Over Femenizing???

[mochi90]

So for the past year I've been "out" as genderqueer. Meaning that I'm not allowed to talk about my dysphoria with my family, but I routinely bitch about it via social media and go by a male name.

 

My family managed to convince me to go back to living as female, though, so 90% of the time I present as femme or gender neutral. I even started growing my hair out and bought a skirt (which I will never wear in public). 

 

I read online that it is common for eggs (closeted trans or questioning folk) to act overly feminine or masculine in order to reassure themselves that they are actually cis or that being trans is just a phase. I think that's what I've been doing. Anyone else do or go through a similar phase? 

[Charlize]

I lived as a male for 63 years because of pressure from family and friends.  Over time i became quite "butch".  In fact i was a tough dude.  Working heavy construction, as a design builder and farmer certainly were heavily male activities.  At this point i no longer regret that past.  I'm an old woman now but still working the farm and enjoying the effort involved as i am able.  I don't think of my past work as an attempt to reassure myself that i'm male .  Instead it was a requirement of a society that didn't accept a non binary reality.  Oddly it may be easier in this society to be female with strong male attributes than it is to be a "sissy" male.  That word SISSY says so much!   

Our paths are interesting.  Sharing here, reading about others and gender therapy has helped me find and accept my reality.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Perhaps the main thing I noticed was that when I was finally able (or confident enough) to go out female I had a tendency to overdo it. Nowadays I am mostly less concerned. I have never rejected my feminine side and, probably because I am somewhat a rebel, have never felt I should. In a similar way I am not against my male upbringing either although am not sure it was for the best.

 

Tracy

[Ellora]

I guess a shaved head with a goatee  and law enforcement can be considered "over doing it" now that I think of it.

 

Now that Ive taken T out of the loop, I can look back and see my manly man ways a bit more clearly, and How i would use my deep voice and manly man expressions. 

 

My friend has been surprised how much ive changed now that im out to her, and even more so after my Orchie.  Ive even heard a couple of "Welcome to being a woman" (That actually makes me very happy when i hear that, every time.)

A bit ago I expected to hear comments and questions about my shaved legs. Never, ever, lol. Not until my friend told her sister (her sister is totally ok with everything), did she say "Well that explains the shaved legs." LoL, we both laughed cause I know how she must have said it, she can be very funny, I love them both like they are sisters, always have, well, except for my friend, I dated her for 6yrs, but we have stayed great friends. anyhooo. I guess we do what we have to do at times. Especially if we are wingin' it. 

Im sure things would have been different for me if I was was born later in a more excepting time, but here we are now. Here I am now. 

We are all still learning, especially since things are changing almost daily, Ups and Downs.

I hope that you can be yourself, I cant wait until we can all be ourselves. Enjoy every day when possible. I hope you can find your inner peace during the difficult times.

Im feeling great with my changes, and Ive still have to go along ways in some areas. 

[reyindium]

My abusive stepdad had a huge and overwhelming influence over my life growing up. He was a military officer and craved making 'Stepford Wives' a reality. You can imagine how that went over with the quiet queer kid (me) that came packaged with my mother. Spoiler Alert: it was hell.

For years during my adult life, even after counseling, I struggled not to default to his expectations of me. It was like a bizarre self-defense mechanism from an ingrained instinct to avoid punishment. For anything I did that was particularly "public", I fell back on traditional cis-gender roles as to not rock the boat. That's why my wedding pictures feature me in drag (a big fluffy wedding dress) with my hair grown out.

Looking at those pictures, it's hard to see myself.

When I renew my vows, I'm wearing a fricken suit, like I should've the first time.

 

So to answer your question, I have dressed in drag to convince others I was cis. There was no possibility of lying to myself.

[Ronin82]

I went through a phase of trying to date men as a very feminine woman. It never worked out well, since I'm actually a mostly straight guy! I went super-overboard with the feminine presentation at social events trying to prove to people that I was female (before I was able to accept my own transgender self), but I could never really pull it off. It always felt too uncomfortable for me to be able to pull off the act for very long. I quit trying when I realized and accepted that I am really a guy trapped in a girl-body. My mom has tried so hard to make me a girly-girl, but I just CAN'T do it! So, I no longer try. I'm me, although I can't use my preferred name or pronouns with my family. They don't accept LGBTQ anything...

 

All that to say, yes, I certainly did go through the over-compensation phase. It helped me figure out my truth, so I'm not going to say I regret it. It was an important learning experience.

[Lexi C]

hey Mochi90. like Charliza and Ellora... I too over compensated my macho attire to remain macho, but I don't think that what yr asking but I am recently doing my best to be more fem...I guess its really up too you to decided when and where to draw the line with yr situation..good luck be proud stay strong

[Robin]

For many years, I certainly adopted a very masculine appearance.  I was a traditional skinhead (not to be confused with the racist types that seem to be prevalent in some countries), with very short hair and large "mutton chop" sideburns.

 

Over time, I gradually became more and more uncomfortable about myself, and I always felt "wrong" somehow.  In the end, I just wanted to hide myself away, and I grew a long beard and wore scruffy old clothes.  At that time, I hadn't managed to work out what the problem was, even though, with hindsight, it seems obvious.  The signs have always been there, but we are not taught to recognise them.

 

Unfortunately, the female skinhead look doesn't suit me.

 

Robin.