Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Overalls Bear

Two Therapy Experiences

Recommended Posts

Overalls Bear

1. When I was around 60 I finally decided I just had to talk to someone about my gender dysphoria. I had been seeing a psychiatric nurse practitioner at a mental health clinic & she was prescribing antidepressants (as well as a few other med's.) The clinic (which was operated by my health insurer by the way) also had therapists on staff. And, along the way, I asked if I could see one of the therapists. But for some reason the pnp resisted. (I could never figure out why because they had the therapists there on staff anyway.) After a while I wore my pnp down though & she made arrangements for me to see one of the therapists. He was around my age & had his Ph.D. Actually he was a nice guy. And I remember telling him , at one point, that under other circumstances I thought we could have been friends. 


Upon learning I finally had a therapy appointment I knew I would never be able to sit down with a therapist and blurt out that all of my life there was a part of me that had always wanted to be / felt I should have been female. So it occurred to me to send him a letter he could read prior to my appointment so he'd know what I was coming in to discuss. And that's what I did. 


On the day of my appointment, the therapist came out into the waiting room to get me. Once seated in his office he asked why I was there. I mentioned the letter.  He thereupon rummaged through the files in his desk file drawer & pulled out my (unopened) letter. He then proceeded to open & read it while I sat there red-faced & squirming. And when he had finished reading my letter he looked up & said: "Oh, I just heard about this." (Great!)


I don't recall how the rest of the appointment went. I did see him perhaps 2 or 3 more times. But, at that point, I decided nothing was going to be accomplished. So, during what would be my last appointment, I told him I thought there were probably other patients who needed him more than I did. At the end of the appointment he walked me back out to the waiting room. And, as we walked, he suddenly asked: "So would you rather be a man or a woman?" Taken aback I think I said: "It wouldn't matter. I just wish I didn't feel like both." (Later on it occurred to me I should have added: "and neither at the same time." About 3 or 4 weeks later I made my second major suicide attempt.


2. After getting out of the hospital, following my second suicide attempt, I was able to make arrangements to see a therapist who was working with clients who had gender identity issues. (I didn't end up seeing her for that long because, after a half dozen or so sessions, I called her up the night before my next appointment and quit because I was angry about something that, as I recall, had nothing whatsoever to do with her. (As I look back over the few different therapists I've tried seeing over the years, she was actually the best... at least for me.) Anyway... I don't even recall how this came up.... but during one of our sessions I think I must have said something about people perhaps being able to sense there was something different about me (or something like that) because (whatever it was I said) she replied: "Well... you know you don't have the most masculine walk. (!) I don't recall where the conversation went from there. But I still remember that. It was, in its own way quite the compliment. 😀



Share this post

Link to post
Lexi C

Hey Bear.

I been on tha GT road so many times. In the last five yrs, I had 7 GT. They all left me and for a while it took its total on my, like I was the problem. I am not sure if you used the sliding scale GT but i did and most of them where just training and once they go their hrs they would leave with just  a 2week heads up  Actually that how I found TP. I was so furious with last TG living me that I want to kill myself, start scrolling the interweb and stumbling on to TP. Vicky and Jani gave me some solid advice.  

 TP help me understand that it was not my fault...But I  really hear you though about GT. 

Be safe, BE Proud and KICK ASS







Share this post

Link to post
Overalls Bear

Thanks so much for your reply to my post Lexi. The gender therapist I saw was a middle-aged woman who had (has?) her own therapy practice. She was actually the best therapist I saw. But I quit her when I was in a rage about something completely unrelated to her. (I have a propensity to throw the baby out with the bathwater, as the saying goes.)


In retrospect though, I actually started off with her in the wrong way. We focused in right away on my (then current) gender dysphoria. This made sense, at the time, because I had just gotten out of the hospital after trying to delete myself as a result of my GID issues. However, looking back, I think what would have made more sense would have been to have started back in my childhood & worked my way up to where  my head was at when I tried to off myself. But then hindsight is always 20 / 20 isn't it.


I think, from time-to-time, about trying to see another therapist. But at my age it just seems like a waste of money. It's not like anything's going to change at this late stage of my life. I once had  an opportunity to correspond, briefly, with Dr, Anne Vitale, Ph.D. who wrote: "The Gendered Self". In the course of our communication I told her: "I know what my options are. I just don't like any of them." 


Share this post

Link to post
Lexi C

Hey B 

It's never to late to seek some kinda of mental of help. We all need clear mind and Big heart in this new world.

Have a great day


Share this post

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 68 Guests (See full list)

    • KymmieL
    • Jackie C.
    • tracy_j
    • shelly_koleva83
    • ThatDarnDodo
    • KathyLauren
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Emily S
    Newest Member
    Emily S
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • tracy_j
      Are there any original bits 😂 I would expect that it would be difficult to find original style parts now. That said my yardbrush, which I don't use that often, is probably that old and does still look very good. It further reminds me of the lawnmower which is now getting well toward 40 years old. I have had to repair it a couple of times and it looks and sounds like an old man (lol) but as long as I don't stress it too much it should go on a bit. I dread to think how the bushes in the motor look.   I am the type of person who loves old things as long as they work well enough. New technology is often a turn off!   Tracy
    • Alexxiss
      There’s no requirement to disclose that you will be transitioning. It’s not your hiring manager’s business, nor the lady at the front desk, nor the owner. When you are ready to transition you may do so in states with protections for trans people. There’s a misconception that you’re doing your employer or future employer or hopeful employer wrong by “hiding” your trans status and future transition plans. It doesn’t matter legally or morally. You don’t owe any corporate or private or public institution of alerting them to your plans. Your transition is irrelevant and distracting to the point of the interview. You are consuming the company’s time during an interview. Keep the focus on your qualifications, personality and technical abilities and general competency to fill a need and turn that company a profit.
    • Alexxiss
      It depends on what you’ll present as. Since you’ll be presenting as male then there’s no need to inform them of your trans status at any point of the hiring/interview process. If you plan on transitioning in a year or six months or even 2 months then just be prepared to contact HR once you’re ready to come out to your coworkers and require people call you your chosen name. This way you can avoid unlawful discrimination pre employment as its nearly impossible to prove discrimination on the basis of anything in hiring without a consistent proven track record of certain well qualified minority applicants otherwise denied employment. Usually you can begin presenting as your gender identity without documentation. Another woman here said her job required legal paperwork for them to honor the name change at all. Most people will find their company will honor a name change in email, verbal address, and memos without documentation. Mind you alot of forum members come from all across the globe, so check your laws and company policy. 
    • Lexi C
      I had a lot of bad once, but i had one fun one I was cleaning one of long time customer house. She is a wonderful woman. I been fully out to all my clients for well over 2yrs. She was on the phone with her daughter and  the conversation want like this "Alex is here." she look over at me "I mean Lexi is here. He such a great guy."  Again she looks over at me " I mean she sucha great guy, NOT a GUY.. a Girl. He is such a great Girl." She look over at me again her face a little red " Jesus f chirst!!! SHE IS A SHE  not he, and I love how hard and special he make me feel." she look at me again her face was all red. I could not stop laughing., I yell out " Veronica just hang up the phone before we both  have a heart attack." Love that woman. and when i get  down that moment always make me laugh
    • Lexi C
      Sorry .Thanks Jackie for the info.   
    • Lexi C
      Thank you ladies...Just don't want to end Homeless again. Cause i got to tell it suck. Esp in NYC in early March until late April. Shay I will def check on the sites. But i have no problem with the coast of the surgeries , cause Medical with cover most it.  It's the coast after....The time off from my business, The coast of recovery..the little things which eventually be come one big thing. Ty again for your support. Totally cool
    • Lexi C
      Teri  Mary i agree with you both. When I every I am in a Lesbian bar or Gay Bar in noho or West Hollywood..I feel super uncomfortable. Alexxiss Dig that Quote . Cause to be honest that exactly how i feel. I trying just be a cutie version of my real gender
    • VickySGV
      The reference I found was for injectable.  
    • Alexxiss
      “I found this in the Pinned thread on the Transgender Forum, titled “Problematic Language.”   “I think one of the big issues comes from within the community itself.  "Boy mode"  "Girl mode"  "boy brain" "girl brain"  "Target Gender" "Preferred Pronouns" and so on. We are not becoming our gender.  We ARE our gender.  We're (some of us) just trying to be cuter versions of our gender “   At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how much you pass and to who. It’s about finding people who acknowledge your competency as a human being to analyze yourself and conclude your gender, even if that means you are one of the other 65.
    • RunValRun
      Thank you @Jani, after some consideration I came to the same conclusion. I have been on this journey much longer and need to remember that others are still acclimating to the “new normal” 😏
    • Chloé Rei
      Mine is injectable.  
    • KathyLauren
    • KathyLauren
      I was just about to post this when I saw that @Jani just did, but I'll say it again anyway: Call the GIC now!  The wait lists in the UK are so insane that it will be a couple of years before you get in.  If you call now, you'll have your foot in the door.  That way, if you decide that you are indeed trans, you're on your way and will have less time to wait.  If you decide in the meantime that you are not trans, you can always withdraw from the wait list.
    • Michellle
      I bumped into a coworker while opening the door for the restroom. I was going in and he was coming out. He backed up against the door and said “woh I thought you were going to grab my crotch.” I know he thinks I like guys. I was taking back by that comment. My male ego almost kicked in because I felt like telling him to F off. But I kept it cool and just laughed it off. I don’t know how much longer I can ignore his ignorant comments.   Next time I will be ready with a arsonal of comebacks. There is only so much I can take before I snap. I treat people with respect and kindnesses and expect the same in return. No one else at work has a issue with me and I am grateful. He better watch it , these hormones make me fiery...lol 
    • Jani
      What I wrote wasn't earth shattering news.  You've written a bit here and it seems obvious to me which direction you need to move.  Call you GIC, the wait list is long I've heard.  It may be a year, and you can always cancel  if things change.  In the meantime talking with others is good but be aware of those who have their own agenda.  You make all the decisions in this.  Its about you and no one else.     Jani
  • Upcoming Events

  • Create New...