First makeover - the good and the bad

[Makayla2019]

So today I got to experience my first ever professional makeover and it was amazing. I really enjoyed it. 

Never felt so special and the artist was just so nice. Explained every step. 

 

I had had a few pics done and then decision time. Should I go out. I felt amazing. I thought I looked good she said I looked amazing too. 

 

And so so I went out and....

 

this is is where My world came crashing down. Is it normal to have such distain for being picked?

 

i probably don’t help myself in my look as I feel every single person was looking at me and it only too one comment which luckily I didn’t hear and I rushed back to the car and whisked myself home. Atleast I was able to take more pics before having to remove the makeup.  

Iam finding more and more I just want to present as female but I just sadly look like a bloke in drag. No matter what I tell myself. 

 

Thought i would atleast share a few pics. 

 

Feeing sad tonight. Not the happy happy I was hoping for. 

[Jordy]

I think who ever said something was jealous. You wouldn't get a second glance from me or my fiance questioning your gender. You look like a woman to me.

[SaraAW]

Lovely photos, the makeup is subtle but really works for your tones. I love your hair too.  I agree with Jordy, you look great. 

 

Sorry you couldn’t enjoy more time out.

 

You made it out as you, no matter how long it was, I think that is something to be very proud of. 

 

*hugs*

[Makayla2019]

@SaraAW @Jordy

thankyou both that’s very sweet. Now the hard part is can I relocate the look hehe. 

[Jordy]

I'm glad you can duplicate the look, it's a good one on you.

[Makayla2019]

Hehe. I said I would try. With only a third of the product. What do you think?

 

[Jordy]

Looks great!  I never really got the hang of makeup myself though I do still wear some sometimes when I feel a bit fem. I feel a little genderfluid at times but mostly male. Who's to say a guy can't wear makeup though? Ha ha.  Keep up the good work and soon you will feel as great as you look.

[Makayla2019]

You so can wear a bit of makeup. Nothing hotter than a guy who embraces a little bit of femininity right. 

Practice practice practice. 

I have to say I always feels great it’s the pessimist in me that can’t get past what other say. 

#justkeepswimming 

[Jani]

You looked great Makayla and your personal attempt came out well!  Don't mind the nay sayers.

[Makayla2019]

4 hours ago, Jani said:

You looked great Makayla and your personal attempt came out well!  Don't mind the nay sayers.

Thanks @Jani hugs. 

[Willow]

Hi,  I had my makeup done by a professional beauty consultant and have had several follow up sessions to get it right.  The first time I went out dressed and made up 

I was very apprehensive.  But I kept to myself and for the most part ignored the people around me.  It ended up going well and I spent 4 full days without any male clothes to run back to.

 

If you look for people checking you out, you’ll find them.  But if you pay them no mind they’ll leave you alone.  Just be aware of your surroundings and don’t go places where you could really cause yourself a problem.

 

Willow

[Makayla2019]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

f you look for people checking you out, you’ll find them.  But if you pay them no mind they’ll leave you alone.  Just be aware of your surroundings and don’t go places where you could really cause yourself a problem.

Thanks @Willow that’s a really helpful tip. Just focus on doing what I want not looking what others think. 

I guess that’s an affliction I have had for a long time. Very self conscious. I am hoping that all changes. 

Hugs 

M

[KymmieL]

Yes, Makayala. You do look good. I hope to be even half as good looking as you. I look at I am doing what I want to and if someone doesn't like it tough tookie. I am being who I am.

 

Kymmie

[Kirsten]

That’s sad that you ran into haters first time out. One thing about haters that you have to remember is that haters are scared little &itches! And they hate because they have self esteem issues. Like willow said, if you look for them you’ll see them. They’re everywhere. Even if you 100% pass the haters can still hate. They donit to the cis folk too. Just worry about yourself and your people and you’ll get used to it. It slowly disappears with time. 

And you looked great!!! Don’t let the haters keep you in. Go show off that beautiful aura! ❤️

[Makayla2019]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Yes, Makayala. You do look good. I hope to be even half as good looking as you. I look at I am doing what I want to and if someone doesn't like it tough tookie. I am being who I am.

 

Kymmie

Hi @KymmieL that’s very sweet. It’s nice to know. If I am honest that’s how I feel. It’s like I look pretty good you know. Hehe. 

Hell to the rest of them hey. I will not give up. 

[Makayla2019]

31 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

And you looked great!!! Don’t let the haters keep you in. Go show off that beautiful aura! ❤️

@Kirsten thanks so much. Was I glowing haha.  It’s amazing what putting that wig on can do for ones aura. Wish one day my own hair looks that good. Have a great weekend. I am hoping to be brave again.

hugs

[Kirsten]

It gets better! I was in your shoes not long ago. Every time you go out it gets a little easier. I went full time sometime last summer. Before that I had been out dressed literally like twice ever! But once you decide it’s time, all the rest fades away and you’re just happy to finally be you! You’re officially on your way! ????

[Makayla2019]

15 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

But once you decide it’s time, all the rest fades away and you’re just happy to finally be you! You’re officially on your way

Thanks so much. Means a lot to hear such support. 

[Makayla2019]

I wanted to share this picture as I have not been able to stop thinking this over today. 

 

I took this just collapsed on the bed. Exhausted but happy and not wanting to break away from how I look. 

 

As I walked round to day in guy mode with a bit feminine aura going on. I still can’t help but ponder is my fascination for looking perfect a sign it’s purely a cross dressing fetish desire to constantly want more. 

Or am I just saying this as I am scared of being truthful. 

 

M

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, Makayla2019 said:

As I walked round to day in guy mode with a bit feminine aura going on. I still can’t help but ponder is my fascination for looking perfect a sign it’s purely a cross dressing fetish desire to constantly want more. 

Or am I just saying this as I am scared of being truthful. 

Hi Makayla, imho..Looking perfect isn't necessarily a sign you're experiencing a cross dressing fantasy.  Yes, it's possible you are but you would likely not get a counselor to diagnose you as one based on that fact alone.

My wife and I spend way too much time on our makeup and deciding what we're going to wear in the morning.  As a woman, you want perfection to some degree.  I think it's a personal decision for each of us but hardly dictates whether it's a core part of a need to express yourself as a woman or a fashion kink.  I would look at some of the deeper issues with past behavior, desires, thoughts, etc with your counselor.  They may help you resolve this question in time.  The answer is in each of us.

 

Susan R?

[Makayla2019]

14 hours ago, Susan R said:

 I would look at some of the deeper issues with past behavior, desires, thoughts, etc with your counselor.

Thanks @Susan R I know not easy but do you have an example ?

i am struggling to separate what the desires are. I certainly know that the behaviours are changing and likely due to the fact the desire has. 

Dam this isn’t easy. 

[BrandiBri]

On 2/14/2019 at 6:24 PM, Makayla2019 said:

it’s the pessimist in me that can’t get past what other say. 

That to me is why it is so hard to come out. We tend to worry too much about what others will say as well as what we've been taught ( boys are boys, girls are girls, it's wrong to want to wear clothes of the opposite sex, etc.) I have come to the point where I don't care what others think, that is their problem, not mine. The confidence that I show in my daily life is reflected in a positive response from most people. I am perceived as a woman more often as a man even though I usually don't wear makeup.

Most people are "in their own little worlds" and don't even notice you and if they do, most will be leery about saying anything anyway. 

[Makayla2019]

Thanks @BrandiBri. I am starting to realise  that is more important and making  small steps. Hopefully in time I will be able to come the person I am inside. 

[Susan R]

7 hours ago, Makayla2019 said:

Thanks @Susan R I know not easy but do you have an example ?

 i am struggling to separate what the desires are. I certainly know that the behaviours are changing and likely due to the fact the desire has. 

Sure Makayla,  I understand it is not easy to distinguish between these desires.  I mentioned in another post that these motivations for one to crossdress can change over time. My desires to wear woman's clothing is not attached to any sexual desire to do so.  I wear woman's clothing to fit in with my gender identity on the outside.  This makes me feel complete and like my real self.  Crossdressers can have many motives but it is not always about feeling like a woman on the inside.  It can be completely physical as to the fabric or material design, it can be taboo, it can be a need to be submissive, or something else entirely.  It's not totally impossible to have some mix of any one of these too which in turn will make this even more difficult to distinguish your true motivations.  TG people dig deep (possibly with a counselor) to learn about themselves and their motivations to wear ladies or men's garments.

 

You asked for an example.  I can only share my feelings about how I perceive my need to present female as an example.  It's different for every one of us.  When I was entering puberty, I derived a sexual pleasure from things taboo. That was a reason I had some initial sexual excitement from wearing women's clothing.  But back when I was 4 years old and just started wearing my sister's clothing, there was not sexual fulfillment or desire.  As mentioned, entering puberty, it changed because of the "taboo" factor.  I feel now that I was still wanting to be female because I was female inside but had a short term benefit of the idea of it being a societal taboo.  Today however, while being taboo to a lesser extent, I do NOT feel that same pleasure of doing something taboo when putting on a female garment.

 

I hope this clarifies a bit my understanding of this crossdresser vs need to be a woman for you.  I know many will disagree.  I'm ok with that. I only have my experience, research and understanding of the issue to use.  I look forward to hearing what other have to say on this subject.  As you can see, there's no perfect answer to the question...just a dialog.

 

My 2¢,

Susan R?

[Makayla2019]

@Susan R thank you so much for such an honest and heartfelt response. Really means a lot. 

 

I guess i am I am not too sure where I sit but your story resonates very strongly with mine. I am currently finding my need to dress as a woman is now purely a need and not anything more. Often in the past my sexual element has always been bdsm and it just so happen to support my ability to explore my feminine side. But just sitting down and wearing a female outfit always felt right. 

 

It started before puberty and has had many ups and downs since. I am still totally addicted to boots and leather and this scares me I guess. 

And I struggle to understand when I see a cis woman who is dressed well if I really am jealous or simply attracted to what she is wearing or even her as well. I guess in some way it’s all three. 

 

I am am starting to think I am trying to find excuses to tell myself I am not trans. When in fact I am. Just been thinking now about saying that and thinking forward about being able to lay on the bed and be a woman is so appealing.

 

thanks again. 

M