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By Vidanjali · Posted
@FelixThePickleMan your post reveals a lot of insight, but also mixed with denial. Your desire to strengthen your relationship with your mother is admirable, but it cannot be the sole motivating factor to your giving up an addictive behavior. However, your love for your mother and desire for her love will help strengthen your resolve. But that resolve needs to come from your own will. You say you smoke because you have nothing else to do and you believe you are a better person when you're high. You must come to understand that the creative and charismatic energy that drugs seem to unleash is potentially in you at all times. Make it your project to figure out how to tap into that and channel it without using drugs. Make that your thing to do. It's a challenging and exciting thing to do. I started smoking cigarettes at age 15. In my late teens, a good friend observed that smoking was the only time she ever saw me calm. That was profound for me. It took a few more years, but eventually I had the epiphany in which I saw my life as nothing but a string of tedium in between each cigarette. It seemed so pathetic to me and that motivated me to give up smoking and learn to live life differently. My story of addiction is much longer and more entailed, but I will focus only on smoking here as it is relevant. And as I reflect on it, I also should comment on your belief that you have to stop liking the habit before you can quit. That is not a necessary condition for one to quit. In fact, if that were so, hardly anyone would ever quit any bad habit. More accurately, you come to dislike the person you have become while in the grip of the bad, addictive habit. Not in a self-loathing kind of way, as that will not motivate you, but rather depress you. In other words, you come to a place where you are able to take a subjective view of yourself and your life and decide that you want something else, something better. And sometimes that only happens when you hit the lowest point in your life and there's nowhere to go but up. Don't let yourself get even close to that state, if you can help it - and you can help it. Weed seems to imbue all your activity with a kind of a magical quality. This makes the world, your activities, and yourself much better with weed. But all that is an illusion. Your proof is that it's artificially invoked, only temporary, and destructive to your relationship with your mother. If I may be so bold, frankly, it is a cop out. You have the potential in you to see your life, the world, and yourself as beautiful, captivating, and wonderous without altering your mind. In fact, it is in clearing your mind that you are able to glimpse this. You want something productive to do? Develop a workout routine. Take up meditating. Learn mindfulness techniques which you can practice throughout the day. The magic is in quieting the mind and being present. There is no instant intensity like you get with weed. But you gain power within yourself, and you are the very source. Become addicted to that - that is a good addiction and you will progressively see your life and relationships in a new and brighter light. -
By EasyE · Posted
I had a pretty serious porn addiction for awhile (thankfully broken about 12 years ago), and so my wife sees my "trans-ness" tied into that ... to her, it is all one ugly thread of sexual sin and dysfunction... sometimes, I do struggle with it, too. Is this just another branch of a sexual addiction thing? Am I looking for a substitute for the porn? When I sift through everything it seems much deeper than that. And if anything, the HRT has lowered/changed my libido and it hasn't lowered my desire to move in a more feminine direction with dress, etc. It can be confusing, especially when you are in a very religious/moralistic environment... To get back to the main topic, the fear of change and the unknown is huge. And like others have said, folks on the fringe of just about any cause tend to be what gets played up in the media and what folks see the most. Not many people see good ol' regular transgender people who are just trying to live their lives, hold down jobs, take care of their families, etc. -
By Mmindy · Posted
Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums @Kait Best wishes, stay positive and motivated. Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
By Mmindy · Posted
Good morning everyone, Coffee and Birds all in one meme. Hugs, Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
By Kait · Posted
Isn't it illegal to be examining people's genitals without their consent? Could've sworn that was some sort of law already. -
By Ladypcnj · Posted
Hi Vidanjali, both of my parents had pasted on in their lifetimes. -
By Charlize · Posted
Oddly i often feel i pass but then bump into someone who reads my past attempts at maleness. Last week at the market a man spoke me as i went back to my car. I heard "You are beautiful"! Odd!!!!! Then he said something about marriage and i started to get worried. Turned out he is married to a trans woman. He was sweet and probably is tuned to trans folks but it was a bit disquieting. Hugs, Charlize -
By April Marie · Posted
I decided to power wash our back porch and the porch furniture so the uniform of the day is a skort, t-shirt over a sports bra and flip flops with my hair pulled back into a ponytail. -
By Mirrabooka · Posted
It's been touched on in another thread, the perception that the folks who scream loudest in favor of free speech are also the loudest in wanting to stifle the freedom of people not like themselves. -
By Mirrabooka · Posted
I wonder if the LGBTQI+ umbrella should be split? Create separate entities for LGB and TQI+ folk? I have no doubt that some cis het people probably think that sexuality and gender identity are the same thing, for whatever the reason, not necessarily willful ignorance. It would be natural for such people to observe that both LGB and T folk are under the same umbrella, so they must be the same, right? Just as (and I know I'm making some pretty big assumptions in this post) some cis gay folk would think that the LBGTQI+ umbrella is pie - give trans people a slice, and somehow, they will miss out. Just like cis het folk might also think that their lives are somehow being diminished by allowing trans people to have basic human rights. -
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By Heather Shay · Posted
Suppressing your emotions because you’re afraid of them can be bad for your physical and mental health. Here’s what to do instead. When a toddler feels a “big” emotion, like anger or sadness, they tend to have a big tantrum on the floor. And these tantrums can be a lot to observe, full of thrashing, screaming, and tears. But a child reacts like this because the emotion they’re feeling is uncomfortable, maybe even painful. Of course, as adults, we feel emotions too, and those feelings can be just as overwhelming, uncomfortable, or even painful as they were when we were children, even if we don’t let ourselves react in such a big way. But, sometimes, in our attempts to not give in to our emotions, we go too far: we run from them or suppress them — even if that harms us in the long run. Although there are many reasons we might suppress our emotions, one of them is that we are afraid of our emotions. Fear of emotions is called “animotophobia. It is not an official term in the DSM-5-TR. Still, fearing your emotions can have a significant impact on your well-being. -
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