Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Greetings


K-pop

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone,

 

I'm a 26 year old amab, currently going by Kate, but haven't completely decided on a name yet. I'm almost certain I'm trans, but I've spent so long trying to deny what I was feeling that It's still kinda tough for me to feel like what I'm feeling is valid; if that makes any sense? I've only come out to a few close friends and one family member, and have been seeing a gender therapist for a couple of months, but I'm kinda stuck on how to go forward with everything, and was hoping to get some advice from/just talk to others who are going through/have gone through the same sort of thing.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Maybe-Kate and welcome to TransPulse!

 

25 minutes ago, K-pop said:

I'm a 26 year old amab, currently going by Kate, but haven't completely decided on a name yet.

 

That's pretty common. Don't worry though, you'll find what fits best.

 

It sounds like you're off to a good start though. I guess the main question here is, "What do you WANT to do next?"

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Kate.  Welcome!

 

WHat you say makes a whole lot of sense.  Most of us have been in similar situations.  Your therapist should be helping you to decide how to go forward.  But you will need to tell them which direction is "forward" before they can help you to go that way.  Like Jackie says, what do you want to do?

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment

Hi Kate! Welcome.

 

I've reworded my response to your 'how to go forward' concern a few times, but finally figured it might be easier to just lay out what I did in the order I did it. I'm not presenting this as a set of rules or as an exhaustive list, though it covers most of the big stuff, for sure. Just thought it might be helpful to see an outline of how another person has done things.The following assumes that therapy helps you determine that you are MTF and you receive a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria - if that is even a requirement anymore. So much has changed that I'm not sure if it is still required, or if it maybe varies by state - which brings me to my caveat:

 

I don't know what things are like these days as far as requirements for the various doctors and legal stuff you'd need to do. I believe things have eased up in many states over the years so you may not have to jump through as many hoops.

 

Here's a basic 'order' of how I handled things, though a lot of it overlapped:

  • Officially came out to everyone: friends, family, work
  • Started living 'full time' (some people do this after therapy, especially if they are feeling uncertain)
  • Started hair removal treatments
  • Saw therapist
  • Received diagnosis (back then it was called Gender Identity Disorder. It is now called Gender Dysphoria, which honestly, sounds much better)
  • Used letter from therapist to get access to HRT thru doctor
  • Filed name change paperwork with county clerk's office
  • Once my name change was approved by a judge, I took the court paperwork and a letter from therapist to DMV so that I could have my driver's license updated with my new name and have the license gender marker changed (the therapist letter was specifically for the gender marker change).
  • Started the arduous process of changing my name and stuff with various other institutions, like credit companies, banks, etc. basically any entity that has your old name. this can take a while and they may be difficult and require excess paperwork.
  • Changing birth certificates was a lot harder to do when I transitioned, so I had to wait quite a while to get mine changed, and was therefore the very last thing I took care of. However, I think, depending on your state, it's much, much easier to do now. Different states have different requirements though, so you should figure out what those are. Some states may still require you to have 'bottom' surgery (for MTFs at least). Others may be fine with any gender confirming surgery, like breast augmentation, and some states may not even require surgery.
  • Tackled surgical needs (which, btw, also requires a letter from therapist. Depending on how long it's been since you saw your therapist, the surgeon/hospital and insurance companies [if applicable], may require a more current letter).
Edited by VickySGV
Per OP request.
Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Kate,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Welcome Kate! Lots of us have been or still are where you are at. Look around, lots of folks have shared lots of sage advice and their own experiences and if you don't find what you're looking forward, ask away. Hugs!

Link to comment

Hi Kate!  nice to meet you and Welcome!

You are already finding a great deal of support and commonality on this Forum already.  Most of us waited many, many years to come to the point where you have already arrived. 

So I am hopeful for your continued progress.  Its what we are all seeking.

 

Deep breaths ... One step at a time❣️

Link to comment

Thank you everyone for the kind welcome and support!

 

To respond to Kathy and Jackie, I guess what I want, for the moment at least, is to become more comfortable expressing myself as female and exploring my femininity. I want to be able to be open with my family about all of this, but I have so little experience with actually seeing myself as a transwoman, let alone actually presenting myself as such, that I'm afraid I'll come across as disingenuous or that I won't be able to speak with confidence to them that this is what I really want.

 

Between my currently living with my parents and brother, all of whom I haven't told about this, and the covid situation, finding opportunities to explore this side of myself has been difficult to say the least. I just don't know if I would be better off waiting until after I have more confidence in myself or if I'm overcomplicating things and should just bite the bullet and have the conversation.

 

I had recently talked this over with my counselor, and she agreed that if I was uncomfortable with the idea, I'd be better off waiting until I felt more confident; but when had talked about it, I had plans to move out and rent a place with some friends (who I have told) at the end of the summer, so I'd have some space to myself and could, at the very least, live as a woman full time at home and maybe gain the confidence I needed to be able to tell my family. Unfortunately, my friend decided to bail a few days ago, so it looks like I won't be going anywhere for a while. So I guess right now I'm feeling both physically and metaphorically stuck and I'm not really sure what my best move is...

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well that's unfortunate. You had a good plan going on there. I would be careful until you're out of the house. Depending on how your parents react, you could suddenly find yourself homeless in the middle of a global pandemic. That's not an ideal situation.

 

You should definitely have the conversation as soon as you're ready. It just gets harder with time, but you also need to be in a situation where their rejection, if it comes to that, doesn't leave you vulnerable and scrambling for a place to stay. You need to get this off your chest, but at the same time you need to keep yourself safe.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, K-pop said:

I had recently talked this over with my counselor, and she agreed that if I was uncomfortable with the idea, I'd be better off waiting until I felt more confident

Welcome @K-pop. I think your counselor is wise. Doing this while living in a restricted time under the roof and control to a limited extent of your parents would be pushing it. These are hard enough times and this may create a very difficult situation if things went sideways. At 26 y.o., you have a little time to get your house in order and do this on your own terms.

 

Glad to have you on board.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I agree with Jackie and Susan that you are not in the best situation right now, being dependent on your parents.  You might want to wait until you are more self-sufficient. 

 

When the time comes, remember that confidence comes from experience.  Waiting until you are more confident, when you have no experience, you might end up doing what I did, and not coming out until you are in your 60s.  I don't recommend that.  At some point, you will have to step a bit outside your comfort zone.  That's how we make progress.

 

But right now might not be the time to do that.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 117 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Ivy
    • KathyLauren
    • Jamey-Heather
    • Ashley0616
    • VickySGV
    • SamC
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,028
    • Most Online
      8,356

    earthpatch
    Newest Member
    earthpatch
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, my marriage is different.  I'm actually part of a multi-partner marriage.  Like you see in the Book of Genesis.  My husband has four wives...and me.  I was kind of an accident, as our community sets the "reasonable maximum" at four wives, but that's a long story.  Plural marriage is approved in my faith community, with the exception of spiritual leaders, as described in 1 Timothy 3.  We believe that anything that isn't specifically prohibited is permitted.    The purpose of marriage is for people to work together, demonstrate the love of God, and to have children.  My faith believes in exponential reproduction - big families with lots of kids, both as a blessing and with the intention of using the size of our population for political ends.  Being intersex/trans and unable to bear children, I wouldn't have been a good candidate to be somebody's only spouse (the majority of our community tends toward traditional couple marriage).  Since my husband has other partners, I don't have to worry about the childbearing aspect, and I help out with raising our family's kids.  I'm a "bonus parent."    I'm not 100% open about my intersex/trans nature, although my community's leaders are aware of me.  Being transgender isn't condemned, but it is seen as a health problem derived from an imperfect, fallen world and an environment polluted with chemicals.  Since I'm married, I have a safe place to be, and I can live how I need to live.    I firmly believe the advice given in 1 Corinthians 7.  We don't totally own our bodies.  God gets a say, as I believe He created us to be male or female, not something outside the binary.  I don't think that transition without discussion with partners is OK....again, we don't totally own ourselves.  When I started to figure myself out, that was actually the main thing on my mind - will my partners accept me?  How will my position in the family change?  Since my partners don't really have a problem with the mild version of transition that I wanted to do, it has all been good. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Indeed.  While it seems like the majority of LGBTQ+ folks vote for Democrat candidates, not everybody drinks the Kool-Aid.  I'm a registered Independent, since I vote for individuals rather than party.  One of my trans friends is very pro-Trump - wears her MAGA hat and everything.  I find it interesting to see the reactions she gets... folks aren't always as tolerant as they claim to be.  Even on this forum, you get some real flak from Democrat voters....many will insist that the California way is the only way.    In my opinion, "Project 2025" isn't the real problem.  Check out UN "Agenda 2030."   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      While Biden may be more friendly to trans folks, I'm not a single-issue voter.  I just can't choose a Democrat candidate, as I believe their actions will destroy my community and way of life.  Biden just announced that he wants to significantly increase capital gains taxes.  Maybe he intends to "tax the rich" but that is going to affect everything from land sales to grocery prices to the cost of electricity and even folks' retirement savings, as most companies make a large amount of their profits through investing in the market.  It is absolute lunacy to think that increased cost or reduced profits won't be passed on to the rest of us.  Things are going to get way worse at this rate.    Mostly, I vote in elections for state and local issues, as the national government is about as pleasant as a Porta-Potty in July.  So, either I'll do a write-in vote for president, or I'll check the box for Trump.  Anything but Biden.     
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Interesting...never knew any of this.  Of course, in my girl form I never got breasts, so I never had to worry about it.  A couple of pieces of tape would have been sufficient...      Sounds like fun   It has been interesting for me since I stopped trying to do sex like a girl.  The real surprise was my relationship with my husband, as he has figured me out pretty well. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Women's jeans, soft t-shirt that could go either way, flip-flops. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      They were sitting on the love seat, looking west out over Kansas.  Below them the busy city ran to and fro.   "They called.  My surgery has been rescheduled for May 8.  I need to be there at 5 AM for pre-op.  I start prescriptions and diet change on May 1."   "Okay."  Bob did his not-thinking-about anything look.  Taylor was always amazed that he could  actually be thinking about absolutely nothing. She was always thinking of at least six things.   "How can they be like that?" "What?"  He startled a little.  Contact with reality was reestablished. "Where does the hate come from?  Mrs. McArthur?  She was always polite, but I think she wasn't really.  Somehow she hated me even though there were no indications whatsoever." "Yeah, well, you know they are starting up that plant.  And my company is going ahead with their work there, down n Milliville.   I will have to go down there sometimes." "Oh, Bob." "Maybe I will stop by and ask her." "No." "No.  Cabaret is closed, I have been told.  Your transgender support group has scattered to other places." "What is wrong with those people?" "Same thing as Roosevelt, I guess.  You know all the racial comments against Blacks?  Like that game where our cheerleaders started this insulting cheer, an the opposite team was mostly Black? Teachers stopped it." "I didn't know.  I was staying away from that, remember?" "Yes." "You know all those kids at our church, the ones you called freaks the other day?" "I shouldn't have called them that." "Pastor tells me they are all from all over the Midwest.  These are kids who have been thrown out of their homes and were found on the street.  Other shelters would not take them, so they wound up here." "Not surprising." "I think we could do some good here." "What do you have in mind?" And she told him.
    • EasyE
      You are spot on here ... but also it seems like such a rigged game for the average person that it's hard to invest energy into the political arena -- too much big money controlling too many people/organizations/narratives for the common person to fee; heard...   In general, why we in America accept either candidate is baffling... for all our innovation as a nation, we can't do better than these two bozos?    The problem is, the political arena is such a sham -- again with large money controlling all aspects of the system -- that a common-sense, love-your-neighbor, make-reasonable-compromises, roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-to-work candidate will never make it anywhere above the local level (if even there)...    Everything is a reality show, and boring ol' decision makers that try to benefit the most people don't generate enough clicks, views and retweets...  I am not sure it is so much about celebrity as it is about party politics at all costs - "my side must always be viewed as right and your side must always be viewed as wrong!" kind of thinking... there is no consensus building anymore because that will get used against you in campaign ads... When Obama took office and then Hilary ran again, it was like all Republicans want to do was to find someone loud enough to put them in their place. Forget issues, forget character, just win a debate and rally the base.    To get back to your original point, not enough of us care about politics ... and in some ways we've become fat, happy and entitled as a nation. The yearning to achieve the "American dream", which drove my parents and their parents before them to work their tails off and sacrifice and save, is now just "give me the American dream for free while I sit here on my phone and watch tiktok..."
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You are in the right place.
    • EasyE
      I am about 5 weeks ahead of you ... best wishes to you! For me it has been subtle changes at most so far (if any) ... but I am also on the "beginner's" level of patch, lol ...    Easy
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Oh, another comment.   I am a conservative evangelical with strong Republican leanings. So is my wife, my friends, my family. I disagree with a good amount of what the Republicans are doing, but there it is.  I understand the mindset, I think, a lot better than those who are outside it do.   When you insult Republicans you insult me, my friends, my family.   People like me can struggle with trans issues.   Please consider that in posting.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Then you are in despair.
    • MaeBe
      I found this as well. No playacting, they just appear: the finger waggle wave; bracing my elbow on my other arm that's folded across my chest, wrist in the air half-cocked; walking a bit more fiercely... All that. My wife thought I was mocking her at one point!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I find my lack of time to read the thing frustrating, and I will not really comment until I have read it.  This is a wholly inadequate response.   1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.    6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Sort of bracing myself for flipping, because I am wearing f and of course I wear f and it is natural to wear f and what else would I wear?  The  novelty is long gone out on this.  I wore a bra most of yesterday but we had a Zoom call and I took the bra off because I was concerned about the straps showing.  I missed it.    My body is saying "I am female!  Treat me that way!"   In the past it has screamed about this activity that  I have done to it.
    • Ivy
      This is what I'm scared of.  And it's quite possible. Apparently Chicken Little was right.

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...