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mxophie

Hello From the Isle of Man

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mxophie

Hi I'm Sophie, or, rather, that is who I would like to be. I've known I was “different” from an early age. At school I really envied the girls, I knew I wanted to dress like them and join in with them doing girly things. Unfortunately I had a clear idea of what was expected of me and lived the life of the stereotypical guy.

When I was 18 and moved away to university I started to buy and wear some of the clothing I had always desired, but only in the privacy of my room. I told myself it was a fetish ignoring the fact that there was no sexual element just a general sense of well being. I wish I would have had the courage to 'come out' at that stage because moving back home after 3 years put an end to it all. Living where I do, certainly back then, the idea of a trans woman was just unthinkable. Plus the idea of a long term relationship and perhaps having children seemed to require that I put all that behind me.

I managed for some time, had relationships and eventually got engaged, but I was unhappy. Depression and alcohol abuse were wearing my partner down but, God bless her, she stood by me and got me into AA where I started to open up a little, here I also realised I had to have an honest conversation with my fiancée.

That was the hardest thing I had done in my life and it did not go well. We split up and I agreed that if ever

asked I would confirm her version – that we split because of my drinking. I have been single ever since.

Today Sophie is still my big dark secret, someone I can become every night and she keeps me sane and sober. There are so many labels out there I just consider myself as a woman who masquerades as a man. I dislike the dichotomy but accept that, for now at least, it is how I must live my life.

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Robin

Hi Sophie,

 

Welcome to the forum.  I am glad that you have decided to join our little world.

 

You will find that there are many people on here that will be able to relate to your experiences and offer support and advice.

 

Robin.

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Cyndee

Welcome Sophie, nice to have you here with us at Trans Pulse :)

 

Have a look around, and do post away as the mood strikes ya...

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

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Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sophie.  I do believe that you are our first member from the Isle of Man.  That makes you special.  Please have a look around the forums, and I encourage you to participate in the discussions and ask questions.  That is the best way to learn.  I look forward to hearing more from you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Charlize

Welcome Sophie.  I found the ability to face myself and learned to accept what i found in the rooms of AA.  Glad you've joined us here.  If you are interested there are Trans AA meetings on line where we connect with both audio and visual with sober trans* folks from around the world.   Please take a look at the alcohol abuse forum for information if your interested.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Susan R

Hi Sophie, welcome to our little community.  Many of the facets of your transition remind me of my journey.  It's nice that you've come to terms with this as I have.  It never truly went away for me and became so detrimental to my well being when I would try and bury it.  I hope you find a place of happiness along your journey and if you care to share more, I'd really enjoy reading more about it.  Thank you for sharing this part of yourself today.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

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tracy_j

Hi Sophie,

 

Welcome :)

 

Tracy

 

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Timber Wolf

Hi Sophie,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

After a life of drugs and alcohol (which is a drug), I've found recovery in 12 step meetings too. I add my invite with Charlize's to join the online TG AA group. You can find info on it in the alcohol abuse forum.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf 🐺🐾

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BrandiBri

Welcome Sophie! Hiding in the closet can only work for so long, there comes a time when it becomes necessary to break out and blossom into the person you were meant to be all along. I found that I am the happiest that I ever have been now that I'm free to be me.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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Jani

Hello Sophie and welcome.  You are certainly not alone in your thoughts.  When you read our stories you'll see many similarities.  Please join in and become part of the community here.  

 

Cheers, Jani

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