Hi all

[Cris31]

Hi all, I'm Cris.  This is the first time I've sought out help/advice with my gender identity from other people.  I've done research online at various times over the years, but never talked to anyone who might have insight into it.  Also I'm somewhat overwhelmed by all the terminology/abbreviations so far.  And if I use the wrong one or anything, I don't mean to offend anyone.  Still trying to learn since there is definitely so many variables to everything.  Some don't like labels at all but I'm the sort to want to categorize things in regards to myself.  Probably why this process is taking me so long.  I get confused or my research hits a dead end for a while, etc.

 

I'm in my mid 30s, born male.  Growing up I never really felt like I was the same as other boys.  I did sneak wearing my sisters clothes sometimes but just chalked it up to curiousity.  In my teens I never had many guy friends, but I was also really nervous around girls because I think I envied them for their physical characteristics when i just felt awkward with mine.  They found it easy to talk to me though, and I was more than once assumed to be gay by girls I met.  Due to depression and social anxiety I asked my parents if I could talk to a therapist, but they kinda blew it off as just normal teen emotional stuff.  Through college and early in my career I made mostly female friends and even got invited to girls nights as the only male a lot.  Girls are just way better company to me.  I am certain I'm not a gay man, 98% sure I'm not bi.  I've only romantically been attracted to women.

 

This is where I always confuse myself lol.  I know gender identity and sexual preferences are not tied together, but sometimes it's hard to distinguish personally.  Hopefully by asking some questions of you wonderful people I can finally sort this out for myself...

[Jackie C.]

Well, I'm trans and identify (loudly) as a lesbian. I prefer the company of women. Guys are gross to be honest.

 

So yeah, you're pretty normal for you and there are people who's preferences line up with yours. I can't tell you if you'd be happier living as a woman though. That's between you and your therapist. Well, mostly you. Your therapist just acts as a mirror to help you learn things that, deep down, you already know. I would advocate getting to know yourself a little better. Dress as a woman. You don't have to leave the house, just go about your day and see how it feels. If it feels amazing, explore why it feels the way it does. If it doesn't do anything for you, move on.

 

I can say that, for me, the dysphoria nurtured a lot of other mental problems ... you know how it is. Denial leads to suppression. Suppression leads to twisting. Twisting leads to the dark side. (Cue Vader heavy breathing.) Again, I'd talk to a therapist and see if you can get to the bottom of your feelings. Maybe you'd be happier living as a woman. Maybe you need to dress part time. Maybe you just need to keep doing what you're doing. The goal here is to figure out what makes you the most comfortable in your own skin, then add it to your life.

 

Hugs!

[Cris31]

Thanks for the reply!  And the Star Wars reference! Lol.  

 

I'm with you there, at least I'm certain I'm attracted to women with all the other stuff rattling around in my head.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Cris.  There are lots of folks here who were confused and conflicted when they first arrived, including me.  It take time to learn all this stuff, to read what others have said, to seek out a good therapist and come to terms, not only with who you are, but what you want to do about it.  Take your time, look around the forums, and ask questions.  That's the best way to learn.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Guest]

Hello Cris: Welcome to Trans Pulse! You mentioned only being attracted to women. This was always a conundrum for me. (In my case, I'm not transitioning nor will I. But my gender dysphoria issues go so far back into my childhood they are some of the earliest memories I have.)

 

I think I've written previously here on Trans Pulse that it seemed like, had I been gay, my gender dysphoria would have made more sense to me. So I can relate to the confusion you mentioned experiencing. Anyway... Trans Pulse is a great place to begin to sort through some of that confusion. I hope you find T. P. to be of benefit. ?

 

B

[Robin.C]

Hi Cris and welcome,

I'm new to all this as well and as is often the case "your story is so similar", it has confused me so much that I'm attracted to women but identify as one. I have never been able to make many men friends and feel part of their group. Was always more comfortable in the company of women. Oh to have been born a woman, sigh.

You probably know who you are already, however talking to a therapist will give you the opportunity to talk to someone about who you are.

 

Hugs

Robin

[Cris31]

Thanks all!  Been reading lots of posts here on the forums, learning, finding stories I can relate to, etc.  Dysphoria for me seems to only hit me on a few specific physical things regularly.  Other less common ones on occasion.

[Susan R]

Hi @Cris31 Welcome! Like you, I had trouble distinguishing this gender and sexual orientation stuff early on. I‘ve mis-labeled myself many times and just when I would find one that fits, they change them on me so I have to start all over again. Seriously though..I finally think I’ve got my gender and sexual orientation labels figured out...I’m a bisexual pre-op trans woman that loves a good cup of coffee. It took me a while to figure this out due to a lifetime of heavy denial and suppression. A good therapist, some hard work and a great forum?  helped me figure out who I was. There are many here with similar stories looking for answers just like you. We are all here learning, sharing and becoming good friends. Thank you for reaching out—I hope to read more!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Cris.  If I had been posting here thirty years ago, I could have written your introduction word-for-word.  The intersection of being trans, being lesbian, and having a male body is enough to confuse the heck out of anyone.  You are doing well, better than I did, to have identified the issue so early.  I didn't figure it out until I was in my 60s! 

 

I second the recommendation above to seek out a gender therapist.  Talking about this stuff with someone who understands it is very helpful to clarify your self-understanding and your goals.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[KayC]

20 hours ago, Cris31 said:

Growing up I never really felt like I was the same as other boys.

Hi Cris!  nice to meet you and Welcome!
Well, just like @KathyLauren said, it almost feels like I was reading my own bio.  So, with that and everyone else's experience and wisdom here, I hope you feel better, connected, and look forward to being part of this Forum.  We're really happy to have you.

I just started gender therapy, and its already helping me immensely.  So, I hope you can find a good gender therapist and start down that road.

I agree about why is itso difficult ... and why the hell is it even necessary to label ourselves?  This cis-world is not required to do that.  But I do prefer @Susan R's style of label

 

2 hours ago, Susan R said:

I’m a bisexual pre-op trans woman that loves a good cup of coffee

 

Now ... if we can only create an acronym out of that❣️?

 

Deep breaths ... One step at a time

[Cris31]

Well that certainly makes me feel a lot better that I have good company in feeling the way I do!  Definitely helps knowing others have been here before.