Help with Identifying

[Charlotte Sparkle]

As a forty something male who has been cross-dressing since my early teens and has suffered at times with gender dysphoria, I have often thought about a way of identifying on the transgender spectrum. 

 

Am I correct to use the label 'transgender guy' or am I just a plain old  'crossdresser'?

 

The reason I ask is that despite no immediate need to transition I do often wish I had a woman's body.  I love all things feminine such as clothing, heels, jewellery, perfumes, makeup and hairstyles.  Often if I see a woman with a hairstyle I like I'm wishing I could have my hair like that too.  It's the same when I see a women wearing something nice or with nice makeup  I wish I could look like that too.

 

Seeing a woman wearing something nice, often I'll think about the outfit for days on end and sometimes I've ended up buying similar clothes to re-create the look myself.  As a result of this I've spent an absolute fortune and run out of wardrobe space. As I've got older I've felt the need to look more feminine whenever I dress and this often triggers gender dysphoria

 

Thanks for reading, any feedback would be much appreciated.

 

Lotte x

[Elizabeth Star]

The label you looking for would be trans-woman, transitioning from male to female. From how you describe yourself it sounds like there might be something there. If you are questioning this deeply, I would seek a therapist or counselor guidance but find one that works with transgender/gender non-conforming issues.

The phrase I had heard that helped me to get help was, "If you think you might be trans...you might be trans."

 

I am not a doctor or therapist.

These are just my own meandering thoughts.

 

~Liz~

[SaraAW]

Hi Lotte, As Liz has said, it sounds like you could be a trans woman and that this is something you need to work for yourself, with some help from a gender therapist. No one but you can determine who you are. One of the things that many GNC folks go through at some point, is a deep exploration of self. Who are we, what is important to us and how do we want the world to see us. A therapist will help you frame those questions to yourself and give you the tools to answer them for yourself. It could turn out that after all you are a cross dresser or you could be somewhere somewhere on the gender spectrum other than cis. Either way, you are valid and there is nothing wrong with who you are and want to be. Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Charlotte.  I agree with the others: it sounds like you could be transgender.  Only you can decide that, preferably with the help of a gender therapist.

 

As for what to call yourself, assuming you are trans, you would be a trans woman.  If you are not comfortable using the word "woman", you could call yourself transfeminine.  You aren't a "transgender guy".  That is going the other direction.

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Thanks the replies.  I suppose a more correct label could be ‘a guy with transgender tendencies’ .

 

Would this sit better?

[SaraAW]

I am not a therapist, but to me the label guy you keep using, sounds to me like you are either struggling with self acceptance, or you are likely not a trans woman. There are still an infinite of options on the scale from cis male to trans woman, and it is possible you land somewhere in between. Labels do not mean a whole lot, as everyone puts their own interpretation on the labels; however, they can help to sort of guide you to areas of further self-exploration.

 

Again there is nothing wrong with being a cis guy who just likes things that our current culture has deemed feminine. If you look through history, there is constant change as to what is male or feminine, sometimes flip flopping, sometimes it's more blurred.

 

The only requirement to be transgender is to identify as anything of than the what you were assigned at birth. If you are more comfortable being a guy than being anything other than a guy, you are not trans. Hope this helps some.

[KayC]

Hi @Charlotte Sparkle
I had the exact same problem when creating my profile .. what AM I?  After changing my profile marker a couple of times I settled on Transfeminine (after some research) because that's the way I felt the most.

Be even at that, I don't like labels.  Also, I am just starting therapy which I think (hope) will help me understand where I'm at and where I'm going.   Those things are more important to me than the actual label.

Wish you all the best❣️

[DeeDee]

Hi Lotte, pleased to meet you.  The correct label at the moment is probably the "questioning" one.  Admitting that you dress up for more than just excitement can be a bit of an eye opener and take a while to adjust to, it certainly did for me  - I did not start to question my gender until I turned 40 then I was hit by a tsunami of feelings that I have tried to be honest as I explore them, and I still yoyo sometimes, I never saw myself as anything other than male - its what the world called me and what they saw, so it was how I triewd to act - I always struggled with feelings of not being good enough as a guy though, it seemed to take me more work to find some lads to fit in with.. I am starting to understand that these feelings are probably dysphoria, I believe Vicky has called translated in the past as "Terrible Burden". Which feels right. 

Essentially there is no right or wrong way to be trans.

From what I've seen the transgender term is used to cover everyone from full transitioners and non binary or gender conforming to ocassional crossdressing, accepting that you are somewhere under that umbrella can take time, then you may want to experiment to find out where you are most comfortable before you start to give yourself a label. You do not have to transition just because you have accepted that you are transgender, but the statistics are not good for those who ignore it and do not find their comfortable place...

[Charlotte Sparkle]

I agree labels don't mean a whole lot but I am just trying to clarify whether I'm transgender or not.  

 

Wikipedia says the following about Cross-Dressing:

 

Quote

The term cross-dressing refers to an action or a behaviour, without attributing or implying any specific causes or motives for that behavior. Cross-dressing is not synonymous with being transgender.

 

I could agree with the above if it was just for gratification but what about if deep down you are transgender but unsure on how far to take things and worry about taking things further due to necessity and/or fear.  

 

Wikipedia says the following about Transgender:

 

Quote

Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their sex assigned at birth.^[1][2][3] Some transgender people who desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another identify as transsexual.^[4][5] Transgender, often shortened as trans, is also an umbrella term. In addition to including people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex (trans men and trans women), it may include people who are not exclusively masculine or feminine (people who are non-binary or genderqueer, including bigender, pangender, genderfluid, or agender).^[2][6][7] Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or else conceptualize transgender people as a third gender.^[8][9] The term transgender may be defined very broadly to include cross-dressers.^[10]

 

Whilst I have no immediate need to transition, often without actually dressing I will look at females and lust to have the same body or hairstyle.  There are no clothes involved but yet I'm thinking things that a normal male would not be thinking.  If I was just a cross-dresser surely I wouldn't be thinking like that either.

 

I seem to get conflicting statements when trying to find an answer, some websites say being a cross-dresser means your're transgender but other websites say being a cross-dresser does not mean you're transgender!?

 

I like to think of myself as being transgender but I worry that I'm incorrectly identifying myself hence why I'm seeking some kind of clarification;  in the end I may never get a definitive answer but it's definitely worth asking the question.

 

Lotte x

[Charlotte Sparkle]

43 minutes ago, KayC said:

Hi @Charlotte Sparkle
I had the exact same problem when creating my profile .. what AM I?  After changing my profile marker a couple of times I settled on Transfeminine (after some research) because that's the way I felt the most.

Be even at that, I don't like labels.  Also, I am just starting therapy which I think (hope) will help me understand where I'm at and where I'm going.   Those things are more important to me than the actual label.

Wish you all the best❣️

 

So would you say referring to myself as 'a guy who's trans-feminine' instead of a 'trans-gendered guy' is a more accurate label given what I've posted here?

[KathyLauren]

The whole question of how you identify is inherently confusing.  My brother highlighted it for me one time when he asked me what the difference was between feeling like a man and feeling like a woman.  I realized that the question was impossible to answer.

 

Initially, I thought it was unanswerable because I thought I had, until then, only been male.  But, since then, I realized that our gender identity doesn't change throughout our lives.  I have only ever been a woman. 

 

At first, I was a woman pretending to be a man.  Now, I am a woman who knows she is a woman.  The only part that changed was the pretense. 

 

What convinced me was trying it.  Acting like a man felt forced and unpleasant.  Acting like a woman was natural, easy and comfortable.  That is the difference.

 

If that describes you, then there is a good chance that you are transgender, though you might not be at one end or the other of the spectrum.  You might be somewhere in the middle.  Whatever feels unforced and natural is where you belong. 

 

On the other hand, if what feels happy is being a guy, then you might not be trans.

[Ryan]

1 hour ago, Charlotte Sparkle said:

So would you say referring to myself as 'a guy who's trans-feminine' instead of a 'trans-gendered guy' is a more accurate label given what I've posted here?

First, it's not "transgendered", it's just transgender. No need for the -ed.

 

A transgender guy, is typically referred to as a trans man (FtM). Transfeminine may be a more accurate term as it's used by those who are AMAB (assigned male at birth), but may not fully identify as binary women, or just want to partially transition. I think the terms transfeminine/transmasculine are labels that are used more by Non-Binary trans people. 

[Charlotte Sparkle]

4 hours ago, Ryan said:

First, it's not "transgendered", it's just transgender. No need for the -ed.

 

Thanks for pointing that out. 

 

I have a blog called 'In the Pink Fog' and in describing what it's about I'd written 'the blog of a transgendered guy with a passion for all things feminine' but having now posted here for help identifying what I am, I think i'll change the description to  read 'the blog of a cross-dressing guy with a passion for all things feminine'.  

 

I think that is a more accurate representation at this point in time.

[Sally Stone]

Hey Lotte,

 

I have been in the grips of the "pink fog" since puberty.  Like you, I love all things feminine and I would love to have physical attributes that are way more feminine than the male ones I was born with. 

 

Sometimes, I just think my motivations stem from a heightened sense of feminine style, a style I can't achieve as a man.  However, there are those times when what I feel goes much deeper, way beyond feminine looks or style, and then I identify more as transgender.  Who knows?  Who cares?  In the end, you just have to find a station in life that makes you happy.  Once you find that comfort zone, I have no doubt you'll also find peace and happiness; when that happens, if you are like me, you really won't care much about labels. 

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Charlotte Sparkle said:

So would you say referring to myself as 'a guy who's trans-feminine' instead of a 'trans-gendered guy' is a more accurate label given what I've posted here?

Hi Charlotte!  Yes, I might say that, but I guess what I was really saying is .. .You can identify however you want (or not).  Its your life .. your identity .. and don't worry if it changes as you discover more of yourself.