Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

JoniSteph

Hi - New to Site - JoniSteph

Recommended Posts

JoniSteph

My name is JoniSteph and I have just realized I was Gender Dysphoric in August, after working with my Therapist for the past year plus. Since then I have have been lurking on this and other sites learning all I can about ME and my Journey forward. I have decided to go ahead and make an appointment for HRT approval with a clinic some 100 miles away, as it is the nearest place for me to work with. I am nervous and full of anxiety as my appointment is in 29 days though no one is counting. :)

I have been dressing full female in the house for the past 3 weeks. I have come out to numerous people and have only met resistant from my 40 year old son who is very old fashioned and opinionated among other things. Wants nothing to do with a discussion as to my feelings or reasoning. No one else regardless of age has any thing but support of this 70 year old male to female.

I have no local support other than a local group that meets 1 per month that I just went to a first meeting.

Thats my life story of my journey so far. 

(should have written a book :( ) haha

Love and Respect to All - JoniSteph

Share this post


Link to post
SaraAW

Welcome JoniSteph. Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about your son, given time perhaps he’ll come around. I have found all kinds of support and understanding from the beautiful people here, I hope you will too. 
 

*hugs*

Share this post


Link to post
ShawnaLeigh

Welcome JoniSteph.  It is very hard to accept when a family member does not accept you for who you truly are.  My mother is this for me.  So I understand the pain of it.

Welcome to TP it is a wonderful place to learn and ask questions.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Welcome JoniSteph.  My therapist was happy that i had joined this site.  Being able to share and read about our stories helps us in accepting ourselves.  My son also resisted my transition.  Years later we are doing well.  It took time and it hurt but despite that i knew i had to be true to myself. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
JoniSteph

Thanks @SaraAW @ShawnaLeigh @Charlize for the encouragement regarding my son, the only sad part is he is trying to restrict access to my only grandson. I get access to grandson for an hour after son goes to work by arranging with daughter-in-law a visit Grandson is home and has supper once a week. Hopefully things will change in the future but son is very homophobic and so narrow minded.

I do not let the situation distract me from my destination, though the hurt is there.

Love to all

 

HUGS

JoniSteph

Share this post


Link to post
gennee

Hi Joni Steph and welcome. I hope that your son does come around. Happy that you have decided to live your truth.

 

😊

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

Hello JoniSteph,

 

Welcome!  I'm glad you stopped lurking and joined us.  I think you'll find a kind and caring community here.  I'm sorry to read about your son.  

Jani 

Share this post


Link to post
NB Adult  (Inactive)

Welcome JoniSteph, you are certainly not alone. Both of my two adult sons are estranged from me, but we can't let our children blackmail us emotionally to make us live our lives on their terms. It doesn't work that way!  ((Hugs))

Share this post


Link to post
JoniSteph

Just a quick update.  I have started communications in the last few days with my son, although limited at the moment, to messaging each other to open the way going forward. This I hope gets him to get better informed from his gay friend at work on LGBT++ and to talk to his wife regarding my visits to my grandson. There is indications that he is changing his point of views.

 

Another quick update is 11 days to my HRT first appointment and I am so nervous, anxious, scared to be declined and all the rest of the typical feelings that I have read about. Even mood swings, crying for no obvious reasons, and going to bed to sleep, hope to awake to find it is all over,and is a year from now in a NEW body. sigh - not to be.

 

To decrease some of the above, went to get eyebrows shaped yesterday decreasing the droopy eyelids and increasing the visibility of my pretty blues. :)  That alone made me feel better. Discussed with esthetician, my best options for hair removal, recommended to see if HRT reduced the heaviness of my white facial hair or not. A wax trial previously done has seemed slowed the growth and quantity of hair regrowth, though not proven other than amount to to be shaved. Time will tell.

 

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend all

 

Big Canadian Hugs

JoniSteph

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

Congratulations on bringing your son around! Fingers crossed! No child should be denied grand-mothering on the basis of prejudice. Of course now you need to learn to bake cookies. 😉

 

Assuming you've got the blood work and general health screening out of the way, they could very well start you up on your first visit. Then they'll play with the dose in roughly two-month increments until the blood work comes back with numbers they like. If you haven't had blood work yet, do not work out before your blood test. It inflates your liver numbers and endocrinologists are skittish beasties in the best of circumstances. Also notify them if you've pulled anything. That throws off your numbers while it's healing too. Both are things I did, unknowing, then panicked about. I guess the lesson here is to be open, honest and thorough when you're discussing your health with your endocrinologist.

Even then it'll take a while before you start to see results. This isn't a quick process and takes longer the older you are when you start. Though the mental changes happened pretty fast and I like those the best anyway. Not that I don't love my breasts, but the peace and relief I get from the HRT is amazing.

 

It always makes me feel better to look my best too. A little extra effort in the morning always makes my day just a bit brighter. I enjoy greeting myself in the morning now and I like to present my best self to the world if I'm going out into it. I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for you with a little experimentation. Pro tip: Moisturize. If you're not already, do something nice for your skin. You won't regret it.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
ShawnaLeigh

Ive yet to come out to any more family at this tome waiting to get past the holidays and the very next is my two kids that live locally.   The closer to January it gets the more anxiety I have thinking of the right way to tell them.  Then worrying about any fall out from it.  
After them it’s my three best friends.  All big tough guys with big hearts.  I hope big enough to understand what I’m going threw.  

Share this post


Link to post
JoniSteph

Thanks Jackie C. for encouragement and hints.

 

I am sure that my son will come around before i ever learn to make pie crusts or short cakes for strawberries.  :) Gave up on them long ago. Anything else I can accomplish. One of son's demands is not to present as GrandMa ever - oh well. Grandson is only 2 and he goes crazy when he see me now. Don't know what time will bring.

 

As I meet with my GP this week, I am going to ask her to contact the Clinic to see if she can run the blood tests prior to my appointment and with the results forwarded to them. That way, she will be able to get the right parameters that they will want. Hopefully, that may be arranged or I may just have to got direct from the Clinic and have bloodwork run that day in their City. Between my present Doctors and surgeon, their is no doubt as to my general health. Including 3 stubborn kidney stones that wont let go. Have no intention of hiding anything as I am an extremely poor excuse maker. My eyes tell everything I have be told. haha

 

For the first time in a very long time, I now look in a mirror many times a day and actually see someone smiling back. I cant remember when I was last doing that.

Facial cleanser and then application of anti-aging moisturizer - morning and night again. Trying to reduce what i call the "alligator skin look" from being outside for so many years without skin protection. Weathered skin. Learning skin care and makeup as well as other feminizing traits as I go thru my journey.

 

Big Canadian Hugs

JoniSteph

 

Share this post


Link to post
JoniSteph
54 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Ive yet to come out to any more family at this tome waiting to get past the holidays and the very next is my two kids that live locally.   The closer to January it gets the more anxiety I have thinking of the right way to tell them.  Then worrying about any fall out from it.  
After them it’s my three best friends.  All big tough guys with big hearts.  I hope big enough to understand what I’m going threw.  

Shawna - take your time and choose the right time and place. When I came out to 2 friends I actually did it in a public space so that there would be less apt to be a vocal out burst. And there was none as they figured it out before I said anything.

Another time, I took my second son out for supper and discussed things over supper, where he had a chance to ask any questions that he wanted to. It was a 2 hour long meal and lots of conversation about other things as well. Had acceptance right off as he knew another Trans.

 

Possibly some combination or other may work for you Shawna. Maybe with coming out to both sons at same time, depending on their personalities. You could always put out feelers and get some indications of acceptance of LGBT++ prior to as well. Same with your friends would work too or you may already know. Just take your time. No rush as I said.

I have 2 more hurdles that I have been reluctant to come out to and they are after the new year. For the same reasons as you. Fear.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do Shawna. Lots of Love.

 

Big Canadian Hug

JoniSteph

Share this post


Link to post
ShawnaLeigh

Well one child is a girl, 18, and recently moved out to live with her boyfriend 5 miles away.  She gave up four years of free college to do this.  My employee will pay for college as long as you are a dependent.  Sad loss on her part.  But she is a “daddys” girl by every sense of the term.  I’m not so worried about her reaction.  
My adopted son, a couple years older, recently discharged from the Army.  Air borne.  He is in a big alpha male personality now though it’s a far cry from how he was as a boy.  He may have a hard time with this.  
Both of always looked up to me as an ideal father and husband.  I can only assume they will be hurt to learn it was all an act.  I mean.  It’s who I was and still am to some degree.  Just the outside package is going to change.  
I had come out to everyone  Ive told via a long detailed email.  I know doing so vocally would just be a mess.  I wouldn’t say what needed to be said and most likely break down in tears.  
Though this is how I came out to my wife.  What a mess.  
My wife thinks I owe it to them to “tell” them in person.  I agreed.  
So that’s another factor to me having anxiety over it.  I just don’t want to mess up.  

Share this post


Link to post
NB Adult  (Inactive)
1 hour ago, JoniSteph said:

Facial cleanser and then application of anti-aging moisturizer - morning and night again. Trying to reduce what i call the "alligator skin look" from being outside for so many years without skin protection. Weathered skin. Learning skin care and makeup as well as other feminizing traits as I go thru my journey.

 

Years prior to beginning transition I decided that using a "Skin Bracer" after shaving was inherently a stupid idea given that fact that it's always alcohol based and dries out skin contributing to that "manly looking" outdoorsy alligator skin. I started using my wife's Clinique facial moisturizer and it has paid off. I'm older than dirt at 76 and find that people always act astounded when I say that and make comments that it doesn't show based on my good skin. 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 157 Guests (See full list)

    • Markjvp
    • Miss Linnea
    • Annabelle Rose
    • Charlize
    • LacrimalDuality
    • Katylee
    • ShawnaLeigh
    • Aidan5
    • MaryMary
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,787
    • Total Posts
      630,770
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      6,137
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Staceythesissy
    Newest Member
    Staceythesissy
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. RobinCarly
      RobinCarly
    2. sherlockian2342
      sherlockian2342
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Charlize
      It sounds to me more like your wife's issue with your underdressing than her worry for your safety.  As far as i ever knew half the guys in the bathroom could have been wearing their girlfriends panties.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone, 🌷   Happy Birthday RobinCarly!🎂 Happy Birthday sherlockian2342!🎂 Hope you have a great day!   Lots of love,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • ShawnaLeigh
      LMAO    I can see the confusion there actually. I must say I feel like it by now.  Geesh I've done this a lot of times in the last few months.  
    • MaryMary
      good luck, I will send you positive energy   My french mind read your title the wrong way. I thought at first that you were professional at coming out lolll like : "yet another coming out, I'm a pro by now"    
    • Charlize
      Welcome Priya.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Janae, The only thing I will add to what's already been said is that I have been wearing panties no matter how I present for years now, in a conservative backwater to boot, and have not had one problem.     Lots of love,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Charlize
      I shave the old bowling ball and with out a wig i could easily fit into the look of a chemo patient.  It's just easier for me.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Ive worked in food manufacturing as a Robotics and Machine Technician for over 25 years so I am very familiar with the hair net fun.  LOL
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Priya, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love and a big welcome hug,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Charlize
      I went from a shaved head to a nicely stiles shoulder length wig right off the bat.  After all i had made the decision to live as myself and that was the thing both i and others had to accept rather than my hair length.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • MiraM
      I let my managers at work know that I would be moving forward with my transition the day before I first presented as female at work (long story, but they knew I was in the process, and would be doing it eventually).  I went from a mostly bald buzz-cut to hair just past my shoulder blades over night.  Since I was out to most people at work, it was a non issue.  Since then, I have gone to a much shorter style at work since I am in a very hot environment and want to stay as cool as possible.  I do occasionally wear the longer at work as well, but mainly wear it away from work.  The shorter style is also easier to get under a hair net (there's a sexy image for you LOL). 
    • MiraM
      I have been on HRT for two years and have had no change in my hair.  I still have the same amount of baldness as I did.   I keep what remaining hair I have cut to about 1/16" to 1/8".  I detest wearing a wig cap under my wigs.  To me they are very uncomfortable, and since I work in a very hot and humid environment, the less I have on my head the better.  Keeping the hair as short as possible eliminates the need for a cap.   Although a cap can help a wig fit more securely, a quality, properly fitted unit should stay in place with no problem and still be comfortable to wear.  My primary wig was fitted to my head by the prosthetic department of the VA hospital, and is light weight, very breathable, and stays in place with no cap or adhesive.  As Kate said, fit is everything, and the construction is important as well.  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I was notified yesterday by my director that we will be arranging meetings with each hospital to inform them of my transition.  This is a tad nerve racking so I am in a holding my breathe phase today. Furthermore he is forwarding a letter from himself and one from me to all our technicians and staff in my company.  This encompasses all of New England and New York.  Yes four states worth of folks, its a lot of people, so this is the Biggy!  Something we had planned to do after a huge company meeting we had last week in which I was not ready or wanting to do this in person.   This is happening today.  YIKES! You can say I am a bit sensitive about this right now.  LOL
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Had a full day yesterday and did not even post here to tell.  Duh... Voice training initial eval went super but ended up being two hours long!   I had some stress and tensing issues with my neck voice box, and shoulders.  Even in my jaw so it was effecting my speech.  I was shown a few exercises and stretching for this and after a short message to assist getting loose I had my eval.  My base line is 157 which she said was in the gender neutral range.  There is hope for me. My ultrasound went ok.  She made me jump one time with a sharp pain but other then that it went well.  No idea when I will get or see results. This morning was crap.  I remembered last night I had forgotten some important papers in one hospital that I needed in another today.  I had to get up at 3am to go retrieve them before heading over to NH.  2.5 hour commute.  Sigh... I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I think as Sara does on all points too.  I will not accuse your wife of trying to control through fear as any fear is legitimate but it is not likely any more for you then for her.   I agree with this too.  From experience as my wife has similar feeling of "what will the neighbors think".  I have been wearing men's bikini style for years in all situations and not once has anyone mentioned a "panty line" on me.   I've been in women's undergarments now for about 3 months and still no one has said a thing.   If she is trying to worry you or control you through fear she needs a better example in my opinion.  Have a talk with her and reassure her its not an issue for you.  Be understanding too.  She may really be afraid of this for you.  
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...