So new at this

[Georgiegirl462]

Hi, I don't know if I'm on the right site but it said for families so here I go. My adult son (at the moment) has told us he is transgender, just before Christmas. His dad and I were supportive from the start but were quite scared and a bit shocked by the whole thing. He wants to be female and has told us he always thought he should have been a girl. We thought he might have been gay when he was younger and talked with him about it, but he reassured us he likes girls, and still does. We have always known that there are so many types of people and that gender is just a label by society. From when I was a kid, I have thought that gender and sexuality is a spectrum, but after my quick catchup on transgender etc, I think it is more like a galaxy. It's just so individual.

 

We are worried for him with his marriage and his kids, his work, getting beaten up for being different and how much he'll change from the person we know and love. I really don't care what other people think, I will defend him (or her) to the death. I am a bit concerned at telling his elderly, very religious grandmother, but we will support her when the time comes.

 

We just had a referendum for gay marriage in Australia and many people are more educated about gay people here now. Transgenders are still not really accepted, especially in our male culture. It's getting better though.

 

I suppose when he first got gender dysphoria we (and him as well) hoped that it would just go away. I did a lot of crying and grieving for my little boy and the man he's become who I'll soon lose. I've gotten more used to the idea now. I've looked at so many sites and videos of people who've transitioned. He's not sure what he wants to do in the long run, just taking it slowly. We just want to support him and his family and that's what we're concentrating on.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

You have already done one of the biggest things you could have done for your child. Being supportive and loving them no matter what. Regarding all the things you're worried about, just take things one day at a time. Cross each bridge as you get to it.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Ellora]

@Georgiegirl462, I concur with @Timber Wolf, Support  is one the biggest things you can do for your Child. It means the world to Us, and most everyone else too. 

Unfortunately, violence, physical and mental abuse is something that can happen to Trans people, but it happens to everyone out there too. Hateful and violent people out there dont need much of an excuse to hurt others, we just see it more due to social media and more phone cameras. This is why Support from others is so crucial. We need to build a safe environment, and the more help, the better.

The Pain to Not do anything about our personal needs, can be far greater harm, than following our true self. It is like we are dying inside at times, not living, being in someone else's body that we cant stand to be in. Please do not take this personally. It's an uncontrollable feeling.No matter what you see or hear on the outside, the feeling is on the inside all the time. Sometimes it is well hidden, especially if We are to survive this daily feeling(s). 

Society is slowly getting better. The more education, and awareness is getting better. But until there is a day when people can speak and act freely, and be who they truly are, then this will all be a difficult and scary Journey. It will take longer for the LGBTQ community to be themselves. If we do not do it Now, then When? CIS Women (CIS is used for "Assigned at birth) , Still get treated poorly in this world, Imagine if they didnt stand up for themselves, and/or get the support from others, imagine how they would be treated now?

Support = Love

I wish the best for you and your family ?

[Jani]

Hello Georgie and welcome.  You took a big step in posting here and I applaud you for reaching out to find more information and support.  Yes gender is on a spectrum and it is a large one.  We all fit somewhere.  I think that you are  right to be concerned but as Ellora suggests society can be bad to anyone.  It seems you have been aware of his gender difficulty for some time.  Be supportive as you are trying to be.  I know it was difficult for my parents and my mother still worries but she's funny in that she offers advice like she would have done with my sisters.  Treat your son with love and continue to respect him as he/she wishes to be seen.  Now, I don't know if he is stereotypically male appearing or has won the genetic lottery and looks more androgynous.  Regardless it doesn't matter, its how they feel about themselves.  Support that.  

 

Transitioning isn't one thing with one end goal.  Its about changing what it not right and moving as far and fast as a person needs to.  Some just need to admit they are transgender but can live in the world as they are.  Others need to change up their presentation a bit with some different clothing or hair style.  Finally there are some that desire as much physical change as they can get.  Every step is taken slowly and deliberately.  You and your husband can support that, right?  

 

I know you probably won't post here very frequently but please do so when you have a question or need a little support.  

 

Hugs, Jani   

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Georgie.  Thank you for your support of your child; it is too rare a thing in our community, unfortunately.  With your support their journey will be happier, easier and less stressful.   Although I know it is difficult to get used to, we do prefer that you use the appropriate pronoun (she/her).  But there is no penalty because we do understand that it takes time to adjust.

 

No question is out of bounds here, so if you have concerns please let us know.  One thing I'd like to address, since you brought it up, is safety.  No one can ever rule out physical violence or emotional violence, such as nastiness and slurs.  But in most places it is not a common occurrence.  Most of us practice safety, and there are many ways of making oneself less of a target.   I transitioned 8 years ago, and the most I've endured is the occasional stares. 

 

I look forward to hearing more from you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Georgiegirl462]

Thankyou to everyone who replied. My son is at the beginning of his journey so he is still identifying outwardly as a male, and when he lets us know, we will begin to call him her. Jani, he is not very masculine looking, not rugged, more cuddly and cute. He is growing his hair out and it's surprisingly curly. He has been getting electrolysis on his face as he doesn't want to shave anymore. He isn't very hairy, with little on his chest (unlike my husband who's a fur ball!). I think he'll make a pretty woman.

I was also quite concerned about his wife and children. His wife is wonderful, she is so supporting. She loves him no matter what. She went with him to a LGBTIQA+ seminar in our town a few weeks ago and was telling us what she has learnt. His girls are 3 and I'm sure they'll be fine. He's a great parent. I'm hoping they can all stay together. They have every chance.