in your body that you don't understand.  Start to get clean!  See your doctor and tell them what is happening.  They won't bite.  Ask them to legally prescribe and monitor your lab work.     As to not seeing the woman in the mirror?  This takes time.  I was two years into this journey before I consistently saw her.  There is certainly a mental element to this.  Once I started thinking like a woman it was easier to see me.  You are still on the outside looking in.  Faceapp and the like are fun but can drive you crazy.    Jani 
    • Nivegnal
      So after reading a ton I find that I’m not not ok with where I am.  Like most I have no clue why I feel like I do and do I understand what I am. Neither physically mentally or sexually.   The community is so vast and has so many descriptors that it’s hard to pick just one you may fit in.  Just trying to understand them all is a chore.   I have read of those who want to be a women. I do too.  Badly. If given enough money and time I have little doubt I would be there.  I know what I want but not what I am.  Why I am the way I am.  Feel sexuality towards a variety of women.  Sometimes men.   I’ve read of those who question this being a fetish or a dysphoria    I too have questioned this.  I have had strong desires to be nothing but a women then after “release” I feel dirty ashamed.  I say this on cue from another forum member being brave enough to mention her attraction to certain porn.  I am too.  All sorts.   I find myself extremely attracted to women and more so to trans women pre surgery.  I don’t feel gay still being in a male body living mostly as a male but sometimes I am more then curious.   ive been labeled bisexual in the stupid little online tests.  Maybe I am.  I don’t know.   I flip flop from day to day.  One day I’m ok with being a male.  Living as a husband and a man with all my male straight friends.   The next Day I cry all day not being the women I know I am.  I hate to say the women inside but I don’t know how else to say it.  It’s me either way.   im lucky that I have not gone through depression or worse. Hurting myself.  I have always just dealt with it.  It is what it is attitude.  The deep desires still inside aching to get out but the fear keeping them in.The fear. It’s the worse.   I will admit for the first time ever,to anyone, to self medicating HRT over the years.  Stopping and starting over and over.  Admittedly due to lack of money.  Secretly seeking doctors appointments, as a guy, but “checking” on my health and blood work for any signs of danger.  I know.  I know.  It’s not safe or right.  I’ve read so much on the dangers that I’m afraid to cross the street or eat sugar.   But it’s my only release to be myself.  I feel better knowing I am doing something,anything, for “her”.  Maybe subconsciously I hope to be caught or questioned. Having no choice but to admit my inner self is there.  I both dread and look forward to being given no choice.  Though I’m so careful to not screw up.  I have small breasts, definitely an A but pushing a strong B in certain bras.  However easily hidden with compression tanks to look more like pecks then breast. Also luckily small genitalia so hiding my bit n pieces is very easy.   My biggest depressor if I was to name just one is I just don’t see the women in the mirror.   That is the one thing that hits me hard.  I can’t find myself when I stare into the mirror.  Cry?  Definitely.   However, just today I tried a fun little app that can convert a selfie to many things.  Older different hair etc.  Of coarse my goal was to see a gender conversion.  I was blown away.  I even tried it with several pics.  The amazing thing was I looked exactly like older versions of two of my natural daughters.  I’d post a pic of the app conversation but don’t know how yet.   but these pics gave me a glimpse of the women inside.  She is beautiful and I look forward to her being out one day.   ok. I’ve run on n on.  Sorry.   im so gabby.  
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...