Coping Mechanisms

[mochi90]

So (and this is probably wildly unhealthy) I've realized that in order to cope with my gender and body dysphoria, I spend A LOT of time not thinking about things. I don't think about the fact that I am a man with breasts because I know that it will upset me to acknowledge. When I stop to think about the fact that not only do I have breasts, but I also have long and curves, I felt like I was suffocating. 

 

What coping mechanisms have you developed for dealing with dysphoria? Are they healthy or unhealthy? 

[Krisvm]

I find browsing lots of articles about transition, clothing sites and using gender swap filters helps me fantasise to cope. Not sure how healthy it is or not.

[lauraincolumbia]

In the past, I have turned to alchohol, over-eating, and over-exercising to cope, none of which is healthy.  These days I'm trying to make do with therapy.  We'll see how that goes.

[Jani]

Just consider living your life as you wish without concern for the trappings of gender (i.e. don't think about it).  I don't think this is unhealthy.  Be you.   

[VickySGV]

Taking positive steps to explore your needed changes, along with Behavioral Health therapy, and possible medical assistance are the best ways and healthiest by far.  Support groups through LGBTQ+ organizations along with service activities and simply fun activities with people who share your characteristics and mind set are wonderful ways to deal with GD.  I moderate a Trans support group at my LGBTQ+ center and do other activities with them.  Exhausting at times, but it works.

 

Less helpful and neutral on the health issues is to simply get too busy doing things for other people so the activity crowds your mind away from the GD.  When you run out of things to do though, the GD can come back and hit you like a truck.

 

Just now, lauraincolumbia said:

In the past, I have turned to alcohol, over-eating, and over-exercising to cope, none of which is healthy. 

 

Having been right there in the early part of my own Transition, (hoping alcohol would kill me too) I agree that they are the least helpful.  "I tried to drown my problems with alcohol, but the damned things learned to swim" is an old cliche that has a lot of truth to it. 

[lauraincolumbia]

On 7/1/2019 at 2:53 PM, VickySGV said:

 

 

Having been right there in the early part of my own Transition, (hoping alcohol would kill me too) I agree that they are the least helpful.  "I tried to drown my problems with alcohol, but the damned things learned to swim" is an old cliche that has a lot of truth to it. 

Interesting, I hadn't thought of it, but I went through a sky diving phase.  I don't think I was suicidal, but at the time, I didn't care if I went splat in a corn field after a 2 mile fall.  I guess I was using that to cope as well.

[VickySGV]

48 minutes ago, lauraincolumbia said:

I guess I was using that to cope as well.

 

[Lexi C]

Yeah Alcohol is mine as well, but I am taking steps to change that..Vicki is right I attend a LBGT trans group every month, on top of my weekly G.Therapist meeting ,that helpful.., this site is also quiet helpful, in that, it helps me see that I am not alone when it comes to all my weird traits...I was told that journaling  helps...Lauraincolumbia  might be into something with that sky dying. I hope this helps, Good Luck..And I know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, expect, I am a bald, mid age person, with breast..

 

[Hallie]

I guess I'm lucky having never had to find relief in a bottle. However that didn't free me guilt, questioning and denial. I have always want to be a woman, have breasts but I was attracted to women. I engage in more sexual situations than I care to remember. Without my fancy of being a woman ( preferred my partner's on top] I could forestall my orgasm while my partner had as many as she could have.

I'm  much older now and married to the most understanding and encouraging woman. Two years ago Hallie came out, well not the traditional out. I came out of the house! It was hard and every month we try something more and more. We are currently in Taos NM having a great time. In December I will take a 30 day cruise as Hallie. I started hormone therapy a year ago. And wow, I wish I was this courageous 20 years ago. My breast a developing nicely, currently a average A cup. I shave less and less and love it. I have totally shrunk other places and love it to. My orgasms are toes curlers and neither of us have to rush to clean up, if you know what I mean.

If you are doubting yourself and hiding in other escapes, stop it!!! Come in the water is beautiful, as the expression goes. 

 

 

[reyindium]

I read, almost compulsively. I forget that I exist when I read a good story.

 

[Charlize]

I think that i became a workaholic and later an alcoholic in part to cope with GD.  

Skydiving has never appealed.  I guess i'm at least now fairly attached to this earth and fortunately still looking down at the grass.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

On 7/5/2019 at 9:09 AM, Charlize said:

i became a workaholic

That was me, 100%.  Anything to stay busy.  

 

I too am attached to the ground, no skydiving, para-sailing, Ferris wheels, etc.  

 

Jani

[Cautiousness]

While I would never presume to offer recommendations to others (I'm thinking that's the prerogative of one's physicians, psychotherapists, and perhaps clergy.), for myself I've always reminded myself that sub-clinical moods associated with life (whether distressful or eustressful) are usually transient. Should they not prove to be so, then I think timely medical or other clinical treatment is indicated.

[Charlize]

Welcome Cautiousness.  You may also want to post in the introduction forum so more folks will get to know you.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Naomi Knowles]

Looks like I'm a little late to this, but it got me thinking.

 

Financial expense stops me from using alcohol as a crutch in order to 'feel' again. Specific culinary tastes are how I reconnect with myself when emotionally distressed, but sometimes I can't make my mind up which one I want more. So my brand of "comfort eating" has taken some weird turns; some worse than others.

 

Battenberg cake on a cheese & pickle sandwich? Sure!

Fried chicken and fresh sushi on a margarita pizza? An odyssey of texture.

Nutella and Lotus Biscoff spread? VERY sugary, and actually quite tasty.

Sriracha hot sauce on profiteroles? Better than I expected!

Dipping pizza crust in vanilla custard? Maybe the once...

 

It's a wonder I'm not the size of a house already.

[Jani]

4 hours ago, Naomi Knowles said:

Fried chicken and fresh sushi on a margarita pizza? An odyssey of texture.

Well I like all of those, but individually.  Not sure how sushi on pizza would be.

[Naomi Knowles]

6 minutes ago, Jani said:

Well I like all of those, but individually.  Not sure how sushi on pizza would be.

 

Not an experience that I'll repeat, to be completely honest. But it felt good in the moment?

[Ellora]

During different times in my life I coped in different ways. I mostly shut off my thoughts of transitioning, I didn’t want to drink cause that was my dads thing, and I did not want to become like my dad. In my adult life my coping mechanisms have been  computer games, reading fantasy novels, writing, photography, and movies. Since I started my Lady Meds and having an Orchiectomy, I have been focusing more on eating healthier, walking, and still computer games. I also love my friends twins and love to be with them. I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess up being with the twins or my biological kids. 

[lauraincolumbia]

On 9/12/2019 at 12:30 AM, Ellora said:

During different times in my life I coped in different ways. I mostly shut off my thoughts of transitioning, I didn’t want to drink cause that was my dads thing, and I did not want to become like my dad. In my adult life my coping mechanisms have been  computer games, reading fantasy novels, writing, photography, and movies. Since I started my Lady Meds and having an Orchiectomy, I have been focusing more on eating healthier, walking, and still computer games. I also love my friends twins and love to be with them. I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess up being with the twins or my biological kids. 

Very healthy!  You have so much more control than I!

[Ellora]

1 hour ago, lauraincolumbia said:

You have so much more control than I!

I make it sound easy, but behind the scenes, if I didn’t try, my anxiety would spike, and it took me a looong time to get an understanding of how my anxiety works. If my anxiety triggered, I would shut down, cancel plans and stay home. If I was around people, I would either go quiet, or be an ass. 

I figured out I was a narcissist, which I think I got a bit from my dad, which also pissed me off, cause I didn’t want to become like that. I apologized to my family and close friends, and things have gotten much better since. Not just with them, but how I was over all. It took a couple of years after that, is when I learned how to deal with my anxiety.

I think once I got a grip on my anxiety, I was then able to think more clearly about my journey that ive been wanting to begin, finally. 

It has been a long road to “success,” but worth it.

[StrainAsylum]

On 7/1/2019 at 12:48 PM, Krisvm said:

I find browsing lots of articles about transition, clothing sites and using gender swap filters helps me dream, in order to cope. Not sure how healthy it is or not.

 

Pretty much me, though the gender swap filters were only OK.  I watch the TWO surgery videos that I've found:  Dr Medalie doing double mastectomy & Dr Perovic doing a phalloplasty over and over again, wishing I could be on the table and get ON WITH IT. 

 

I'm in rural Northern Florida and am not sure how to find a transgender-friendly (or even accepting) general practitioner, in order to get on T.  Did find a therapist (not gender therapist, but LBGTQ and very good) who agreed to give me documentation after 4 sessions.

[StrainAsylum]

Sometimes I fantasize about just whacking my breasts off, but wouldn't do it, since I'm too sensible.   But I HAVE watched the videos enough -!  LOL

 

I use a binder, but I have a big derrière, so I can't usually pass at this time; I HAVE had a couple of people call me "sir" or "him" ("Wait until he's done" - at the soda fountain) and THOSE occasions made my day-!

 

Loving this thread and thanks to all for the thoughts to all of us.

[TommieAnne]

On 7/1/2019 at 1:30 PM, Jani said:

Just consider living your life as you wish without concern for the trappings of gender (i.e. don't think about it).  I don't think this is unhealthy.  Be you.   

This (I think my therapist would agree) is mostly what I do.

Focus on the things in life I enjoy, find pleasure in every little thing around me: scents, sounds, sights, sensations. At the same time, not focusing on my "issues" with my bodily equipment, my looks, or my longing to not look like what my body says it is but who I am inside.

I don't think it's easy. But I think not being wrapped up in angst 24/7 is a relief.