I found myself sometimes put make-up not to look like a woman but so i don't look like a man

[Lexi C]

Is anyone else going through this? I still feel like a male and with out make -up I def look like a dude. I try to put on as little and light as possible, but then I feel or see my 5oclk shadow . feel I need to paint that crap on just so I can walk out of the house and not feel like a fake. Any one else feel this way. TY 4 listen 

[BrandiBri]

Alex, I have been out since Nov 2017 and I used to have the same thoughts. I felt that I had to wear the pads, wig and shapewear as well as trying to do makeup. Everything had to be as perfect as I could make it. After time though, I found that as my confidence increased the need to do all that decreased. I now very seldom wear makeup and when I do, it's usually a little mascara and lipstick.

I work in retail and rarely am misgendered. As you gain confidence I am sure that you will feel the same.

[Lexi C]

Thank Brand B. I am trying, but its so hard sometimes. Hey Suzanne Ty 

[Emily michelle]

Alex I feel the exact way you do. It’s to the point sometimes when I look in the mirror it makes me want to go back to bed and cry. So whenever I go out I have to have gobs of makeup just to hide it. I did have an appointment to start laser hair removal but obviously that is on hold. 

[Maddee]

I feel this.

I've had to this point 100 hrs of electrolysis plus a year of facial laser sessions.

While I don't always wear makeup out, when I do, I kind of hope to pass, at least from a distance. 

Recently I was at a store buying a new phone.  It was slow and not many people there   One of the female salespeople and a male customer were having a laughing debate about my gender from twenty feet away from where I was seated with my salesperson.  Their deciding factor of me being male was my beard shadow.  Not my voice, not my posture.

I was freshly shaved, and wearing foundation makeup, and they were twenty feet away.  The branch manager joined their laughing clutch.

 

Like everything I try to do is for nothing.

I think of of all those hours getting poked or fried in the face, and thousands of dollars, and wanted to cry right then. Of course I did as soon as I got out of there.

Sounds like makeup is helping you though. 

 

[MetaLicious]

@Alex C, I'm not at the point where I even have the cosmetics to cover my shadow, but it is one of the more troubling aspects of my face.  I shave using a razor (close a a blade, or your money back!), and when I am finished, there is my shadow.  The only time I don't have a shadow is when I have a beard, and I can't abide by that at all!  So far, my efforts to bleach it away have done nothing.  I do feel teel that way...

 

@Ms Maddie, that sounds heartbreaking.  I'm sorry those bung-holes couldn't find enough respect for a customer to at least put a cork in it until you left.

[Maddee]

Thanks.  I have been making a fool out of myself publicly for as long as I can remember.  So this was just a thing.  Sure i cried, but it did not break my heart.

[JoniSteph]

I can relate to having a 5 o'clock shadow but thankfully my white hair does not show as bad as the black does. I have to shave twice to rid the shadow though, once as normal and then afterwards I have to reverse direction by going against the grain. 

I use a different blade when I shave against the grain, one that is a lot fresher in terms of number of shaves. For the second shave I always use disposable blades so I can get best cut possible.

It is just what works for me.

 

Bid Canadian Hug

[Susan R]

5 hours ago, Ms Maddie said:

One of the female salespeople and a male customer were having a laughing debate about my gender from twenty feet away from where I was seated with my salesperson.  Their deciding factor of me being male was my beard shadow.  Not my voice, not my posture.

I was freshly shaved, and wearing foundation makeup, and they were twenty feet away.  The branch manager joined their laughing clutch.

 

Like everything I try to do is for nothing.

I think of of all those hours getting poked or fried in the face, and thousands of dollars, and wanted to cry right then. Of course I did as soon as I got out of there.

This hurts me so much to read. I felt my stomach turn.  No one should be treated this way.  I don’t have much to add here but I am sorry you went through that and hope you never have to deal with this again.  You’re very pretty and I can’t believe how hurtful people can be sometimes.

 

~Hugs~
Susan R?

[Maddee]

Thank you for the sweet compliment Susan.   Sorry what I posted hurt you or made you feel bad.  I don't feel like the laughing people were mean.  My tears weren't because of people's cruelty.  You and I know both much worse than that, and I personally believe in having some humor about myself and having some tougher skin.  especially from strangers.

 

What got me was that after the amount of face treatments I've had that my beard shadow was still visible, freshly shaven, beneath makeup, from 20 feet away.

[Jani]

Maddie I am sorry to read you have gone through this type of treatment but I understand what you write.  Some people are mean for the sake of it, they hurt other people too most likely and just don't understand the impact. It takes for them to be on the receiving end for them to (possibly) learn.  You are strong and beautiful.

 

Hugs, Jani 

[ShawnaLeigh]

Omg I just had this hit me like a ton of bricks when I was gettingready for bed just now.  I remove my makeup snd eig snd BOOM this he is again.  Damn it!   
I stopped and looked real close Snd she was gone.  My heart broke.  
 I would love for nothing more then to look like Shawna no matter what level of makeup or clothing or wig could go.  I see her in my features now tho.  Since I’ve been full time 14-18 hours per day I am getting accustomed to seeing her at every turn. 
but this evening “ he” was the only one I saw.  He started to cry in the mirror.  
Do yes I get it.  

[Maddee]

Sleep is good for us and our skin.

 

Dreams only as Shawna and no broken hearts

[Lexi C]

Hey MM sorry to hear about yr exp. I can tell you when that happen to me, I actually went up to the group of laughing  hyenas( one who was a store mgt) and asking if I was funny to them. I ask then all if they would not mind If I started  making funny of then, which I did, and they just disperse. I did not remain quick and began degrading then as they walk always, Then I went up to manager and spoke I as clear as I could and told him I was going contact the BB. my LGBT civil right lawyer and yelp..Well I can tell you that didn't work, but I did mange to get him fried and I got a letter from Just Tires with am apology  . Small victory. I bitch and I vent a lot but deep down I know what I am and some days I wish it would be easy just to wake up and be a wm, but like you laser, Elect and still I have a shadow...But I will keep applying the crap until one day I don't have  to as much..   

Much lv to all who responded to this post. We are who we are and there's nothing wrong with that..

[BrandiBri]

I guess age has its advantages. my facial hair is grey, so it really doesn't show as much.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience Maddie, that was very rude and inappropriate of them. I have only been told that I must have been born with different parts. If I hadn't been at work I would have confronted them. For the most part, the people that come through my line at work are respectful. Just before my court date to change my name, I told one of my customers that I am trans and was going to change my name and she said that she has been watching my progress over the last two years. I realize that I don't pass all that well, but I think confidence goes a long way to validate who we are.

Hang in there sweetheart.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[Maddee]

Thank you for the support. 

Congratulations on the changes you have been working on for two years to be affirmed that way to you by your customer!

Yes, confidence is where it's at, I am onboard 100% with that belief for anyone especially trans individuals wanting to be gendered correctly.

 

I almost wish I didn't post what I did Because Ii feel I'm being misunderstood even after expaining myself.

Generally I don't believe people need to change to accommodate my gender presentation.

That's right.  I said that.

In my opinion, we can bring on trans backlash by taking offense too often and sometimes for the trivial.

My last counselor, and most people I meet on trans forums/activists/whatever, advocate asserting and correcting people and even taking offense

I disagree. 

However, since I so often find myself wrong I am opening my mind to the thought that these really were awful, rude, people, and not just fellow life travellers using humor to diffuse thetir own fear and pain, and deserving of just as much patience and consideration as what many recently-emboldened trans are now clamoring for.

[Maddee]

Good morning.

I think I need to back and take a nap.

Thanks again

[BrandiBri]

2 hours ago, Ms Maddie said:

I don't believe people need to change to accommodate my gender presentation.

Maddie, I agree with you completely. Please don't take my words as misunderstanding you. My older sister and my youngest daughter do not understand and can't accept my being trans, but that is ok by me. I can't change the way they think, however I can try to help them understand that I am the same person that they have known all their lives, it's just that who I am doesn't match my anatomy and never did. I would not have reacted the way Alex did (no offence Alex). I would have taken the opportunity to try to help them understand that I am just as human as they are. 

[Maddee]

Thanks Brandi, and everyone else on this thread Alex started.  Felt like maybe I ranted too much.  I'm pretty new here, and don't want to bite people's hands that were only trying to comfort me.  Because yeah its hard out there sometimes and there have been times I overreacted and got defensive.  To be honest sticking up for myself at those times in public did not seem to do me, or any other gender non-conforming people, any favors.

 

In the spirit of the thread title, I absolutely feel this way.  I'm not that into makeup and if I wear it, its to try and just look less like a man.

Maybe I need more expensive makeup and just paint roller it on.

 

Going to look for a stir crazy thread to post on because I'm ready with spoons