Home.

[emily the wolf]

I don't want to go home.. that means I have to be with a family who only half of them know about the fact that I am transgender, one of them is transphobic, my parents are in denial still I think... I don't know what to do... I don't know if I need to just tell everyone but the one that is transphobic and then have them tell him... I just don't know.. i have been on vacation for the past week... I go home tomorrow... I have finally felt safe and as if I don't need to worry about my safety for the first time in a long time... Once I go home I'm going to be back on edge.. feeling like I don't belong.. I don't know anymore

[Jackie C.]

Well first off...

 

 

This is Oggy. He's not a dog, but he always makes me feel better.

 

Now to the important stuff: Sometimes families suck. They're not supposed to suck, but they do. They so, so do. They're supposed to be the people who love you and accept you no matter what. Unfortunately in the real world that's not the case. Families are made of people and some people are prejudiced. Sometimes they're willing to look at their beliefs and reevaluate for a loved one. Sometimes the prejudice is more important to them than the relationship (this would be my egg-donor).

 

We have a lot of mythology about how great families are in this country. The truth is that a lot of our families are really messed up. If they don't support you for who you are, the "bond of blood" only means they're good for organ harvesting if you need a kidney someday. Even that isn't a sure thing.

 

There's no rush to come out. You can keep working on your parents until they get over their BS and actually get you some help, but there's no point in expanding your circle to people who won't understand. They don't want to know and they don't really need to know. It would be nice if everybody treated you like a young woman. but if it's not going to happen anyway

 

Unfortunately, all you can really do is stick it out until you can get out of there. On the plus side, High School isn't forever (it only FEELS like forever) and you get more options as you get older and develop more independence. Work to get yourself to a point where your parent's input doesn't matter. Obviously it will take a minute because you're a minor, but in a few more years they could be in the rear-view mirror while you're making your way to your own personal truth.

 

You've got a goal. Gather what allies you can and work towards them. It won't happen all at once, but it can happen for you if you try.

 

Ugh. That's some SERIOUS ego-fluffing inspirational speaker stuff right there. I'm ashamed of myself. Really. I do want you to do well though. I'd love to hear how happy and fulfilled you are in a couple of years (again, no magic bullets here). Being trans is hard. Please don't give up. It would make Oggy sad if you became a statistic. It would make me sad too.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

First of Oggy is adorable. Second yeah ig

[Jackie C.]

Naturally, he's the prettiest. ?

 

In the meantime, here are some things that got me though the bad times (I practically lived in my room at your age):

 

Video Games: Playing as a female avatar helps with the dysphoria. So does keeping your mind engaged. Don't dwell. Dwelling never helps.

 

Creative Endeavors: The world can really suck. Build your own.

 

Friends: Friends that accept you are The Best. You can be yourself around friends.

 

Being Yourself: Not motivational speaker crap, I swear. Grab a female friend, some cash and head down to wherever you buy clothes. Have her buy you something that you can wear under your street clothes (or buy it yourself, no judging). Wear it when you can. It helps more than you think.

 

Those worked for me (well, not the last one, I raided my egg-donor's dresser). I'm sure you'll discover a few that are unique to you too.

 

Hugs!

[TTheta]

I know the feeling, my family sucks too. What I can recommend is prepare yourself as much as you can to move out as soon as possible, start looking for jobs and quite possibly a supportive friend who would be willing to support you. Friends are the family you get to choose, so keep that in mind. Stay strong Emily. 

[TommieAnne]

All this time I grew up thinking families were supposed to suck!

The female avatar in video games is a gem of a suggestion... I've been doing that for years without giving it much thought, just gravitated to it.

I know of no good suggestions otherwise... family is like kryptonite - it just drains everything from you.