HRT Year one experiences (wanna talk about them?)

[Miss Bunny]

I'm focusing mainly on HRT based year one experiences, just so I get that straight.

I'm not saying other persons not on HRT are not valid, just so we are clear on that.

 

My journey (best way to refer to it that I have heard), began in 2012.

It was 2 years of living with another person in my brain. It called it HIS brain, I disagreed.

We fought, a lot, and it wasn't pretty.

I likely sounded insane. Maybe I was. I had no one to discuss the matter with at that time.

2 years of intense arguing, with myself, it would have seemed.

And I was trying to kill him. No not suicide, I didn't want to die, I just wanted HIM dead.

I was unsuccessful at finding a way to kill him, without ending up dead as well.

 

Then we got separated from the ex. I say we, because she booted us both out.

He didn't take it well. I had to spend 24 hours in a mental health ward lock up, because he wanted to die.

I managed to get out of that hell. Scared the -crap- out of me.

He spent January and February moving from the family apartment to the new place.

And I was simply too wiped out to argue with him.

Then mom's health went down the drain, and she moved to assisted living back in Ottawa (the family had moved out of town progressively to Ottawa, leaving me behind in the process). Mom had moved back after dad passed for a short few years. But now she was out of my life again.

 

And then my transition really began. It was just coincidence after mom leaving though.

But in the process, I basically became the real me, without anyone to guide me for the most part.

The ex was friendly until 2016, but that was to end.

I essentially had no one. And I was living alone now, something I had never done before in my life.

I also had zero experiences with dating. I had gotten married to the first person I had ever dated.

I had never been with another person ever.

 

I went 'full time' something like March. By the time I had a laundry load of girls clothing, I ditched every male clothing. All of it. Men's socks, underwear, pants. Shoes took a while. I wanted nothing made for a man. I have not worn pants in the time since once. Nope, I don't care if ladies CAN wear pants, I don't. I wear mainly skirts, as dresses take more effort to find. I think all women have that problem though.

I was told I'd need to be on hormones a year before GRS (or whatever term you want to use for surgery). And I was told I'd need proof of being full time. Proof? how? I'm disabled. I don't even know what work feels like. I only own women's clothing. If I'm outside, I'm wearing women's clothing. I was able to get some references for this eventually. I guess they realized I was never going to provide a work time sheet saying I was there in women's clothing.

 

Then the big moment happened. My first day even, fully me, complete outfit. The FIRST DAY EH, and I got gendered properly. It was a nice sign.

Maybe it's because I carry myself like a female. The skirt helps eh.

 

HRT began I think mid year. I don't recall, and after 5 years, it loses it's importance eh.

But my first year, that was special in many ways.

13 year old again, yippee, doing it solo in a 50 year old body. Yep, embarrassing.

2 months of anti androgen small dose level, and IT turns off.

HURRAAHH!!!! peace and quiet. You have to understand, he was sex obsessed, and it bothered ME a LOT.

I was glad to be rid of it in my daily life. Never felt it any more. Actually had to look while I peed which is funny. But with panties on, it was like it wasn't there.

I never tucked by the way. Skirts hid it just fine.

5 months in and 3 months on estrogen low dose again initially. And I was under the care of a skilled endo, and I like it that way too.

"Man do I ever want a man!"

Where the heck did THAT come from?

I had thought I was straight all those 27 years of marriage.

But I'm actually a girl. But suddenly girls no longer do a damned thing for me.

Then this hits me about men.

"Am I still straight then?"

The urge was so intense.

And I have only learned I'm actually demi sexual in 2018.

So the whole man thing sure blind sided me.

 

Was it the hormones doing? I'm thinking it was. I'm thinking it merely unlocked what was always there, but he couldn't see.

Hormones did a lot of things in the first year.

He was an exhibitionist, me, NOT BLOODY LIKELY

He liked bland as hell monocoloured clothing, work stuff. Me, it's gotta be flowery and frilly and fancy

He was a male chauvinistic pig. The kitchen is for women. I actually feel my most comfortable there. I hid in my kitchen the first 2 years while I made my home more girlie.

Yeah, my boobs hurt for 2 years. Didn't grow bigger, just grew a lot more IN them.

Oh I LOVED losing the body hair. He used to be a friggin bear.

I'm told I have amazingly soft skin. Daily moisturizer saturated bubble baths help.

 

Most of my year one changes though were psychological shifts.

He was afraid of nothing. I scare easier now.

I cry at anything.

I had a hell of a time not seeing 'threats' everywhere.

Mastering my hair style took time.

Wardrobe takes time.

I used to think "thrift' = garbage. I had to cure myself of elitist mentality

I learned I could no longer handle violence in media.

I learned I now sucked at wargames  lost the aggression..

I learned that romance novels were the greatest thing ever (ok I'm biased). I've learned most of my womanhood through them. It likely shows.

I have survived through the pink haze common to transgender girls who are strongly female identified. It's funny to watch in others new to it now. My god did I really look that funny?

 

Anyway, I'd like to hear of your year one experiences with HRT.

 

[Jackie C.]

Honestly, my HRT just leveled me out. For the first time in my life I could think, react and feel appropriately. I can concentrate, feel compassion and generally function as a human being. I'm capable of loving myself as well as others. I have dreams again.

 

Without HRT, I was an emotional wrecking ball headed for a self-destructive end. Perhaps one of the most miserable human beings on the planet. You wouldn't recognize me if you'd met me three years ago. Seriously.

 

Surprises were things like how little emotion was actually getting through before the HRT. It was like switching from a sippy cup to drinking from the fire hose. I like the extra feels though. They make me feel complete.

 

Hugs!

[Belle]

Thank you for the reflection @Miss Bunny! I just started HRT yesterday, so hearing first-hand accounts is really helpful. The more I hear about the more I can gauge which things are definitely going to happen and which things are likely vs. unlikely. And its also good to hear just to get to know you better. ?

 

Belle ❤

[SaraAW]

I’m only a little more than a month on meds, but wow has it helped me mentally. Similar to Jackie, I’d been a mess mentally for awhile, even having attended therapy for months. Within a week of starting, it was like a godly of self loathing and despair lifted. I’m also noticing some more range in emotions, subtle so far, but I’m loving it. Any doubts I had regarding whether hrt was for me are completely gone now. I can’t wait to see how things progress mentally and physically, although I know it’s a slow road, so I’ll have to. Thanks for sharing. Hugs!