How to transition?

[SamanthaC]

Hi everyone. 

I have accepted that I am a trans woman. I have had several sessions with my brilliant therapist and have a appointment with an endocrinologist in a few days to discuss HRT. I was wondering how most transition. Do you present yourself as a woman all of a sudden, or slowly start presenting? Any thoughts tips?

 

[Dana Michelle]

I have been on HRT for 18 months and I still present as male. My face doesn't pass and I still have plenty of facial hair. I plan to have FFS in 6 months and hopefully will be mostly done with electrolysis by then. I plan to start presenting as female after FFS.

 

[Carolyn Marie]

A lot depends on how comfortable you are with your appearance, Samantha.  Dana isn't yet comfortable and will wait.  I also started laser hair removal before publicly transitioning.  But I know some who didn't have a lot of facial hair or used cosmetics effectively and transitioned before everything was done.  I was blessed with a petite body and small facial features, although I was overweight at the time.  But you can cover a multitude of sins with the right clothing choices.    But in the end, its all up to you and how you feel.

 

One thing I will say is that most newbie transitioners worry too much about how others will react.  We all (myself included) are or were paranoid about being stared at, outed, embarrassed, etc.  But if you are confident in yourself, if you resist the urge to see who's staring at you, and if you act like you belong, you should be fine.  The one thing that will give you away is looking to see who's looking, which is an unnatural act that people will notice.  Self confidence is key.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

11 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

One thing I will say is that most newbie transitioners worry too much about how others will react. 

 

So very true.  A personal story is one day I was chased away from a male restroom, and when I went to the Ladies room and opened the door I saw a woman coming directly at me as if to challenge me there. ----------- The woman was my own reflection in a mirror on a wall facing the door!!  

[Jani]

Samantha this is great advice from the ladies here^^^.

 

3 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Self confidence is key.

This is the prime element IMO.  I walk about like I own the world and try to be as confident as possible.  But I remember the times I wasn't and looked about all the time to see who was staring at me.  (BTW: It was no one.)  

 

As far as how and when to start presenting in your chosen gender; its up to you.  A little at a time or take the plunge.  I started after the first couple sessions with my therapist since it was a safe place to explore.  She convinced me to go into a store or to buy gas for my car.  I did and was terrified but the sky didn't fall and that was all I needed to get the ball rolling.  Move at your own pace.  

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

I agree with everything that's been said, especially that confidence is very important. When you do decide to leave the house in a dress do so with the mindset that you were always dressing that way. I remember walking out of my house knowing that I needed to be confident, even though I wanted to run to my car! Jani is right take your time and remember that this is a journey that will take time to get through.

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

[Lexi C]

I know one thing about something but nothing about everything else..Confidence is powerful

[Julielynn]

I'm still in the early stages, but I planned to just go as long as possible before making that jump.   Unfortunately for me, I look like a body builder.  Very large chest and arms. So it'll take quite a while for me to fit due to that.  I was blessed by an unnatural lack of body hair.  I barely shaved anyway.  So in my case, it will be a matter of when I lose all the muscle mass more than anything else.  

 

So in the end, the answer is, whatever works for you.   Everyone is going to be a little different.

[Jani]

I must admit that I rarely wear a dress or skirt.  If I'm getting all "dolled up" for something special, yes for sure but for everyday wear not really.  On a warm sunny day maybe.  I mostly try to mimic what other women would wear in daily life. (No! no exercise gear or pajama bottoms! )  

 

I feel good when I fit in.  I don't need to stand out in the crowd.  Stylish casual is the rule for me.

 

Jani

[Lexi C]

yeah I hardly wear dress,,most daisy dukes, jeans comfortable t's or cool shirt...I will wear heels but that when I am going to a bar or to my G.T

[Michelle F]

I actually had to present full time female for two weeks before my Doc would even think to start HRT. That said on day 15 he started me on finasteride, Spironolactone, Estrace and medroxyprogesterone. 20 months later I am in full transition.

 

Femininity is prevalent and visible. For what it's worth, I have been passing without question now for three months and I feel GREAT!

 

 

 

[SamanthaC]

That's great to hear Michelle.

[Charlize]

 

Thank  you for sharing your journey Michelle.  I'm glad you have found such a positive path.  I found the same once i had gotten past the fear.  Enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MiraM]

I started presenting slowly.  At first it was just wearing eye makeup on a regular basis.  I have always been kind of into the punk rock scene, so it was not a big leap for people to think the eye makeup was part of that.  I would only present fully at first when going to the VA Hospital, or taking the dog for a walk.  At all other times I presented as male.  After about a year and a half on HRT, I began going to my regular AA meetings presenting as myself.  There was no easing into that.  It was just an immediate change, without coming out to anyone other than my sponsor and his wife beforehand.  I was scared to death to do it, but I have been very well accepted, and everyone treats me as if this is the way I have always been.

 

At work, I had been letting my co-workers and managers know that I am Trans, and that I would be eventually transitioning.  I had a tentative plan to transition at work at the end of August this year.  As fate would have it, a mandatory department meeting was scheduled on a day off when I would be attending an afternoon AA meeting, and as I would be presenting as myself, there was going to no time to go home and change and make it to the meeting.  So, 2 weeks before my initial plan to transition at work, on August 15, I attended the meeting, presenting as myself, and have been working as a female ever since.  There are some co-workers that will occasionally call me by my old name, or use He when referring to me, but they usually will correct themselves immediately.  Most of my regular customers have accepted the change well, but there are still some that still refer to me as a male.  That hurts a bit, but I am hesitant to correct them, as I don't want to seem confrontational towards the customer (not a good thing in a retail environment).

 

I will have been on HRT for 2 years in January, and have had no hair removal or surgeries, and the likelihood of ever having either is low due to financial reasons.  Luckily, most of my facial hair is white now, and it's growth has slowed enough that by using color correction and good foundation, I can get through the entire day with no visible signs of facial hair.  I have always had very little body hair, and the hormones have put it's regrowth at a virtual stand still.

 

I don't consider myself to be ultra-passable, and I am tall (6'1") and slightly overweight, and have several visible tattoos that are not considered 'feminine'.  I let this hold me back for a long time.  But, there comes a time when the fear of not moving forward with transitioning becomes greater than the fear of what might happen when you do transition.  For me, I felt that if I did not move ahead with my social transition, I would most likely return to active addiction and self-harm, possibly end up going in and out of psychiatric institutions again, or attempting suicide again. 

 

I know this post is rambling and probably getting off the topic a bit, but it's all about what you need to do for yourself.  There is no one size fits all solution on how to transition. It's all about finding a path that fits your situation.  As others have said, confidence goes a long way.  I am not particularly confident in my appearance:  I would love to look like one of the 20 something transwomen you see on YouTube and Instagram, but I have to accept the fact that it is never going to happen.  I am, however, confident in who I am, and when I am out in the world, I carry myself as if this is how I have always been, and that I belong wherever I happen to be.  If you act like you are out of place, you will look out of place and draw more attention to yourself.  Also, as was mentioned by others, clothing choices also help you blend in.  I also rarely wear a dress.  I usually wear jeans and a casual top, and on occasion will wear a skirt.  I basically dress like most other women I know who are my age.  I am not going to wear and evening gown to take my dog for a walk or to go to the grocery store.  Like Jani said, I try to blend in, not stand out in the crowd.

 

Anyway, find a path and a pace that is right for you.  Don't try to rush things, or let fear hold you back.

 

 

[SamanthaC]

Hey MiraM - thanks so much for sharing - I didn't find it rambling at all - Just honest and sincere. 

 

[Jani]

Thank you @MiraM for your post.  It certainly wasn't rambly!  You are so correct that there is no one size fits all about transition, just as in life in general.  As to those "kids" on youtube, that is not what I call reality, just marketing.  Reality is what you and I are doing every day.  Congratulations for getting out there and being you.

 

Jani