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Envy when out


AmberM

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This is something that has been coming up for me a lot lately. I have had a hard time with looking at women that are wearing something nice, or someone else that is wearing something that I would love to wear and feeling a deep seeded envy of them. It has kind of started to bother me on a few levels. I am not sure I am alone in this, but also not sure what to do with sitting with the emotion.

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Amber we all look at others wondering how we would look wearing what they are wearing.  Don't fret about it.  Its not worth worrying over.  As to what to do, just be the best you can be at this place in time.  We all (cis and trans) have struggles so don't let it get to you.  Take action to change, if you can.

 

Hugs, Jani 

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I think what the more "odd" thing to me is it goes beyond what they are wearing. I talk with my therapist about it, it is almost more like I am envious of them as a whole. I have a hard time figuring out where I lie on the spectrum of gender and wish I could be more fluid. I have a very masculine appearance, as I am 6'4" and I don't have a small frame.

 

I am having a hard time and struggle with the idea of only expressing myself sincerely while within my apartment. It feels freeing while dressed, but also very isolating. I am scared to come out to anybody besides my therapist and wife, yet, I am envious of those individuals who have had the courage to express themselves so freely.

 

This is just my musings and feelings and wanted to see if this is fairly normal, especially early in the process of questioning.

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I just got in from hanging out with a whole mob of my younger, better looking, and much more stylish friends.  I saw myself in the mirror as I came in past the bathroom and all I could do was shake my head.  Why in the world these people want me to hang around with them???   I know the reason really, but it takes a conscious effort to give it top billing in my mind.  Still, I am jealous of them after the four years we have been working together, but it is a lament that I could not start my journey at the same time of my life that they are getting to do much younger in their lives.  Jealously is real, and natural and as long as it does not bring us to a point of harm to ourselves or others, it is just stuff that was going to happen.

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