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Guest S. Chrissie

A Very Interesting Person To Know

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Guest S. Chrissie

So, in today's church service, our pastor told us about a certain Sarah Allis Yang, a person of God and a devouted missionary who will be coming to give us a talk this coming Saturday, sharing her life experiences and the word of God. I thought this will be a long post, but I found her website that makes things lots easier and shorter :P .

So, what's so special about her? Read her biography in her website, and watch the testimony video

http://www.jcbeloved.com/?page=bio

Seriously, do that!! And you can find out from the video that, she was a "former FtM" ? And if you've noticed, nothing about transgenderism was ever stated anywhere, only homosexuality and "sexual sins". We heard so much about how evil the Exodus programs are, yet, we hardly ever heard of people who are "changed"/"cured" however you put it, on their own will like Sarah here. I bet she's one of the fews that had her Life changed because of Christ. Which is very interesting. If she was subjected to Exodus programs or forced against her will, I doubt she would be such a prominent missionary and leader.

My question is this, she was "saved", "cured", "delievered" (however you put it) from transgenderism (or homosexuality, as how she put it) by accepting Christ ("...got delivered from believeing i was a boy"), yet there are many devouted followers of Christ here, and I never heard about any of us being "delivered"??

I don't understand, what's the difference between us and Sarah?? Thoughts?

I will be going to her talk on Saturday with my mind open and see how it goes, I am very interested and will make an update once I went there and see it myself.

P.S. I feel sooooooo guilty after watching the video..... :( I really don't know what to think.....suddenly, I feel that, IF I can be "delivered", I would jump into it too..... I don't know :banghead:

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Guest julia_d

nothing "special" about her at all.. take your biggest stick and your largest dose of cynicism and show both proudly..

what a horrid excuse for a human.. just a vile example of somebody who can't accept they aren't important and need for their own self aggrandisement to spout their crap at others..

I would love to attend because they would honestly last 5 minutes before I ripped them into a laughing stock in front of everybody.

These people are suffering from dangerous hallucinations and delusions of their own importance.. if they were spouting anything but religion they would be strapped to beds in psychiatric hospitals.

yuck.. excuse me while I go vomit up my lovely dinner.

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Sally

Before you get very upset with yourself, I would like for you to stop banging your head on the wall and don't froen so much.

There are so many different issues involved with transgender issues and so many layers, in all probability Sarah was not truly a transsexual, was diagnosed by herslelf and possibly others I will view the videos and get back to you if I feel that what I am telling you is not the case, but so often when our eyes are opened to something we decide to call it being saved.

I have always taken exception to born again Christians who ring your door bell and shout, "Have you been saved?"

My response does not sit very well with them, "I was never lost, others spent forty years wondering in the wilderness and built arks to survive floods and Jesus died to save me, I am so sorry that you had to be saved again, but I am glad that you have been."

'Saved' is a term that is thrown around until it has no real meaning.

When I was in graduate school they made a Twighlight Zone movie and in one scene the low flying helicopter lost control the actor Vic Morrow was decapitated in a failed attempt to save the small Asian children on the set with him, the survivor a camera man was interviewed on the 700 Club - the last episode that I ever watched, I had been annoyed by Pat Roberts and his bunch before but when the cameraman said that he had felt the hand of God pulling him back into the helicopter and was the reason that he had survived, Pat started his Praise God he saved you, eyes closed hands to heaven routine and all I could think of was why save him - Vic Morrow was trying to save innocent children - remmber for theirs is the kingdom of heaven - why not save tham - Saved by God is a way of explaining survivig something that you don't know why and would feel guilty about surviving without that crutch.

That may sound very unCHristian but my beliefs do not allow me to dismiss horrible waste and accidents as God's will - I believe in God who created us all and worked very hard to set us on the right path but I believe that we are here on our own to do what is right because it is right and we know it - religion is used to justify anything that we felt was wrong but did it anyway - some very well intentioned and extremely good people have been motivated by an idea that they were saved for a purpose and that is very gooe.

However, because Sarah felt that she was 'saved' from being transgendered should not make you feel that you are in any way cursed, doomed, evil or any way less of God's children than anybody else.

This is her story, her path and no one else's - we all have our paths in life and they are not all the same but I do believe that in the end if you followed your path and your heart they will all end up in that same great place with God smiling at us all>

Sorry for the sermon, but I have rather deep feelings about this sort of subject and the harm that it can cause out weighing the good in the end.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest julia_d
I have always taken exception to born again Christians who ring your door bell and shout, "Have you been saved?"

They will need saving from the contents of my deep fat fryer (hot or not) if they ever try that on me XD deluded bigots aren't welcome at my door.

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Sally

OK, I watched the video - My theory is looking pretty good - other issues not transsexuality and a 'mission' started for all of the wrong reasons.

She was not saved, she was only lost because she refused to ask for directions.

I have never had what one would call a vision but at times I am very sure and quite suddenly that I know what I am supposed to be doing.

I am not going to go sit on a railroad track and say, "If you love me God save me."

God loved me enough to give me the means to get off of that track before the train comes and the brains to know not to sit there in the first place and that is enough for me, I don't need to test or see proof daily, although I do, the sun, rain, the moon, people, animals, clouds, flowers - there is proof everywhere but we sit around and wait for someone, another human to tell us what to think, no thanks, I am me - God made me who I am and if that means a transsexual then that's OK.

Being Trans myself brought me here to Laura's and I have helped in a small way to get people to try to see themseves as still being good in God's eyes and I believe that to be so I feel that what I am doing is right and I will continue, Sarah doesn't feel that way and it is her right to tell her side of the story - I just failed to bring God in on my side because I believe that God loves us all and therefore would not take sides in this debate - so I will not debate her either I will just offer my help and support to who ever wants it and if they don't I will wish them well and pray for them.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Evan_J
They will need saving from the contents of my deep fat fryer (hot or not) if they ever try that on me XD deluded bigots aren't welcome at my door.

Youch! Though shalt not make explicit threats of violence on the internet tho hun. Eyes are everywhere :mellow: (Just hopin to be helpful)

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Guest Evan_J

Personal feelings about people who are "saved" from homosexuality etc.

I think that (again, personal thoughts....) when people say they were "saved" either a ) they never were that thing to begin with in homosexuality (etc) subjects but rather they were people who needed attention and saying they were gay (or trans) gave them that and along the way they found out saying "halleluiah, I'm saved" gave them even MORE attention so they switched to that b ) they honestly are confused people and have little clue about much in their lives, easily thinking they're gay and all one second and easily led to think they're 'cured' the next or c) all they've done is let other people convince them they aren't gay or trans when they in fact are and are at least temporarily "caught up under the spell" of that religion. I think in those cases it wears off at some point. And unfortunantly the individual is likely to end up in worse shape mentally than when they started.

But thats just my opinion.

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Guest julia_d

Isn't telling me I will "burn in hell for all eternity" a direct threat and a form of mental abuse? I'm allowed to state that I will defend myself from half baked ideas and threats born out of hallucinations and fantasies.

They only called once.. they didn't like the large dog with big teeth that I had to restrain by keeping the door closed enough so only his nose and teeth were the other side.

The world will be a far better place when humans grow up enough to not need fairy stories to blame their failings on.

points to ponder ..

god saves those who repent.. so what is the point of trying to follow the rules that god (man actually.. humans on a power and control trip.. the rest is pure fantasy) lays down?.. surely if you lead a pure and blameless life you have nothing to repent and therefore can't be saved.. saved from precisely what anyway.. reality?? hahaha.. strike 1 for logic XD

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Guest Zenda

Kia Ora Chrissie,

I have a friend whose bisexual and has been living in a same sex relationship for the past 20 odd years-she said she 'chose' to commit herself to a 'same sex' relationship...It's more than likely this Sarah person was a confused bi sexual who decided to swing the opposite way to my friend...It's possible Sarah came from a religious family and believed it was divine intervention that 'cured' her...

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest Evan_J
Isn't telling me I will "burn in hell for all eternity" a direct threat and a form of mental abuse? I'm allowed to state that I will defend myself from half baked ideas and threats born out of hallucinations and fantasies.

They only called once.. they didn't like the large dog with big teeth that I had to restrain by keeping the door closed enough so only his nose and teeth were the other side.

The world will be a far better place when humans grow up enough to not need fairy stories to blame their failings on.

points to ponder ..

god saves those who repent.. so what is the point of trying to follow the rules that god (man actually.. humans on a power and control trip.. the rest is pure fantasy) lays down?.. surely if you lead a pure and blameless life you have nothing to repent and therefore can't be saved.. saved from precisely what anyway.. reality?? hahaha.. strike 1 for logic XD

Question this time is what you think about Sarah.

Opinion of Chrstianity is another thread.

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Guest Sarinah

As sally said, we all have a path. For some of us to grow in love we might need to turn away from things in our life, and yet for others we might need acknowledge and embrace things in our life. When I was young I was angry and suicidal. I hated the world and God because I knew that I was different but I didnt understand it and I was afraid that I was "forsaken". I had several suicide attempts, though they were weak and more a cry for help then anything. Someone was kind enough to point me in the direction of God, and within a short time I was consumed with his Love. All the anger and saddness left me and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of compassion for everyone. I was still different God didnt change that, but he did help me realise that it was all part of his plan. It wasnt till nearly 13 years later that I discovered the name for my "difference" and how it is shapeing my life and the lives of those around me. I believe it is part of Gods plan for my life to be transgendered, so that through it I and those around me might grow in love and compassion.

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Guest Evan_J
As sally said, we all have a path. For some of us to grow in love we might need to turn away from things in our life, and yet for others we might need acknowledge and embrace things in our life. When I was young I was angry and suicidal. I hated the world and God because I knew that I was different but I didnt understand it and I was afraid that I was "forsaken". I had several suicide attempts, though they were weak and more a cry for help then anything. Someone was kind enough to point me in the direction of God, and within a short time I was consumed with his Love. All the anger and saddness left me and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of compassion for everyone. I was still different God didnt change that, but he did help me realise that it was all part of his plan. It wasnt till nearly 13 years later that I discovered the name for my "difference" and how it is shapeing my life and the lives of those around me. I believe it is part of Gods plan for my life to be transgendered, so that through it I and those around me might grow in love and compassion.

:)

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Guest Madison_Always

Julia, I dont want this to come off rude but we know you dislike religion and some of your comments are very offensive. Just because you have had bad expieriences with "christians" does't mean all of us are like that. They probably weren't saved anyway. Lastly God does love you and wants you to embrace Him. God is love, man is not.

On topic I have heard of someone named Cy Rogers who was a former mtf. He had set a date for srs, but was cured.Ive never seen him tho. My parents did @ church.

hugs

Chelsea

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Guest S. Chrissie

@Sally

Thanks, it's very insightful. Yet it is interesting how her path in Life, is to be "delivered" from 'sexual sins" (transgenderism) and to use that experience to preach the Word of God...I mean, as you said, God loves all of us, and yet, her experience seems like something that says "Hey, I can do it, why can't you?"

Sarah doesn't feel that way and it is her right to tell her side of the story - I just failed to bring God in on my side because I believe that God loves us all and therefore would not take sides in this debate - so I will not debate her either I will just offer my help and support to who ever wants it and if they don't I will wish them well and pray for them.

Very well said :)

Watching the video back, I realised she did said that "it is still a struggle dealing with sexual sins" (or something along that line), whihc probably means if she IS a transgender, the feeling is still lingering around and she's supressing it :huh:

@Evan

Attention grabbers....hmm...assuming that what she said in the video is true (and I really hope it is), saying "I am a boy" at 2 to grab attention is..umm..too young :P Then again, her stating that "her mum prayed to 'Buddha' for a boy in the video made it sound like she had those thoughts that she's a boy at 2 till 15 because of Buddha..which is a pathetic way to put down other teachings <_< And yeah, I guess there are lots that figured they are "cured" by the grace of God to find themselves in a deeper ditch. But faith(regardless of whether there's a superior power in the universe) is also a powerful tool, so who knows, her convictions might prevent her from falling"

@ Jendar

I would have thought that she's a FtM, from what was stated in the video, but bisexuality makes sense too....I wonder..if we can only read her mind :lol:

@Sarinah

That's good to hear :) It's inspiring. I always believe God was pointint me to this direction too....*hugs*

@Julia

Sorry that you had a hard time with some so-called Christians that made you hate Christianity as a whole, but that doesn't mean the whole system is screwed. A few bad eggs, well, probably not few, but more than half :unsure: doesn't mean every followers of Christ are screwed people. And as Evan said, it's thoughts about Sarah, not about Christianity.

Interestingly, I've noticed that the thought of "burning in hell", the very graphical depiction of how a sinner burns in fiery flames, screaming in pain for eternal made people hate Christianty. It seems like it is the fear that the scene, being burned for eternal, could be true drove lots of people away from Christianty. And followers of Christ exploited the depiction of this "Hell" to instill fear into others too..."You will burn in Hell for this, that bla bla bla!!!" >_>

But, I do believe that true followers that understands the teachings would notice that those depictions are just abstract wordings. Fiery flame, burning, etc etc are abstract words that carry another meaning, instead of being "burned". Hell isn't a place with flames and stuff. (I recommend Strobel's "The Case For Faith" to fellow followers of Christ :) very interesting book to read. Then again, it made me not believe in the teachings more )

I will give an update once I go to her talk. It's going to be interesting. I might come back changed and go "Yo, dude, I am a boy now, man" :lol: Or I will be the same ol' Sherlyn.

Hugs

Sherlyn

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Sally

I think that you will be the same ol' Sherlyn, because you have more of an open mind and are capable of dealing with opposing view points and very well - I just read your last post.

Unfortunatlly most people's ideas of Hell do not come from the Bible but other literature - "Dante's Inferno" from "The Devine Comedy" tends to lead people by title alone to the image of "Fire and Brimestone".

One of my favrite religious jokes was told by a brilliant Irish comedian named Dave Allen - On his TV show he was sitting on a stool with a 'strong drink' in his hand and began to tell this story:

A priest was giviing a real Fire and Brimestone sermon to his congregation and while pounding on his pulpit and shouting about the suffering and torment in hell for all sinners he shouted, "There will be a great wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth!"

A rather elder member on the front pew questioned, "What if you haven't got any teeth?"

Dave paused and took a sip of his strong drink and looked sternly at the audience and said, "The priest was not even startled he responded wihtout hesitation - Teeth will be provided!"

It never hurts to listen to another's view point but always be sure that you can fully agree before you adopt it.

Always listen to your own heart and you will know what to do.

Jesus said to love your neighbor, we added unless they are gay, trans, any race or religion other than your own and especially if they are not attractive.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest julia_d

No.. I despise ALL organised religion because of it's creation of false boundaries between animals of the same species. i see no need whatsoever to even mention a "belief" in a fantasy and then use it as an excuse to spout rubbish at others. Religion abuses people.. it does now as it has done in the past.

I could tear some more holes but there is no point trying to shine light into the dark places of the closed minds. I know my enemies.. they come bearing books of "truth" ..

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Guest Zenda

Kia Ora Chrissie,

I’ve just looked at most of the video clip[i’m on dial up-such a drag]

If Sarah is truly cured[and I mean a big IF] good for her-after all isn’t that what most would want - to be free of their dysphoria…

However I doubt very much that it was a god that cured her-one possibility is she is still gender dysphoric and BISEXUAL but has learn to keep it under control by throwing herself into bible studies and church work which gives her some temporary relief…I was deep into the study of urban entomology for twenty odd years, along with other mind occupiers this helped me to suppress my true self-distracting my thoughts of gender...

I had to smile when she said “My mother ‘prayed’ to the Buddha asking for another boy!” To ask the Buddha to grant you a favour is to ask it of yourself-ignorance is ‘unskilful’ and if there was such a thing as ‘sin’ in Buddhism, ‘ignorance’ would be it…

:rolleyes: a question…What’s god’s success rate at ‘curing’ people of transsexualism??? And what’s the success rate of counsellors and surgeons that help them to fully transition???

This god isn't even in the running…Or perhaps s/he/it really doesn’t care, just so long as one is being true to themselves and happy… ^_^

Metta Jendar :)

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MaryEllen
No.. I despise ALL organised religion because of it's creation of false boundaries between animals of the same species. i see no need whatsoever to even mention a "belief" in a fantasy and then use it as an excuse to spout rubbish at others. Religion abuses people.. it does now as it has done in the past.

I could tear some more holes but there is no point trying to shine light into the dark places of the closed minds. I know my enemies.. they come bearing books of "truth" ..

This is not a Christian bashing thread as you seem to be making it. Please confine your comments to a more appropriate thread or start one of your own. Any more derogotory posts will be removed. Mods take notice.

MaryEllen

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Guest S. Chrissie
Kia Ora Chrissie,

I’ve just looked at most of the video clip[i’m on dial up-such a drag]

If Sarah is truly cured[and I mean a big IF] good for her-after all isn’t that what most would want - to be free of their dysphoria…

However I doubt very much that it was a god that cured her-one possibility is she is still gender dysphoric and BISEXUAL but has learn to keep it under control by throwing herself into bible studies and church work which gives her some temporary relief…I was deep into the study of urban entomology for twenty odd years, along with other mind occupiers this helped me to suppress my true self-distracting my thoughts of gender...

I had to smile when she said “My mother ‘prayed’ to the Buddha asking for another boy!” To ask the Buddha to grant you a favour is to ask it of yourself-ignorance is ‘unskilful’ and if there was such a thing as ‘sin’ in Buddhism, ‘ignorance’ would be it…

:rolleyes: a question…What’s god’s success rate at ‘curing’ people of transsexualism??? And what’s the success rate of counsellors and surgeons that help them to fully transition???

This god isn't even in the running…Or perhaps s/he/it really doesn’t care, just so long as one is being true to themselves and happy… ^_^

Metta Jendar :)

Distractions....I did wonder about that possibility. Perhaps, those that claims to be "delivered" happens to find a strong distraction, reading the Bible, praying, preaching, that made them bury their issues away. Hmmm.....distractions...as I said earlier, she did say something about "it is still a struggle with sexual sins" which might imply something.

Yes, I was smiling too....ignorance, something that will never go away. :huh:

I have no idea about the success rate. :mellow: I mean, I've seen some miracles performed, the blind regained their sight, the crippled stood up and those stuff, but not transsexualism.

@ Chelsea

That person sounds interesting. Anyway to dig up some info about him??

Sherlyn :rolleyes:

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Guest S. Chrissie

Notice the second video's description

"gays don't need rights, but religion instead. "

??

Is it me, or is there a pattern here, that to them, "love" in homosexuality means sleeping(trying to be nice here :P) with somebody or more than one?? From Sarah's interview in the 1st link, couldn't that feeling of hers, having "empty cup" on nights where she doesn't have someone to be with her, happen to anyone and everyone?

I mean, one can easily be straight and did whatever she did and be left with an "empty cup". It seems like the point in it is not about homosexuality, but more about sleeping with a few partners. I miss the point here. Having a few partners of the opposite gender is okay while it isn't for the same gender?

Somehow, I begin to wonder if the Christians that condemn gender gifted people compared us in the same way, that it's more about "sex" and sleeping around instead of the real issue of identity. :unsure:

The second video about those "ex-gay's" still doesn't convince me that they were "delivered", but it did convince me even more, that Love transcends our physical vessels. Those "ex-gays" might very well found their "true love", incidentally, in the opposite physical sex. Then again, I might never understand it. I never do understand why my fellow teenagers in university would go "Omg!! If only (insert random pop singer, idol, actor's name here) was my boyfriend!!" I was never drawn to appearances, but how the person carry oneself. Idols look good, so what? How do you know how they act and stuff in their personal time? Ahhh..the confusing world of sexual orientation.

okay, enough for my out-of topic rant. My question would be "Why do some Christians REALLY think gender gifted is a sin? Are they comparing this issue with homosexuality and the topic of sex??" I have heard of people say how wrong it is, how sinful it is, how we are going to burn in Hell. Yet, I never recalled someone giving a definite answer of WHY??

Okay, so it is against your biological function, you were born to reproduce!

-Not good enough. Dwelling upon physical objects and the material world doesn't seem very "spiritual"

Hmm...I can't think of any other at the moment. :wacko:

Sherlyn :rolleyes:

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Guest Elizabeth K

The Spiritual Forum is a very complicated place to post and once upon a long time ago, Laura was never going to allow it, but in the interest of spirituality as it applies to gender dysphoria, she felt it has a valid place in our discussions.

I personally am glad it is here. As with most topics, usually there is a tread of agreement, but sometimes a disgreement on this part, or that part of what is said

Not necessarily so with Spirituality. The adage I have heard for years is if you want to keep your friends, never talk about sex, religion or politics.

Well - how do we not talk about sexuality here? - it's usually associated with gender issues.

Politics is so seasonal - we are all over the world anyway, that it is unusual for politics to be a topic.

BUT

Spirtituality - mainly religion - usually Christianity? WOW - no single person here has exactly the same opinion as another (no brainer) BUT so many are so adament in their opinions, extremely for to extremely against. WOW - heat, fire, flame!!!

That said - there is another factor: changes over time. Personally my attiudes of spirituallity have changed as I have gone through my life experiences. My attitude was fortunately in a good place when at the end of my sanity I did the unthinkble - I DIRECTLY asked God for resolution. Not transition, not deliverence, not peace - resolution!

RESOLUTION - GOD help me find out how I can stop this gender dysphoria - I wasn't sure why, but I wasn't doing very well at all - and this misery and unhappiness had been going on since I was 4 years old!

Amazingly, I was given resolution. I was led to therapy - I was diagnosed in a way that it suddently hit me, I am transsexual! Everything made sense. GOD also gave me choices and led me to chose.

NOW I have resolution.

And in small ways he reinforces this. I was ministering to a dying friend - weeks to live - and you know what, he began ministering right back to me. He didn't know I am transsexual, but then he suddenly did. He told me GOD said I was perfectly fine being that way and there were reasons. This happed yesterday... so this experience is quite new to me. HOW did Jim suddenly come into my life as a major supporter of my transitioning. He said he had a MTF son and therefore knew my heartache and desperation - this man is dying and gives me this message... Oh MY...

BUT the point?

How can this Sarah be 'cured' when there is no cure? She says GOD did it. Okay - acceptable. GOD 'cured' Sarah... maybe that was His plan, for Sarah.

BUT why force that on everyone else? GOD considers us one at a time. GOD isn't ever a one-size-fits-all miracle maker. Each of us has his undivided attention!

I would rather listen to GOD than this 'Sarah." And if anyone questions me as to why I am transitioning? It's GOD's will - I have his permission, I have his blessing, in fact my transsexuality is part of his plan for me, and he is allowing me to transition now, donno why, but it is what has happened, is happening, and will happen.

What is my purpose? Maybe to witness like this to all of you other gender dysphoric out there, belivers or not.

Okay - here goes: GOD LOVES YOU. Secondly - you are absolutely beautiful in GOD's eyes. Thirdly, those who oppose you and foster THEIR beliefs on you are going against GOD's Will.

So

Be strong and be confident. It's HARD being like we are, but there is a reason we were made the way we are. Just look very hard at where you are, what you do, and how you treat others. Maybe you can figure it all out. And if it isn't obvious, maybe your answer awaits down the path somewhere.

Be patient - love GOD back... smile a lot and live the life you love, and love the life you live .

My opinion...

Elizabeth

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Guest S. Chrissie

Thanks, Aunt Lizzy. A very insightful post yet again :)

I was particularly drawn to this

BUT why force that on everyone else? GOD considers us one at a time. GOD isn't ever a one-size-fits-all miracle maker. Each of us has his undivided attention!

Seems like many people overlooked this and that reminds me of a discussion I had with some Christian friends before about the Absolute Truth. Maybe I am understanding this wrong, but doesn't the concept of Absolute Truth restricts God in a way that, God becomes a one-size-fits-all miracle maker?

I did question that, and those friends of mine said "Yes! There's nothing else that can be true except for the Truth of God"

Where can I find the Truth of God? "In the Bible, of course."

But the Bible is written by Man! How do you know those are the Truth? "Because God said so."

What if someone said that God told them that this is the way to go, yet most of you believe that it's a Sin? "Then that's not God that spoke to him."

Hugs

Sherlyn

P.S. I am starting to believe that I will still be the same ol' Sherlyn. (Unless it's not God that spoke to me & created miracles around me) But I still feel excited to learn about the side of her story :rolleyes:

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Guest mia 1

Jesus said to love your neighbor, we added unless they are gay, trans, any race or religion other than your own and especially if they are not attractive.

Love ya,

Sally

But we are the ones who carry on his teachings and muddle things up for the next generatrion....and they add their own prejudices and the circle gets smaller and more exclusive all the time..... :(

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    • Jackie C.
      Yeah, that happens to FtM's, but once you've grown out your voice box, that's it. Fortunately, resonance is more important than pitch (see Cher) and you can train yourself to speak with both a higher pitch and feminine resonance. It's hard work, but it totally pays off. Well worth every second I spent doing it.   Alternately, voice surgery is a thing but it only helps with pitch. You still need to train to speak from the right part of your throat.     I get that too. I'm 5'11". My new favorite person at the gym is this lovely woman who is taller than me. I just like standing next to her. But hey, remember that there's a 7' cis-female model out there. Tall girls can be pretty too. It's harder to find clothes, but we can be pretty.   I'm not sure about being alone. Alone time is important, but being around friends can be very affirming. Especially if they know, and use your correct name/pronouns. Or even if they don't know and use the correct name and pronouns. Being around people who know and that you trust is incredibly affirming for me.     I took that approach too. It was scary... so, so scary... but I did it, and it worked out for the best. @Susan R is right though, therapists have seen, heard (and/or done) everything. You can't shock them. I think it's more likely that she'll be happy to finally get through that last bit of armor and get to meet the real you. OK, my therapist described it more as storming a castle. After two years she's past the moat... and I came to her as trans... but I prefer an armor metaphor. To me, coming out felt more like dropping heavy armor I'd been wearing to protect me from the world.   Seriously though. Deep breath and talk to your therapist. She's there to help and she can't help you if you keep things from her. Open and honest communication about what's bothering you is always the best way for the two of you to interact.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      That sounds like fun! The first place my spouse and I went together was the beach... well, technically it was the garage, but that was a "two friends" thing and where I asked her out. I think he'd really enjoy it, especially since he dropped hints. Also, he constantly wants to hold your hand. In my experience, that's not what you get from a guy who isn't in to you.   The two of you sound so cute together! I hope everything works out just how you hope!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Ugh. That should have been a huge red flag. Who DOES that? Those were private. We do not snoop through our partner's private things without permission. I'm so very sorry you had to endure that breach of trust @TammyAnne.     I love voice training! Resonance is more important than pitch though. Testosterone will help you with pitch, resonance is more about speaking low through your chest. Girls speak more from the upper middle parts of their throat and project through their mask (face). Guys talk out of the lower part of their throat and resonate in their chests. Well worth every second I put into it.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      I completely get this. I've got a pretty androgynous face too. I look like a cross between my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather. Dimples. Megawatt smile. I have an entirely different area I'm not comfortable with, but I get it. That part is just "wrong" or "other." I would trade you in a heartbeat. 😅   I was "enjoying" a breakdown about it just yesterday. Although I don't think about it so much on the HRT. Mostly because everything goes "quiet" down there. It makes it much easier to ignore. I'm sorry you don't have that option without surgery.   Same thing growing up, (well, no skirts) until grade school in the 70's dropped the, "boys don't play with girls" hammer on me and I started trying to pretend so I would fit in. I'm a gamer though, so I still fight dragons.   Hugs!
    • Tristantulaine
      I totally get it! I have an hour glass figure and so many of my MtF friends joke they would snag my hips and or a cup size or two if I didnt want them.  I laughed about it while secretly wishing they really could because that would make us both so happy.  Top surgery while I have friends wearing padding feels unfair.  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      This is truly an awful thing for someone to do.  I’m so sorry you had to go threw that.  😢   I have wanted to do this all my life but something always holds me back from doing it. Perhaps my ingrained sense of need to hide everything about the person I was inside was so strong that I just couldn’t “confess” this even in written words.   Then there was the ever present fear of having someone read it, or worse, like what happened to TammyAnne.  I honestly do not know how much of a negative impact that would of had on me.   These days I’m out.  Not to the world but to most everyone I care about so these fears don’t control me any longer.   Why do I still resist?
    • Belle
      That is so awful @TammyAnne... I'm so sorry you have gone through such trauma. I hope one day you will be able to heal enough to stay a journal again.   Belle ❤😥
    • Belle
      Like DeeDee I blog about mine. It's not necessarily a journal but it's an outlet to express my journey in words.   https://medium.com/@qtcbelle   Belle ❤
    • Carolyn Marie
      "Meanwhile, my regular male life carried on.  I eventually met and married my wife.  Of course, the women's clothes had to go.  I was "fixed", and whatever was "wrong" with me was gone.  (or so I thought, hopefully.)  However, the urge to dress remained very strong, and gradually got stronger."   Yes, this sounds a lot like me; always hoping something would "cure" me.  If it wasn't falling in love and getting married, it was growing a mustache and doing something macho and dangerous.  But it never worked, and didn't for you, either.  We have all come to realize that being trans can't be cured, but there is a sure fire way of beating the dysphoria, and its name was transition!   Thanks for taking the time to tell us about yourself, KathyLauren.  I know that it can be a difficult thing to do.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      As someone who took insulin shots for 20 years, I have some familiarity with the problem.  The "good spot-bad spot" theory is pretty "spot" on 😜.  There are thousands of nerve endings in all your extremities, and hitting one by accident is fairly easy to do.  On top of that, hitting a capillary or blood vessel can also be painful.  I'm not entirely sure how to guarantee it won't happen (if that's even possible), but your best best is to talk with a nurse about it.  He or she should be able to give you some tips.  I would also suggest marking (with a marker pen or piece of tape) the spots that gave you pain so you can try and avoid them the next time.   Carolyn Marie
    • MetaLicious
      That's where my fantasy takes me.  I'd love to keep "my" body, but just with XX chromosomes, and an appropriate puberty.   When I find my jealous of some ot the women in media, I have to remind myself that 99% of ciswomen are jealous of those women for the same reason!
    • Tristantulaine
      I have recently begun the process of speaking out what I have been struggling with for a good many years internally without knowing how to put it into words.  In part this is due to transgender friends telling me their stories and hearing bits of myself in them. Last night I had a good cry with my wonderful spouse who told me that he doesnt see me any differently.   So now I feel my experiences can be discussed so much more openly.  First some background.   There is a joke in our family that the force is strong with my dads genetics and on my is it ever.  All three of my dads biological children look like him, and I have a different mom then the other two.  My birth grandfather and dad look alike and his half brother is the same.   In essence I look...like...my dad.  I was born female but have always had this face that could pass for male.  Once as a teen in the hospital I was told by staff that I looked like a cute boy with my hair slicked back.  Now...that is unsettling for a whole host of reasons that I really dont want to get into here but suffice it to say I thought for the first time, what if i was a boy?  Am i cute as a boy?    I didnt experience dysphoria as a child, I just ran around and played in the mud with boys and girls and made up elaborate stories where I fought dragons in skirts and everyone cheered for me, the victorious  knight. Then they showed up.  And they just kept growing and growing till they are large enough that my doctor has spoken to me about top surgery without gender entering the question.  I hate them. Literally I have so much anger towards them I sometimes want to lock myself up in my room and cry.  I look at my androgynous face that looks like my dads and think of the times people have seen just a head shot and thought I could be male or female,  a boy in skirts or a girl in armor or something in between.  Then I look at this silhouette that no amount of binding can reduce.     I am happy with the in betweeness of my face and I am not particularly distressed with any other part of my anatomy, but the thought of caring the things around on my chest for the rest of my life and always looking like I am smuggling watermelons out of a grocery store makes me sick.     So this is where I am now.  I suppose it is as good a place as any to be in as far as my identity is concerned.  I think I am somewhere in between and I want to make my body look the way I feel. And I am in this moment now with acceptance and love for that.
    • Tristantulaine
      I think since it seems there is an interest there that it would be a really great idea!  My adult friends and I took my adult friend to one for her birthday once because she had never gone before and it was absolutely the most fun we have ever had.  I think you see things from a different perspective as you get older and aquariums are a great place to recapture some of the fun and innocence of childhood. Also someone who has always been supportive and willing to listen is probably the kind of person who would enjoy doing something more unique. And you can always get a plushy from the gift shop to snuggle.    I hope all works out for you! 
    • A. Dillon
      Yes, I actually do! I don't write in it daily, but whenever something important happens, I always add to my voice diary of my laptop. That way, I will also be able to hear the progression of my voice over time. For now, I can gladly say that months of training my voice has definitely lowered it quite a bit, and while it might not be exactly what I want, you can't knock progress! It is also more helpful than writing because you just set a time limit and say whatever comes to mind. Hearing your own voice really gives you a better feeling of exactly what you were going through in that moment, and a clearer picture in the whole. I have started crying before, and that raw emotion while you are talking with just yourself and the microphone is something that you can really look back on. It can be a tad more stressful, sure, but I find that there is much less pressure as you are just doing and saying whatever you want.
    • ToniTone
      I'm sorry she compelled you to do that. It's not fair... 
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