Looking for Friendship

[Sophie Watson]

Hey all, my name is Sophie hoping to eventually transition fully MTF. 

 

I've recently started coming out to friends and family. For some part it's gone well and for others.. well... not so well. My wife took it worst and it actually drove me to try and take my own life. I'm not proud of it but let's just say we're all glad the rope snapped and move on. 

 

I've come to realise I will never be happy unless I transition and be a female, live as a female and ya know. Just be my own woman. But alas I have to admit at this point that I do need support. Not just from family but I need friends. Just people to talk too so I don't feel so lonely. Because god, do I feel lonely right now. I'm sat in my little office working from home feeling so so very alone. This pandemic sure isn't helping. I guess Covid doesn't believe in trans rights  eh eh?

 

Anyway, more about me. I started a YouTube to chronicle my journey which tbh right now is a sob fest and is just me either crying or not crying. so there's that. I hail from merry old England where the sun doth show her face and the rain never ceases. I do love the summer though, it's my favourite day of the year. 

 

I enjoy reading and playing video games. Most games I play are single player as I don't have many friends and the ones I do have don't like multiplayer or Monster Hunter. 

 

I'm trying to be as open as possible but that's a bit hard without rambling so if you have questions just ask. 

 

Link to my YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtIKyer7-Pgt8SPRGEChUXA?view_as=subscriber

[Jackie C.]

Hey Spohie and welcome to TransPulse!

 

I imagine you'll make a friend or two and feel free to talk with us about anything... within scope of the guidelines of course.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your wife. Many of us were suicidal at some point. Someone who you cared about urging you to do the deed couldn't have been productive. I've come close a couple of times, but fortunately my spouse chose to be my ally and wouldn't leave me alone until I'd calmed down.

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

Hello and Welcome!

My partner can't put the monster hunter down. Right now he's rocking with a Lance. I like hunting horn and we both like the insect glaive. He loves modifying the games. Glad you joined us. Life can be sad, but don't let it win capture all the happiness you can. Happy hunting.?

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sophie.  I am so sorry to hear about your wife's reaction.  Please try to keep the communication going with her, because sometimes spouses can have a change of heart after getting over the initial shock.  But it is true that many spouses don't want to listen or hear facts.  I hope you're seeing a therapist now and dealing with your depression.

 

We will be happy to offer friendship, a place to vent, and a place to offer support.  Please look around and see which threads interest you and join the conversation.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Tori M]

2 hours ago, Sophie Watson said:

I do love the summer though, it's my favourite day of the year. 

 

LOL, you're funny!  I feel like that about the Pacific NW here in the states.  Welcome to the forum, Sophie!  That sense of humor will be very popular around here.  My impression of Trans Pulse is that everybody is your friend here.  I hope you find it the same!

[Emily michelle]

Welcome Sophie glad to have you here!

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Sophie,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

I've found some great friends here. We're a friendly bunch!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[KayC]

Hi Sophie!  So nice to meet you and Welcome!  You have friends here already.

 

I am sorry to hear about your wife's reaction and the struggles it has created for you.  And, thank you for sharing your YouTube link, and allowing us to know more about you. 

 

"Why is it necessary.. to announce it (come out)"? that is a great question and point of view.  Nobody is the cis-world is forced to announce their true selves to society (and would probably be embarrassed to do so).  Most people go through their entire life hiding all their human faults from themselves and the world.

 

So!  I think your self-awareness is a great foundation to start your journey.  Following a path of seeking medical care and gender therapy is wise and a sign of strength. 
Many of us here are like you (myself included) and are at the beginning of our journey.  The sound advice offered by those here that have already transitioned is that it takes time .. but its worth it in the end.

Deep breaths ... one step at a time❤️

[Sophie Watson]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. It's such a relief knowing that there's others going through what I'm going through and makes this a bit easier. 

 

I can't wait to share my journey with everyone via my blog. Just hope I don't post my topics in the wrong sections. I'm a bit silly sometimes so I'm sorry in advance. ❤️ 

[Katharina]

Hallo Sophie, it's great to have you here. I watched your videos and I was very touched because of all these emotions. In the beginning everything seems to be so far away, but once you have found your way to start transition, things will change over time. So it's good to have advice on questions that you may have. I definitely looking forward to follow updates to your journey.

 

Keep the journey going! ?

[Susan R]

Hi @Sophie Watson I just watched your latest video...My Biggest Fears. I very much enjoyed it. First off, thank you for all the Transgenderpulse shoutouts. I’m glad you’re getting the support and friendship you desire from this site. It helps to know.

 

All the fears you describe are fears we all experienced in the beginning of our transition. At some point though, your need to live your life for you and not worry so much about what people think may hit a crossroad. It’s hard for me still but I press on and you will also. It may happen next month or it may happen in middle age. That’s one of the big unknowns with taking the bigger steps in transition but the desire to be yourself doesn’t go away easily. I was able to suppress it for a long time but eventually it needed dealing with once again. Handling the fears now is so much easier. Many of the fears will work themselves out through transition. The face, your hair loss, your body shape, your body hair, your breasts, etc...all may become an issue of your past with HRT. Others will be harder and may eventually be self-accepted or alternatively, worked on by other means clinically/medically.  It’s a process and it takes time and lots of patience.

 

These great videos of your genuineness and forthcoming will become priceless to the future you. You’ll be thankful you’re taking the time now to chronicle your journey as you are. It’s good for you and for many others watching them. You’re doing a wonderful job so keep your head up, hon!

 

My Best,

Susan R?

 

[Sophie Watson]

@Susan R I hope you're right because right now it's so difficult and I feel like giving up. But I can't give up, if I do then i will never be happy. But then what does the cost of my happiness come too?

[Susan R]

7 hours ago, Sophie Watson said:

But I can't give up, if I do then i will never be happy. But then what does the cost of my happiness come too?

I realize right now it all feels insurmountable...most journeys do when looking at the end goal from the very beginning. That’s why many of us on this journey after a few months or years say to ourselves, “OMG, I can believe how far I’ve come!” It’s because we didn’t at one time think we could...seriously. You will likely find that as you pass those many joyful milestones along your journey, they become much less burdensome and seemingly impossible to obtain. You’ll find an inner strength that will help carry you the rest of your way to the next milestone. The journey does get easier...in a general sense.  In time, there will be more than a few rough patches that you may begin to doubt yourself. That’s why it is VERY important to have a good support system in place. You’ll need a few forum friends, local support groups, counseling, significant others, etc... to get you back on track if you start to lose hope. It can be done. There are many of us here to prove it. You can certainly do this, Sophie!

 

My Best,

Susan R?