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What's the strangest thing someone has said to you about being trans?


ThatDarnDodo

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ElizabethStar

Season 7, episode 18, Song Beneath the Song. It's a musical episode.

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HollyNoel

Ah, Thanks Elizabeth. OK will check it out. I like musical shows

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ElizabethStar

Yesterday another one of our service techs approached me. She walked up with her phone in hand, then says “I wanted show you a picture of a cute guy I met but as soon as I saw you I remembered I’m a lesbian.”  

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Carolyn Marie

A coworker asked me, "can I still talk to you about baseball?"  LOL!  I told him that hormones don't affect interest in or knowledge of sports.  ?

 

Carolyn Marie

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My closest friend asked if I would still like chainsaws.  Uh no, I gave up on them years ago, but we still talk about cars and woodworking.  

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just a update about this coworker I posted  exactly 1 month ago today about me “grabbing his crotch” on my way to the restroom . Well, he strikes again. He  asked me in the lunch room in front of 2 other coworkers when I’m going to cut my “disgusting fingernails “and continued ask me when I’m changing sexes and  when I’m going to grow “boobies”. I laughed it off then after lunch I confronted him in the shop and asked him “ what is your F ing problem with me lately “  And to  knock it off. He got really nervous and said he will keep his comments to himself. Then before I went home he told me “ don’t go home mad “ and he was only messing with me. 
I started documenting his comments because the next step is to go to HR. I have worked with this guy for over 10 years and want to give him a chance to stop by giving him  a verbal warning. I have a feeling this is not the last time I’m going to have a issue with him.

 

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Emily michelle
1 hour ago, Michellle said:

Just a update about this coworker I posted  exactly 1 month ago today about me “grabbing his crotch” on my way to the restroom . Well, he strikes again. He  asked me in the lunch room in front of 2 other coworkers when I’m going to cut my “disgusting fingernails “and continued ask me when I’m changing sexes and  when I’m going to grow “boobies”. I laughed it off then after lunch I confronted him in the shop and asked him “ what is your F ing problem with me lately “  And to  knock it off. He got really nervous and said he will keep his comments to himself. Then before I went home he told me “ don’t go home mad “ and he was only messing with me. 
I started documenting his comments because the next step is to go to HR. I have worked with this guy for over 10 years and want to give him a chance to stop by giving him  a verbal warning. I have a feeling this is not the last time I’m going to have a issue with him.

 

I hope you can get it resolved with out hr getting involved. Being harassed like that has no place at work. It’s frustrating and saddening. I am having a similar issue with my boss he makes comments and harasses me about growing my hair out constantly. Telling me things that are too inappropriate to post. I considered going to hr but I don’t want to out myself at work.

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ElizabethStar

Seriously hon, that really sucks. Although in a way those comment are considered sexual harassment. I know the people I work with wouldn't want that on their record.

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2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

Seriously hon, that really sucks. Although in a way those comment are considered sexual harassment. I know the people I work with wouldn't want that on their record.

Thank you Elizabeth . I know you have going through similar situations at your job. I work in a auto shop and it’s a very competitive environment so it’s  easier for some people to voice their opinion especially when management is usually no where to be found . I know it’s harassment, but I want to give a chance to back off before I go to hr.  I’ll keep you posted if this situation escalates.

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Emily michelle

I’m in a similar boat as you Michelle I work on heavy equipment. It gets frustrating because everyone has to top the next person. What really frustrates me with the field we’re in people seem so stuck in there ways and there not accepting of anyone that is not like them.

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2 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

I hope you can get it resolved with out hr getting involved. Being harassed like that has no place at work. It’s frustrating and saddening. I am having a similar issue with my boss he makes comments and harasses me about growing my hair out constantly. Telling me things that are too inappropriate to post. I considered going to hr but I don’t want to out myself at work.

Wow, your boss has a lot learn about how to treat his employees. Is your boss a drill sergeant? Lol .I don’t know about your state but New Jersey I am protected by law from being fired from expressing my gender. I don’t want to go to hr unless the situation gets out of control . I know my boss wants to avoid harassment issues at all costs.The first step is telling the harasser to stop and if they continue then you go to hr.

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Emily michelle

He is a good guy but he doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. He is actually one of the easiest going bosses I have ever had that is why I hate to say anything right now. If we have a problem on site he will almost always sticks up for the mechanics. I try to avoid the shop so I don’t have to hear it as much. The laws in Missouri don’t really say much about being able to fire me. If I could get the union on my side when I come out at work I stand a good chance of not being fired. The other thing there is not people knocking down the door to work on heavy equipment especially when your in a service truck. Hopefully between those two things I won’t lose my job. Now the harassment from everyone else is a totally different story.

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Patti Anne

When I came out to staff at work, my admin, bless her heart, said 'Ok I don't understand.... you just like to wear women's clothing?" I had a good laugh and just responded 'no, thats just a very small part of it'.

 

When I was first exploring what her feelings about transgenders were, (before I came out), she said 'oh, I'm fine with them as long as they're not douches'. Classic answer and often quoted with friends after that.

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13 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

He is a good guy but he doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. He is actually one of the easiest going bosses I have ever had that is why I hate to say anything right now. If we have a problem on site he will almost always sticks up for the mechanics. I try to avoid the shop so I don’t have to hear it as much. The laws in Missouri don’t really say much about being able to fire me. If I could get the union on my side when I come out at work I stand a good chance of not being fired. The other thing there is not people knocking down the door to work on heavy equipment especially when your in a service truck. Hopefully between those two things I won’t lose my job. Now the harassment from everyone else is a totally different story.

We do have similar jobs Emily, Unfortunately your never going to get rid of “shop banter” from the other guys but that’s different then outright harassment.Believe me I can take rib here and there about my looks but this coworker of mine needed to be put in his place. I am pretty valuable to my job also , its hard to find a good qualified auto technician. Good luck at work, if the comments get too much you have to start with a verbal warning. 

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Emily michelle

Yes there is a big difference between joking around and harassment. I’m hoping I don’t get much harassment but I’m afraid I am by just listening to what other people say about others. It still seems to me the entire industry is more of a good old boys club. Especially since I usually work in mines and quarries. It would be different if it wasn’t so male dominated.

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  • 2 weeks later...
ElizabethStar

My employer sent out an official statement about changing my name and pronouns to the whole company today.  The owner called me and said  that he (our insurance) usually pays for the other girls to have babies but since that doesn't apply to me that he'll ( our insurance again) pay for me to have whatever surgeries I need.

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When was your last menstrual cycle ... I was getting a checkup and this nurse had to ask me those questions...

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I always get a giggle about the menstrual cycle or "are you pregnant" questions.  I could only wish?  

A few other odd questions:

 "What's your relationship with the other woman"  Answer "my oldest dearest friend"  I guess that covers my wife of almost 50 years.

  "What gender are you?", a question asked by a handsome young Indian man as i left The local Hindu, Islamic Market.

Answer: "trans" with a response from him: "Do you want to hang out".  I simply nodded at my wife sitting in the car and sad: " Sorry i'm married."

  Needless to say this is an interesting life if i relax and enjoy it.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

  

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, Charlize said:

"What's your relationship with the other woman"  Answer "my oldest dearest friend"  I guess that covers my wife of almost 50 years.

Thats a beautiful response @Charlize.  My wife is my oldest and dearest friend too.  We've known each other for 50 years!

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    • DeeDee
      Hi Noah, I will send you a private message answering your questions so I don't hijack your thread and make it all about me! but I have found blogging to write my thoughts down on a regular basis has helped me work through a lot of the bigger thoughts and feelings.🙂
    • Noah A
      @Bobbi Jo That's huge! No matter your age
    • Astrid
      Hi @Lain, welcome to TransPulse.     Not being [fill-in-the-blank-here] enough is something that bothers many cis women, thanks to the insidious drumbeat of marketing.  For trans folks, many of whom wrestle with self-doubt, it can seem like it's a deal-breaker.  But I am in support of all the strong women above (and many others who haven't replied yet) who articulated why it's not stopped them from fulfilling who they know they are.   I have read over a hundred trans drama and romantic novels, before ultimately tiring of the genre. What 95% of them had in common was describing the trans character as "a natural" who, with a bit of makeup, a redo of their already long and full head of hair, and a killer bodycon dress on their petite body, wowed everyone and overcame the inevitable one or two anti-trans people inserted as an element of drama. Well, that isn't reality.  Particularly for those of us who are well past puberty before we act on who we know ourselves to be.   And, the whole concept of passing doesn't need to apply if, like me, you identify as trans non-binary. An AMAB, I definitely identify on the feminine side of the gender identity spectrum.  There are plenty of things I have done on my journey, including HRT, that have helped enormously.  It means I've been able to pretty much banish the bad old days of self-doubt, anger, and dysphoria.  I wouldn't want those days back, ever.  My journey is helping me arrive at a far more comfortable place than I could have imagined.   Keep in touch!  With best wishes,   Astrid
    • Shay
      @Lain first welcome. You have come to a place of wonder and understanding and women who will listen and provide advice based on facts and experience. I know that I won't look like I would love to look and being you are much younger you have a better chance to look closer to what you want but I remember the words the Jessica Lange character in the movie NORMAL from about 2003. Tom Wilkerson is her husband who is MTF and the least feminine body you can imagine. Jessica finally accepts him and helps him near the end in regard to dressing and make up. She says " you've got to use what you've been given and make it work for you." Just remember you are beautiful inside and outside and use what you have been given.love the you you are.
    • Willow
      Well church will be via Facebook only today.  When the weather is nice we gather outside but it’s raining off and on so that doesn’t work.  I had a new dress to wear too.   Willow 
    • Willow
      Good morning    I haven’t had much to add or felt like adding.  Sorry!   @KymmieLi think you got your answer or at least the next step.  Go for it!   @Emily michellesorry you got misgendered and got the bad news about your test.  I guess since you live in the land of ice and snow, you are going to have to start dressing for the weather.  I nice flew out of Detroit when it was -15 without the wind chill in short sleeves and a spring jacket.  Where I was going we weren’t supposed to take anything but summer uniforms.  No it didn’t bother me because I was used to it but the heat at my arrival sure did.  Good luck.   Willow
    • Billy
      Many thanks for your insights. It calms wlme down a little to read that finding you identy often also involves rediscovering your sexuality. At the moment, I am incredibly attracted to trans men, any of them, every single one I have met so far. No matter if they already look male or not yet. I really get rolled over by emotions. Sad part is, that I am not having these kinds of emotions for my wife.... 
    • Jackie C.
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    • Billy
      Thank you all for your support and kind remarks.  I find it very difficult to go slow as life is pretty hard these days. And I want things to get better.  So today I asked my close friends and my brother to use a male name and male pronouns to me to see if it fits. They are very supportive. As I am currently away from home, I will also ask my wife if this is doable for her by email (no option to call).  This feels like the beginning of a marathon. I just hope to have enough hope and energy to get to the finish line. 
    • Noah A
      @DeeDee If you feel like it, maybe you can share a bit of your journey? How was it until you could identify as MtF? How your feelings evolved from questioning to now? How is your relationship with your body when you didn't question it before? Please just ignore those questions if they are not appropiate, and apologies if that is the case.
    • JillPilled
      Hi there Susan! Thank you, it means quite a bit to hear that about your shared experienced and insight as well that is quite substantial. Also for the incredibly warm welcome as well, I very much appreciate that too!   I completely feel you on at some point, having to bar out the individuals in your life that are contributing to negative-reception of your transition--in many ways, I feel the extent in which you tolerate their conflict with you at your core--the harder it can be to feel happiest about yourself. Through still trying to suit their goals or views about you rather than your own that are best for your well-being. It can be really tiring and in many instances not a rewarding commitment yes!   I've encountered that potential with many family members, so it's very relatable and I'm sorry for that happening to you. The difficulty sometimes that's posed in those decisions from those we think care for us/vice-versa, and see a complete and utter change around in this dynamic following transitioning, is way too immense I feel. Many individuals, be they within family or other circles who reject someone based on them revealing they can't handle what falls outside their own narrow perception rather than recognition/empathy for another person's true-identity/brain chemistry which makes up our inner selves and we were meant to be truly content in (others should accept this if they claim to be empathetic/'empaths' in this sense).   Also, there's something really hopeful about being joyful/unaffected by the cases you mentioned with the negative elements part of your family brought--to seek those more positive outlooks or developments as your focus, with 'lessons' guiding you along the path. Certainly too, 18 months is a massive milestone as well! I don't necessarily present in public as I should yet just a year in, I mostly keep to my room but that is certainly where I see an inspiring goal. Really meaningful post, that made my morning thanks! 😄   Same to you as well! And have a great start to the morning! -Jill    
    • Sally Stone
      Great news Tori.  Hugs to you and your wife.  
    • Sally Stone
      Lain, Jackie says it best.  Learn to love what you have.  Yes, it can be challenging, but we all have our beauty points even if many don't align with society's current view of what is beautiful.  For the longest time, I tried to compare my looks with what I saw in fashion magazines - nobody looks like that, so, I realized I should stop trying to compare myself to that unreasonable standard.  Now I focus on femininizing what I was given.  Yes it's harder, but in the end the effort bolsters my confidence and makes me feel just as authentic and just as beautiful as all those fashion models I wasted so much time trying to emulate.  
    • JillPilled
      Thank you for the post, Carolyn--you happened to strike quite true honestly. On a personal note, I've found guilt is way too insidious a demotivator in my life in the past--and still some inklings in the present. I've experienced this in the effect of it cascading from my some ways my mother raised me where it was against decorum, or somehow sinful to present something like my inner-fem self which was basically caged up for quite sometime. There's a really ratcheting and hurtful way in which guilt resultant from abuse or being raised is amplified to a lot of aspects of our lives. This extended to a lot of things including romantic or simply feelings of attraction or wanting to explore aspects of myself and it was, really, a miserable and trying time which I felt like all I could do was being stuck isolated and that'd be my life. It took quite a lot to realize the fullest extent of guilt holding me down/back as of many here, alone, not even speaking to those outside this community which necessitates realized change for them too! Please know to any of you struggling with this very concept that it's not exclusive, but really sadly mutual to many of us within the LGBTQIA+ community--and there's always those of us who know to talk it through or share with one another, resources freely available in discussion of this, mental-health professionals/counselors who want nothing more than to help. I've been going through it, and trying to come out the other side too--least in the capacity of still suffering from feeling as if the previous self I presented to many people I care about, was a deception on my part. It's hard to escape that, but I'm trying to retain more happiness that I know that I'm presenting a valid sense of self now. : D
    • Susan R
      Hello @JillPilled and welcome to our forum. What a well written introduction. Thank you for taking the time tonight to share this with us.   As most of us here, I’ve had some negative experiences after sharing my true identity honestly and openly. To be perfectly honest, I am still feeling the repercussions of a few negative experiences...some directly and some indirectly and in very subtle ways. In a general sense, I try not to focus too much on the negative because in reality, it has been an overwhelming positive experience and I refuse to let a few individuals or experiences change my direction or affect my overall happiness.   Some of those involved in this negativity are unfortunately family members which makes it much harder to ignore. I have accepted their frame of mind about my transition and try to be the best person I can be. I also try to surround myself with those who do accept me as I am.  I don’t try to find ways to change their mind...that is fruitless. The experiences are a different matter and I chalk those up to a learned lesson and avoid those potholes whenever possible.   It’s been 18 months since I’ve been out full time to the world at large. I have seen some positive changes over the last year in the attitudes and acceptance levels of these particularly negative individuals. As for these . They have likely noticed how much happier my wife and I are together and individually. They also see that their opinion of me has had no effect in my transition or direction of my path. They realize that my new persona isn’t as bad as they once thought or believed it would be. I think the main key is to focus on what you can control and focus on what is positive. That will usually be enough to carry you through any isolated negative experience along the way. Luckily, in time they seem to be fewer negatives on the journey.   Good luck with your transition. Hope to see you around.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
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