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Motormouth95

advice for coming out at college/work

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Motormouth95

Hi all,

Until recently, I've had to put my desire to begin transitioning beyond clothes clothes and personal hygiene products, on the back burner. I had to focus on college and on learning how to be an adult. However, over the past few months, as I close out my third year of college, I've had the desire (can't think of a better word) come back to forefront, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I've talked with my real life best friend, well as the two college professors who are my mentors. All three have been very supportive.  Both of the professors have agreed, at the end of last week, to start using masculine pronouns when referring to me, both privately and publicly.

I've never hidden my feelings when asked, but I've never just made them known until now (outside of family ). I'm finally in a position, financially and emotionally, to begin to slowly start making more baby steps. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle coming out of semi-stealth mode? I work part time as a tutor at my college, and while my coworkers shouldn't react negatively, I don't know about a few of the higher ups. However, no one has ever chastised or asked me about my clothing choices, so that's probably a good sign.  My classmates are also pretty chill. I've thought about just letting my two professors use the pronouns and just let people figure it out for themselves, or should I come out beforehand? Either way, how can best prepare for their reactions, especially if they're not as good as I hope?

Note: I'm not worried about my job because colleges are usually very open, and another professor at a different campus recently came out as MtF, with mostly positive reactions. 

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tracy_j

Hi, I am glad to see things are going well with you :)

 

It's always a tricky time as people can be so unpredictable. You do sound confident which is always very helpful. I think people will have varied opinions to this. Mine is to take things steady and be friendly and open. It's quite likely your true self has projected out to many so they may not be surprised, but there will likely be the odd one who cannot handle it. Don't work yourself up about it (if it happens). Just be as confident and relaxed as you can.

 

Tracy

 

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Motormouth95

I figured that would update this topic. 

I've now come to 2 of my coworkers. They both are on the conservative side on this issue, but they are accepting of who I am. 

I plan on coming out to my bosses later in the summer and few other select people. 

I'll be transferring to another campus in the Fall, so I think it's best to go ahead and come out because I don't want to be semi closeted mode anymore. 

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reyindium

Good for you. Once you start telling people, it seems easier to keep the momentum going.

So you intend to be fully out when you transfer to the new campus? I found that helped me. When I transferred, I lived socially 100% male so my teachers, classmates, etc had no other point of reference for me. I looked and dressed like a guy, and had male pronouns and everyone rolled with it. I will add that this was on a Christian campus in a conservative town, so...I think transitioning elsewhere and starting fresh somewhere new helped.

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ChickenLittle

I found it helpful to talk to each professor at the start of the semester to make sure they know which pronouns to use. I also recruited a couple close friends to help me inform others if needed and to gently correct them if they used the wrong pronoun. It took some of the pressure off of me because I haaaaaaate correcting people. If any of your classes do brief ice breakers, that can also be a good time to tell the class your pronouns if you feel comfortable doing so. You can even ask the professor to tell people to include pronouns in their intro so you're not the only one. 

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reyindium
21 hours ago, ChickenLittle said:

I found it helpful to talk to each professor at the start of the semester to make sure they know which pronouns to use. I also recruited a couple close friends to help me inform others if needed and to gently correct them if they used the wrong pronoun. It took some of the pressure off of me because I haaaaaaate correcting people. If any of your classes do brief ice breakers, that can also be a good time to tell the class your pronouns if you feel comfortable doing so. You can even ask the professor to tell people to include pronouns in their intro so you're not the only one. 

It's interesting that you mention the introductions with pronouns. I recently watched "The Gender Revolution" on Netflix and the documentary went over how progressive colleges are implementing pronouns into their class introductions at the start of term. I thought that was really cool and a good idea.

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Motormouth95

I have to at least email each professor before the semester starts so that they can sign my disability papers, so I'll mention it then. I hate introducing myself,  so I'm probably just going to roll with it with the support of my best friend, who is in all of my classes.  I already dress masculine and appear masculine and will be buying a binder over the weekend. I'll to judge how the campus is like before I 100% present as a male. While it is a public school, it's still in the bible belt. Another plus is that I have the backing of the 2 professors I mentioned in my original post. Both campuses are the same school, so I can ask them to help make my wishes known to other professors. 

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