Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Pink Fog


Recommended Posts

I have been having difficulty concentrating on things for the past few months. Today I was thinking about this more and it kind of felt like I was in a fog.  So I guess I have heard the term Pink Fog before I suppose, because I went ahead and googled it and came up with this post back in 2009 (oddly I could not find it here, but it looked like it was posted in this discussion group back in September 2009.

 

“Have many of you ever go through really bad pink fog stages where all you can think about is your gender issues?

It seems like every two months or so this strikes me with a vengeance and I struggle to keep everything together.

I am going through a pink fog phase at the moment and it is bitter sweet, I love the feelings and emotions I am experiencing and yet at the same time feel I am being smothered by a heavy weight of frustration.  :(

I am struggling to keep on top of this and carry on with my daily activities, it's not so bad during the day when I have work etc to distract me but at night it is more difficult. Have you had these feelings and if so what do you do to manage them?

My wife is very supportive but I can't talk to her about this as it makes her uncomfortable - I have already tried.

It is so confusing and I just wished I could find a middle ground whereby I can be Rachael whenever the urge is there without being obsessed by the whole thing.

Normally I am okay with being transgendered - love it in fact, but during these periods I find it a struggle as it makes me feel vulnerable and a bit lost.  :(
 

Wow.  Yes, I couldn’t have described it better, or said it better, - same thing exactly but more frequently than every 2 months.  I have been dressing for the past 50 years. I found this forum a little over a year ago, and it has helped immensely knowing that i am not alone.  Everyone has been very supportive.  
Things were going very well for me (my wife was supportive it seemed) until last October when my wife one day out of the blue told me she would leave me if I transitioned to a woman.  I was devastated as I thought things between us were going rather well.  (In retrospect- that week it was cold outside so I took advantage of that opportunity to wear a heavy coat to hide the fact I was wearing a bra and ran a few errands.  Maybe  my C cup was not so obscured)
We have had some good discussion over the past couple of weeks and she told me she would have left me by now if she was unhappy.  So i am happy about that. She has some hard boundaries- no going out of the house wearing a bra, and I need to wear out some of my clothes before getting new ones.  I do love to shop, and have more bras and panties than she does.  She has a hard time wrapping her head around that, and has asked many times why i want to wear a bra when she hates it. I have tried to explain how it feels the right thing to be doing - it just feels right, (better than how I feel when I don’t have any breasts/bra) and when I look in the mirror I like what I see, but I think for a cis person they just don’t understand.

 

 

Probably way too much in this post - but if anyone has any of these feelings mentioned above how do you manage them?

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Hugs

Janae

Link to post
1 hour ago, Janae said:

My wife is very supportive but I can't talk to her about this as it makes her uncomfortable - I have already tried.

Wow!  this hits so close to home, its almost as I had written it myself.  Going on 2 years now since coming out to my wife (only), but not really being able to talk about it because it always gets uncomfortable. 
I can dress at home (mostly in private) but similar "boundaries" about  going out or going farther .. not really sure I am ready for that yet anyway so its not a big issue so far.
I received a similar threat of "leaving" if I transition, but recently she denied she ever said that (I didn't forget), so maybe that is a hopeful sign.
I recently made a determination that I need to open the communication again.  Big reason is I want to start therapy, and I don't want to do it behind her back.  I am hoping she doesn't see it as a threat but an opportunity for me to get my arms around my gender identity.  Hopefully it will include her at some point too .. and I feel unless we understand and support each other, it will be difficult to continue without one or both of us being unhappy in this relationship.


Thank you Janae for posting this .. I too feel I am fortunate to have found this forum.

Wishing you all the best in your journey

 

Link to post

Thank you Kay!  My wife and I have been married over 30 years, and more than half of those she has known about, and supported me.  Last year I came out to her fully that there is more to this.

i have mentioned to her that I want to go to therapy, but she insists that it don’t need it.  In one of our discussions she mentioned “MTF runs in the family “ (I have a cousin that transitioned many years ago), it may be that she is worried that I will end up going to a therapist and starting the transition that day?

When it comes to money, she controls it, and I have learned that I need to ask before spending it or risk her anger.

Kay, please let me know how things go with you and your wife and your approach for therapy.  I too don’t want to go behind my wife’s back, but I know that I need therapy.

 

Thank you Kay ❤️
 

Janae

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Susan R
2 hours ago, Janae said:

“Have many of you ever go through really bad pink fog stages where all you can think about is your gender issues?

To some degree this probably happens to many of us transitioning with and without spouses although I never heard it referred to as a ‘pink fog‘ stage. Obviously, before coming out fully about wanting to transition to female to my wife the topic just was never brought up. Shortly after coming out though, we seemed to talk about nothing else. So much so that we talked about a [future] time when transition, gender, and all of the issues it creates would not be a part of our regular discussion throughout the day. I’m really not sure that will ever happen. Now that we have become quite accustomed to our life as two married women, we no longer worry about it like we once did.  My wife and I find enjoyment with several support groups where gender issues are the main focus. Plus, we are both involved of online trans communities that we really enjoy. It hasn’t got to a point where a ‘pink fog’ has detrimentally affected our lives. If it ever starts to interfere with our life together, I’m sure we would make some changes in our day to day although I’m not sure what those changes would entail.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to post
6 hours ago, Janae said:

Kay, please let me know how things go with you and your wife and your approach for therapy.

Hi Janae.   Here's the update -

Well!  after reading your post, and some encouragement from another Member, I re-opened the discussion with my wife today, with the specific intent to tell her I wanted to seek therapy.
It was a bit of awkward silence at first, but after being to explain Why I wanted to go to therapy she agreed to support me (at least at this phase).  She immediately wanted to also know how "far" I was going to go with this (i.e, full transition) and I honestly could not tell her ... well ... because that's why I want to go to therapy. (right?)
I presented therapy as a way we could actually improve our relationship, rather than ignoring the elephant-in-the room.  And we also discussed the opportunity for her to also seek therapy on how to deal with this, and eventually couple therapy.  That would be my ideal. (we do have other generic issues in our marriage, as you alluded to, and all couples experience.  Nothing to do with gender identity).


I know from past experience that even though she pledged support, this is going to take her a while to come to grips with, and there could be a few rocky days ahead.  I need to be considerate of her feelings and ability to cope.  But, in the end I think that is better than the daily roller coaster of anxiety attacks I have endured the last couple of years.

I hoping something similar is in store for you, Janae❣️
Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to post
14 hours ago, KayC said:

know from past experience that even though she pledged support, this is going to take her a while to come to grips with, and there could be a few rocky days ahead.  I need to be considerate of her feelings and ability to cope.  But, in the end I think that is better than the daily roller coaster of anxiety attacks I have endured the last couple of years.


Hi Kay.  Absolutely-  I believe this to be the best approach as well.  It’s not a race, but rather a journey.  

I think initially because of the huge emotional outpouring of ones feelings to their spouse there will be a willingness and offer of support and help.  However I  believe once she has had time to reflect on “what the new picture “ looks like, a lot of questions and uncertainty starts to emerge....

 

Thank you for the update. I truly wish all the best to you and your spouse. 
You are so right about that elephant- it can get pretty big in the room. We have started talking more lately so I will try your approach and see how it goes.

 

Hugs ❤️
 

Janae

Link to post
10 hours ago, Janae said:

However I  believe once she has had time to reflect on “what the new picture “ looks like, a lot of questions and uncertainty starts to emerge....

Hi Janae 
Well, you nailed this one on the head.  By time we finished dinner I could tell it was no longer a positive experience for both of us.  I think she let all the possibilities of what could happen next to roll around in her head and she closed down.  I think we both went to bed a bit depressed last night.
This was the response I was worried about.  It was almost like I was Coming Out a second time.  Almost like she had come to think my gender dysphoria was a passing fantasy, and now she had to face it again (although it had never gone away).

As much as I prefer the "open communication" approach my wife does not really handle it very well .. that's our history.


This morning she told me she didn't want to talk about it and needed some time ... so its a little bit (actually a lot) tense right now, but I think/hope she will open up again.  She did reaffirm that she supported me going to therapy .. but she pulled back on ever participating. 

 

Not knowing how your wife handles these topics I cannot give you advice on how to proceed based on how this went over with my wife.

I almost regret telling her now about wanting therapy, but it was going to have to be addressed sometime, just for my own mental health.  But her delayed reaction and pain is hard for me to watch. 


For now, I am just going do what I can to reassure her and to wait and see what happens after I start therapy. 
thank you for the support and encouragement❣️

Link to post
13 hours ago, KayC said:

This was the response I was worried about.  It was almost like I was Coming Out a second time.  Almost like she had come to think my gender dysphoria was a passing fantasy, and now she had to face it again (although it had never gone away).


Kay,

 

So sorry to hear this, but I have and do go through the same thing.  So do you by any chance come up with “corny ideas” that don’t go anywhere?  For instance, maybe you say “you know, I always wanted to take up jogging.  I think I’ll go get me some new runners as well as a pair of shorts and a new top”. So you do that, and oh, about 6 months later your wife says “ I haven’t noticed you out jogging lately.  Another one of your corny ideas come and gone.”  And then of course to rub salt in, adds “is there anything you do for longer than A couple of months?”  
Please don’t think I am trying to make fun of a serious situation, but the point of this was that she may be thinking this is another one of these “fads” that will go away.  ...and the thing is it does not go away - it’s who we are.  So what do we do?  Well, if committed to the relationship- then you develop some ground rules that are agreed upon, (and likely they are reluctantly agreed).  Then to help make it through the fog, we have this Forum. Overtime hopefully, we can hope that our spouse will develop an understanding of what we go through. 

 

Hugs ❤️
 

Janae

Link to post
9 hours ago, Janae said:

Overtime hopefully, we can hope that our spouse will develop an understanding of what we go through. 

Thanks, Janae ..

That is what I am hoping.  She was better today, so hopefully its an indicator that she probably just needs some time again to make it through Phase 2.  But, I can tell how much she is having a hard time with this .. and there is only so much I can do to comfort her.

I am truly hoping that if therapy can help me become a better "me" she will see that our relationship will also benefit. 

 

Corny ideas.. hah!  that's funny.  Actually its usually my wife that does that .. goes All In on a new hobby then never does again after a few months.  Oh well, I love her ?

I know we're both going through similar situations.  I am hoping for the best possible outcome for you and your wife.

I'll keep you updated on my progress.  Thank you again for your encouragement❣️

Link to post
Sally Stone

Janae, Kay,

 

I hope you both can sort things out with your spouses.  That can be difficult and may take some time.

 

Actually though, I wanted to comment on the idea of a "Pink Fog."  It is a term I am extremely familiar with, but I learned about it in a different context.  In the trans world it has meant that the joy and happy-giddy feelings you have when expressing your true self tend to overwhelm you.  I have experienced the pink fog on numerous occasions, but it always came after a great day, or period of time expressing my feminine side.  It was particularly overpowering the first few times I expressed my feminine side out in public.  Things go better than you anticipate, it makes you feel whole and complete, so suddenly you are all warm and contented, and you don't want to let go of that great feeling.  My pink fogs could be quite overwhelming. 

Link to post
30 minutes ago, Sally Stone said:

it makes you feel whole and complete

Thank you for your support, encouragement and story, Sally.  I look forward to experiencing your kind of Pink Fog some day

❤️

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 98 Guests (See full list)

    • Lyla
    • ElizabethStar
    • Aurora
    • Emily michelle
    • DeeDee
    • Jackie C.
    • KathyLauren
    • Orzeszek00
    • KymmieL
    • ThankOurTroops
    • JJ
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,493
    • Total Posts
      662,958
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,694
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Orzeszek00
    Newest Member
    Orzeszek00
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 12amCritter
      12amCritter
      (20 years old)
    2. MistyMinx15
      MistyMinx15
      (42 years old)
  • Posts

    • DeeDee
      This is the way... 😂
    • KymmieL
      Liz and Kathy I agree. I am wearing woman's jeans and a t shirt. but as a woman I should wear woman's clothes according to the bible. 🤔   that part taken care of now on to the fun. So my middle son came visiting some of his friends and took my grandson home. SO we decided to see how the new truck handles the trails. Our youngest followed in our old Explorer (he's buying it from us) Went a couple trails. Mostly packed snow. No problems. We proceeded to try to bust some snow. and you guessed it The new truck dug its way to get stuck. So we backed the explorer to pull the Ranger out. it got stuck.   So we worked and got the Ranger free. Then the Explorer I had to make a 14 pt turn to get turned around. I pulled the Explorer back so my son could get a running start and haul on out of there.  I followed doing the same. It was fun.   Hugs   Kymmie.  
    • DeeDee
      Hi @Willow Let me start by saying that the whole thing is a strawman argument and is totally nonsensical. God doesn't care about our clothes, see Genesis for details. Now... Theologically the OT books of law were brought to fulfillment by Jesus unless you are Jewish. So all Christians live under a grace already extended and offered to all which is why we do not stick to the laws today and why the thief was assured of his salvation on the cross beside Jesus and why every single church should welcome every single person into its walls. Its simply Biblically not their place to judge.   Kathylauren's response is the correct one if you want to take it literally and engage in the argument and that's without getting into trnaslation arguments.   Also gendered clothing has always been culturally specific - none of the OT prophets nor Christ wore pants/trousers and kilts(pleated knee length skirts) in Scottish culture are a masculine gendered item of clothing and also traditionally closer to what Christ wore. Everyone should be in togas and sandals if we want to stay accurate. I can also guarantee that the people bringing up that law are not following all the other dueteronomical laws themselves and are probably sat in mixed blend clothing and not kicking the women out of town for the duration of their periods to go and be unclean elsewhere.   If someone quotes that at you and you feel a need to respond may I suggest Matthew 23:23.  Jesus had a word or two to say about hypocracy in the kirk when it came to quoting Bible verses at people inappropriately. It has become one of my favourite verses. ❤️
    • Jackie C.
      That's a good plan. The right person makes all the difference. Best of fortune with your search!   Hugs!
    • Orzeszek00
      @Jani Thank you so much. That's very kind.   Also, i do appreciate your advice. I guess you are right, i'm sure most of the people working on that field are people of passion, who deeply care about their job and well being of their patients.   I'm gonna make some calls after the weekend. I hope i'll be able to start doing something about it by the end of the year. I won't rush anything tho. Wanna make sure i'm gonna work with right person.
    • ElizabethStar
      I was thinking the same thing (45 years for me). Isn't that what most of us are doing?
    • ElizabethStar
      Hi @HollyNoel. I'm happy your back.🙂
    • KathyLauren
      With the disclaimer that I am not Christian, I don't think this applies.  I am a woman, and I have always been a woman.  So I am not a man dressing as a woman; I am a woman dressing as a woman.  As a woman dressing as a man, I was in violation of this rule for the first 62 years of my life, but I have since mended my ways.
    •  Kylie
      I am excited for ‘first time.’  I giggle at the thought of being a 30 year old virgin. So, I’m ready now that I’m ‘clear’ to take on the adventure.    ha, I mean, yelling Merry Christmas would be fitting, right?   thanks @Jani, I’ve only been back to work a month and I’m emotionally exhausted already. 
    • ElizabethStar
      Thank you. Honestly I don't know if they come in bigger sizes, I wear an 11. It took a few weeks to beak them in but they're good now. Got them at store called Off Broadway shoe warehouse.
    • Jani
      Thank you @Shay.  From the heart and well spoken.  
    • Jani
      Hello and welcome.  First, your written word is very good, so no fears there.  I'm glad you found us and joined.  When I was young, up to 18/19 in fact I was very slender and small in stature as well and in the later years I wore my hair long.  I was often confused with being female.     When I was young I considered that I had some personality disorder too but that was never the case.  I am normal as they come.  Now that I am showing the world the true me this is more true.     I do think a therapist will be of value.  And yes they do care enough to help you.  My therapist was the most wonderful person I could have had as a counselor.  This is their vocation, to help.  I would seek out a Gender Therapist, a specialist.  A degreed psychologist isn't necessarily important.  My counselor was a Licensed Mental Health Clinician (LMHC) and you may find more availability with this certification.     Please join in the conversation.  All my best to you. Jani   
    • Timber Wolf
      Good day everyone,🐈   Happy birthday 12amCritter!🎂 Happy birthday MistyMinx15!🎂 Hope you have a terrific day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Sarahnr1
      Youre very welkome   ☺️   Just dont be afraid to let it out my friend. 
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Bre, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love and a big welcome hug, Timber Wolf🐾
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...