Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi


lilyofthevalley

Recommended Posts

Hi, everyone. You can call me Lily!

 

I’m 20 years old and just recently had my “moment of realization.” I’ve been questioning my gender for four-ish years, but was mostly in denial about it until a few months ago. I’ve pretty much decided now that I want to be a girl.

 

I don’t really know what’s next for me. I have (diagnosed) social anxiety disorder and talking to people is extremely difficult. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about these feelings, even my therapist. Lately my disphoria has gotten so bad that it’s affecting my daily life and my family has noticed and is concerned about my well-being. I can’t keep bottling up my feelings, so I had to promise myself that I would do something. That something was coming here.

 

It’s very difficult for me to share here too, but at least I know I will be accepted here. I look forward to meeting everyone in this community!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hey Lily! Welcome to Transpuse!

 

I think you'll find us a warm, welcoming and most of all supportive community. Please feel free to poke around, ask questions or join the discussion!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Lily!  I can appreciate the anxiety you feel even coming here and admitting how you feel.  It was a difficult moment for me, as well.  You made a good decision.  I would urge you to find the confidence to explain to your therapist about your dysphoria.  It's the only way he or she can help you deal with it.  They are there to help you, not judge you.

 

Please look around the forums and post questions and comments wherever you wish.  We'll be here to help.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Lily.  I'm glad you decided to come here and that you thought it would help.  There are many kind people here to speak with and even vent every now and again, as life presents challenges.  I'm happy to hear you've been able to break through and speak to someone.  This is good.  Understandably your family knows you well and sees the change in you.  Talk to your therapist about how to address this subject with them.

 

All my best.
Jani 

Link to comment

Salutations and welcome Lily, hopefully you can find some peace of mind and learn of yourself as well as others... The time to grow is now bit by bit?

Link to comment

Howdy Lily! We welcome you to the forum with open arms and minds! :)

 

Please feel welcome to message me if you ever need someone to talk to in private, I do my best to cheer up others and just be a friend in general ^_^

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
8 hours ago, lilyofthevalley said:

I don’t really know what’s next for me. I have (diagnosed) social anxiety disorder and talking to people is extremely difficult. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about these feelings, even my therapist.

Hello Lily, it’s nice to have you aboard.  Congrats on getting past your fear and making your first thread here describing a bit about yourself.  It wasn’t as bad as you thought was it?  Just try not to think too far ahead as it can seem more overwhelming than it really is especially in the beginning.  You can do what’s comfortable for you in small incremental steps.  You set your own timeline and your therapist can help you if you get stuck.  No one here will ever pressure you in any way and there’s no competition.  We are here to offer support in any way we can.  I think you’ll slowly find this forum to be a safe place for you to share or ask questions as you need.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Lily,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

You don't have to post any more than you like. But we won't bite, I promise!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug, 

Timber Wolf ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Lily.  Welcome.

 

I am glad you signed up.  You are among friends here.  Please feel free to share what you are comfortable sharing and to ask questions.

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Lily.  Coming here was difficult for me the first time.  I was both excited and afraid to open up about feelings so long hidden.  Instead of disapproval i found the support i needed to find myself.  Hopefully you will feel the same.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi Lily. Glad to have you here. 

 

It can be hard to share so just share what you want to, when you want. I find everyone here is very supportive and willing to listen.

 

Love and hugs,

 

Kris

Link to comment

Hi Lily. Welcome here!

You're among like minded folkx here.

The anxiety you feel has been felt by many, I suspect. I know it's been a problem for me all my life, but is better now that I've figured myself out a bit.

Lots of good reading here and a good safe space to ask questions.

TA

Link to comment

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome!

I've done some reading around the forum, but now I'm extremely overwhelmed by the transition process, specifically voice training. I have a super deep voice, as luck would have it. I was hoping my voice would just get higher pitched automatically over time with HRT, but apparently not...


Hopefully I can work up the courage to talk to my therapist soon. My family's efforts to improve my mood are having the opposite effect. They seem to think I'm just lonely, because they keep trying to get me out in public to be social. Obviously, that makes me super uncomfortable and dysphoric. Incidentally I'm also super tall, which makes me feel like everyone's eyes are drawn to me. I just want to be alone...

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
39 minutes ago, lilyofthevalley said:

Hopefully I can work up the courage to talk to my therapist soon.

Lily, this may not reduce your fear of speaking with your therapist but just know that most practicing counselors and therapists have heard it all.  They’re professionals and are there for your support.  They have likely encountered endless variations in lifestyles, personalities, sexualities, beliefs, etc... nothing you say will have them jumping out of their seat.  Know that there is almost no chance that whatever you would discuss with your therapist would ever see the light of day without your permission.  Confidentiality is one of their most important assets.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Lily, this may not reduce your fear of speaking with your therapist but just know that most practicing counselors and therapists have heard it all.  They’re professionals and are there for your support.  They have likely encountered endless variations in lifestyles, personalities, sexualities, beliefs, etc... nothing you say will have them jumping out of their seat.  Know that there is almost no chance that whatever you would discuss with your therapist would ever see the light of day without your permission.  Confidentiality is one of their most important assets.

I've had this therapist for 5 years now, and I have a good relationship with her. You would probably expect that to make me more comfortable sharing this, but somehow it just makes me fear it will change how she thinks of me and damage our connection, if that makes any sense... I've never discussed anything this "deep" with her.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
51 minutes ago, lilyofthevalley said:

but somehow it just makes me fear it will change how she thinks of me and damage our connection, if that makes any sense... I've never discussed anything this "deep" with her.

Yes, I can see this happening.  I get it.   I had a similar fear when coming out to my wife.    She thought after 22 years together she knew all about me yet this HUGE part of myself hidden away from her and she never saw it despite all the hidden cues during that time.  Everything I did overtly pointed in the other direction.  The thought of her seeing the ‘real me’ for the first time was almost terrifying as possibly losing her. 
I ended up using ‘pulling off the bandaid as fast as possible’ approach when telling her about my transition needs.  You may end up having to do the same thing with your therapist.  After the deed is done and the adrenaline drops a bit, I bet you will experience a huge breakthrough.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
12 hours ago, lilyofthevalley said:

I've done some reading around the forum, but now I'm extremely overwhelmed by the transition process, specifically voice training. I have a super deep voice, as luck would have it. I was hoping my voice would just get higher pitched automatically over time with HRT, but apparently not...

 

Yeah, that happens to FtM's, but once you've grown out your voice box, that's it. Fortunately, resonance is more important than pitch (see Cher) and you can train yourself to speak with both a higher pitch and feminine resonance. It's hard work, but it totally pays off. Well worth every second I spent doing it.

 

Alternately, voice surgery is a thing but it only helps with pitch. You still need to train to speak from the right part of your throat.

 

12 hours ago, lilyofthevalley said:

Incidentally I'm also super tall, which makes me feel like everyone's eyes are drawn to me. I just want to be alone.

 

I get that too. I'm 5'11". My new favorite person at the gym is this lovely woman who is taller than me. I just like standing next to her. But hey, remember that there's a 7' cis-female model out there. Tall girls can be pretty too. It's harder to find clothes, but we can be pretty.

 

I'm not sure about being alone. Alone time is important, but being around friends can be very affirming. Especially if they know, and use your correct name/pronouns. Or even if they don't know and use the correct name and pronouns. Being around people who know and that you trust is incredibly affirming for me.

 

11 hours ago, Susan R said:

I ended up using ‘pulling off the bandaid as fast as possible’ approach when telling her about my transition needs.  You may end up having to do the same thing with your therapist.  After the deed is done and the adrenaline drops a bit, I bet you will experience a huge breakthrough.

 

I took that approach too. It was scary... so, so scary... but I did it, and it worked out for the best. @Susan R is right though, therapists have seen, heard (and/or done) everything. You can't shock them. I think it's more likely that she'll be happy to finally get through that last bit of armor and get to meet the real you. OK, my therapist described it more as storming a castle. After two years she's past the moat... and I came to her as trans... but I prefer an armor metaphor. To me, coming out felt more like dropping heavy armor I'd been wearing to protect me from the world.

 

Seriously though. Deep breath and talk to your therapist. She's there to help and she can't help you if you keep things from her. Open and honest communication about what's bothering you is always the best way for the two of you to interact.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Welcome Lily I am so glad you have found us.  It is a great place with lots of love and support.  I have told folks things here I thought would never see the light of day and you know what?  I feel so much better just letting it out.  Yes it was "just to strangers over the internet" at first so what's the big deal?  I soon realized these folks are my "found family" and they all care and have helped me threw some pretty difficult times.  I love them all.

Yes You have some fears and anxiety and in this we ALL have been there and truly understand how this feels.  So open up as fast or as slow as you wish and we will be here for you.

I am glad you have a good therapist with some history together.  Trust in her and you will be rewarded so much when things start to fall into place.

That's my experience anyways.

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 102 Guests (See full list)

    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Ashley0616
    • Ivy
    • Karen Carey
    • LucyF
    • SamC
    • Mmindy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone 100mg and Evorel 50mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to 100mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...