Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Crippling Anxiety, Fear, and Doubt


Recommended Posts

I waltzed into this week fairly stoked by the work my therapist and I did at our last session, in which she helped me through a doorway I was hesitant to cross (having her address me exclusively as "Jacqui").  She also gave me an exercise that immerses me in thinking of myself as "Jacqui" so that I can see how this makes me feel.

 

I was feeling confident and optimistic, but now that I'm a few days into the week, I'm feeling terrible anxiety and doubt.  In her blog on wordpress in a segment documenting her transition, Rachel Williams says, "I had to learn to accept myself totally as a woman in order to reject my history of male-identification."  When I read those words, my immediate thought was, "How in the world will I ever be able to do that?  Do I have the capability within me?"  Rachel adds that this definitely didn't happen overnight, but still . . . for me right now it feels daunting.  As I said in a response to my very first post, "If this takes me down a certain path, what a jarring displacement it will be to the person that the world and I are accustomed to seeing as 'me'."  When I wrote that, I wasn't so worried about what the world was accustomed to seeing; it was what I was accustomed to seeing that was paramount in my concerns.

 

I will of course discuss this with my gender therapist at my next session, but if any of you have words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experiences, I would be grateful to receive them.

 

 

Link to post
QuestioningAmber

@Jacqui I still have a hard time with the statement "I am a woman". I have been working with my therapist on this for about a year now, and I don't know when it will be simple to say "I am a woman". I want to say it is a magical journey, but I think it is just shifting your identity in simple ways. One thing I have done is started adopting they/them pronouns as a starting point. I prefer those over he/him and she/her doesn't feel quite right yet. These have all been baby steps I have taken. I hope that is a starting point, and I am also curious what others will have to say.

Link to post
KathyLauren

@Jacqui and @QuestioningAmber

 

It takes time.

 

Early on, I had a hard time saying to my therapist that I was a woman, because, at the time, I didn't feel it.  We look for some switch to flip from "I feel like a man" to "I feel like a woman" and get worried if we don't feel it flip. 

 

But that's not how it is.  Man and woman aren't feelings.  And we don't switch our identity anyway.  We are born and have always been this way, so there is nothing to switch.

 

So what changed in me that let me finally say "I am a woman"?  I started to realize how much easier it was to present as a woman.  I spent 60 years worrying whether I was male enough to pass.  I didn't call it "passing", but that's what it was.  Now, I don't have to worry about it.  I don't mean that I always pass as a woman.  My presentation is not bad, but I'm sure most people can figure out my identity.  What I mean is that I don't worry about it.  I am enjoying being me too much.

 

(TW: brief suicidal ideation...)

 

My recovery from surgery has been problematic, so of course, the thought arises that I might have been better off not transitioning.  The thought doesn't last long though!  When I think about what it would be like to go back, I shudder in horror.  I literally couldn't do it.  If the blue meanies told me that I had to de-transition, I think I would kill myself, that's how stong the horror is.  I can never go back.

 

Being a woman is so much easier, so much better, so much lighter than trying to pretend that I was a man that I can confidently say that I am and always have been a woman.

 

That realization didn't suddenly happen.  It arose organically with the accumulated experience of being myself.  I would turn around Rachel Williams' quote and say, "It was when I realized that I had rejected my history of male-identification that I accepted myself totally as a woman."

Link to post

@QuestioningAmber and @KathyLauren, thank you for your thoughtful, helpful responses.

 

Amber, your suggestion about "baby steps" is a good one; I sometimes amplify my anxiety by imposing a false sense of urgency in this process where none exists.

 

Kathy, I really appreciate the valuable perspectives you've shared here; they resonate with me, and they help.  I must admit -- there are times in my life when I felt I was trying to "pass" as a man (and sometimes failing).  Even when I didn't fail outright, I probably came across as inauthentic in some subtle way.

 

 

Link to post
Sally Stone

Jacqui,

 

I thought I could add to Amber and Kathy's comments, but what they both said was spoken so eloquently, I couldn't possibly improve upon any of it.  So, instead I will just say that as time goes by, you will become more comfortable in your new skin.  It took me a long time to get where I am, but where I am now is a very happy place.  I have no doubt you'll be there sooner than you think. 

Link to post

 

 

 

4 hours ago, Jacqui said:

Rachel Williams says, "I had to learn to accept myself totally as a woman in order to reject my history of male-identification." 

In my book, growing into accepting myself as a woman doesn't require "rejecting my history of male-identification." That history is as much a part of me as the events unfolding now as I move further into transition. It's not a "zero sum gain" where I need to "reject" a huge part of my life story to substitute the part I'm starting and want to explore on into the future. We are the product of everything that has gone before, and the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. It's who we are. I don't want to "reject" that. I want to add something new, open the door on a new but previously hidden part of who I am.

 

I don't want to do this all at once. I want to move into it gradually, learning as I go, savoring every day as a new experience unto itself, not just a "delay in getting there." And I want to remain the same person with the same loves, caring, ethics and values, same experiences, same everything except my gender. I want to be who I am becoming.

 

~~With a hug from Lee~~

Link to post

A book that truly allowed me to accept myself is Whipping Girl by Julia Serano.

 

Heres an excert:

 

In the years just prior to my transition, I started to express my femaleness as much as possible within the context of having a male body; I became a very androgynous queer boy in the eyes of the world. While it felt relieving to simply be myself, not to care about what other people thought of me, I still found myself grappling with a constant, compelling subconscious knowledge that I should be female rather than male. After twenty years of exploration and experimentation, I eventually reached the conclusion that my female subconscious sex had nothing to do with gender roles, femininity, or sexual expression—it was about the personal relationship I had with my own body. For me, the hardest part about being trans has not been the discrimination or ridicule that I have faced for defying societal gender norms, but rather the internal pain I experienced when my subconscious and conscious sexes were at odds with one another. I think this is best captured by the psychological term “cognitive dissonance,” which describes the mental tension and stress that occur in a person’s mind when they find themselves holding two contradictory thoughts or views simultaneously—in this case, subconsciously seeing myself as female while consciously dealing with the fact that I was male. This gender dissonance can manifest itself in a number of ways. Sometimes it felt like stress or anxiousness, which led to marathon battles with insomnia. Other times, it surfaced as jealousy or anger at other people who seemed to enjoy taking their gender for granted. But most of all, it felt like sadness to me—a sort of gender sadness—a chronic and persistent grief over the fact that I felt so wrong in my body.
 

...

 

Unlike most forms of sadness that I’ve experienced, which inevitably ease with time, my gender dissonance only got worse with each passing day. And by the time I made the decision to transition, my gender dissonance had gotten so bad that it completely consumed me; it hurt more than any pain, physical or emotional, that I had ever experienced. I know that most people believe that transsexuals transition because we want to be the other sex, but that is an oversimplification. After all, I wanted to be female almost my whole life, but I was far too terrified of the label “transsexual,” or of having potential regrets, to seriously consider transitioning. What changed during that twenty-some-year period was not my desire to be female, but rather my ability to cope with being male, to cope with my own gender dissonance. When I made the decision to transition, I honestly had no idea what it would be like for me to live as female. The only thing I knew for sure was that pretending to be male was slowly killing me.

Link to post

@Lee H  and @Berni, thank you for reaching out and sharing helpful thoughts!

 

Lee, your comment about moving into it gradually, learning as you go, savoring every day as a new experience unto itself is very good advice.  As I mentioned before, I sometimes amplify my anxiety by imposing a false sense of urgency where none exists.

 

Berni, in the excerpt you provided, the line "it was about the personal relationship I had with my own body" gives me some hope, because my therapist is all about "listening to what my body is telling me" (this is very hard for me -- I habitually and instinctively 'live in my mind').

 

The final lines of the excerpt . . .

 

". . . I was far too terrified of the label “transsexual,” or of having potential regrets, to seriously consider transitioning. What changed during that twenty-some-year period was not my desire to be female, but rather my ability to cope with being male, to cope with my own gender dissonance. When I made the decision to transition, I honestly had no idea what it would be like for me to live as female. The only thing I knew for sure was that pretending to be male was slowly killing me."

 

. . . are also very helpful.  I must, with my therapist, figure out how my dissatisfaction and unhappiness align with my living as male, and whether any inauthenticity there is pervasive enough to be "slowly killing me".

 

 

Link to post
Reverie_Star

So I'm coming at this from a very different perspective. I found myself in virtual worlds. Any game online that allowed me to customize my avatar I was there making female versions of me and trying as hard as possible to live through them and to ignore the pain of being RL me. Now I don't suggest this route because the up and down dysphoria nearly killed me, but the one thing it did teach me was that I love she/her pronouns, and once I decided on a name being referred by it was pure elation. 

So yes I'm probably not sounding helpful yet, but the take away is best way to learn is to immerse yourself in safe ways like this forum. Places that you just are Jacqui and play in them responsibly (unlike how I did it). Savor the thrills when people proper name and gender you and love those moments. Eventually it just feels normal. My first therapist session I went in asking to be called Katherine. I cried happy tears when the first real life face to face person used the name. And I still thrill every time I hear it.

So I'm quite new around here and still learning a lot but I hope maybe something I said helps.

Link to post

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts, @Reverie_Star.  They do help.

 

As I mentioned in the first paragraph of my initial post on this topic, my therapist is working with me along the name/pronoun immersion path that you suggest, and of course I have been active as Jacqui in these forums.  Even so, the thrills you describe are more 'measured' for me, and I haven't experienced dysphoria as bad as the kind you describe. (Check out some of the other topics I started for a little more on this.  In fact, I'd be interested in what you make of my very first post -- "Sound familiar?  If so, what did YOU do?" in the "What Am I, I'm Not Sure" forum.)

 

Have you started being Katherine in the real world, and presenting as female?  The contemplation of doing that, and the radical identity displacement that it manifests, is (I think) where my current trepidation lies.

Link to post

Hi @Jacqui,

 

Sorry for the delay returning your comments (its been a big day and I'm still feeling pain from the surgery).

 

I looked at your profile picture and you seem, to my eyes, to be very young.

 

One of the things that struck me about Julia's book was the time it took for her to find her truth. It took over 20 years for julia. And so I believe you have plenty of time to work this all out.

 

This was important to me because, even though my earliest memories from my childhood are of gender dysphoria, it took me 30 years to figure this out.

 

I was trying to break out in my 20s in 1989. I tried again in the early 2000s, in my 40s but couldn't make the mental leap.

 

It was not until, a few years ago in my 50s, when I found myself, alone beside a freight rail line at 1am that I realized that, like julia Serano, the life I was leading was slowly killing me.

 

The next day, after that night, I sought the kind of help you are receiving and started the long journey here.

 

So, be aware that you have time to work on this and you have the support to help you avoid the crises (there were other events like that for me) that I faced.

 

This is a journey. Not a destination. And, for me, that is a really comforting thought.

 

Embrace your own journey @Jacqui.

Link to post
3 hours ago, Berni said:

I looked at your profile picture and you seem, to my eyes, to be very young.

 

Just FYI, @Berni, my profile pic is basically a picture of me taken 10 years ago pushed through the FaceApp gender swap filter.  I retired this year, and I didn't retire early, so . . .

 

Having said that, my family does seem to age slowly (I look 10-15 years younger than most people my age) and live long.  I joked in a post on another topic that the only downside is that we don't get out much during the day.  (Ooh . . . maybe that'll be the next big trend -- transgender vampire movies!)

 

3 hours ago, Berni said:

Embrace your own journey @Jacqui.

 

I'll give it my best shot, Berni!  I'm very touched by your interest and words of encouragement.

 

 

 

Hugs,

Jacqui

 

 

 

Link to post

Hey Jacqui --

I'm experiencing a peculiar evolution in my fear of coming out.

I'll be starting HRT as soon as the VA Rx. arrives in the mail -- only a day or two unless our maniacal Pres. has personally shot all the ponies. Since I've known I was stepping onto that path, I've become more interested in learning "Being a Girl for Dummies" and less worried about what people will think. I'm as old as dirt, and I probably wouldn't attract attention dressed as Bozo, much less as an old lady wearing sweats and sandals. I guess (hope) my breasts will start developing in a month or so, but even then, noone will notice. It won't be fast. I already pick up my groceries from Wally World wearing a bra, but an A cup on an old fart like me attracts no attention, not even from the cute young "Associates" who load the grub into my truck.

So my frightened head trips about coming out are moving toward, "Screw you and the horse you rode up on." All I think I know for certain is, by the time my breasts have grown too large to go unnoticed, if ever, my attitude about coming out also will be very different. My doc said one of the earliest effects is feeling more calm. That sounds very mellow, not worried. 

Keep on keeping on, my friend,

~~Big hug from Lee~~

Link to post
Zoey4Trix

Everyone's journey has its own unique path. My first attempt to "transition" was 2003-2007. I made the decision to stop because I wasn't sure I was ready for SRS at that time. The Therapist and Dr. I was seeing had me believing that I only had a binary choice and I couldn't make that dramatic of a  dramatic change. I struggled, suffered with depression and I ultimately decided to stop HRT. I put my wig back on the shelf. Massive anxiety and fear of loss were a major factor in that decision.

 

In 2018, I met someone who encouraged me to try again. I dropped 20 lbs. to get back my girlish figure and in Spring of 2019 I started going back out in public on a fairly regular basis. In July of that year, I did some Lipo-sculpting with fat transfer to the bootie (BBL). Last Fall I got an awesome new cut and color for my hair and started figuring out some new make up tricks and the new me started to emerge. 

 

I decide to begin HRT again in March of 2020. I discovered that Planned Parenthood was willing to prescribe HRT with "Informed Consent" so no therapist or endocrinologist would be required. This has been a better process and I feel supported as I move forward on my own terms.

 

I do consider myself trans (MtF) but I am OK moving between the male and female aspects of myself. I don't have to be one thing or another. They are both a parts of me. Now I feel that I know who and what I am, I find my world is simpler and seems more in balance and that is all I want to "be" for now. Even though I may not know if the end result will be GCS, I no longer have fear and/or anxiety about where my journey is taking me. I can see my life has infinite possibilities ahead.

 

Find the right path for your unique journey. Take your time and listen to your heart.  Look at the infinite possibilities in your life and there is nothing to fear! 

Link to post
Heather Nicole

I've had periodic, and gradually increasing, wishes to get to be female for most of my life, but one of the biggest reasons I always dismissed them as an impossible fantasy was because I didn't feel the popular narrative of "I feel that I am a girl, despite my body". Plus, I also never felt any particular hatred of being male (aside from when I felt I was being hyperbolic complaining about some specific gender stereotype that hit me the wrong way). But then, I've also never felt any particular attachment to the idea of being male, other than social expectations and an instinctual "My gender? Well, duh, of course I'm male! That's what my anatomy's always said! Obviously!"

 

So, to find so many transwomen here who are already further along in their journey than me (I'm pre-everything, even pre-councelling), but who also still struggle with the "I feel I am a woman" part...as awful as I worry it might sound, I find that so very comforting, validating, and encouraging. It helps show me that my lack of a strong conscious female self-identity makes me no less of a woman than anyone else here.

 

I feel kind of guilty for that, but I sincerely hope I'm not the only one here who can find comfort and validation in the apparent fact that "I feel I am XYZ gender" doesn't seem to be the meaningful distinction it would appear to be.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 54 Guests (See full list)

    • Gil83rt
    • Astrid
    • VickySGV
    • sleepysam
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,446
    • Total Posts
      662,419
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,674
    • Most Online
      8,356

    RadicalEmma
    Newest Member
    RadicalEmma
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. CamIsAlive
      CamIsAlive
      (23 years old)
    2. Harper
      Harper
      (14 years old)
    3. JEANETTE
      JEANETTE
    4. Samsara
      Samsara
  • Posts

    • Heather Nicole
      This sort of thing certainly seems to be fairly common among trans folk. (It even features prominently in one of my favorite trans stories, "Wandering Son" aka "Hourou Musuko"). I kind of wish I could echo the sentiment, but it was different for me. Not different in an "I found socialization easier with boys" sense though, it was more complicated than that.   Boys would look at me, see a boy, and therefore (depending who was looking) would register either a potential friend or a potential victim. Girls, on the other hand, would look at me, see a boy, and simply stick with the other girls. (At least until teenage years. At that point, my mere existence seemed to be personally offensive to a lot of girls.) I was always the shy introverted type, so my socialization was mainly based around those who approached me. And that was almost always boys.   But, I have to admit, the rare times when I would find myself in an engaged conversation with a girl...those conversations were comfortable in a way that was a little more personal and less superficial than a typical conversation with a random boy, and I really valued those rare exchanges.     Now this is one I can relate to! Ever since I first heard of Gynecomastia, I never could quite understand why other guys would be so bothered by it...I always found it enviable! I guess that one's a big honking red flag for me!     They really are sometimes! Although I never exactly hated what I have down there, necessarily, sometimes it does seem almost a little weird to have all that dangly in-the-way stuff. Especially how the "twins" will randomly..and constantly...decide to get that dull ache and demand attention. It's like:   Me: "OMG, didn't we, like, just take care of this?" Left: "Yea, but we want attention now, too!" Right: "Yea! And we're not gonna let you focus on anything else until you do!" Me: "Ugh, ok, fine, you win again, let's get this out of the way, I'm already late..."     Gabriel! 😄 At the risk of extending any topic-hijacking, I especially feel a need to respond to your post.   First of all, I'm glad you ultimately felt that you could join in and offer your perspective. And I love what you've said here. Femininity had a much-needed reinvention and rebirth around the 1960's. And I've been noticing the past year or so that we both are certainly not the only people who seem to feel that the same rebirth/reinvention is long overdue for masculinity.   This is also one thing I love about transmen and transmasculine individuals that makes me very, very glad to have such wonderful brothers around: I don't know if maybe I'm generalizing, I hope not, but I often feel like transmen and transmasculine and such often make for better men and better examples of masculinity than many cismen do (nothing against cismen in general, of course, I've known many cismen who are also shining examples of positive masculinity).   But it's like, a masculine individual brought up as AFAB...that kind of life experience seems to often force a person towards a much better model of masculinity and away from the more toxic, anachronistic aspects. And I'm very happy to see you consciously dedicated to that advancement.   I should clarify one thing about the way my mind looks at the world, simply regarding terminology:   My mind draws a big distinction between the idea of "privilege" and the idea of...hmm...what to call it...I guess "detriment" for lack of a word that fits better. So, for example, to my mind, a "privilege" would be one gender having something beneficial that another gender lacks, whereas a "detriment" would be one gender having something...well...detrimental that another gender lacks.   Now, I think this next part is where some differences in perspective come in, and I suspect I'm likely the odd-one-out in this: My mind usually categorizes most of the unfair gender differences as EITHER a "privilege" for one side (or the other) OR as a "detriment" to one side (or the other). But reading through this discussion, it seems very common to regard most unfair gender differences as BOTH a "privilege" to one side AND simultaneously a "detriment" to the other side.   To be clear, I absolutely do regard any gender-privilege inequality to be a bad thing regardless of whether I feel I'm looking at the "privilege" or "detriment" category. And I have no intention of promotion my world-view on this as "better", its just different perspectives, differing terminology and classifications. But still the same values.   So if I say anything that may seem dismissive of male privilege, what I really mean is three things:   A. I fully recognize there are bad things women have to face in life that they should not have to face, regardless of what terminology I may ascribe to it.   B. I have just slightly enough awareness of epistemology that, whatever the topic, I'm fully aware of the possibility that I may very well have no idea whatsoever what in the world I'm talking about, and if so, I wouldn't even be aware of my own ignorance!   C. I've faced a lot misandry (both "male detriment" and "female privilege" varieties) in ways that I feel like the general population isn't commonly willing to accept even exists. So it's a huge sore spot that is, I admit, very difficult for me to be fully rational about. Though I try.   I'd also like to say, for what it's worth, Gabriel, even as an amab who's never publicly presented as female, I can still directly sympathize with some of the "male privilege"/"female detriment" examples you and others have expressed. Especially the feelings of not being heard, feeling like your voice is overlooked and marginalized. That's been a recurring pain for me ever since I was a kid, so for what it's worth, I understand and I do sympathize.   And would you believe I was actually turned down for a job once because I was a guy? True story! The interviewer was even explicitly clear about it. Can't for the life of me understand why they even gave me an interview in the first place, if that was how they felt. It was an old, local retail chain that no longer exists, but to this day I have to be careful about mentioning it, because there's a lot of people who are so deeply convinced that sort of thing can't happen to males, they would (and have) weaponized it as me being sooo very misogynistic that I would make up an "obvious" lie like that. Again, main point being, you have a sympathetic friend in me.   Sorry everyone for bringing up the privilege thing again! I don't mean to re-derail!
    • Astrid
      So which instrument(s) do you play? 🎶🙂   Notedly,   Astrid
    • Teri Anne
      I tend to emotionally eat sometimes if I'm feeling down or really bored Since covid and the staying home thing my weight has gotten out of control. There are times I feel guilty for getting so heavy that I just think what the heck and eat anyway.
    • ElizabethStar
      Hi @RadicalEmma. Nice to meet you.
    • Yvonne
      @CallMeKeira @Charlize @KayC @Timber Wolf @Carolyn Marie  Hello and thank you everyone.
    • CallMeKeira
      This is far from comprehensive, so I may append it later. In my heart and mind, my name is Keira. I was born in the summer 27 years ago to decidedly working class, religious, and moderately conservative parents. They married and divorced multiple times, and my siblings and I had a pretty tumultuous upbringing. Between the chaos and extended family drama was a scrawny little runt with tawny brown hair, a minor learning disability, and boundless energy.   But, as I got older, I started feeling different. I got bullied a great deal for a number of things, even by family members. Called a number of slurs and derogatory things, I clung to the company of my mom as often as I could. I grew up listening to LeeAnn Rhimes and the like, and going shopping with her. As puberty really set in, though, I was thrust unceremoniously into the "boy's" role and the world of men. Needless to say, my soft nature lead to a lot more bullying. It was in this time I really started diving into literature, games, and other worlds. I built a refuge in my mind and resolved to hold out for the future, by giving them all what they expected while I hid in a little room in my head.   In that room I stayed locked, only occasionally peaking out. I grew closer with my dad to learn how to "be a man", tried hanging out with my brother's friends, and searched for a male role that I could at least painlessly inhabit (I settled on computer geek). I thought it was painless, anyhow. Turned out to be more like demise by a thousand cuts.   As I stumbled out of high school and through college off and on for several years, the pressure began to build. Some poor choices that in hindsight were me desperately trying to live up to expectations resulted in my first and second attempts at the big "S". Consulting mental health professionals to address my unrelenting depression and anxiety got me so far, until a 20 credit hour course load and a 20 hour a week work schedule led me to voluntarily seek hospitalization. After that, I spent the next year and a half grappling with a misdiagnosis that I only recently got revised. The medication they had me on still works for my general issues, though. I have been embracing the inner me over the past year, and dipping my toes in the water, so to speak. I look forward to have a serious discussion with my therapist soon, as she doesn't specialize in gender issues, though she's otherwise fantastic. This is an abridged version of my life, but I'm here, breaking through.
    • Jandi
      I get this. Seems like most women wear britches these days.  But I just don't want to.  Maybe because I had to most of my life.
    • Mmindy
      @Lee HThis exactly what I was trying to explain to my wife when I first came out to here. I also tried to explain a sliding scale between Male and Female but she refused it and believes it's a Heads or Tails coin. One or the other. Indiana is an Informed Consent State. I'm of the mindset that Gender Therapy isn't a waste of time or money, even if it only confirms what I always have known.   Hugs for everyone,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Jani
      Hello Emma.  Well, your story wasn't that Radical, at least for us here.  Coming out can be liberating and I hope your story is accepted by those you love.  In many ways our prior male self was there to protect us until this moment.  At times he might have fallen asleep on watch but for the most part I'm sure he did a good job.  Move forward happily.   Cheers, Jani
    • Jani
      I read your post earlier but have come back to talk about these lines.  I don't think the counselor is there to really confirm something we most likely know but to set the stage to help us understand how to deal with it productively.  I knew I was afflicted with something (dysphoria) for years but not how to respond to it.  This is what my therapist helped me with.  I don't think you will be wasting your time, or theirs.  Use the appointments to gain as much benefit as you can.  
    • KathyLauren
      Yes, indeedy!  It didn't take me long on HRT before mine were making the same request.   Fun story... I was part-time, dressing female at home and male out in public.  I was wearing sports bras when out in public to keep the girls from showing, as well as for sensitivity control.  The concert band I was playing in had a big performance coming up, and the uniform was white shirt over black pants.  Well, white shirts are often revealing, so I had to go out and purchase a white T-shirt for the express purpose of concealing my bra!   I made up for it the next month.  By that time, I was out full-time, and newly out to the band.  For the final concert of the season, I was determined not to wear anything that could be construed as male.  I was the only woman in the band in a skirt, but it conformed to the white-over-black uniform!
    • Jandi
      Sometimes they want a bit of protection.
    • CallMeKeira
      I will wipe my eyes now because that hit me hard, and extend a warm welcome to you, Emma. Welcome to this marvelous place!
    • Willow
      Well I was mowing and remowing a portion of my lawn to mulch up pine needles. Ok your are thinking what does that have to do with breasts?  Well, my shirt was rubbing my nipples, particularly the one I hit Saturday.  I had to stop and ask my wife if she had a sports bra I could wear.  That helped me finish.  Boy, I’ve got a lot to learn about these.  I wanted them so now they are telling me all about what I asked for.     Wow!   Willow
    • VickySGV
      Welcome Emma, your story dovetails nicely into the other stories told here and makes you a very real part of what we have here.  Every one of us on the site can empathize with the steps you have gone through so far and will be as helpful as we can to share our journeys of the steps you will be taking.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...