Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Starting Hormones Before Coming Out?


Maren

Recommended Posts

I have come to accept alot about myself in the past 6 months.  I have always wished to be a girl for as long as I can remember and recently I decided I can't push down these feelings anymore.  I have been kept up at night by the thought of wishing I was a girl and wanting to start a transition.  Up until now I have been transitioning in the ways I can without hormones.  I've had my hair long for a while now, I got my ears pierced and started shaving and waxing my body hair.  I'm sure my friends have noticed all this and not mentioned it or even though much of it.  However, I am nowhere near ready to come out to any friends or family yet. 

 

So I really want to start hormones as soon as possible and a big part of me just wants to do this with out coming out to anyone yet.  I feel like it will be much easier to slowly begin transitioning.  Then when I reach the point where I can no longer hide the changes, or start to "pass", then it will kind of force my hand to come out.  I'm 23 and I know a transition is a slow process so I want to get started as soon as possible.  I also feel like coming out as trans and then continuing to present as a boy will just create an awkward and confusing situation for everyone. 

 

Has anyone else started transitioning this way?  I feel like starting in this way makes alot of sense but I'm also worried it is just my fear of coming out that is pushing me to postpone it as long as possible.

Link to comment

It depends on what the process is in your country. In the UK before they consider HRT they ask that you live as your preferred gender for 2 years at least.

 

I'd personally recommend you come out to family now if you're serious about taking hormones as you will need all the support you can get if any. But most importantly before you do anything drastic try to get a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria to make sure how you're feeling is true. 

Link to comment

I'm headed in a similar direction, my version of this has me thinking I don't want to be public until there's something to be public about. But will be out to more of the family before too long.  

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I did the opposite.  Hormone therapy is the "easy" part of the journey.  I felt i had to be certain by living full time as myself prior to seeking HRT directly.  We all have different paths but please consider opening up with your family if that is possible for you.  HRT didn't instantly make those conversations easier.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I did it the same way you are proposing, Maren.  I had the support of my wife and a few selected people, but I was not out to the world when I started HRT. 

 

I figured that coming out was a point of no return.  I wanted to look plausible as a woman, and I wanted to feel the emotional effects of the hormones, before making that commitment.  I had been on HRT for three months when I came out.  The date was chosen based on breast growth (small enough to appear male the day before, but big enough to appear female the day after) and on the meeting schedules of various groups that I was a member of.

 

It worked well for me.

Link to comment

Going by route of hrt before coming out is completely viable option. In my particular case, I knew what I was going for, but making it official was not a priority. Of course, eventually it would come out (as it started happening recently to me), but you decide what your journey should be.

I made a decision to let things come to me as oppose to let everyone know at some milestone. My family was the first to learn, and while it was a rather significant surprise, because it came by observing and just accepting changes in me, it was easier to understand that I was still the same person.

It looks like my "work family" is next and I just smile every morning imagining each and every conversation I might have that day :)

 

Good luck and keep asking questions.

Link to comment

Hi @Maren!  nice to meet you and Welcome!
I am also at the very beginning and until I get farther along in therapy I don't want to set any specific plans or timelines for myself (and I am also much, MUCH older than you. lol).


But, with that in mind, right now your idea of HRT first would also be my most likely option.  Not just for preference (which for now it is) but my inability to come out in the near future (job and location) and the logistics and availability of HRT for me (in Japan).  I am Out to my wife (only) so far, but she at some point has to be part of my decision and timing process.


So, I see your option as very viable (and for me, preferable), but everybody is different and there is no one set way to go about it. 

Wishing you all the best❣️

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment

I made the decision to come out to my brother and to a few of my friends very soon after coming to the realisation that I am trans.  This made me feel better as it was then out in the open and "official", rather than just going round and round in my head.

 

None of the people that I told had anything negative to say about it.  The only problems that I experienced were when I approached two transgender support groups, where, due to my male appearance, I was seen as an "admirer" and turned away.  That severely knocked my self confidence, just as I thought that I had finally found out what was "wrong" with me, and that my life was going to improve. 

 

Robin.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

The most difficult thing I had to do (and that was recently) was to come out to friends and my wife. Once I did that I was finally able to move ahead. I am on HRT now, waiting for a new GT and anxious to becoming the woman I've denied all my life.

 

In regard to the support groups  if you didn't feel comfortable with them - you will need to find another group. At least you are with a support group here that I'm sure you realize TOTALLY SUPPORT you and are here for you always. 

 

Smile - You've come a long way,

 

Heather Shay

Link to comment

I told my wife as soon as I was able to fully accept it. A couple weeks later I came out my told my brother then swallowed my pride and told my mother. A few days later I stared HRT. Two and a half months after that (last February) I told my supervisor at work. It was about the same time things were "developing". Thankfully it didn't bother him, and he gave me a hug. The rest of the company just found out a few weeks ago. I have been wearing woman's clothing and presenting as a woman for the last couple of years but as I have come to realize some people can't see what's right in front of them.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

yes - some people see what they only want to see...selective vision.

 

You are doing amazing as is Robin and I am so proud of both of you.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

For me I had thought the same thing when I needed to come out I would. When I first came out to my wife. She seemed as it was a joke. Then last Halloween came and I went out as the true me. It so blew up. from two fronts, my wife and youngest son. neither accept it. My wife doesn't understand it. Don't really think she truly wants to. Oh, She will let me transition but we won't be married anymore. I have slowed down. I am on blockers but the VA will not put me on HRT. due to blood clot history.

 

My middle son and his wife are totally accepting. then there is my oldest. When I came out to him. OH, my god. I have talked to him once since then for about 3 minutes. This was April. I have texted a couple few times. I guess we will see what happens when me and my wife visit him and his family next week.

 

Don't take my experience as what will happen. Like others have said. I would seek a gender therapist. They can help with all the emotional aspects of being transgender. 

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

The only person other than my therapist I told was my primary care physician, I new that because of other medical conditions she would see the hormone therapy in my blood work.I wanted to see how I felt on the hormones before I told family.At about 6 months my eldest daughter said there was something going on with me and wanted to know if I was ill, she said I looked different to her.What I had not realized that with prior weight loss the hormone therapy had started to change my facial appearance somewhat.She was the first that I told followed by her sister and my 2 sons.The girls have been wonderful but the sons not so much.But now living full time everyone knows this is going to be permanent, and whatever time I have left I am going to live as Claire.

Link to comment

I had this exact same thought, I wanted to be on hormones until I couldn't hide it any longer and I had no choice but to come out. But after some thought I said what the hell and told my family and now want to start HRT. Once I told the one person in my life I really didn't want to lose, I felt like the weight of the world has been lifted off my chest. I actually feel happy for once. I'm not saying that should be your path, everyone must walk a different life path, but for me it made the world feel like a completely different place where I could live as who I knew I was. What ever you decide to do, make sure it's safe for you. Remember, anyone that stops accepting you for who you are really doesn't need to be causing you any pain. Life's too short for any of that.

Link to comment

If I could do things all over again, I'd choose to be on hormones for at least 6 months before presenting as a woman full time.

 

They've changed me so much, I personally feel it would have been so much less awkward for me had I waited.

Link to comment

According to one of my therapist, coming out to everyone has to be your choice of when and how. When I finally decided how to label myself for how I was feeling inside, I began talking to a LPC and then told my mom and a couple of close friends. My mom is taking it somewhat ok and has since told my brother who is ok with it. I actually live with my dad and have not told him yet. I just had labs done a couple of weeks ago after getting my letter to start HRT. I am going to wait until I can no longer hide the changes from him or work before I come out to everyone who doesn't yet know. I feel like it might make it easier for others to accept the transition. So it all comes to what you feel is right for you and I will say talk to your therapist to figure out the best way to go about it at the time you feel is right for you.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 121 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • VickySGV
    • Carolyn Marie
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      I have read numerous accounts of trans folk no longer being welcome among evangelicals.   I am here for help and fellowship not to rebuke anyone.  I can take a pretty high degree of insult, etc., and you haven't insulted me, to my recollection anyway :) and I usually let it go.  But I thought I would let it all out there.   I am sure I disagree with you on numerous issues.  I appreciate other people's viewpoints, including those who radically disagree with me.  Intellectual challenge is good. One thing I appreciate about @MaeBe.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Congrats!
    • Sally Stone
      Post 8 “The Ohio Years” We moved to Pittsburgh because of the job with US Airways.  The job involved classroom instruction and simulator training, but no actual flying, so I kept looking for an actual pilot position.  A year after signing on with US Airways I got hired to fly business jets.  The company was located in Cleveland, Ohio, but I was flown commercially from my home in Pittsburgh to where my aircraft was located, making it unnecessary to live near company headquarters.    My flight scheduled consisted of eight days on duty with seven days off.  Having seven days off in a row was great but being gone from home eight days in a row was difficult.  For the first few years the flying was fun, but after a while the eight flying days in a row, were taking their toll on me.  Those days were brutal, consisting of very long hours and a lot of flying time.  Usually, I came home exhausted and need three days just to recover from the work week.  Flying for a living is glamorous until you actually do it.  Quickly, it became just a job.    After five years as a line captain, I became a flight department manager, which required we live near company headquarters.  That meant a move to Cleveland.  Working in the office meant I was home every night but as a manager, the schedule was still challenging.  I would work in the office all week and then be expected to go out and fly the line on weekends.  I referred to it as my “5 on 2 on” schedule, because it felt as though I had no time off at all.   About the same time, we moved to Cleveland, my wife and I became “empty nesters,” with one son in the military and the other away at college.  Sadly, my work schedule didn’t leave much time for Sally.  Add to the fact that while Cleveland is an awesome city, I just never felt comfortable expressing my feminine side.  Most of my outings, and believe me there weren’t enough, occurred while I was on vacation and away from home.   One of the most memorable outings occurred over a long weekend.  I had stumbled across an online notice for a spring formal being held in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, hosted by a local trans group there.  I reached out to Willa to see if she was up for an excellent adventure.  She was, so I picked her up and we drove to Harrisburg together.    The formal was held on Saturday evening and we had the absolute best time.  It turned out that organizers were a group named TransCentralPA.  Everyone was wonderful and I made a lot of new friends that evening.  We learned the spring formal was one of the group’s annual events but for the following year, instead of a spring formal, the group wanted to do a local transgender conference.  That local conference would become the Keystone Conference, and I would attend every year for the next 12.  My move to the west coast was the only reason I stopped attending annually.  I went to the first annual Keystone Conference as an attendee, but in subsequent years I served as a volunteer and as a workshop presenter; more about those in the next installment.   For my Cleveland years, the Keystone Conference would be my major outlet for feminine self-expression.  Yes, I did get out on other occasions, but they were too infrequent.  The managerial job just didn’t allow me the freedom I needed to adequately live my feminine life, and my frustration level was slowly, but steadily on the rise.  It amazed me how adversely not being able to express the feminine half of my personality was affecting my happiness.   However, a major life change was upcoming, and while it would prove to be a significant challenge in many ways, the events would ultimately benefit my female persona.  First, my mom and dad got sick.  They were in and out of the hospital and required personal care.  My wife and I did our best but living in Cleveland, we were too far from them to give them the support they both needed.  Second, I was experiencing serious job burn out.  I decided I need to find another job and I needed to be closer to my parents.    Things changed for the better when I got hired by an aviation training company as a flight simulator instructor.  I would be training business jet pilots.  The training facility was located in New Jersey, which put us much closer to my parents, and the work schedule was much better for quality of life.  Most importantly, this life change would help Sally re-emerge and once again flower.    Hugs,   Sally       
    • Mmindy
      I made a living talking about bulk liquids in cargo tanks transportation as a driver and mechanic. Safe loading/unloading, cleaning and inspecting, as well as emergency response scenarios.   Hazmat and fire behavior in the fire service as well as emergency vehicle operations and safe driving. "It was on fire when they called you. It will be on fire when you get there." Arrive ready to work. I could also talk about firefighter behavioral  heath and the grieving process.   The real fun thing is I can do this for people who are not Truck Drivers or Fire Fighters. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Citizen Tax payers about Public Safety Education.   I love public speaking,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone ___mg and Evorel ___mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to ___mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...