Is this a normal part of dysphoria?

[Ashe]

I came out three years ago as enby/gender fluid. 

It never changed, however in recent months i've felt very very feminine. To the point where I feel like two completely different people.

Questioning who I was was a horrific long road, and I don't want to do that again. But my other trans friend said they feel the exact same way.

 

I feel like two different people entirely. In terms of what I like, music etc. 

When I feel feminine, I like colourful cute clothes and upbeat music, I put it down to my name being 'Dove.' I'm basically the opposite of me when I feel like this

 

But when I feel like me, who I have been for three and a half years now, Ashe, I just feel like me. I am me, but the Dove side just exists and I think about it all the time. 

 

It actually gets to the point where I beat my own dysphoria fluctuation with my feminine side. It's horrible, and so scary and confusing. I didn't know where to turn, but I found myself here ?

[Susan R]

Hi Ashe, welcome to our affirming community.  It’s a good place to start looking for answers, change course, or stop for a bit on one’s journey.  We have a few NB/genderfluid folk here that may be of some help to you.  I have to hope a few can answer some of your questions.  I know many of my questions have been answered here.

57 minutes ago, Ashe said:

I came out three years ago as enby/gender fluid. 

It never changed, however in recent months i've felt very very feminine. To the point where I feel like two completely different people.

Have you had any significant events that could’ve caused a change? (E.g.; family or close friend’s death, relationship breakup, etc...).  I know in my life, my brother’s death had a huge impact on my life.  It caused my Gender Dysphoria to rear its ugly head after many years of suppressing my true nature and I realized life was too short to keep fighting it.  So if nothing significant has changed in your life then maybe a memory, a dream, or a thought might have triggered the recent changes in your gender identity.  It may also be a short term phase caused by stress.  Personally, I was more fluid when I was younger.  Now, I’m pretty stable in my gender identity.  With changes like this, there is likely some root cause though.  Large or small, the reasons for the change are something to explore with a good friend, ally, or better yet, a counselor if you have access to one.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

 

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums.  That pesky Gender Dysphoria just will not leave us alone or let us stay at one place in life.  Time to see your Gender Therapist again I am afraid to tell you.  GD is Consistent, Persistent, and becomes very Insistent in leading us further along our paths.  I hope you can find some peace in knowing you are one of us, but you probably have even more change in your future. 

[Astrid]

Hi, Ashe (and Dove)!

Many of us have not experienced a straight line on our gender identity journeys -- me included.  It's been expressed by other wise folks here that more important than "finding the right label" is experiencing and accepting You as You -- and that you may change from time to time.  For we who are gender diverse, it's actually pretty normal. 

 

Hugs and welcome to our midst. 

 

Astrid

[MetaLicious]

On 1/17/2020 at 6:24 PM, Ashe said:

I came out three years ago as enby/gender fluid. ... I feel like two different people entirely. In terms of what I like, music etc. 

I identify as feminine, because that's how I usually feel.  However, I spent 51 years living as a male (not a man), so there are days when I'm just not feminine.  At all.  I've learned to embrace the different parts of me, and their different points on the gender spectrum.  Who am I?  Michael? Michelle? Mike? Michaela? Mikey? Mickey?  I don't know which part of me is going to be dominant on any given day.  And you know what?  That's okay.

 

As long as you are growing as a person, there will be new corners of yourself to explore.  If you can find joy in rediscovering yourself, embrace it!  If it causes you pain, definitely talk to your therapist - they're there to help!