Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Who will want me


Tessa

Recommended Posts

I have come to the bridge of myself and I feel I need to jump off and let whatever happens happen. What I mean is I have all the desires to be a woman but I feel no one will want me. Why do I feel this way? I just can’t be a man. I feel weird around them like I don’t belong. I love dressing up and looking pretty and I get a lot of compliments on my style but it’s mainly men’s clothes. I do wear woman’s underwear and I try to choose bright colors to represent a woman. Today I wore pink tight frayed pants, a black shirt with bright colors saying hustle and cowboy boots. Every time I go to a store I want to shop for woman clothing but I’m to embarrassed to do so. I love shaving my legs and for some reason I love baths and showers. I guess their relaxing. I love to write. I currently am on this app Chapters and publish my stories for others to read. When I’m in my apartment I wear dresses and skirts and sometimes pretend I have a boyfriend. Crazy I know. It just feels good to be a woman but in my state of loneliness I can’t seem to find anyone who will love me. Why do I want that so bad? I want to be told I’m pretty and even sexy. Why? I just wish I could go outside and show the world who I really am but I can’t and that’s why I’m trapped. I hold myself hostage. Good to vent. Haven’t been on this site for s long time. 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

Link to comment

The question is will you want you? 

Its easy to say now be who you want to be, dress as you want, and do not worry about what others think. I can still remember when I was scared to go outside dressed as myself. Scared what others would think. But I like myself and I am the person who matters. 

May you find happiness in all that you do. 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for that. For now it’s just bright colors. I won’t do the dresses or skirts in pubIic. Your right I have to want me. I have to see myself as beautiful and then others will see me that way as well. I need to give myself space and time. I’ve told myself that we are the judges of ourselves. Also people only have the power over you that you give them. Life is all about prospective and how you see things. No one can look through your eyes and see what you see. The real person that is staring back at you is yourself not people. I can say these things to myself but do I believe them? I was hurt badly by my ex and ridiculed most of my life. Now I’m looking for that person that is confident and strong and I find that in a woman’s personality for me. I do my best when I feel good about what I’m wearing regardless if it’s mens or woman’s clothes. I guess what I’m looking for is someone to love me like I love myself and if I must be honest I need to work on that. I will say since I’ve opened up Tessa no one has really judged me. At work I’ve found some really nice girlfriends to hang with during lunch. I also have 2 good guy friends and a girl that I like but she won’t return the favor. I want to be cuddled and told I’m pretty. Is that wrong? I want what’s in my mind to match what’s in my heart. I love deeply so I get hurt deeply. That’s just who I am. Beautiful me! That’s the attitudes I need to adopt. Wow! I said a mouthful! 

 

Tessa

 

Link to comment

Tessa, I've been thinking some of those same things. I want to be held, cuddled and loved. I want someone who sees me for the tender woman I am, who will love and cherish me.

And believe me, the question "who will want me?" floats around in the back of my thoughts. I wish I had an answer, but it seems like a question that goes to the dawn of our existence.

In the end it seems like we have to love and cherish ourselves, to value ourselves before whatever kind of magic happens that makes others see us in that special way.

At least being happy with ourselves makes our existence more pleasant.

Link to comment

I was writing in my journal this afternoon and something came to my mind. I’ll quite it from my journal. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” If this holds true than no wonder so many people stay in broken relationships! I was in one for 13 years until I found a way out. It took losing my house and my children and my financial worth to do it though. I got my kids back only under visitation because with child support I can barley afford my one bedroom apartment. I have very little to offer my children but the love in my heart. That’s straight from a story I’m writing on Chapters App (Christmas Puppy) check it out! My writing is all I have right now. I live through my characters. I feel I have a lot of their personalities in me but I have not gone through the trials I put them through. They always come out on top though. My life will have a happy ending but what will this end be like? Single living in a man’s body having all or almost all woman’s qualities but knowing who I am and living as my true self regardless of what anyone else thinks? Or In a relationship where the person loves and respects me and wants me and desires me and we are inseparable! What does God want for me? I do believe He loves me and He is a loving and understanding God. These feelings He gave me and I just want to know how to express them!  Yes I’m broken! Yes I hurt! But don’t we all? I write a lot. I’ve ignored this site and I’m glad I’m back on it. I want to connect with like minded people who want to see a better them. Who are not afraid to step out and let the world see the beauty that is them! Our beauty is what makes us. Our heart is where we hold our inner self. Our minds are our imagination platform where we can build a better us! That is what I’m trying to do. 

 

Tessa 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 116 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Willow
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. BraxtonLee
      BraxtonLee
      (26 years old)
    2. Bryanna
      Bryanna
      (45 years old)
    3. Jayde1
      Jayde1
    4. Mireya
      Mireya
      (66 years old)
    5. Shellianne_Kay83
      Shellianne_Kay83
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      Congrats to your family on the new addition!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Funny you think that I would be able to get through more than two sentences with how bad my stutter gets (joking, of course)   My topic would probably be mythology, random Japan factoids in my mind, or a favorite story   (Best option would be a fave story of mine including a lot of factoids on Japanese myths-)
    • Willow
      Congratulations @ivy. Nothing beats a family growing two feet at a time!
    • April Marie
      I read each of your entries and learn so much. Thank you, especially, for the TransCentralPA info. I have been looking fora group and activities where I could express myself safely and with support. I missed this year's conference but next year might be possible and I am going to look at their other events, too.
    • April Marie
      Leadership and Management, the differences and similarities between the two as well as the applications of military leadership principles across the spectrum of professions.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I have read numerous accounts of trans folk no longer being welcome among evangelicals.   I am here for help and fellowship not to rebuke anyone.  I can take a pretty high degree of insult, etc., and you haven't insulted me, to my recollection anyway :) and I usually let it go.  But I thought I would let it all out there.   I am sure I disagree with you on numerous issues.  I appreciate other people's viewpoints, including those who radically disagree with me.  Intellectual challenge is good. One thing I appreciate about @MaeBe.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Congrats!
    • Sally Stone
      Post 8 “The Ohio Years” We moved to Pittsburgh because of the job with US Airways.  The job involved classroom instruction and simulator training, but no actual flying, so I kept looking for an actual pilot position.  A year after signing on with US Airways I got hired to fly business jets.  The company was located in Cleveland, Ohio, but I was flown commercially from my home in Pittsburgh to where my aircraft was located, making it unnecessary to live near company headquarters.    My flight scheduled consisted of eight days on duty with seven days off.  Having seven days off in a row was great but being gone from home eight days in a row was difficult.  For the first few years the flying was fun, but after a while the eight flying days in a row, were taking their toll on me.  Those days were brutal, consisting of very long hours and a lot of flying time.  Usually, I came home exhausted and need three days just to recover from the work week.  Flying for a living is glamorous until you actually do it.  Quickly, it became just a job.    After five years as a line captain, I became a flight department manager, which required we live near company headquarters.  That meant a move to Cleveland.  Working in the office meant I was home every night but as a manager, the schedule was still challenging.  I would work in the office all week and then be expected to go out and fly the line on weekends.  I referred to it as my “5 on 2 on” schedule, because it felt as though I had no time off at all.   About the same time, we moved to Cleveland, my wife and I became “empty nesters,” with one son in the military and the other away at college.  Sadly, my work schedule didn’t leave much time for Sally.  Add to the fact that while Cleveland is an awesome city, I just never felt comfortable expressing my feminine side.  Most of my outings, and believe me there weren’t enough, occurred while I was on vacation and away from home.   One of the most memorable outings occurred over a long weekend.  I had stumbled across an online notice for a spring formal being held in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, hosted by a local trans group there.  I reached out to Willa to see if she was up for an excellent adventure.  She was, so I picked her up and we drove to Harrisburg together.    The formal was held on Saturday evening and we had the absolute best time.  It turned out that organizers were a group named TransCentralPA.  Everyone was wonderful and I made a lot of new friends that evening.  We learned the spring formal was one of the group’s annual events but for the following year, instead of a spring formal, the group wanted to do a local transgender conference.  That local conference would become the Keystone Conference, and I would attend every year for the next 12.  My move to the west coast was the only reason I stopped attending annually.  I went to the first annual Keystone Conference as an attendee, but in subsequent years I served as a volunteer and as a workshop presenter; more about those in the next installment.   For my Cleveland years, the Keystone Conference would be my major outlet for feminine self-expression.  Yes, I did get out on other occasions, but they were too infrequent.  The managerial job just didn’t allow me the freedom I needed to adequately live my feminine life, and my frustration level was slowly, but steadily on the rise.  It amazed me how adversely not being able to express the feminine half of my personality was affecting my happiness.   However, a major life change was upcoming, and while it would prove to be a significant challenge in many ways, the events would ultimately benefit my female persona.  First, my mom and dad got sick.  They were in and out of the hospital and required personal care.  My wife and I did our best but living in Cleveland, we were too far from them to give them the support they both needed.  Second, I was experiencing serious job burn out.  I decided I need to find another job and I needed to be closer to my parents.    Things changed for the better when I got hired by an aviation training company as a flight simulator instructor.  I would be training business jet pilots.  The training facility was located in New Jersey, which put us much closer to my parents, and the work schedule was much better for quality of life.  Most importantly, this life change would help Sally re-emerge and once again flower.    Hugs,   Sally       
    • Mmindy
      I made a living talking about bulk liquids in cargo tanks transportation as a driver and mechanic. Safe loading/unloading, cleaning and inspecting, as well as emergency response scenarios.   Hazmat and fire behavior in the fire service as well as emergency vehicle operations and safe driving. "It was on fire when they called you. It will be on fire when you get there." Arrive ready to work. I could also talk about firefighter behavioral  heath and the grieving process.   The real fun thing is I can do this for people who are not Truck Drivers or Fire Fighters. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Citizen Tax payers about Public Safety Education.   I love public speaking,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone ___mg and Evorel ___mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to ___mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...